Page 3 - Greg Kessler News Today

Your monologue was spot on. they dont participate, they cant succeed, theyre not trying to succeed. so i will make myself something different so i can win in my event because im the unicorn leaf self, and theres only one of me. i did some research, too, kat, and everyone i found was like, one guy was like, im half vampire and half because my parents were a wear wolf, and a vampire so they have both their powers and when i find someone attractive my eyes itch. >> kayleigh: insanity. >> tyrus: you...

Like freddie mercury would make such a song. >> kayleigh: i never heard this song, apparently its racey. >> greg: you never heard fat bottom girls. >> kayleigh: no, but my daughter loves freddie mercury because she loves we will rock you, but thank you for not putting it on yoto because i dont want her coming across fat bottom girls. >> greg: kat >> kat: two things, why, oto did this so people would know what yoto is. and of course kids cant know about butts? all kids talk about is butts. >> gre...

He was really sad. these are random. >> tyrus: top of your head. >> jamie: they lived in the house that he bought. [laughter] >> jamie: he dodged a bullet. its so -- i feel attacked from the monologue, too, because you know, i think you knew, i have a tattoo that says ask me about my tattoo. and so i feel really attacked. nothing is safe anymore with words, im surprised they havent taken the dick out of dictionary at this point. >> greg: yeah. >> jamie: and you know me, im a comedian so my prono...

Special, but its downhill from there, like marrying kat. >> kat: were very happy. [laughter] >> greg: so its over. time to shut down the fake pronouns. if someone demands you to adhere, tell them your pronouns are [bleep] and off. [cheers and applause] >> greg: because promoting a fake attribute, the pronoun makes gender the overriding principle in your lives who actually stop doing anything else of note. youre not only boring now youre boring frefrment at least you can put your pronouns on your...

Corresponding to the rise pronoun. like this is where we are as a society. i really want to know why you made me read a cnn article of neo pronouns that was the worst task of my list of things to do today. >> greg: i thought basically this ship has sailed. i really think the pronoun thing is over but i see this and im like what is cnn doing? i dont know. >> kayleigh: heres one thing i learned, you can choose any noun and put self at the end and it becomes a pronoun. so leaf, im a leaf and if you...

I cant see whats going on right now. >> jamie: it was a goose. >> greg: well, we learned nothing there. tyrus, animals. >> tyrus: so its breeding season at my house so all my fish tanks are full of hundreds of little babies and now i have to figure out what im going to do with all the little bastards but i breed them and every summer theres an explosion of fries the bombs guarding their babies and stuff and thats actually my hybrid, seven blood, seven different strands in there so pretty excited...

Prefers individual over groups and finds the world more interesting than how the world perceives them. meanwhile a boring person expects you to find interest in them. [laughter] >> greg: people who list their pronouns are boring, or else they wouldnt list them. they literally have nothing better to do. they see how easy it is to get attention. its as easy as breaking a womans weight lifting record. geez louise, whats wrong with these people? >> tyrus: this is gold here people, gold. >> greg: i k...

Mad at them. i think parents have the right to make a choice, i hate when parents make choices for me. they pick a song, dont listen to the words. because pretty much every song from the 70s is inproechlt you listen to any song from the 70s, theres a lot worse than appreciate someone who has a little sglufrng the sflooufrng half of rock songs are about girls that are 15. >> tyrus: under age. rambling man check it out. so whenever they try to put things on and youre right about the whole murs rus...

If its going to the crew thats easy because the people that work would come forward and say nope, i was taken care of. but if they say, no, we cant talk about it they probably gave them the bare minimum and pocketed the rest. unfortunately that has become the american way under this administration. if it was just the music industry that robbed us it would be fine but it wasnt that it was everybody. people who didnt even have jobs who lived in apartments literally all of a sudden had 16 businesse...

What if kat you were a contractor, just saw this story and said wait a second, i did a lot of work for chris brown, i didnt see a dime. what do you do >> kat: forget that. imagine being in prison for tax fraud and seeing this story. >> greg: thats true >> kat: youre like go to prison for not paying your taxes and youre like, oh, you needed to pay nickelback? i would be -- oh, man, i would be even more pissed than you already would be because youre probably pissed if youre in prison. but the gove...