Page 84 - Safe Drivers News Today

Like he didnt do shit. Thanks to them, i cant even get the mail without dressing up like a brokeass nine georgia thats right, you better stay in that cave, bitch trevor thats your ray of sunshine. Lets jump straight into the headlines. Lest kick it off with economic news. With travel worldwide ground to a halt, demand for oil has collapsed, which has now caused oil prices to plummet to their lowest levels in history. Thats right. Oil is cheaper than it has ever been. So the next time you go to t...

Pray to me from home. What words can i speak that they will heed . Um, try flatten the curve or dont be a jerk. Also, people are going to ask what theyre supposed to do all day while theyre quarantined. How shall i answer them . Tell them they Just Announced a new episode of tiger king. Also, worry not, i will send down a savior. They will ask what is his name . His name is jared kushner. silence gotcha oh, moses, you should have seen your face nit, mk onmaffber a sucker anne also stephen welcom...

Billion for testing labs for the virus. The president urged both parties to pass this legislation. The president tweeted this. I urge the senate and the house to pass the Paycheck Protection Program and healthcare enhancement act with additional funding for the payroll protection, hospitals, testing. After i sign this bill he tweeted well begin discussions on the next legislative initiative with Fiscal Relief to state and local governments for lost revenues from covid19. And much needed infrastr...

Channa i owe my life to this company. Literally. Lemonis that is the reason that im here. Its all about sun and perfect weather in west palm beach, florida, a place where locals are obsessed with health and fitness. Its also the home of fuel foods, a healthfood Delivery Service run by its owner, erik leander. Erik very good. Thank you. Lemonis erik is a former personal trainer who came up with a great idea. Erik george, the oven was good, boy. Look. Lemonis prepare and deliver wellbalanced, heal...

Rush of endorphins you feel when the car door slams shut, and you peel out of the preschool parking lot like a duke of hazzard. My cousin sal and his wife decided theyre sending their kids back to school on may 1st no matter what. Even if its closed. If its closed, they can hang out by the hopscotch area until three oclock. There is word now that students may take the sat and act tests from home this year. Wow, if only Felicity Huffman had waited what does a College Acceptance letter even look l...

Cmon, lets freaky friday quarantine i sort of picked up from social this thing. Media that youre watching old ahhh, no. Television shows yeah, im well, im senator Elizabeth Warren said catching up on real housewives yesterday she would be former of new york. Im starting with season 1, Vice President joe bidens which took place in 2008 running mate if he asked and im currently in season 3, while senator Amy Klobuchar said shed be his running mate even if he didnt which is i believe were in late P...

I really believe they are going that he plans to stay in the white house for the rest of the to have it under control fairly soon month because of the coronavirus pandemic and said it is, quote, you know, in april, supposedly, sort of like the nerve center. It dies with the hotter weather. Which makes sense, because it it and thats a beautiful date to look forward to. Seth first of all, you can cks. Tell my man spends too much time at maralago because he thinks officials at the bronx zoo april i...

Carlile. Featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from a safe distance, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody, welcome to a late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. How are you guys doing tonight . I cant hear you because im alone. So alone. Im alone, right, pete . Oh, you are so alone. Stephen thank you. Pblazer, im all dressed up fora cocktail party. But, evidently, the network thinks we should do a show. Whats up . Lets see, whats up . Okay, heres big news. In the dem...

Earlier today at the white house, President Trump met with new York Governor Andrew Cuomo it was strange because normally when two guys from queens meet up, its under a bridge in the middle of the night. The fda just authorized the first coronavirus test that allows patients to collect their samples at home. Thats right now people can mail their sample in and then two weeks later get a call from the lab that says, sir, that cup was for saliva. Down in georgia a governor is going against medical ...

[ laughter ] alright, alright, alright, alright, alright shake this is pretty cool. This is pretty cool. Today would have been Joe Dimaggios joltin lets see. Joe dimaggios 100th birthday. Its dry. Theres no dry time and id like to think [ applause ] makes us wonder why we booked fifteensecond ad slots yeah yankees legend dries instantly and keeps you protected and id like to think hes for fortyeighthours. Looking down on us right now wearing his yankees cap and chanting arod sucks. For fortyeigh...