Tim Carvel News Today

think same-sex couples should be able to get married (cheers and applause) >> jon: finally,-- from its president of the united states. of course the president still believes it is an issue best left to the states. but theyre not complaining tonight. its a great day when the president of the united states says on national it was gay people should no longer be relegated to only planning other peoples weddings. its not right! its like putting a cat in charge of the goldfish toss game. its...

hes not gonna get some. we could always split it 50/50/50. do you even hear what youre saying? your gums are bleeding. hey, howd it go? great, i just ratted you out. could i see you two boys for a minute, please? so youre not gonna get into any trouble at all? uh, no, not really. and since the mcpoyles are gonna plead guilty, im sort of off the hook completely. thats great. oh, im sorry, was he saying that the intervention worked? no, i dont think thats what hes saying. what are you ta...

but we begin tonight with last nights momentous news. >> it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that i think same-sex couples should be able to get married (cheers and applause) >> jon: finally,-- from its president of the united states. of course the president still believes it is an issue best left to the states. but theyre not complaining tonight. its a great day when the president of the united states says on national it was gay people should no longer be relegated to only p...

uh, timmy? yes, timmy. oh, dear. jimmy? yes? you know our policy. im afraid youre out of scouts. out of scouts? timmy. what? hey, wait a minute, this is crazy. you cant do this. wow, i never knew jimmy was gay. me neither. no, no! timmy! -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com captions paid for by mtv networks 2012, may 10th, 2012, from comedy centrals world studios in new york this is the daily show with jon ste warts. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme...

>> jon: hey, everybody, that is our show, before we go, real quick, the head writer of our program, the great tim carvel,-- for mad magazine for ten years, now a book called-- in the book stores now, you should get it, unless you are a loser. are you? here it is, your moment of zen. >> will marginalize himself with the rest of the country. he is to the going to appease the gay community which is one of the four major funders of the democratic party a long with jews >> stephen: tonight,...

tasers their own guns? then political chaos in wisconsin. its time to rage against the milking machine. and my guest dr. francis cullins is in a new four-part hbi documentary on piecity. it was supposed to be one part but they supersized it. nearly 40% of new yorks 911 calls are butt dialed. which begs the question, who is a facting-- attacking forks butts. this is the cole bert report captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) thats quite lov...

>> jon: hey, everybody, that is our show, before we go, real quick, the head writer of our program, the great tim carvel,-- for mad magazine for ten years, now a book called-- in the book stores now, you should get it, unless you are a loser. are you? here it is, your moment of zen. >> will marginalize himself with the rest of the country. he is to the going to appease the gay community which is one of the four major funders of the democratic party a long with jews >> stephen: tonight,...