Dear Care and Feeding,
I am the mother of two beautiful little brown girls, ages 2 and 5. Daddy is Black, and I am as white as a mayonnaise sandwich. We started a dialogue about race with my oldest early on and are trying to teach her pride in her heritage and features. On her first day of preschool, she proudly presented me with a coloring page with a little girl with white skin and blond hair. I casually asked why she colored the girl that way, got a nonanswer, and warily chalked it up to coincidence. When I paid a little more attention, I noticed that she would make negative comments about her hair. In some games, she makes her character white with straight blond hair, and she always chooses the white Barbie. She has said she doesn’t like darker skin and that she “just wants to look different sometimes.” I understand wishing you looked a little different, but it set off alarm bells when I heard this. I asked her about it again, and we talked, but now she avoids the issue
Dear Care and Feeding,
Is there such a thing as taking too many pictures of your kids? My husband, who is a great father, is really fanatical about taking photos of our only child, a 3-year-old girl. He takes pictures of her CONSTANTLY. He thinks it’s important to document every day, so he’ll take a minimum of 10 photos daily, along with a few short videos. That’s just on an average day. If anything remotely interesting happens a new toy, an outing, a new skill he’ll take dozens of photos and 10–20 minutes of video. He has videos of her singing every song she knows, every word she tries to say (and the pronunciations change daily, so he constantly needs new videos), every trick she attempts. On her birthday, he took photos and videos of each present she opened (plus the singing, the cake, the dress, etc.).
Dear Care and Feeding,
My brother and I both work in law enforcement and have service weapons. I lock mine up when I’m at home. My brother has taken to carrying his all the time, including around his small children in his home. I’ve had to refuse him entry to my home due to his unwillingness to come without it. I asked him why he does this, and he went on a rant about having to protect his family in case someone drives by and opens fire at him in retaliation for his work. We live in a very safe area. I don’t even lock my doors when I go out. I don’t recall there ever being a drive-by shooting anywhere near us. He doesn’t seem to be caught up in extremism, but this seems paranoid to me and I’m starting to worry about his mental health. More, I worry about the safety of my niece and nephews and my own kids when they’re there.
Dear Care and Feeding,
We found out a few months ago that my husband’s brother and his wife are expecting. For the last couple years, every time we’re together, they’ve peppered us with questions about whether or when to have kids (we have two, now preschool and toddler ages). I’ve been 100 percent honest with my sister-in-law about the realities of pregnancy, birth, postpartum period, and being a working mom. She seemed really on the fence about it all, but I sensed my brother-in-law really wants to be a father. I initially sensed his disappointment when I didn’t rave about motherhood and sort of “sell” his wife on the experience, but I would never do that to another woman.