Monkey Noises News Today

handsomeness of the messenger. [laughter] it must be like trying to read a book and a nude beach in sweden. sometimes i wish i was only so people would take me seriously. if they did -- what other people have over me. [snoring [laughter] the news industry is like san francisco after -- in deep doo-doo. according to this news site, not the greatest -- crater who stole my amex. news content is plummeting like -- skydiving with a malfunctioning rip cord. they blamed it on the public -- pu...

guess they are using the same co flatten the curve. [laughter] but thank god because the stuff ive watched so far has been so riveting. to hell with that summer vacation to key west, i know what i am doing the first week or 2 of july. yeah. apparently theyre going to pursue witnesses and a lot of new evidence. i guess theyre not happy with the witnesses they originally cast in this [bleep] show. what a disaster, huh? made the hindenburg look like a fender bender. to make pompeii look l...

>> aw! >> greg: you know its illegal to write poodles dressed up as a cowgirl? >> ha-ha. >> greg: just checking. were breaking new ground. its time for "scratch-n-sniff monologue." this has never been done and probably for good reason, but its true. at any moment, you, dear viewer, will be asked to scratch the tv screen when an image appears, and then you have to guess what that image smells like. i know! theres something wrong with me. theres something wrong with me, but isnt this fun...

now, patti ann, you remember, from redeye. she had a way with words. >> good evening, i am sith lord darth hotius. after the discussion of the relative sexiness of the "fox & friends" staff, "the new york times" reported i said brian kilmeade makes me want to puke, i would also like to add that brian is packed and stacked, brother want to thank your mother -- [laughter] like prince said, you are a [bleep]. [applause] >> greg: i think she almost had chris wallaces job. she is still bett...

The shocking incident showed a white counter-protester student, jumping up and down, making monkey noises toward a protester who was live-streaming on her phone at the University of Mississippi

University of Mississippi opened a student conduct probe after a GOP Congressman acknowledged "potentially inappropriate behavior" in a video he initially praised.

Guilford's president led a school contingency to Virginia State University to personally apologize to the soccer team for the fans' treatment

[monkey noises] doctor, what if i give you a banana first? then can we have sex? [monkey noises] [applause] >> greg: that might be the best thing we have ever done. [laughter] it is so hard to get scared of something that sounds so adorable. >> i disagree. on the one hand, i am not that worried about it. on the other hand, it is a pox, and that is like, ew. i am not a scientist but i did spend like three hours reading about it, and i dont want it. [laughs] >> greg: yeah, there are a lot of poxes...

Because he has a previous phone, he has this phone. i dont think theyre going to find anything really significant on this phone, the new phone, which would indicate that it was just a shill, something that he was going to lay down as a red herring. the only thing that explains the familys behavior is conspiracy. thats all that makes sense, that they are conspireing to keep him out of trouble or out of the hands of law enforcement. i think the phones and the electronic evidence youre going to hav...

Harassment from your new neighbor. thats what a black family in virginia beach has been living with. they describe an escalating campaign of racial slurs, loud music, and monkey noises. ♪ ♪ [ monkey noises ] >> oh, yep, the neighbor tries to drive them out with monkey noises. the police they while the behavior is appalling it is not criminal. thank you for joining me. you moved in five years ago. what has living next to that been like? did it start right away?