Powerful new memoir. Channememoir. Chanel chanel wil miller will bs tonight. And on the tonight show, china declares war on the n. B. A. And how oversleeping can get you jail time and tyler perry. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with tyler perry, writer, director, mogul and parttime woman who whips peoples ass. laughter now hes taking things to a whole new level. Tyler perry made history over the weekend with the opening of his new film studio in atlanta becoming the first africanamerican to own a studio outright without any other partners. The atlanta film complex spans 330 acres with 12 sound stages, larger than the burbank california lots owned by warner brothers, paramount and Walt Disney Studios combined. The center of the studios was the dedication of 12 sound stages named after black directors, actors, prowrsd, who all made continu contributions a includinincluding cicely tyson,. Trevor wow wow that is insane really impressive, but, at the same time, classic patriarchy. Me diamakes all the money but tyler perry takes the credit. Why arent they madea studios . laughter Tyler Perry Studios were already impressive, black panther, the walking dead all shot there, now hes expanding it to become one of the biggest studios in the country. Congratulations to tyler perry. Naming each location for an africanamerican icon is great. Do you know how rich you have to give something to oprah . She probably forgot what that feels like. Shes probably, like, wait, whats happening . Were all getting studios cheers and applause and i know tyler perry is building a studio for everyone else to use, but i would make a rule madea has to be in every movie thats filmed there. I would be, like, madea has to be in star wars. Darth vader would be, like, luke, im your father and madea would be, like, im your auntie, thats right, youre black, luke welcome to the big happy force family laughter i think my favorite thing is the white house set. I dont know if youve seen it but its a replica and its 35,000odd square feet. I was thinking we could definitely trick trump into living there. laughter just spin him around a few times, put him in the white house by himself and hell see tyler perry and be like ben carson, great to see you, so good. laughter tyler perry, great to see a black person so successful. Black progress, thats what it looks like. While were inspired by a new level of black progress, the next story reminds you theres still a long way to go. When they say jury do the is mandatory, they mean it, just ask a florida man who ended up in jail after missing his first day serving on a trial. Today Deandre Somerville came to court on time. The 21yearold apologizing to the judge after he says he overslept, missing his first day serving on a jury. Somerville who had never been arrested now has a criminal record for contempt and spent ten days in jail with hardened criminals. The judge today explained the punishment that critics charge was over the top. Mr. Somerville was the only africanamerican on our jury and represented a very important Cross Section of our community. Trevor im sorry, but this right here is the biggest load of bullshit i have ever seen in a long time. applause this is crap. Like, you know racism is bad in america when a black man can get thrown in jail at someone elses trial. Thats like some m. Night shyamalan end racism. The judge is, like, the defendant is free to go but we find this black juror guilty, take him to jail Felicity Huffman got only 14 days for fraud. This guy came late to jury duty and he gets ten days and a year of probation, gets Community Service and a fine. That punishment does not fit the crime. That would be, like, on a flight in the Flight Attendant caught you unbuckling your seat belt on takeoff and they kicked you off the plane get out whats worse is the reason the judge gave, the judge is, like, im punishing you because you were the only black juror and we needed a black jurors perspective. So why not just put him on another jury . Thats where you say you need the black people. Where you dont need more black people is in jail, mother bleep . In jail. cheers and applause finally, moving on, this is a fun video out of long island. Before you watch it, no animals or humans were harmed in the making of this story, but everyones minds were blown. Will the owner of a hair salon or long island, this was quite is t scare after a deer crashed through the front window. And the chaos was caught on camera crashing and screaming i would be screaming, too. Customers were screaming and shards of glass were flying after the deer dashed into the beautiful salon. One woman waiting on the couch was kicked by the buck as it jumped over her. She was not seriously hurt. The deer gal lopped out the front door with a hair straightener tangled around its apt leers. Trevor holy shit thats insane that reminds maindz me when im running blind on a hair appointment, same thing. I bust through the window. If youre late for a haircut, they treat you like shit. Youll leave with a messed up youve got to get in there quickly li i love how the deer crashed will through the window but left through the front door. The deer was, like, im sorry, im so sorry laughter but the good news is looks like no one was hurt and as for the straightener the deer left with, lets say the deer put it to some good work. Nice job, bambi. Thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to the top story. cheers and applause over the last few days, the impeachment case against donald trump has seen a number of big developments. A second whistleblower stepped forward, damning Text Messages from american diplomats were released, and Rudy Giuliani was caught going through joe bidens trash. Yeah, he wasnt looking for dirt, he was just hungry. laughter now, if you were facing the biggest crisis of your presidency, what would you do . Probably lay low and focus pointing out this fire . But you see, youre not donald trump because if you were donald trump, you would start a whole new fire. Were following breaking news from syria in a major new policy shift this morning, american troops are pulling back to make way for turkeys invasion of northern sir. I cant video showing American Forces leaving an area along turkeys border. The abrupt change follows a phone call between President Trump and turkeys president. Top pentagon officials telling fox news they were blindsided by the news. Trevor at 11 00 p. M. Last night, President Trump announced that the u. S. Would be pulling its troops out of a key part of the syria. Even crazier is he didnt tell the pentagon. Yeah, they were blindsided. Thats like not telling n. A. S. A. Youre going to blow up the mob. Thats their sick. Like, circumstances we have a situation, it appears the moon has exploded. He would be, like, yeah, that was me. Consider the werewolf problem solved. laughter sir, theres no werewolf problem. Exactly. laughter now, trumps decision to leave this area of syria may not seem like that big of a deal but it really is because, you see, american troops in syria have been protecting Kurdish Forces from turkey. Now, you might be, like, well why do we care so much about what happens to Kurdish Forces . Well, because the kurds have been essential in americas fight against i. S. I. S. This is a major shift with a potential for Major National security implications which some pentagon officials have tried to talk President Trump out of. The syrian Kurdish Forces have been americas strongest ally in taking back territory that i. S. I. S. Had captured. These forces also are holding many of the 10,000 i. S. I. S. Fighters that have been captured. Turkey sees these syrian kurds as a terrorist insurgency and has long urged the u. S. To stop its support of the group, so this morning President Trump is now giving the green light to turkey for a military operation that would clear these kurds out of Northern Syria the United States now says the kurds are on their own. The kurds say today they have been stabbed in the back. Trevor okay. I know theres a lot going on there, but the main takeaway is that trumps decision has now put americas kurdish allies in danger. After a move like this you cant blame americas allies thinking americas word aint worth shit. Like apple care claims theyll protect you but says, sorry, this doesnt cover broken screens. What do you mean, the whole thing is a screen thats the whole thing, the phone is a screen laughter so trumps surprise military move has now put the kurds at risk and, without the kurds, i. S. I. S. Could make a comeback, and not like a cool small part in a tarantino movie, which is why its so surprise trumps allies have stopped abandoning him. Nikki haley tweeting we must always have the backs of our allies if we expect them to have our back. Were abandoning them to die. They could absolutely be slaughtered and this is unconscionable. This is so unacceptable. A disastrous series of events. I hope the president will rethink this. Critics include Top Republican senators Mitch Mcconnell and lindsey graham, mcconnell saying an early u. S. Withdrawal would only benefit russia, iran and syria. Trevor thats right, even Mitch Mcconnell, Senate Majority leader and jackolantern in december has come out condemning trump. Although, like, i will be honest, Mitch Mcconnell is so unemotional, i dont know if his words, like, have ever made anyone change their mind. He would be worse than talking down a jumper. Well, dont do it, mrr, mrr, think of all the beauty in the world, mrrr laughter so everyone from fox friends to neck flaps and friends have spoken out against trumps military moves, and in response trump tweeted earlier today relax i got this. Moments ago President Trump tweeted as i stated strongly before at to reiterate if turkey does anything that i and my great unmatched wisdom consider to be off limits i will totally destroy and obliterate the economy of turkey. I have done it before. laughter trevor before you judge trump, he is technically correct, there is nobody who matches his wisdom. He is correct cheers and applause i mean, no other person no other person had the wisdom to stare directly into a solar ellipse, huh . laughter so if youre a member of the Kurdish Forces now youre probably a little nervous because youve got i. S. I. S. Coming from one side and turkey coming from the other and youre probably wondering if theres any way to get trump back on your side. Do i think there is one option, Kurdish Forces, phone trump and you need to tell him you have dirt on joe biden, but if he wants it, hes going to have to give you military aid, or as i like to call it a kurd pro quo. cheers and applause well be right back. cheers and applause does your battery deliver extra life or extra power . Extra life. Extra power. Extra life. Extra power. Good news, vs. Coppertop, new duracell optimum delivers extra life in some devices. Or extra power in others. This is an ad for a chip we dont need a logo. Its the threesided crunch. You know, that cheesy, spicy, crispycrunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. I need those. An ad with no logo . Its another level. Take prilosec otc and take control of heartburn. So you dont have to stash antacids here. Here. Or, here. Kick your antacid habit with prilosec otc. One pill a day, 24 hours, zero heartburn. Do it even if youre not supposed to be doing it. [translated from japanese] i do what i like. Because there are those who dont. And those who do. Lets do. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the the daily show. This weekend was jam packed with sports news, which means its time for another edition of i apologize for talking when you were talking. cheers and applause hit it yeah, whats up . Im Michael Kosta. Im roy wood, jr. , and kosta, what a weekend it was for spot, yankees, dodgers, be able playoffs, redskins fired their coach at 5 00 in the morning. What games did you see. I went to see the joker movie its hilarious i mean, clown movies are so funny laughter trevor i think you watched that wrong. Anyway, lets get started with some history being made in the world of gymnastics. World gymnast simone biles is making history again. The olympic phenom this weekend with two moves that have never been done before. Each of those new moves will now be called the biles. The first twisting three times while doing two flips in midair during floor exercise. The second on the balance beam. Back flip, back flim, doubledouble, there it is thats the biles with two moves already named for her, one on the vault, and this on floor exercise. Double layover with a half twist also known as the biles. Trevor yeah, just flipping simone biles, shes out there making history with her flips and spins and vaults. Im worried shell just shoot off into space. It might happen. Lets just think about this for a second. Have you thought about how amazing this is . Simone has four moves named after her, which makes everything easier for the announcer. If youre the announcer, simone is going into a biles with a biles and here she comes with a biles and, oh, she struck the biles oh, my goodness they should just rename gymnastics simone biles. I dont think its such a big deal. I mean, my p. E. Teacher named a gymnastics move after me, okay, its the Michael Kosta and its when youre playing dodge ball and you go for the ball and your pants fall down and everyone sees the penisshaped birthmark on your butt. That happened . Eleven times, roy. Moving on, the n. B. A. Season tips off in a couple but the preseason is cook. Like that time i wore a dorag, its not without controversy. This morning, the jen manager of Houston Rockets set off a fire storm with this dleeghtd tweeting, fight for freedom stand with hong kong, referring to the massive protests against beijing and the former british connelly, china where n. B. A. Is the number one sports reacted swiftly putting intense pressure on the rockets. The Chinese Basketball Association run by former rocket yao ming announced it would suspend all cooperation with the houston team. The teams owner tweeting dmorey does not speak for the Houston Rockets. Oh, man, this is very huge. Yeah. The rockets g. M. Tweeted out supporto the hong kong protesters. Now china is shutting down their relationship with the n. B. A. This is a bit of a total overreaction from china. Thats like finding a spider in your bedroom and you burn down the whole house. You only need to burn down the bedroom. Yeah. This is kind of a surprise to me, though, because china and the houston rocks have a lot in common. James harden likes to work in isolation and china likes forcing people to work in isolation. And look at yao ming, thats a blast from the past. Hes still sevenfoot six, even after he retired. Why keep being tall if youre not even in the n. B. A. Good point. I have to be honest, im disappointed in the n. B. A. Youre going to silence one of your execs to keep making money overseas . I agree, roy, china is the victim here. Thats not what i said. laughter wait a minute. Are you getting paid by china . That is absolutely crazy, but almost as crazy as not using chinese integrated circuitry for your integrated circuitry needs. Its so good you wont even care if its spying on you laughter trevor sell out. Speaking of basketball, lets move to the naacp. The kansas jayhawks, they had a big preseason celebration to mark their first practice. They even hired snoop dogg to perform. Whoever booked him clearly doesnt know who snoop dogg is this morning the university of kansas is apologizing for this video you see here. Wearing a k. U. Shirt, snoop doping performed several of his hits unsense soared, fired money bills into the audience with a canon and brought out acrobatic dancers. The u. K. President said we apologize, we expected a clean version of the show. cheers and applause what if the organizers expect to happen . If you invite snoop dogg to perform, you know what youre getting. Yep. What did you expect . The kids version bop of jen and juice . I would love that. Rolling down the sidewalk in my big wheel sipping on juicy juice did back with my mind and my legos and my legos and my mind cheers and applause no, thats terrible. Its usually better when i wear any dorag. But, roy, this wasnt a good look for the school. You cant have strippers at a campus event. They were not strippers they were acrobatic dancers. They were acrobatic dancers until snoop started showering money on them. Thats the rule. If anyone throws cash at you, you audit mt. Cally become a stripper. You take your clothes off every night when you come home, right . But if smun withs throwing money at you, boom youre a stripper. If thats the case, kosta, im going to make you a stripper right now. Oh, i love that cheers and applause yeah, dance for me, kosta. Want to see my birthmark . No, back to you, Trevor TrevorMichael Kosta and roy wood, jr. , everybody well be right back cheers and applause they made the original hot hot hot . Heres a shake up my hot flamins mixin with doritos hello talkin bout how far back we go way way way way back is it me youre looking for i dont care about that i aint sharin my snacks the original, now its hot. Sleep this amazing . Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our liquid has a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. Naturally superior sleep. But, boy, are you gonna want it. Introducing the new stuffed cheezit pizza from pizza hut. Youre welcome. 60 of women wear the wrong size pad, and can experience leaks. You dont have to with always my fit try the next size up and get up to 20 better coverage day or night because better coverage means better protection always. Morning fred. [bark] [silence] sorry, sorry. [ typing ] youve got to do it. And keep doing it. Because there are those who dont. And those who do. Lets do. Hallow