Harold Assemblies News Today

It dawned on me that Sue must have, for the second year running, disappeared to Naivasha for the Safari Rally. I ambled back up to HAHA church and informed my uncle.

THE STANDARD SUNDAY MAGAZINE As young, vibrant lawyers rolled up their sleeves and went into a legal war with their veteran learned friends at the Court of Appeal over the Building Bridges Initiative (BBI), Harold was launching his own sensitive appeal in Gitegi. Frustrated two weekends ago by Sue’s disappearance in Naivasha, Harold is ready to do anything to get money that will give him a chance of accompanying Sue to whichever other haunts she may desire in the future. As you may remember,...

THE STANDARD LIFESTYLE   Harold’s theme for this past Sunday, “March forth”, was obtained from a joke we shared over a meal of roast pumpkin and avocado, the forbidden fruit, offered to me by Harold as punishment. Gitegi Institute of Flawed Studies found out that the avocado was the mysterious Biblical forbidden fruit.   March forth, I said, was an instruction from the calendar, as last week’s Thursday fell on the fourth of March.   But Harold, who asked me to tell him I was thirsty ...

THE STANDARD By Peter Theuri | March 8th 2021 at 21:38:04 GMT +0300 Harold does everything in the most condescending manner anyone could, almost as if he were the giver, and controller, of life. That everyone comes to him for help has turned him into a monster. He barks orders and reminds all and sundry that failure to adhere to his rules will result to more than just an exclusion from Gitegi Gossip Club and Harold Assemblies of Holy Associates (Haha). Many people now talk to him through me. ...

For a man who literally lives from hand to mouth, his Sunday collection does not see midweek, and he has to scrounge for scraps end-week.

THE STANDARD By Peter Theuri | February 3rd 2021 at 20:27:01 GMT +0300 I called Uncle Harold an irredeemable psychopath and he was deeply upset with me. He was angry not because I had insinuated that he is unemotional like a rock but because, well, the man can’t cycle to save his life. “So why would you call me a cycle path?” he texted on a vintage phone that has survived tribal clashes, two referendums, a Trump presidency and even Sue’s infamous temper. But I am not taking my words b...

THE STANDARD KENYA The National Unity platform presidential candidate Bobi Wine addresses the media at his home in Magere, Uganda, on January 15, 2021. Outside Harold’s church, Harold Assemblies of Holy Associates (Haha), is a paper tucked inside the church register where people who want to witness Joe Biden’s inauguration are registering. Beside it is another less populated list of those willing to resolve matters after Uganda’s elections. In the latter case, Uncle Harold hasn’t decid...

THE STANDARD KENYA The National Unity platform presidential candidate Bobi Wine addresses the media at his home in Magere, Uganda, on January 15, 2021. Outside Harold’s church, Harold Assemblies of Holy Associates (Haha), is a paper tucked inside the church register where people who want to witness Joe Biden’s inauguration are registering. Beside it is another less populated list of those willing to resolve matters after Uganda’s elections. In the latter case, Uncle Harold hasn’t decid...