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And i remember vividly that i had sort of an outer body experience hovering over us in the office and thinking, is this it? is this the end of my time here? will i be fired if i dont do this? and i just want everybody to understand that when it happens, there is a visceral reaction that you have where you recognize my career and everything that ive worked for is under threat and i dont know whats going to happen next. >> and you end up then doing what? >> well, i just went home and i didnt tell ...