King Raul News Today

From our Bureau of Spy Stuff Involving Iran, Cuba, and the U.S. with some assistance from our Bureau of Rumors About Disloyal Sons of Latrine American Despots This is unconfirmed, but an anti-Castro exile in Canada has claimed that thanks to Iranian spies, King Raul discovered that his own son had met secretly with CIA

From our Russification of Kuba Bureau with some assistance from our Bureau of Twenty-First Century Neocolonialism Another top dog from Grand Putinia is visiting Kuba, just a few days after the communist island paradise hosted Minister of the Exterior Sergei Lavrov. This time around, Czar Vlad the Invader has sent his Secretary of the Security

From our Bureau of Diaspora Artistic Licenses with some assistance from our Bureau of Intense Irreverence Ha! How's this for rendition of the Last Supper? Irreverence in every direction. No need to draw exact parallels between the murderers and enablers in this painting and the 12 Apostles depicted in traditional renditions. The artist has not

From our Bureau of Toxic Royal Families with some assistance from our Bureau of Troublesome Little Sisters Castrogonia's toxic royal family has lost one of its most contentious members: Juanita, younger sister of King Fidel and King Raul. An early supporter of her brothers, Juanita eventually came to despise their so-called "Revolution" and fled to

From our Bureau of Socialist Equity and Social Justice with some assistance from our Bureau of Booger Princesses and Their Progeny Lisa Titolo Castro, daughter of Mariela Castro and granddaughter of King Raul, owns a store where food is never in short supply. Never mind the current food crisis in Castrogonia. Lisa's "health food" store

From our Bureau of Friends in High Places with some assistance from our Party Time for the Party Animals Bureau Hey, it's party time for the Party! The Communist Party, that is. You betcha! No peasants allowed. This joint only allows la crème de la crème through its doors. This is Havana's version of Studio

From our Bureau of Hellish Hypocrisy Involving Church and State with some assistance from our Bureau of Painfully Inappropriate and Loathsome Shepherding Assignments Yesterday's revolting event at Father Varela's Church of the Transfiguration defies description. Its multiple layers of symbolic meaning seem so infinite, too, and so offensive, that one is forced to meditate on

From our Bureau of Breaking Stories Not Reported by Any News Media with some assistance from our Bureau of Shameless Hypocritical Acts Orchestrated by Oligarchs from Latrine American Totalitarian Atheistic Hellholes Okay, in a court of law this would be classified as "hearsay." Tres Fotutos has no solid proof he can offer, other than his

From our Bureau of Inevitable Outcomes with some assistance from our Bureau of Grossly Wrong Assumptions Accepted as Facts by Grossly Senile Heads of State Assuming that Castro, Inc. actually allows Cubans to own and run businesses wholly independent from its total monopoly, Jar-Jar Biden and his bevy of Marxist elves at the White House,

From our Bureau of Valiant But Potentially Lethal Quixotic Gestures You have to admire this man. But you also have to admit that his self-sacrifice is not likely to yield positive results. He is protesting Jar-Jar Biden's "lack of action" against the Cuban dictatorship. Good luck convincing that senile leftist political hack to do anything