Future Greg News Today

Of it. you said exposure to shirtless, blubbery, hairy men may have turned you into a massive alcoholic in your 20s. doesnt this discount genetics and macro socio logical factors and your uncle big grizzly? >> it is possible william shatners voice who comes out of a body who looks like he teaches about hamsters in college. >> the responses are insulting, greg. >> this is the best one ever. >> i had knowing. >> bill, by the way, thank you for that. greg, you describe the sort of awesome, erotic c...

Hormonal teenage years? >> i see someone has been wearing gregs future glasses. when we gave you the story you decided to turn that one into the next black, but -- i am impressed with his fore sight and his ability to see the future without the special kanye west glasses. >> diana, there is another follow-up after the cliche one. when were you last and most afraid of weather? >> i am afraid right now of the oil spills. >> thats good. greg? >> yes. >> i have done all i can do. >> well done. >> br...

Candy was used in part of an evil experiment used in a race of super hamsters. go super hamster, go. dont let them bring you down like they did me. congressman, i may be bad at my job, but i am harmful. thats the way i look at these guys. just because they are losers, does that make them less dangerous? >> no, it doesnt, greg. you are right. what we are seeing out of al-qaeda and the terrorists who want to do harm, they are using the internet to put forward a message. they hope those susceptible...

To watch out for who could make a huge difference. the first is from the italian squad. he goes by the name rick jacuzzi. the scouting report reads he excels in bad weather. the worse the weather get, the higher his game gets. rick can make a big difference. >> who else? >> the second player is nigel crazy legs coburn. he is from france. he is a power guy. you can tell he will do anything to score the goal. >> really, thats interesting. you have one more? >> one more guy. he is from the netherla...

Okay. was that the inspiration for the soccer ball? >> i was thinking about how to make soccer better, and you can improve the equipment right off the bat. for example, if you add this awesome glove to this ball, you are halfway there to making it a cool sport. why stop there? take it another step and add this really neat wood bat. now you have a sport. now soccer is cool. >> yeah, instead of -- im not quite clear how they score, but it would be interesting if they were to run from, say, one poi...

The reason, some say our sports are better. food ball and baseball sometimes seem more exciting. could it be our yankee errogance keeps us from appreciating the most beautiful game? for answers for that question and more we turn to the "red eye" soccer expert. welcome tom oconnor our world cup correspondent. soccer is a very popular game worldwide. why is that? >> it is, it is. as you know, greg, i was given this assignment months in advance and since then i have been doing countless hours of re...

Chicago. but when he went to bed we wept on chat roulette. and greg, the stories are true. i say it is a five to one guy ratio. and this is 6 p.m. on a sunday evening. >> it is a general magnet. we have to take a break. it is a general magnet and the brand is stained forever. i didnt mean it that way. thank you congressman. way to step out of that topic safely and untarnished. coming up, my interview with the president of my unicorn army, cop 10 horn face. and what will we have to say about gary...

I dont know how you can shield children 24 hours a day. the greatest teachers as to preventing children from abusing alcohol are the parents themselves. now, if they have this place set aside and to keep the bears fans out, they have to put up 10-foot high steel bashed -- barbed wire fences. they will go into the stadium and bring that buzz into there, and they will get very upset as my lions defeat the bears. >> interesting. >> you know, bill, you shake your head. isnt the worst thing about tai...

As you can see they are highly coordinated and very athletic and as you notice, they dont even use a ball. they are that good. >> it is true. >> lock it up now. vegas, you have your winner there. >> they play without helmets. that seems unsafe. soccer players in my opinion should be wearing helmets. >> it would seem unsafe, greg, ut about i have some tape of one of todays games, and if we look at that, you will see these guyses have no risk of head injury. they almost glide right over the glass ...

He know whats he is doing and he doesnt care. >> there is a flip side to this. what the hell does this say about dement? ras mu son used to work for bush for christs sake and they are still saying greene has a better chance that dement? poor n ma. >> dont use that word on our show. now it is time for a comment from future greg who visits us from approximately five minutes into the future give or take a minute. future greg, what do you have to say? >> he says his lions will beat the bears. bill s...