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Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

From a guy who usually wants to keep the beaches closed for himself. President trump met with the governor of iowa today said trump, i know a lot about iowa in fact, iowea lot of contractors a lot of money. [ light laughter ] that was Brian Donaldson writing a really dumb joke that ill admit, i liked look, what am i going to say dumb is not a criticism of it. I love it for its dumbness the nasa administrator announced on twitter yesterday that the space agency will be partnering with Actor Tom Cruise to film a movie in space the weird thing is, its a sequel to jerry maguire. Show me the moon. Authority they might be getting dumber as we go. Authorities in louisiana are looking for an aggressive chicken that has chased customers at a local bank and attempted to climb cars in the drivethrough. Authorities advised, anyone that sees the chicken, to take a video, because theyre bored as hell and they would like to see that oh, this is Mike Scollins wrote the dumbest joke and im going to do

Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Quote, interesting, by congress not wanting the special fiveminute testing apparatus theyre saying that they are not essential. Which is a little ironic coming from a 73yearold man tweeting in the middle of the workday thats right, trump criticized congress for declining his offer to provide coronavirus tests so lawmakers could return to capitol hill but in their defense, the tests he offered arent very accurate. Okay, now pick a color. Hillary clinton is reportedly appearing at a virtual fundraising dinner for former Vice President joe biden later this month and tickets cost up to 50,000 wow, imagine paying to sit through that zoom call hillary stuck on mute. Biden accidentally sharing his screen of a web search asking, what is zoom . Actually, you know what, yeah, i would id pay to see that cnn anchor Anderson Cooper revealed last week that he became a father to a baby boy and hes already so stressed out, his hair turned brown that was my favorite one tonight. Singer Justin Bieber an

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20240713

Musical guest brad paisley and the legendary roots crew its the tonight show at home edition. And now, heres jimmy. Jimmy hey, everybody welcome to tonight show at home edition its me, jimmy fallon saying hello, and thank you so much for watching on a wednesday night. The week is halfway over, its basically thursday so, you know, good job, everybody. Way to staying home. Way to wear masks. Were doing the right thing, were flattening that curve. Come on, we got this, guys lets go its wednesday two more days . Come on, we got this, right . And then the weekend is here yeah, which is basically what today feels like anyway, it doesnt matter. Lets start with some jokes. How about this, im excited about this, my guest tonight is new York Governor Andrew Cuomo [ applause ] oh, my goodness. I called Governor Cuomo yesterday and i said, hey, man, you busy tomorrow . And he was like, not at all. No, not doing anything right now. Im actually yeah, kind of bored. I need stuff to do yeah, i definit

Transcripts For MSNBCW AM Joy 20180106

Is, that spills all the tea about what his staff and family really think about i had mental capacity, his emotional stability and his fitness to perform his job as president. The book, fire and fury inside the Trump White House is the culmination of writer Michael Wolffs 18 months of fly on the wall access to Trumps Campaign and his white house. Trump cannot stop obsessing over the book. Last night he put it like this. Michael wolff is a total loser who made up stories to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used sloppy steve bannon who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now sloppy steve has been dumped like a dog by almost everyone. Too bad. Wolff says he has recordings and notes to back up his reporting. This morning trumps rage tweeting continued as he declared himself a stable genius. The First Casualty of the book bombshell is the relationship between trump and his former chief strategist, steve bannon who is quoted extensively in the book including calling

Transcripts For MSNBCW AM Joy 20180331

This. Im committed to it. My client is committed to it. Good morning. Welcome to am joy. Donald trump loves to attack peop people. But there are two people who so far trump will not attack. Not ever. Stormy daniels and Vladimir Putin. Well get to putd enputd putin the show. Stormy daniels says she was paid 130,000 in hush money to keep quiet about an alleged affair about donald trump, and she says shes not going anywhere any time soon. Daniels shared parts of her story last sunday on 60 minutes, including details about spanking the reality tv star turned president with a rolled up magazine with picture the of trump and two of his Adult Children on the cover. And of not actually being physically attracted to trump, despite giving in to the 60yearolds sexual advances. We dont know whether donald trump was among the 22 Million Viewers who tuned in to hear Stormy Daniels tale. He was at his maralago resort again, and there were nowakky nickname force stormy. Not even a tweet. In fact for m

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