Page 5 - Kill Em News Today

Bushrod, head off that yearling. You let three get lost in three days as it is. Kelso. . Yes sir . What do you make of those clouds . Why, ive never been this far nororth, major. But from the looks of these rascals and the chill in the air, id calculate winters about ready to land on us with both feet. Cheyenne. Yes, major . Youve been north before, havent ya . Yes, sir. Whats the weather gonna be . Nobody can really tell you about the weather. Its my guess that winters gonna hit us reaeal sudde...

Everything is cool when youre watching a screen everything is awesome, when youre sharing a meme a voice remote, show me angry kings you know whats awesome . Everything apps that please, more selfies, endless hours of the best tvs brand new apps, shows to go, awesome internet thats super whoa. Everything is awesome xfinity. The future of awesome. [cheers and applause] trevor thats our show for tonight. Thank you, so much. Tomorrow night our final show from philadelphia. Here it is everyone. Your...

Thank you guys. Theres a lot to cover tonight, but before we get started, a little fox news news. Looks like a fox was in the henhouse and called some foxes foxy and, you know, this doesnt. Im sorry, our analogy guy is out sick today. We have an update on that asshole roger ailes. Just play the clip. Media mogul Rupert Murdock is said to have decided to remove roger ailes amid Sexual Harassment allegations leveled against him by this former anchor. Im Gretchen Carlson, have a fantastic day. Larr...

How a fictional america is a place where you should be afraid of everything. We had a whole show planned about trump, you know. We had him in, like, a jason mask, and we had all these jokes about that. But then a few hours ago, were, like, bleep it. Yeah. Yeah, to be honest with you, we always talk about trump, all of us. The guy says anything, and its news. He farts from his mouth and we talk about it for hours what do you think that smell means . But the convention is over. He said what he nee...

British blonds [bleep] 15 Million People at once. Now pornhub is apparently leaving the video up which i think is kind of mean. Because you know there are some people who are going to be watching the video and not getting the joke. And theyre just going to be sitting there like come on, come on. K come on where is the pizza guy, come on come on thats mean, pornhub. Lets move to our pain story. The hillry clerch ton campaign. Ever since she clinched the democratic nomination, she has slowly been ...

[cheers and applause] trevor thank you, so much, everybody. Thank you, so much. Welcome to the daily show im trevor noah coming to live from philadelphia. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. Moments ago Hillary Clinton officially accepted the nomination as president of the United States. This is it. Exciting. She made history as the first zayn person nominated for president this year. Now we will get into the highlights of hillarys speech in a moment. One of the moving moments came earlier from th...

Democratic National Convention here in philadelphia so much fun. Everyone, thank you so much for having us. This is officially our last show here and were ending the week with a great guest, new jersey senator cory booker is joining us, everybody cheers and applause lets get straight into it. Last night was officially the end of the democratic National Convention, and hillary was excited that she was finally the nominee, and bill clinton was just as excited that there were balloons laughter look...

Presidency. I urge you to live every day like its your last. He finished a speak doing what he called writing law and order to a country in crisis and there was another half too. I learned in american politics you go say anything you want. You can mislead about crime, you can say anything but some lies are bigger than others. I humbly and grea gratefully accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States. Trevor yes. Nothing so humble like turning the stage gold and having your name ...

[crowd yelling] announcer live from philadelphia, americas first cream cheese. Lets not get crazy. Goldman sachs presents the hillary acceptance speech. [cheers and applause] trevor thank you, so much, everybody. Thank you, so much. Welcome to the daily show im trevor noah coming to live from philadelphia. This is it, ladies and gentlemen. Moments ago Hillary Clinton officially accepted the nomination as president of the United States. This is it. Exciting. She made history as the first zayn per...

The Republican National convention is over, and at this rate, pretty soon, the country will also be over. Yesterday, donald trump spent his entire 75minute speech pitching a horror movie about how a fictional america is a place where you should be afraid of everything. We had a whole show planned about trump, you know. We had him in, like, a jason mask, and we had all these jokes about that. But then a few hours ago, were, like, bleep it. Yeah. Yeah, to be honest with you, we always talk about t...