Weekend Mauling News Today

Can’t let Dad see me playing hooky! Can’t let the boy see me skippin’ work.

Nice P.J.s, Simpson. Did your mommy buy them for you? Of course she did. Who else would have? All right, Simpson. You win this round.

Hi, Milhouse. The studio sent me to talk to you, being a former child star myself, and the number-one box office draw from 1939 through 1940! Wow! Spanning two decades.

Oh, boy. The deep fryer’s here. I got it used from the Navy. You could flash fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.

You’ve been eating that thing for a week. I think the mayonnaise is starting to turn.

Boy, they’re really socking it to that Spiro Agnew guy again. He must work there or something.

I don’t wanna look like a weirdo. I’ll just go with a muumuu.

Friends, we love you all but I also have a sinister motive for asking you all here, sinister being Latin for left-handed. But enough joking.

Sure, you will. Once, my old lady ran off and married my brother. Well, it hurt, but here it is a month later, and I’m sleeping on their couch!

If I didn’t have this gun, the king of England... could just walk in here anytime he wants and start shoving you around. Do you want that? Huh? Do you?