Murrow Barker News Today

community. i mean, really. if he can get 2 million followers just be exploiting demi in her granny panties-- [audience groans, chuckles] thats a granny in granny panties. thats kind of redundant. thats more like demis underwear. so showing demi is the key. got it. then showing a picture of her back in the 80s should really help our shows following. [audience oohs] oh, yes. i know, i know. it sheds twice a year. [laughter] please. i keep waiting for a camera crew to come running out of ...

now inside this booth are slips of paper, each with the name of a white house scandal: i.r.s., a.p., benghazi, immortal scorpion soldiers. oh, its coming out. and just moments from now, ladies and gentlemen, i will enter the booth and, like my colleagues, grasp wildly at any accusation that floats past. ten seconds... [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, ten seconds on the clock, please. jimmy. lets get ready to scandal. [ cheers and applause ] and tonights scandal is benghazi. [ cheers and ...

about who is liked by president bush. who is liked by president obama. lets all be captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] good to have you with us. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: oh, i love a zombie army. have a seat. nation, you know, folks, if you watch the news like i do, it seems like lately president obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sor...

captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] good to have you with us. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! [ cheers and applause ] >> stephen: oh, i love a zombie army. have a seat. nation, you know, folks, if you watch the news like i do, it seems like lately president obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of scandal. which reminds me, whats he doing with all these dead cats? the challe...

theyre gonna watch this show. youd be surprised. really? the most expensive thing a client has ever gotten me is a house. i will ( bleep ) on anyone in this room right now for just a ranch in florida. ♪ oh man, this is kind of disappointing. this question is, "how many fingers am i holding up?" but i just, like, read, "how many fingers," and i was like, ive got this, ive got this. and i really did not mean to sound preachy about anal, like, ive just never-- a penis. have i had finger...