Dear Care and Feeding,
I’ve noticed that my 5-year-old daughters have become increasingly macabre in their imaginative play in ways that would put Charles Manson to shame. In the bathtub recently, one of them happily took a baby doll and pretended that she was “cutting her open to see what was inside and make her die by taking out parts of her and putting poison in her.” Shudder. Given that everything else about their behavior is completely within the normal range (they have a safe and loving home, they are well behaved in school, we don’t allow them to watch violent media), I have to rationally conclude that this must be “normal,” and it is unlikely that my daughters will grow up to be psychopathic serial killers. I think the appeal of it is that it’s a safe way for my daughters to explore boundaries, by doing things that are egregiously “bad” or “yucky” without consequences. Maybe it indicates that they are actually beginning to develop a moral compass throug
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Dear Care and Feeding,
My partner and I have been living together for over a year. It’s been going amazingly well. He’s a very considerate, loving, and generous man. We plan to marry and have children within the next two years. He is Black and I am White. Often, when I bring up the subject of what our kids will be like, he expresses a desire for them to be White, blond-haired, or blue-eyed. I am White, albeit not blond or blue-eyed. I couldn’t care less what they look like, and I always ask him why he feels that way, and point out that it’s rather unlikely. He never gives a straight answer, saying he’s merely interested in how varied mixed-race people will look and that “he’s dated the rainbow.” I’ve dated Black men before and have encountered some men who think being with a White woman is a status symbol. Maybe I’m just sensitive due to that, but this desire for blond-haired, blue-eyed kids feels really off to me.
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I am wondering how to handle issues we’re having with our 12-year-old daughter’s school. We are a nontraditional, blended family. Her parents had her young and never married. Her dad (my partner) has primary custody during the school year. Last year and this year, our daughter’s teachers have given us a hard time about our situation and are constantly insisting she is better off with her mother, or that she should be at mom’s house for remote school.
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She has had some behavioral issues (no academic issues; she tests above grade level), and they mention needing her mother’s involvement in her life at each meeting we’ve had about these issues, as well as at her parent-teacher conference.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I are expecting our first child and couldn’t be more thrilled. We can’t wait to introduce our baby to both of our families. There’s one catch: My sister’s partner is a staunch anti-vaxxer, and she has convinced my sister to not keep up on her own vaccinations. I love my sister dearly and want both her and her partner to be a part of my baby’s life, but my husband and I don’t feel comfortable knowing that my sister’s partner is unvaccinated for polio, measles, and more. My family seems confused about this stance, and whenever I bring it up, they fall back on saying things like “Well, you can’t control everything!” I know I can’t, but I feel like there’s a large difference between mitigating risk and exposing my unvaccinated child to someone I know is unvaccinated.