The actual news did. Right, like the financial collapse. Or the u. S. Military strategy in the middle east. Yeah. Remember when that was a problem . laughter i do. Well, the votes are in, and were officially ready to project a winner. Your favorite segment was jon explains Climate Change to United States congressmen. Jon now you may be thinking do we really need a march to raise awareness about global Climate Change . I mean, its an accepted scientific phenomena pretty much everywhere. Heres why you need to march. Its accepted pretty much everywhere but this one place called. The United States house of Representatives Committee on science, space, and technology. This is true. Last week they held a hearing that they apparently recorded in 1971 laughter i guess thats the Technology Part of the Committee Name on president obamas plan to shrink Carbon Emissions 30 by 2030. The hearings sisyphus president ial science advisor john holdren, charged with the Impossible Task of pushing a Million Pounds of idiot up a mountain. I cannot stress this enough this is the house of Representatives Committee on science, space, and technology. How long will it takes for the sea level to rise two feet . I mean, think about it. If your ice cube melts in your glass, it doesnt overflow. Its displacement. I mean, this is the thing. Some of the things that theyre talking about that mathematically and scientifically dont make sense. Jon are you bleep kidding me . Are you bleep kidding me . laughter and applause i dont even know. I dont even know what to do with that. How far back to the Elementary School core curriculum do we have to go to get someone on the House Committee on science space, and technology caught up . Do we have to bring out the papiermache and the baking soda so you can make a bleep volcano . Is that what we have to do . Is that how basic the science class was when you went, nah i dont need to know this anymore. I mean, for gods sakes, look here, look. Here, here, look, look. Heres a glass of ice water. Hey, that ice isnt making the water overflow because its already in the water. But imagine theres a whole bunch of other ice thats not in the water. Its on the land. You know, the part where the water isnt. And then, when temperatures rise and the land ice melts enough to fall in. Ah, its bleep everywhere its everywhere do you understand . laughter and applause okay, so how. Jessica, jessica, we have more results coming in right now yes, hasan minhaj jessica, jon stewart is best known as a respected fake newsman, but he has also brought to life many tony awardwatching characters. You can see the candidates right here behind me. Now, heres our first nominee. Jon okay, everybody, shut your eyes and lets see who. laughter lets just see whos in there. Its, uh. Hello, hello. Its our old friend dr. Bagelman. Jon, jon, please. applause thank you thank you. Jon, please, dr. Bagelman lives in florida. Call me marvin. The last time i saw an antisemitic caricature that bad it was your High School Yearbook photo. Boom zing of course dr. Bagelman came in last with 14 of the vote. Which is no surprise after they ran the Schmear Campaign against him. Hey taking third place, french jon with 16 of the vote. Up top. Down low. Too slow. Okay. laughter and applause jon this pencil factory has been in our family for seven generations. laughter but i now must close it forever. Damn you, inevitable technological progress. Papa, papa laughter i have wonderful news, papa it seems Everyone Wants pencils again. The pencil factory she is saved oh, my gosh italian jon did a little bit better, capiche . He got 24 of the vote. Jon hey applause hey welcome everybody, fantastico the italian parliament, she just passed a law decriminalizing some hundred minor offense including insulting a public official. So to the detective who gave my vespa a ticket, your mothers a whore, huh come on he has the same mustache as french jon. And pretty much the same accent, which is probably why the big winner for favorite jon stewart character is the lovably and permanently in prison detainee gitmo. Jon hey, man. You never know, maybe some day theyll find evidence that will set you free. Yes, maybe one day handsome young lawyer will find just the file behind cabinet. Maybe file will prove gitmo just innocent cab driver. Maybe story inspire movie starring ryan gosling as lawyer. laughter and zoe saldana as stern yet sexy judge. I think i know what movie will be called. Movie will be called its never gonna bleep happen. And now lets go live to gitmo Election Night headquarters. Ha ha, just kidding. Hes still in prison indefinitely. Jordan . Swipe right, swipe right. Ooh, papa like. Jordan . Yep . Go. Where . Well be back with more of your favorite. Go great. Oh me. Well back with more of your favorite daily show moments. Stay tuned. [hero female] were all familiar with this axe daily fragrances which comes in a black can. But what you wouldnt have seen is this axe dry spray antiperspirant. It goes on dry and keeps you dry with no visible residue. Why are you touching your armpit . I was just checking to see if it was dry. [hero female] dont, thats weird. The first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. Some people may think subway doesnt have enough flavor. Im here to help em think differently. You know that sandwich you always get . I can make it even better. You ever try this toasted with monterrey cheddar . You know what, why not. Ok how about we spice this up a little bit . That sounds amazing. Lets rock this sandwich together. Subway. Eat fresh. Youre getting 3 here. Alright . Here goes. Yep. [ crunching ] oh cheddar, sour cream onion and salt vinegar. Wow wow how did you do that . i can see through the blindfold. [ male announcer ] pringles if you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. But hurry, offers end august 31st. Share your summer moments in your mercedesbenz with us. Welcome back to news your own adventure. You watched daily show highlights online, voted for your favorite, and now look at you, watching them all over again. Seriously, take a look at yourself. Jordan, the next race were watching is a big one. Its jons best analysis of cnn. And well be using the same hightech Data Visualization tools as cnn itself. As we can clearly see from this bar graph, the winning. Im sorry, i promise you ive never had this kind of problem with this technology before. Well, you know, it is very sophisticated technology. Maybe you want to try Something Else. Yeah, im going to get it up. I just. If you could maybe look the other way and go to a clip. Uh, okay. Our third runner up, cnns coverage of the missing malaysian airline. Jon bleep it, lets go nuts. And they did, with everything in their bag of tricks. Giant floor maps, big fake airplanes, little fake airplanes, holographic airplanes. No airplane detail left unspoken. A plane like this is around 61, 62 meters end to end. 61, 62 side to side. Jon youre telling them what a plane looks like . Did you forget who watches cnn . You can just tell 90 of your viewers look out the airplane window at the plane theyre about to get on. To determine the second place winner, we tallied votes from all over the country. As you can see here. Okay, just close. Close close are you serious . You are not prepared for this at all, are you . Go away. Just play the clip. Wow. Play the damn clip we can see it. We can see it. We already see. This is what rehearsals for. You know that, right . Jon you know, statistics is a funny game, what about bold slippery slope statements . If we do this, it leads to catastrophe the lamest rhetorical trick in the book. And what theyre doing is theyre trying to do this in increments by if they cant do it directly, theyll do it in increments until they finally get us to the point where youre going to have socialized medicine, and if that happens the greatest country in the world, with what i consider to be the greatest Healthcare System in the world, is going to be deeply, deeply harmed. All right, and lets leave it there. Jon no, dont leave it there laughter why would you leave it there . There is a terrible place to leave it laughter unless somebodys going to pick it up later. Does anybody pick it up later . We have to leave it there, gentlemen. We leave it there. And well leave it there. Well leave it there, gentlemen. Were gonna have to leave it there. All right, well, we gotta leave it there. Were gonna have to leave it there, im afraid. Well have to leave it, that part of the conversation, there. Its the Drug Companies that are funding the president s campaign in favor of health reform. Thats not exactly. Were not gonna get into that right now. But you know. Karen, hold your thought because we gotta leave it there, were out of time. laughter jon you have 24 hours in a day how much more time do you need . laughter well, i guess it explains cnns new slogan, cnn nobody leaves more things there. laughter now its not my place to make a declarative statement about the worth of the previous segments that weve seen just now. To ascertain that, weve obviously got to go to our panel. Aasif mandvi, you join us first what do you have to say about cnn . Well, theyre the most professional News Organization in the business. Three times more professional. Most people agree they have 20 to 35 to 70 percent more facts. laughter jon thats an interesting point, aasif mandvi. applause john oliver. They are goat bleep , john. laughter and applause pure and simple. Pure and simple. An organization whose sole desire and drive is the pursuit and seduction of goats. laughter for the purpose of bleep them. laughter perhaps, jon, if the facts of a story were scribbled inside the sexual organs of goats, cnn may have more of an interest in checking them. laughter until that time, if you need a goat bleep , cnn will do it. cheers and laughter jon. Jon this was a very um. Thank you both very much for coming in. Uh, its been a fascinating debate, very strong points of view, unfortunately, were gonna have to leave it right there. chickens squawking jordan, were ready to announce the winner. Why dont you use this display to show us what viewers chose as their favorite segment about cnn . No. Please, no. Okay, heres the winner. Jon the speculation, its like a compulsion. Thats a startling piece of information if that is. In fact turns out to be accurate. This may be information he believes to be accurate, that hes been given, but turns out to be inaccurate. In a situation like this, the information that is flowing so quickly is often wrong. Thats right. And you now have some information for us. laughter jon i know you think that saying this could all be wrong makes it okay to say, but it doesnt make it okay. laughter no one else in the world is allowed to operate that way. Hello, im your doctor, you have cancer. Of course. laughter obviously a lot of my initial diagnoses are very very wrong. That being said. laughter that being said, you have cancer, unless you dont, these test results are just coming in here so fast and furious laughter and i cant wait, ill know for sure in an hour if you have cancer or not, but bleep it, you have cancer i just got to get it out laughter and applause chickens squawking not as easy as it looks, is it pretty boy . No, john king. Why dont you just learn an easy lesson, keep your hands off bleep . Oooooh be right back. Why are you deleting these photos . Because my teeth are yellow. Why dont you use a whitening toothpaste . Im afraid its bad for my teeth. Try crest 3d white. Crest 3d White Diamond strong toothpaste and rinse. Gently whiten. And fortify weak spots. Use together for 2 times stronger enamel. Crest 3d white. [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. [ male announcer ] give extra. Get extra. Youre getting 3 here. Alright . Here goes. Yep. [ crunching ] oh cheddar, sour cream onion and salt vinegar. Wow wow how did you do that . i can see through the blindfold. [ male announcer ] pringles teds morning was not going well and when his battery light lit up it went from bad to worse. But a quick pit stop to autozone where they check that for free and ted and his car were back to peak performance. Get in the zone. Autozone. Its called the zone and well help get you there. Get in the zone. Autozone. groan im starving. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys im back new snack bites from. Hot pockets i heard i could call angies list if i needed work done around my house at a fair price. Sure can. So i could get a faulty light switch fixed . Yup or make a backyard pizza oven . Oh yeah. I can almost taste it now. Tastes like victory. And pepperoni. Welcome back. You voted for your favorite daily show segments, and tonight, were bringing you the results. And lets get right to the votes for jons best interviews. The first race was for your Favorite International guest. And suck it, tony blair, because it was a landslide for egyptian tv satirist bassem youssef. Jon its very interesting that the medias in our country theyre not, theyre sort of an establishment media, and then theres whats going on in the street, and the twain dont really meet. Yes. Jon and you try and occupy that space in the middle of that. Yes, because it has been extremely funny and hilarious to watch the media right now. I mean, back in egypt. Its as if, were not very much different. Jon no, i think you look better in a suit, but other than that i think were the same. Its an armani. laughter jon look at you cheers and applause next up, we have the winner of the overall most memorable interview. This one goes to the child my parents wish they had, malala yousafzai. And its no question winning this internet vote will be the most impressive accomplishment on her resume. Probably not. Maybe. Jon when did you realize the taliban had made you a target . Oh, when, in 2012, we were, i was with my father and someone came and she told us that, have you seen on google that if you search your name, the taliban have threatened you . And i just could not believe it, i said, no its not true. And even after the threat, when we saw it, i was not worried about myself that much, i was worried about my father, because we thought that the taliban are not that much cruel that they would kill a child, because i was 14 at that time. But then later on, i used to, i started, i started thinking about that, and i used to think that a talib would come, and he would just kill me. But then i said, if he comes what would you do, malala . Then i would reply myself that malala, just take a shoe and hit him, but then i said. laughter then i said, if you hit a talib with your shoe, then there would be no difference between you and the talib, you must not treat others that much with cruelty and that much harshly, you must fight others, but through peace and through dialogue and through education. Then i said, ill tell him how important education is, and that i even want education for your children as well. And i would tell him, thats what i want to tell you, now do what you want. applause wow, um. We should like volunteer or something, because. Okay, stay focused, hasan. Because now we have the race for the most tense and uncomfortable interview. And the nominees are a whos who of who you never want to talk to. Im talking about donald rumsfeld, timothy geithner, and of course, the big winner in another landslide, the host of cnbcs mad money and enabler of the great recession, jim cramer. I am trying to expose this stuff, exactly what you guys do and im trying to get the regulators to look at it. Jon well see, thats interesting, roll 210. I would encourage anyone whos in the hedge fund to do it, because its legal. Right. And its a very quick way to make money, and very satisfying. Okay. By the way, no one else in the world would ever admit that, but i dont care. Thats right, and you can say that here. I can, but im not gonna say it on tv. laughter its on tv now laughter jon i want the jim cramer on cnbc to protect me from that jim cramer. laughter i think the way you do that is to show. applause okay, thats. The regulators watch the tape, they realize the shenanigans that goes on, they can go after this. Now, they didnt catch madoff thats a shame. Jon but why, when you talk about the regulators, why not the Financial News network . Thats the whole point of this. I got to tell you, you know, i understand you want to make finance entertaining, but its not a bleep game. And i. When i watch that i get. applause i cant tell you how angry that makes me, because what it says to me is, you all know. But. Jon you all know whats going on. Our final race was for your favorite interview with an actual friend of jon stewart. Great guests like paul rudd denis leary, and the winner, ricky gervais. Pandas are one of the most endangered species on the planet, right . Were all rushing round going, lets save the panda, lets save the panda, but theyre not meeting us halfway. laughter theyre not having sex, so thats whats, thats fundamental to surviving, you have to. When did they stop having sex . laughter what are they so. Middle class bohemians going, were not going to have children. laughter why, just. They tried to show them porn to get them. Jon pandas . Yeah. Jon panda, panda porn or porn porn . Oh, i assume its pandas as opposed to two humans. laughter jon it really is, at least for me, if its not pandas bleep , its nothing to me. laughter its gotta, its got to be panda, its got to be panda porn. Yeah, exactly. You go in there and you go have you got Something Else . You might wanna have a look at that. laughter raccoons. Everything. laughter jon let me just ask you this what is this . laughter because i dont, i dont. What is because i. And this isnt, again. Im not gonna put it out there and