Ask ‘The Onion’: How To Buy Your First Home The Onion about how to buy your first home, and now, we have the answers. Advertisement Advertisement Question Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Answer Check out their headshots and then ask them to send in a reel of their best open house tours. Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Answer Place a marble on the floor. If it rolls down a slope and hits a wall, you can probably afford the house. Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Advertisement Answer You should only take on this kind of project if you can honestly commit yourself to watching at least ten minutes of YouTube videos about rewiring a house.