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COM The Colbert Report December 5, 2014

Stephen you know i need your energy. You know i need it thank you, so much for everything you do tonight and every night you heroes. You it getters. Show, this show is number 1438. Sadly i have yet to achieve all of my goals. For instance congress is still broken. Unfortunately the warn tee expired in 1850. They should of sprung for the extended care. So much partisan rancor in washington. They say it all different and republicans say, leave john boehner alone. Which is why nothing gets done in ...
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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart December 20, 2014

Texas city. Its all because of this photo posted on an Islamic Militant groups twitter feed. It shows one of the companys old work trucks turned into an antiaircraftfiring weapon on the front lines of syrias civil war. Look at this picture. Marks company logo and his phone number still clear as day on the the side of that truck. Stephen yes, a texas plumbers work truck showed up in syria. Although, pickup truck, desert, giant machine gun that could still be texas. cheers and applause . Now, evid...
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COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart November 25, 2014

[ dallas theme music ] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause from austin, texas. A city so liberal a guitar can marry a cowboy boot. Its the daily show coverage. Goes to the one part of texas where we wont get shot at. [ applause ] p jon thank you thank you so much welcome to the show thank you so much. Wow, what an honor to be here in austin, texas only open carry ebola state in the union. We are thrilled to be here in austin. We have a nice week planned. The midterm electi...
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CNBC Squawk Box January 2, 2015

Begins right now. Good morning again, everybody. Welcome back to squawk box here on cnbc first in business worldwide. Im becky quick with brian sullivan. Joe and andrew are off today. General motors have announced new recalls with an ignition lock. The number is a relatively small 83,000 vehicles. But it comes after their record year of recalls in 2014. Elon musk and his wife are divorcing for a second time. They first married in 2010. They divorced in 2012 and remarried in 2013. And a total of ...
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COM The Colbert Report December 18, 2014

Apparently, some jokers out there have posted a 20yearold video of my mentor papa bear bill oreilly on the set of his polkaward winning series inside edition. Jimmy, show them what im talking about. Thats tomorrow. That is it for us today. Stephen whatever it is. Its not right on the teleprompter. I dont know what that is. Ive never seen that. I cant read it. Theres no words on it. Theres no words there. To play us out. What does that mean . To play us out . Its a video. Its a sting video. I don...
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COM The Colbert Report December 17, 2014

Jon thats the show. Here is your moment of zen. Lets go to joy in rawling, north carolina. Somebody from down south. Youre right im from down south. Im youry Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh acce captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Thank you so much for joining us. cheers in here, out there. Mr. And mrs. America. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. cheers and applau...
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COM The Colbert Report November 26, 2014

Cheers and applause stephen welcome to the report, everybody. Its good to have you with us. Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Stephen Stephen Stephen cheers and applause stephen thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for being here. Good to have you with us in here, out there, all around. I have to tell you after a greeting like that i would not kick you out of bed for eating crackers, folks. Lets get right to the big sto...
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COM The Colbert Report December 4, 2014

Sadly i have yet to achieve all of my goals. For instance congress is still broken. Unfortunately the warn tee expired in 1850. They should of sprung for the extended care. So much partisan rancor in washington. They say it all different and republicans say, leave john boehner alone. Which is why nothing gets done in congress until now. A new federal bill closed in the house, a loophole nazis can receive Social Security. The house unanimously passed a bill dubbed the no Social Security for nazis...
United States District Of Columbia City Of United Kingdom Stephen Colbert Martin Lawrence

COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart December 9, 2014

Good morning. Morning. [beep] your morning could use a hand. Taco bells steak and egg a. M. Crunchwrap with a hash brown inside. A whole breakfast in one hand. [bong] look, i am telling you that you are making a huge mistake. Eric cartman is the nsas worst nightmare. Not according to the central computer. The central computer is wrong. You need to change his status. Sorry, but if central computer says hes not a threat, then we cant do anything. Cant do anything . Youre the nsa. Theres 300 Millio...
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COM The Colbert Report December 5, 2014

Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen, stephen, Stephen Stephen thank you so much, everybody. Welcome to the report. Thank you for joining us. What a wonderful evening. cheers and applause stephen what a wonderful evening. Couldnt think of a bette better thank you so much, nation. Now i dont know thank you for being here, everybody. Its grate night. If you watch my show on monday night or t...
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