Page 2 - Yes Greg News Today

Pushed him i said bro, what the f are you doing. get away from me stop trying to touch me. he started chasing me around the bench and we ended up on the other side of the gym. >> greg: thats not considered a workout. first, not only is this guy a [bleep] pervert hes also stupid thinking he could overpower a chick with quads like that. thanks to being fearless and tough as nails she escaped and the attacker was captured a few hours later while trying to enter another womans apartment. you think a...

Greg Gutfeld examines the news of the day through a satiric lens fused with pop culture.

Stories, its time for this. >> gregs leftovers. >> greg: yeah its leftovers where i read the jokes we didnt use this week and as always its my first time reading these so dont blame me if they suck. here we go. on thursday president biden had his annual physical and hes in perfect health for a man his age according to his team of pail general paelentologists. this week in england a letter lost in the mail finally arrived at its intended dress in london more than a century later. or as the us pos...

Somebody there. >> dagen: but the people who go to these gyms like in the apartment complex, not this woman because shes clearly doing free weights and shes amazing and she fought off this gross attacker. but its usually the woman whos like im going to go walk on the treadmill and then go to brunch >> kat: thats true i go to the gym in my apartment complex. >> dagen: but its a brunch of chicken fried french toast biscuits sausage and bacon and bottomless mimosas which will last you, calorie-wise...

♪ >> greg: five words: trans age is now a thing. kat, trans age activists claim that age is a social construct and society should accept individuals based on the age they identify as. is this new? dont women do this already? a sexist would say! >> kat: no, i agree with this. >> greg: really? tell me about it >> kat: i want to get on the record right now that i identify as 30. therefore, going forward in the future decades of my life, insurance will have to pay for all my plastic surgery. >> gr...

Like you cannot cooperate now with people that are different from you and so everybodys getting splintered off into their own groups and thats an achievement. it used to be everybody worked together but now with identity politics your identity comes before cooperation. kat, dont you agree with me? >> kat: i dont think that ive ever been emotionally prepared. >> greg: yeah >> kat: i mean, depression, anxiety, i have these things, right? i have mental health stuff i deal with. but thats the thing,...

And, why hes gay and black and liberal so he thought he was impenetrable and he flew too close to the woke sun. he was playing woker poker and he lost to a woman. >> dagen: yes >> greg: hows that? >> dagen: i have never, ever wanted to work at cnn until now. just give me 24 hours with don lemon. because i am over the hill and through the woods. and ive walked through the valley of the shadow of death and i fear no evil. [cheers and applause] >> greg: but because of my age, i have learned how to ...

Im putting biden up there. but its college. because academia prioritizes woke agendas over education. so who would have guessed that teaching kids things like time was invented by white people and therefore racist would make them reluctant to working 40 hours a week. anyway women also seem to report suffering more office related mental struggles then men and thats nothing to be ashamed of ladies a stapler is a very complicated piece of equipment. >> don lemon would say [cheers and applause] >> g...

Bible. what do you think of don lemons comments. >> shannon: im apparently past my prime so i dont know i can comment on these things. i had a transition plan i was going to go to the villages next and then go to full assisted living care but i think im going to get my walker and head right down to the nursing home based on what he had to say. [cheers and applause] >> greg: obviously his error was bringing up reproduction when were talking about cognitive function but he thought he was being cle...

Great. but if you do it -- i know so many people that got it reversed and they amount to nothing because all they do -- they waked and baked for like 20 years. before they know it, they couldnt get a job. and im not talking about you shannon, because you -- does this ring true to you, the problem with kids today? i hate -- we sound so old. >> shannon: i know, kids out there my lawn. >> greg: sitting at home. >> shannon: i remember law school was hell on earth and i came to that and went to work ...