Alienation and the pass thefg torch from george bush to john mc. God it feels so good to be republican. Jon aasif is in the bathroom. Ive been here five days and no exaggeration to say every single male republican is a closet homosexual. Jon rob riggle, where are you . Are you there . By the sink. John they do this every four years . Thats right, rob. Whoo how long do the memories last . Jon the the Daily Show News Team everybody. Now of course the gay [bleep]ing and sucking is not nonstop some business is being conduct and the Convention Team was john mccain the person he is and who better to tell us about the person who is than the person he hates. The person he beat and the person who just eight years ago his party beat. First up the still president who was introduced by the still first lady. Before i introduce him to the i want to talk about the man i love. His name is javier. And he has been my familys gardener for almost 12 years. Youve heard a lot of politicians offer a lot of opinions but you havent heard very many facts so i thought id share a few with you tonight. The pancreas is an organ that produces insulin. Hummingbirds beat their wings 80 times a second. Its true. And i am the zodiac killer. At last george w. Bush the partys twoterm leader triumphantly appeared on stage by satellite. In the time the oval office has been in my trust i kept near my desk reminders of americas character jon i speak of course of jimmy deans chocolate chip pancake. Smell like freedom and taste like a marine corps urinal. Hes an independent man who think for himself. Hes not afraid to tell you happen he disagrees. Believe me i know. Jon he only voted with me 95 of the time. Actually come to think of it thats more in that voted with me. And you were praising the democrats by compare them to the vietcong. In the hanoi hilton could not break john mccains resolve to do what is best for his country you can be sure the angry left never will. Jon what john mccain is a great leader because he endured five and a half years of brutal treatment by his captors. Hey, Guantanamo Bay isnt a prison its a Leadership Academy and by the way mccain may escape the wrath of the angry left but mccain is no match for the cuddly left. All throughout the stop staring at me. Who wants socialized medicine . You do. Yes, you do. After honoring the president by allowing him to speak for almost eight minutes it was on to the two real stars senators foghorn leghorn and droopy dog. I think i say, i say ill tell you what. You know what . I appreciate it. [cheers and applause] to the distinguished senator from toon town. Boing senator leghorn went first. Reaffirming the new republican mantra that the leaders of today are the [bleep]ups of yesterday. He drove a corvette and dated a girl that worked in a bar as an exotic dancer. Jon hes with us today. Hello madame secretary. And Joe Liebermans turn. Many are angry and frustrated by our government and our politics. If john mccain was just another go along partisan politician he never would have taken on corrupt republican lobbyists. Jon i guess what im saying is, you guys suck. Senators and leghorn and dog reserve the harshest scorn for themselves. A cocktail circuit. The expanding government increasingly wasteful and too often incompetent. The smallness of our politics. Partisan blinder. The beltway as usual. Jon when are you idiots going to vote us out of office . This is an iphone. And it comes with something amazing an app store with over one and a half million of the best apps available. Thats over one and a half million handpicked, aweinspiring, justplainsurprising, whoknewaphonecoulddothat apps. If its not an iphone, its not an iphone. 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Sleep train your ticket to a better nights sleep [cheers and applause] jon welcome back back to the show. Thank you so much ladies and gentlemen and thank you, very appreciate the applause. The choice of Alaska Governor sarah palin thats g. O. P. s Vice President ial nominee is earning rave reviews from at one analyst with a head like a lump of unbaked bread dough. Shes a former mayor of the the second largest city of alaska. Jon i was impressed as her experience as mayor of a city with 9,000 people in it. I imagine he was equally impressed last month when tim kaine, former governor and now current Virginia Governor was on Barack ObamasVice President ial short list. Hes been and governor for three years and mayor of the 105th largest city and all due respect to Richmond Virginia and as small as aurora colorado and its not a big town so if you were to pick him it would be an intensely critical choice where im not concerned first and foremost with this person being capable of being Vice President of the United States. [cheers and applause] jon karl rove appears bitterly divided on the experience issue. Well. Every time one of those pops up i lose a testicle. Sorry. Well, at least everyone can agree on the more sensitive issue of governor palins pregnant teen doubter. Millions of people are dealing with teen age pregnancy and as long as the public didnt have to support the mother baby and father its a personal choice. Some will judge her family. We hope things calm down for the sake of her and her family. Jon yes, papa bear. Teen pregnancy is an issue where its personal and should be withheld. Jamie lynn spears is pregnant her sister britney said shes shocked. Here the blame primarily falls on the parents of the girl who had little control of the girl. Jon see what happens. You see what happens with opinions on teen pregnancy is they gestate over a period of months. You pinhead. Clearly though the one thing that is consistent is that we should not be even talking about this because it is second. There have been tougher and harder questions that have been asked relentlessly by a biased news media about her daughter than about barack obama whos been running for 19 months. Its deep sexism. Sexism its so deep. It is the very same sexism that Hillary Clinton facinged right dick morris. When a woman wants to be president she shouldnt complain based on gender. Im going to take my toys and go home. What happens went the boys in middle east or run russia and others start picking on you are we going to have a president of the United States saying the boys are picking on me. When hilary gets under fire she retreats behind the apron strings. Jon now, now, now in dick morris defense, he is a liking sack of [bleep]. Although dick morris settle down, dick morris isnt the only one who thought hilary was playing the gender card. The people who think theyre helping her playing the gender card are hurt being her. It would be a terrible mistake for her to try to play the victimology or victimization card because its not what we want in a president. Jon absolutely. Thats nancy, john mccains senior policy adviser. Because theyre involve family members and so disrespectful as a woman and hope they wouldnt belittle the accomplishments of women. The was a comment about Young Children and from a female perspective i consider that one ave most outrageous double standards youve seen. Jon really . I think i have some clips you should see. Lets just not play the gender card okay. Levying criticism doesnt make you a sexist it was put back in march by a great politician from the northwest. When a hear a Statement Like that coming from a woman candidate with any kind of perceived whine about the excess crit criticism or sharper microscope i think that doesnt douse any good. Work harder, prove yourself to a a handpressed burger, melted cheddar with crispy hash browns and an egg your way. Now thats a burg. explosion groans you want that to go again sweetie . The thing burger. Welcome to dennys. Fantastic 4, only in theaters. With at t, strong can tell a bedtime story. From gate 9. At ts network has the nations strongest 4g lte signal. I really want a cupcake, but not the calories. Lil sweet sliding down the bannister. Ouuuh lil sweet brought you some sweeeet diet dr peppers. Oh yeaahhh. That is sweet. Diet dr pepper. Its the sweet one. Jon were back. Our guest tonight former speaker of the house and author of drill here, drill now, pay less, please welcome newt gingrich. First thank you for coming. I dont know if you watched the olympics but the gymnastics especially are so fascinating to watch and see the Republican Leadership and the contortions theyve been having to make is fascinating. I watched the last section. Im with karl rove 100 . Jon but wait, youre someone though you wanted governor palin three months ago. What appealed to you . I thought governor gendall or palin who are young aggressive reformers just brought a whole new breath of fresh air and life to the republican party. Were at the end of a cycle where they were fed up with the politicians and the president s numbers are been load the campaign is about politics as usual then obama and biden are going to win. Jon but they made mistakes the way they rolled around. Have they given her a chance to succeed. Some people say introduce her with a hunt or some other uniquely alaskan thing she could do that biden probably couldnt do it would have set a different standard but i think that was going too far. Jon vote palin, shes bring your insulin over the Northwest Passage to grandma. I concede thats probably in this day in age a bit much. Jon what happened so mccain basically makes his campaign that barack obama is dangerously inexperienced and then chooses governor palin because is it because shes intriguingly inexperienced . I dont understand the difference . I think he picked governor palin because when you start to talk about her inexperience running in an 11. 5 billion state with 15,000 employees compared tie Senate Office with 69 employees jon hes run the president ial campaign as long as shes been governor. He ran it seven years longer than shes been governor. Jon it seems like the inexperience issue was paid the center piece of the campaign and seems to under cut it and i heard people say it and not french people that she knows Foreign Policy because she lives near russia and thats an argument thats been made and my argument and that shes near the north pole and knows santa. What do you do then . I think if she were a liberal democrat knowing santa would have mattered. Jon entitlement. Yeah, but, the democrats now have to argue that her lack of knowledge and experience for the vice presidency is a real threat in case something happens to mccain but were going to put obama who has a similar lack of knowledge and experience to the presidency jon hes been vetted. He hasnt been vetted on important policy. Jon in terms of the democrats have chosen him. You cant find a single policy decision they made in their career. Jon or mccain for that matter . Thats right. Jon wait, sarah palin for president. One serious issue thats too much this year its an interesting idea. Jon one serious issue i want to address thats sort of close to my heart the issue of the teen pregnancy they said this is bristols decision and we should honor that. I have a doubtaughter. The reason i think its fair game is palin said she would veto abortion even in the event of a rape and shes saying keep me and i can keep your family from having the same opportunity. [cheers and applause] no what shes saying is you and she can have a policy debate about whether or not obamas decision by defending abortion doctors in the legislate jon wait, im going by her words. No policy even in the case of rape. And obamas position was one extreme and hers is another. Thats a policy debate. Jon but when it comes to her family she says respect her decision. She says respect the privacy of her daughter. Jon she said it was bristols decision. That was their press release. Thats another word for choice. Because in alaska [cheers and applause] jon im just saying if she were president the choice would be made for the government. That would be a fun debate. Jon would she come on . I hope so. Jon can i tell you why id like that . I bet she smells nice. Im glad your not a sexist. Drill here, drill now, pay cheesy bites with new ranch crust flavor cheesy bites pizza is back and sweeten it up with a hersheys triple chocolate brownie for just 5. 99. Only at pizza hut. This is so great, date night. And this is such a good movie too. At the end when its revealed the grandmother did it. Dude. Its like hello . Ah hey, was that jordan . Whoa thats cold. Now all hanes underwear is tagless. Go tagless. Feel like a kid again with dunkins new oreo and chips ahoy flavored coolatta and iced coffees. Classic cookie flavor in every sip. America runs on dunkin. Summer bucket list 88 throw a pool party. The crisp, refreshing taste of bud light. The perfect beer for checking off your summer bucket list. Happy anniversary to me its safeways anniversary. Happy anniversary to me but youre the one whos gonna save some serious money. Happy anniversary to me right now with your club card usda choice ribeye steak is 7. 99 a pound 32ounce gatorade is 69 cents and select quaker cereal is 1. 49 happy anniversary to me. Safeways huge anniversary sale its just better. My name is marcus jenkins. Im a lineman here in oakland. Day in, day out, a large part of what we do is about providing reliable power to our customers. Pg e is dedicated to the community. I love working here because this is my home. Oakland is my home. This is where im raising my children so its important to me to make sure my family and friends have the power and energy that we provide. This is very personal to me. It makes me work a lot harder knowing that this is my community. Together, were building a better california. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [cheers and applause] and today 116 years later we are holding a convention to nominate a republican woman governor sarah palin, our next Vice President. [ ] june 1, 2011. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by Comedy Central [theme song playing] [applause] jon welcome to the daily show. My name is jon stewart. My guest tonight we got a good one for you tonight, the great bill moyers will be joining us one of the few legends of public broadcasting not made of foam rubber. Perhaps you saw me on moyers show. Last night we took a measured look. God theres really no way to cover this weiner story. All right. Fine. I guess [bleeped] was taken. Anyway the upshot is obviously very strange story. Congressman possibly tweeted a picture of his john or had his twitter account hacked and a picture of his junk sent or a picture ofcline is theree1 was a junk shot. Oddly enough, its also the name name of what was used to clog the gulf oil leak. Also hes a very good friend of mine. I was hoping hed have a very clear and strong explanation that hasnt necessarily happened so far. But after saying that he wasnt going to comment on the situation, hes didnt a few interviews this afternoon. Obviously too late in the day for us to really sink our teeth. [laughter] i mean theres no. Its too late in the game for us to suck his [bleeped]. Why run from it . Fine. [cheers and applause] we cant show you a we can show you a quick snippet. I didnt send that picture out. But thats not a picture of you many i cant say with certaintude. My system was hacked. Pictures can be manipulated. Pictures can be dropped in and inserted. [laughter]