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Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240711

G20 meeting early this morning and the biggest subject was covid. Yeah, no kidding. Saying covid is the biggest topic at the g20 is like saying, i was at the oscars, and the big subject was movies. And then, he skipped the session devoted to Pandemic Response to play golf again. Theres the caravan of carts. And there he is, aintdoin, jack nicklaus. As graceful as a dumptruck. He golfed on saturday and sunday this weekend. Ive never seen a guy try so hard to keep a job he doesnt even do. This is his schedule today. No Public Events again. Just some eating and private screaming into a mypillow. On friday, he did do something. He attempted to personally interfere in the election. He invited the Senate Majority leader and speaker of the house for the state of michigan to the white house. For some bigly buttering up. That didnt work, because today, the michigan board of canvassers certified the results, officially declaring joe biden the winner. Trump had another big loss in pennsylvania to

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20161101

Chowfntion, secrets, husbands past. Other than that, going well. But then the emails, man the bleep emails the emails a week before the election why is this thing not going . A week before the election, side tracked by the emails. Then nothing new 65,000 pictures of Anthony Weiners dick picks. No wonder the National Monument was changed to the wiener monument. One dick got the other elected as far as i can tell, the only news is tnn. Back after the break, more completely true news. This is tnn trevor what the bleep is this . The trumpganda forces is shutting down the news sources. Cnn is packing their stuff. The malaysian plane was in their supply closet all along. Most people in the media got to stay in the country, at least. Ill never forget the day they took john oliver away. Which is all fine until you realize egg Safety Standards actually vary so widely from state to state that there is a no, no, no. Guys, guys. Please, let me finish the bit. Let me complete the egg bit, guys now

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20161101

Chowfntion, secrets, husbands past. Other than that, going well. But then the emails, man the bleep emails the emails a week before the election why is this thing not going . A week before the election, side tracked by the emails. Then nothing new 65,000 pictures of Anthony Weiners dick picks. No wonder the National Monument was changed to the wiener monument. One dick got the other elected as far as i can tell, the only news is tnn. Back after the break, more completely true news. This is tnn trevor what the bleep is this . The trumpganda forces is shutting down the news sources. Cnn is packing their stuff. The malaysian plane was in their supply closet all along. Most people in the media got to stay in the country, at least. Ill never forget the day they took john oliver away. Which is all fine until you realize egg Safety Standards actually vary so widely from state to state that there is a no, no, no. Guys, guys. Please, let me finish the bit. Let me complete the egg bit, guys now

Transcripts For KNTV The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20160628

Kids from nbcs Little Big Shots. And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 463, indianapolis steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its a hot crowd tonight, hot crowd. I feel the love. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. Welcome, everybody to the tonight show. This is it. You made it, youre here. [ cheers and applause ] this is what im talking about. So happy to have you here, everybody. Welcome. Heres what people are talking about. Today was the indiana primary and the results are in. Donald trump saw his shadow, so there are six more months of the election. [ laughter and applause ] all right. Actually, most people are considering this to be ted cruzs last stand, so hes really going against hes going after donald trump here. Today, he even claimed that trump has never asked god for forgiveness for anything. [ light laughter ] and said, quote, ive asked god for forgiveness three times today. [ laughter ] gods like, yeah, i know, i didnt pick up. [ l

Transcripts For WCAU The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon 20160628

And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 463, indianapolis steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its a hot crowd tonight, hot crowd. I feel the love. [ cheers and applause ] welcome. Welcome, everybody to the tonight show. This is it. You made it, youre here. [ cheers and applause ] this is what im talking about. So happy to have you here, everybody. Welcome. Heres what people are talking about. Today was the indiana primary and the results are in. Donald trump saw his shadow, so there are six more months of the election. [ laughter and applause ] all right. Actually, most people are considering this to be ted cruzs last stand, so hes really going against hes going after donald trump here. Today, he even claimed that trump has never asked god for forgiveness for anything. [ light laughter ] and said, quote, ive asked god for forgiveness three times today. [ laughter ] gods like, yeah, i know, i didnt pick up. [ laughter and applause ] i mean, i

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