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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121221

News headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. We have a good one for you tonight. Newark mayor cory booker will be joining us, but lets begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. Weve had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70 of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lords birth, to have a mass on that day honoring their christ, a mass christ, if you will. [laughter] now, we have poked fun at this, saying such things as, there is no war on christmas or youre [bleeped] crazy. [laughter] classic wit. That was before i realized what these poor folks have been going through. This is the thing about atheists, they bully other religions. Theyre trying to put their hands in my religi

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121213

Where a small band of 70 of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lords birth, to have a mass on that day honoring their christ, a mass christ, if you will. [laughter] now, we have poked fun at this, saying such things as, there is no war on christmas or youre [bleeped] crazy. [laughter] classic wit. That was before i realized what these poor folks have been going through. This is the thing about atheists, they bully other religions. Theyre trying to put their hands in my religion. Its about being intolerant to the nature of tradition in this country. This ends up being about bullies. Theyre being bullies. What are christians supposed to do . Turn the other cheek. Oh, oh, no, wrong jesus, my friend. There is a problem in america with the christian forces being weak. Thats right. Im telling you, bill, wimpy pastors produce wimpy christians. They see jesus as this little wimpy guy who walked around plucking daises and eating birdseed.

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20121221

I star in monster tv shows and i cut out the lame parts, you talentless white. So in summation, and i mean this to all of you from the bottom of my heart, you all and suck my 100 million. Good night and thank you. Bob saget Bob Saget Bob saget bob saget news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. We have a good one for you tonight. Newark mayor cory booker will be joining us, but lets begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. Weve had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70 of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lords birth, to have a mass on that day honoring their christ, a mass christ, if you will. [laughter] now, we have poked fun at this, saying such things as, there

Transcripts For FOXNEWSW Red Eye 20150215

Her wit is dryer than cleo pat troughs uterus. Bonnie mcfarland. He is like a glob of grape jelly, but still the most trusted newsman andy levey and more muscles than a raw bar, yummy, it is terry shapper. That was lame. A tblok. A block. The lede. Thats the first story. Are we coming around to boots on the ground . President obama, if thats his real name, bonnie has asked congress to authorize the use of military force against isis isil and the Islamic State which i just learned are all the same thing. The president said this resolution is necessary because our coalition is on the defensive. Isil is on the offensive and isil is going to win. Our coalition is on the offensive. Isil is on the defensive and isil is going to lose. The alleged president s proposal calls for the deployment of Ground Forces in iraq and syria and it is the authorization of another ground war like afghanistan or iraq. The resolution we submitted today does not call for the deployment of u. S. Ground combat for

The 1913 film that wanted Jews to celebrate Christmas

The 1913 film that wanted Jews to celebrate Christmas
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