Fuck sully. [ laughter ] turns out i owe all women a huge apology. You can apparently handle things a million times better than any man ever. As most of you know, im in the process of getting my pilots license, and i made a recording of how i believe i would handle the very same situation. [ laughter ] under my command, not one passenger made it out alive. Not one. Goodnight. [ cheers and applause ] from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out as always, wow lets do it our guests tonight are the creators and stars of south side right here on Comedy Central, Bashir Salahuddin and diallo riddle are joining us, everybody cheers and applause also on tonights show, theres a hotel in space. Native americans are taking their land back, and Elizabeth Warren goes head to head with donald trump. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with sean spicer, former press secretary and human dilbert. Like most people President Trump hires, spicer left the administration with his reputation in tatters. But if theres one thing american loves, its a comeback. Former White House PressSecretary Sean Spicer making his debut on dancing with the stars and it wasnt entirely pretty. His partner a former champ described him as dancing at a prepreschool level. The judge said of a performance is it was like you were being attacked by a swarm of wasps. Trevor damn the judges did not like spicers dancing or at least thats how it sounded last night. But today sean spicer said it was actually the best performance they had ever seen of all time. laughter honestly, i think spicer will be perfect for dancing with the stars. Pretend you know what youre doing till you get kicked out. But a bit of a reversal for spicer. At the white house he would be telling the outrageous lies, but on this show some wardrobe person looked him dead in the eye and said that looks great on you, sean. laughter lets move on to science news because people are going nuts about a major breakthrough. Big news for more than one million children with peanut allergies. An f. D. A. Committee recommended approval for first of its find treatment of a capsule with a miniscule amount of penalty powder. Over the time the doss is increased. So their body develops a tolerance and says this isnt foreign, this isnt weird. Trevor wow, great news for kids with peanut allergies because now they can go to School Without worrying about getting exposed to peanuts. Even better news for mr. Peanut. Now his kids can go back to school. People dont think about that. They havent been in class in two decades. Theyre so far behind. They will be, like, two times two is two. Youre the dumbest peanuts ever and by the way, i love how the peanut pill is just ground up peanuts. Because when you think of pills, you think of a signist the in a lab mixing chemicals. This is is just a guy grounding peanuts over a bottle. And knowing americas healthcare system, that will be, like, that was 4,000. That was just two peanuts yeah, but i did the grinding i also love how the cure for a peanut allergy is just more peanuts. Its counterintuitive when you think about it. It would be cool to build up immunity to getting hit by the bus. The first day you just have the bus slowly push you, the next day it hits you a little harder and by the end of the week its full speed, ha ha im immune ha ha time to eat lunch oh, no, Peanut Butter i forgot to take my pills laughter finally, if youre searching for a vacation thats totally out of this world, good news for you. If you want a hotel room with a view, how about book ago room in the worlds first space hotel. Its a cruise ship style luxury hotel that will rotate in space. California company the Gateway Foundation released plans for the von braun station, including restaurants, movie screenings, low gravity basketball and rock climbing facilities, they hope to get it off the ground in 2025. Trevor a Movie Theater . You will go all the way to space and watch a movie . laughter sort of makes sense because when you think about it, space is probably exciting for about, like, 15 minutes, and then at that point its like how many times can you say wow. Yeah, just like, wow the earth wow, the moon silence laughter guys want to watch the lion king . laughter i also feel really bad for the staff on the hotel, because you realize they have to do the same training as astronauts to work there, but then you go up and just clean a hotel. The boss would be, like, congrats on the bachelors in physics, now clean the seamen off the sheets. Lets move on to the top story. applause the president ial race, even though we have been in primary season for six years, were still eleven months away from seeing one democrat face off against donald trump. But last night we might have got an sneak peek to have the general election because last night Elizabeth Warren and donald trump held dueling cam pan rallies on opposite sides of the country. So lets start with Elizabeth Warren. Massachusetts senator and mom who knows all the two letter words in scrabble. applause over the past few months her rally crowds have been growing steadily and, last night, she brought her show to new york. So, overnight, senator Elizabeth Warren drawing one of her biggest crowds of her campaign today. Thousands filled new yorks Washington Square park last night to hear her speak. Dramatically the speech was at anticorruption, warren hitting President Trump as being corruption in the flesh. No one is above the law, not even the United States president. Impeachment is our constitutional duty. After that enormous event in new york city, warren spent almost four hours taking selfies with supporters. Trevor thats right. After her speech, Elizabeth Warren spent four hours taking selfies with her supporters. It took three hours to get most of the crowd and then an extra hour for that one annoying person whos never satisfied. Oh, no, wait, i look weird. Do it again. Lets try portrait mode. Now one with funny faces, aaaahhh oh, memory is full, let me delete a podcast, hold on, hold on. laughter warren is popular because she knows how to present her policies in a simple way. Last night her plan for a wealth tax got the crowd going. Its time for a wealth tax that is a twocent tax on fortunes over 50 million. Your first 50 million, dont worry, youre in the clear, but for your 50 millionth and first dollar, youve got to pitch in two cents, and two cents for every dollar after that, just two cents. cheers and applause audience chanting trevor two cents two cents two cents laughter not only is that a great chant, it also sounds like a name of a much less successful 50 cent. Two cents go shorty, its your birthday. I couldnt buy you anything for your birthday. Heres a coupon for every hug. laughter while Elizabeth Warren was taking over new york, donald trump was doing his Campaign Rally new mexico, a solidly blue state with hispanic population, which is probably why he tried to taylor his speech to the crowd and it got a little uncomfortable. Another great friend of mine, he happens to be hispanic but ever never figured it out because he looks more like a paswasp than i do. So i havent figured that out. But i tell you what, theres nobody who loves this country more or hispanic more than steve cortez. Steve. cheers and applause thank you, steve. Nobody loves the hispanics more who do you like more, the country or the hispanics . He says the country. I dont know. I may have to go for the hispanics, to be honest with you. audience reacts trevor what in brown jesus name was that . What do you like more, the country or hispanics . Those two things arent even in the same category what do you like better, pepsi or mon goalia huh . Its also a shitty question because it implies that hispanics arent a part of the country, right . And whats amazing is it was still somehow only the second most offensive thing trump said in the clip because trump also said he was confused by his hispanic friend who looks too white . He said, i dont get it, how come youre not wearing a sombrero or dancing the salsa . Youre less hispanic than sean spicer. laughter and when trump wasnt busy torturing hispanic people with weird mind games, he tried to stay focused on going after his democratic rivals. But in the middle of his rant, a fly buzzed in front of trumps face, and that totally through the president off. So i would say the Democrat Party, but thats their name, the Democrat Party. Frankly, they should probably change it because it does and then i would call them the democratic party. But the Democrat Party has never been farther outside the mainstream. Every major thats a nasty fly. I dont like those suckers i dont know about you in new mexico, but im not into flies or mosquitoes. laughter trevor yeah, mr. President , im pretty sure nobody is into flies or mosquitoes. What do you like better cancer or hispanics . laughter now after the fly was escorted out of the arena, trump managed to get around to his policies and his main pitch is that he plans to move America Forward into the 180s. Cars have so much junk on them now to save a dine tyney little fraction of gasoline, they have so much junk that they are less safe. So what i want to do is the following undure our rules and regulations under our rules and regulations, they could be heavier. Theyre like papier mache now, somebody touches them and the entire car collapses. We will defeat terrorist to drive up the cost of houses, cars, healthcare, light bulbs, right . They took away our light bulb. I want an incandescent light. I want to look better, okay . Trevor yep, thats right, trump wants to roll back Energy Regulations instituted by bush and completed by obama because he thinks he looks better under old light bulbs. There are much easier way to look better than rewriting u. S. Energy policy. Maybe you could try a normal haircut or a suit that fits or just standing next to stephen miller, you know. Yeah, maybe hes born with it, maybe hes next to steve, you never know. By the way, new cars are meant to collapse in an accident, right . You should know this because the more impact the carob, so, the less thats transferred to the passengers or the driver. I dont know why im explaining science to a guy who stares at the sun during an eclipse, this is a waste of time. Moving on, Elizabeth Warren was talking about making the superrich pay two cents more. Trump, at the same time, was bragging how he helped the mega rich keep their cash. We eliminated the unfair estate tax or death tax so that you can now give your farm or your ranch to your children. Now, if you dont like your children, dont do it. I know a guy who cant stand his children. Theyre honorable, horrible human beings. Theyre a little older now, but theyre horrible human beings trevor really, donald . You know a guy who hates his children . Hmm . laughter you wont believe how horrible these kids are lets call them beric and john dunior. I hate them, their sister is hot, though. audience reacts am i the only person who feels donald trump uses these rallies as his personal therapy sessions . Pretty soon hes just going to come out on a couch telling us his pain as trump who here wasnt hugged by their father . What do you like more, hispanics or your fear of dieing aloan . laughter though its over a year away from the election, yesterday might have given us an idea of what to expect from the race. Elizabeth warren proposing radical changes to transform america and donald trump making his pitch for why things should go back to the good old days. You know a time when light bulbs were less efficient, cars were more dangerous and his friend didnt have to deal with his annoying kids scmeric and ron dunior. Well be right back. cheers and applause how do you get skin happy aveeno® with prebiotic oat. It hydrates and softens skin. So it looks like this. And you feel like this. Aveeno® daily moisturizer get skin happy™ but there is so much more you want to do. New starbucks tripleshot energy. 225 mg of caffeine for the energy to do what matters to you. What gives you energy . Snow leopards are almost impossible to find, with ai we can protect what we cant see. But we need to know where they are, because they are threatened. Our camera traps allow us to have and eye in the mountains, taking thousands of pictures. Microsoft ai scans through all these images, and separates Snow Leopards from everything else, in ten minutes instead of ten days. It gives us time to do better research, and save this threatened species. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the the daily show. Everyone has heard of the hamptons its where new yorks rich and famous get their summary on but these past few months they have been the home of a midge dispute. Michael kosta has more when you think to have the homp tons, you think of pristine beaches, cold rose and dressing up as a villager to sneak into a labor day party. But the hamptons have a dark side, an ancient conflict between the white man and mansions and the native tribe that live next door on their incest rail lands. The con snrict is erupted as the tribe erected a giant tribal monument on the only road into the hamptons. I went to find out how an indigenous symbol could raise tensions it is kind of an eyesore, you come here for its beautiful nature and environment and to see that, its just out of place very obtrusive and distracting okay its so big. Theres so much to kind of cover from top to bottom its distracting and so could be potentially dangerous for any of the drivers okay, its potentially dangerous for drivers, but thats not the main objection i believe that doesnt allow you to maintain the purity of an enclave here when white people Start Talking about purity, even i get a little creeped out. But many of these hamptonites believe the monument infringes on their Spiritual Connection to the land. I met with chairman bryan polite from the tribe. Thank you for sitting down. I know youve had bad experiences with the white man but ive come in peace weve all about peace trevor the people in southampton are saying due to your monument their way of life is under attack. laughter youre laughing. Thats just laughable. Were a sovereign nation and they have no authority to tell us what we can and cant do on our tribal land. Trevor what was the reaction within the tribe when the monument went up . Very happy. Were the forgotten people to have the hamptons so we have our marker at the gateway reminding them theyre visitors on our land. Trevor could it with a totem, rock carving or an an gent Burial Ground . Would the powers reveal my spirit animal . I couldnt wait to experience this mysterious tribal monument for myself. Holy shit, its a billboard. Ive never seen anything so big. I mean, i have, but its pretty big. So these natives are using capitalism to ruin the white mans sacred way of living with nature. Talk about cultural appropriation. This tribal monument looks a lot like an electronic billboard. If you ask anybody in the tribe they call it a monument. Its a side hustle. You making extra money on the side. Its a monument to overcome adversity and say were here. You need money for police department, playgrounds, social programs. So it will have an immediate Economic Impact to the nation. How much is economics for the tribe and how much is ~bleep to the hampton residents. A lilt both. You see, thats not very polite. Every time someone builds something on our ancestors bones thats a big f to us, so if we can stick it to the town thats stuck it to us the last 2 3 75 years, the better. Okay, s so no more golf for. Thank you. White people have been sharing an important part of their culture. Lawsuits. Members of the tribe see these as part of a long pattern of oppression. Trr restitutions and reparations that have to be made. The time is now. The sign is pointing to it. Its horrible since the way we have been treated since 1640. I can go into town and mow your lawn and clean your toll it and pretend its okay. No more. Come to my reservation and see why its important to make a stand. Trevor as a white man facing 400 years of injustice and poverty made me feel like a piece of total shit. But gazing across the bay al at calvin klines mega mansion, it hit me, maybe i could be the guy in the Kevin Costner movie and bring peace to the pale faces. I knew the perfect way to reach them. laughter problem solved. Trevor michael kosta, everyone. Well be right back. cheers and applause im on the pill. Im on the pill. Im on the pill. Im on the pill, too. But its not birth control. Its truvada for prep®, a oncedaily prescription medicine for adults that, when taken every day along with using safer sex practices, can help lower my chances of getting hiv through sex. I use condoms. But i talked to my doctor about doing more. He said that because i had a higher chance of getting hiv through sex, truvada for prep could be an option for me. She also told me that truvada alone may not keep me from getting hiv. And it does not prevent other stis or pregnancy. You must be hivnegative to take truvada for prep. So you need to get tested for hiv immediately before, and at least every 3 months while taking, truvada. If you think you were exposed to hiv or have flulike symptoms, tell your doctor right away. They may do more tests to confirm you are still hivnegative. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems, kidney failure, and bone problems, which may lead to fractures. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney, bone, or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking truvada without talking to your doctor. Common side effects include stomach pain, headache, and weight loss. Ask your