Mom, dad. Where the hell have you guys been . We got a little held up at the timeshare sales office. Yeah, but the good news is, we finally came to our senses and brought some shares in a condo. So we all get to come to aspen for two weeks every year. All aww. Whats the matter, didnt you boys like skiing . No, we cant keep track of when you pizza and when you french fries. And when the hotshot asshole skier takes your girl, if youre supposed to race him the first time, or train first to beat him on the really difficult mountain so you can save the dorky, but hot girls youth center. Skiing sucks yeah, what a stupid sport. I heard that you were the one responsible for making tad lose the race. Thanks. Yeah, well, he really flipped when he saw these. Uhhhgg. Start the reactor. Talking away i dont know what im to say ill say it anyway todays another day to find you from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in. And thank you for coming out as always. Thank you, thank you. Thank you lets do it, everybody. Lets make a show. Im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is here to talk about her new music which has critics and fans raving, Solange Knowles is here everybody. cheers and applause so excited. Also on tonights episode santa claus is on the naughty list. Why promposals are dangerous. And donald trump fights with a child. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with some archaeology news. Every year, we learn more about our part as human beings, and a New Discovery in indonesia might mean that our past is much older than we thought. Archaeologists are amazed and excited by the discovery of prehistoric cave art recently found in indonesia. Cave art being studied by Griffith University academics adam brumm and max aubert could be the oldest ever discovered. It shows this incredible hunting scene, which might have spiritual connotations. The big concern now is the sulawesi artwork could vanish. Its a real tragedy. This image is peeling away off the wall, essentially. Its flaking off. It could be gone within our own lifetime. Trevor uh, so, stop touching it. laughter this art lasted 44,000 years, and then these guys show up like, now its in danger. Look at that. laughter its just chipping away. Look, when i scratch it, it comes right off. laughter weve got to do something, mate. Bring the sandblaster. laughter you know what i really love about discovering ancient art in a cave, is that it shows that cavemen were more creative than we think. It also shows that they didnt give a shit about their security deposit. Theyre like, screw it, weve got no heat, no water, were drawing on the walls. And im always impressed that scientists can date exactly how old these paintings are. It must be a really crazy chemical analysis, or they just saw it in the background of one of Bernie Sanders childhood photos. It could be that. It could be that. He could be seven there. Lets move on to high school proms. Its that time of year when young people work up the courage to get rejected by someone who didnt even know they exist. And for one young man, his prom proposal took a really unexpected term. A carson city teen regained the full use of his hand, but it came at the expense of another one of his body parts. Doctors detached aiden atkins index toe and used it to recreate a thumb. Aiden says he wasnt able to use the thumb he sawed off, all because he couldnt find it. He lost his thumb trying to make his girlfriend an invitation to prom. Aiden says the accident happened so fast, that he didnt have time to react. He says hes thankful it wasnt much worse. God has a plan for everything. He he does it for a reason. Theres a story for everybody, and i believe that this is my story. Trevor wow. Yo, man, kudos to that guy. That is an amazing story. Like, im glad the doctors were able to give him his hand back and im genuinely impressed by his great attitude. He had to replace his thumb with a toe but hes still like, life goes on. I get a pimple on my forehead and im like, im gonna die dont look at me. laughter and, guys, you have to admit, science is amazing, because i didnt know doctors could put your toe on your hand and it would work as a finger. Because that basically means that our toes are replacement fingers, right . laughter yeah, you know what its like, its like when a shirt comes with extra buttons sewn in. laughter thats what god designed. If we lose a finger, we can be like, oh, well, seven more to go. And in some ways, it might be better having some of your fingers be toes, you know. Now you can get a manipedi at the same time. laughter and, by the way, what an upgrade for that toe. Can we admit that . Yes . I bet all the other toes must have thrown a huge goingaway party. Did you hear, middle toe is moving up to the big time. Hes going to be a finger yeah dont forget us when youre holding things. Dont forget us. Hes like, ill come back, guys. Ill help you clip your nails and ill tell you what the inside of a nose looks like. Yay i actually wonder if this works for other parts of the body, because im fascinated now. Like, can you use a leg as an arm, or you can use a knee as a shoulder . I mean, it must be possible to swap parts because donald trump uses a vagina as a neck. Just like sometimes i grab me by the pussy. And finally, christmas is just around the corner, and, apparently, for parents theres a fun new holiday tradition. Have you ever had your kids pose for pictures on santas lap . Smiles all around, right . Didnt think so. Mark strassmann met a photographer in atlanta who embraces the holly and the not so jolly. Reporter this is photographer jeff rothmans studio. In here, a White Christmas often turns blue. We have parents come in here hoping their kids will cry, and they leave disappointed if their kids dont. Un, everybody, run, run screaming . Reporter rothman was floored parents wanted their kids to cry. He had 7,000 photo shoots available over six weeks. They sold out in 10 minutes. Trevor okay, that is so mean. laughter parents are making their babies cry just so that they can get a coollooking picture . You know what i hope . I hope those kids get revenge. I hope in 40 years, they drop their parents off at a nursing home and then take pictures of them crying while the jamaican nurse is holding them back. Yeah. Thats what that should be. Just have their parents on the nurse lap, like, just crying, dont leave me with this lady. I dont even know who she is. Theyll be like, her names karma, bitch. laughter shell be like, actually, my name is gladys, but youre right, your daddy is a little bitch. laughter this is a great example of how parents make their kids do things they say they shouldnt do. Because parents are always like, strangers are dangerous, if you ever feel uncomfortable, run away. Im uncomfortable now. Shut up, im trying to get a photo, jimmy. Like this whole practice of sitting on an old mans lap to good night presents is weird to me. Thats why im not going to let my kids sit on santas lap. If my kids want presents they can do it the oldfashioned way by fighting to the death on black friday. All right, thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to our top story. cheers and applause donald j. Trump, 45th president of the United States, and guy who is just as surprised at what he is doing as you are. With the House Judiciary Committee formally voting on the articles of impeachment, americans are still divided on whether or not donald trump should be impeached. In fact, when asked, 50 of americans said trump should be impeached, and the other 50 used the survey as target practice. But the one thing most people can agree on is that donald trump is an asshole. Thats why some people hate him, and thats why some people love him. Theyre like, hes breaking all the rules. Hes breaking all the rules so lets catch up on the trump familys latest shenanigans in our new segment, look at these assholes. cheers and applause the trump family has a long history of being assholes. It all started in 1822, when thaddeus trump parked his horse in a handicapped spot. laughter but lately, you could say theyve been stretching the limits of how big an asshole a person can be, starting with President Trump himself, who has apparently had Nothing Better to do than pick fights with children. President donald trump is going after a 16yearold girl on twitter. Climate change activist Greta Thunberg was named times person of the year. Shes been known to chastise World Leaders for not doing enough. Trump responded to a tweet congratulating thunberg by saying, so ridiculous. Greta must work on her anger management problem, then go to a good Old Fashioned movie way friend. Chill, greta, chill. Trevor come on, man the president of the United States is on twitter bullying a teenaged girl. Just try to imagine any other president doing Something Like this. Like, imagine f. D. R. Doing a fireside chat where he just goes in on shirley temple. You know . laughter its like, my fellow, americans, this little girl cant dance for shit. Shes got worse moves than i do, and my legs dont work. laughter also, also, donald trump has no right to tell anybody to chill. He is the least chill human being of all time. Like, if theres anyone you wouldnt want on your meditation app, its this guy. Can you imagine him trying. It would be like, inhale and exhale let the air rush into your lungs, like the criminals and rapists swarming across the border coming to take your jobs and kill your parents in fact, your parents are already dead namaste. applause but ive got to admit, ive got to admit, to Greta Thunbergs credit she took it all in her stride. Because after trump tweeted her to chill, she changed her twitter bio to a teenager working on her anger management problem currently chilling and watching a good oldfashioned movie with a friend. cheers and applause and thats thats phenomenal from her. And im not surprised, you know. Shes 16, so shes used to handling temper tantrums from immature boys. I get it. laughter and its not just daddy trump who is making headlines right now. Because while hes beefing with kids, asshole junior is over here taking shots at even more vulnerable tearings. A new report reveals donald trump jr. Went on a hunting trip to mongolia last summer and killed an endangered sheep. Propublica reports the trip was supported by both trump and trump jr. He got special treatment. He reportedly shot an endangered argali sheep at night, using a laser sight. Trevor who is this guy . He needed to use a laser sight at night to take down a sheep . laughter this is an animal so peaceful, literally, just thinking about them makes us fall asleep. And hes coming at them like its a raid on bin laden. Its a sheep laughter an animal so vulnerable it wasnt go outside without wearing a sweater. Its a sheep you killed a sheep. You basically went hunting in a nursery rhyme. Who are you . laughter and, also what kind of asshole wants to kill an endangered species . Like, most of us dont even want to take the last nacho out of the bowl, and don jr. Is putting panda bears in a choke hold, go to sleep go to sleep now, look, its obviously not great karma for little bo creep to be killing off a species. You would think maybe the trumps could make things up to the universe with their family charity, except this family is so cartoonishly villainous, they even do charity like assholes. Pump will be paying up to 2 million to charities to satisfy his settlement of a new york state lawsuit over his misuse of Charitable Funds at the Trump Foundation. The president was accused of illegally using money from the Trump Foundation to help his 2016 campaign. Also as a part of that settlement, the president was required to acknowledge his misuse of the funds, his children to undergo training about misusing charity funds, and they must report to the attorney general if they ever create a new charity. Trevor yeah, you heard that right the president had to pay 2 million because he stole money from his own charity. Yeah. He used Charity Money to make political donations, to settle lawsuits involving his businesses, and he even bought a painting of himself to hang at his own resort. Yeah. Like, if trump werent rich, hed be one of those people who pretend that theyre dying just to start a gofundme. Hed be like, hey, guys, doctor says i have ebolaburculitis of my lorax. And the only thing that can make me better is to own a giant picture of my own dumb face. laughter now, as you heard, trump doesnt just have to pay 2 million. The court also ordered his three older kids to attend a Training Session on how to not steal from a charity. laughter yeah, and you might be wondering what that training would even look like. Wonder no more. We got our hands on the video. And now the new york state guide to avoiding charity abuse. Dont steal from a bleep charity, asshole this has been the new york state guide to avoid charity abuse. cheers and applause trevor so informative well be right back. cheers and applause you have a brother in the second battalion . Yes sir. Theyre walking into a trap. Your orders are to deliver a message calling off tomorrows attack. If you fail we will lose sixteen hundred men. Your brother among them. We need to keep moving. Come on. Theres only one way this war ends. Last man standing. I receivelize travel rewards. Going new places going out for a bite going anytime. Rewarded learn more at the explorer card dot com. [dinosdont even [dinosaur noises] im serious [dinosaur noises] yes fritolay variety packs. Packed with possibilities. Aveeno® with prebiotic striple oat complex balances skins microbiome. So skin looks like this and you feel like this. Aveeno® skin relief. Get skin healthy™ trevor welcome back to the daily show. You know, here at the show, were always looking at studies to see how they can improve our lives. And lately, there have been several new studies looking at the workplace. So to help us figure on the what these studies mean, we turned to our senior studies correspondent dulce sloan, everybody cheers and applause mwah hello. Trevor dulce, thank you so much for joining us and helping us break down these workplace studies. Well, im perfect for the job because im a Model Employee. Youre youre a Model Employee . Im glad we agree. Trevor all right, lets get into it. The first study says that half of workers have quit a job because of a bad boss. What do you think about that . I think this is some softass people. laughter youre going to quit a job because you dont like your boss . I make my boss quit because of me. cheers and applause when i worked at best buy, my boss left because i was airbnbing his office on weekends. laughter and who are these people anyway . Trevor well, the study actually says one of the highest rates of people quitting is in miami. Well, of course. Its easy to quit a job in miami. There are beaches and titties on every corner. laughter that city is not built for working. Its built for twerking, okay. I dare you to try that shit in new york. You dont like your boss yelling at you . Well, guess what, your 10 roommates are going to cuss your ass out because you cant make your rent. Trevor dulce, you have 10 roommates . Man, please, im on tv. Ive got six. Trevor i guess thats better. All right, lets move on, lets move on to this next workplace study. Its really inspiring. It says 90 of employees come into the office, even when they have a cold or the flu. Im impressed by these people. And i hate these people. laughter because they come into work and they make the rest of us sick and the worst part is they act like theyre not sick. But you know youre sick, jeff, okay . laughter you went through a box of tissues in an hour. So if you werent blowing your nose, then i need to see your browser history. laughter applause trevor but but but dulce, to be fair, i think people are coming in because they want to help get work done. Oh, please . Who are these heros who think the office cant survive without them . Keep your coughing ass at home, karen. Aint nobody looking for you. Aint nobody putting your ass on a milk carton. Stay home, you sick bastard. Trevor wow. So much anger. Lets move on to the final study. You cant get mad at this one. This study has found daydreaming at work can actually make you better at your job. Yeah, trevor, im not surprised by this. I daydream all the time. Thats why im so god at my job. Trevor technically, dulce, those arent daydreams. I saw you you sleep in the break room for, like, three hours. Look, thats because i was having a crazy dream. Okay, what happened is idris elba shows up at my house and tells me he wants to be my baby daddy. laughter the problem was he had an idris elba top but a unicorn bottom, right. And im fine with that because a unicorn idris is better than no idris at all, right . But then megs boyfriend lamar shows us and says i have to kill idris or the world will blow up. Now, usually, lamar is full of shit, but i knew he was telling the truth because he was also my grandma. So, i get my knife and go at unicorn idris, and im about to stab him but then he leans in and gives me the most seductive kiss. Trevor and then . And then my boss woke me up laughter now we both dont know the end, negro. Listen. So if youll excuse me, im going to go back into the break room. And im going to find out if i get that idris unicorn. laughter trevor dulce sloan, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause cheers and applause good luck. Have you ever worked with dr. Francis . Oh yeah, hes ok. Just ok . Guess who just got reinstated well, not officially. Nervous . Yeah. Yeah me too. Dont worry about it, well figure it out. Ill see ya in there just ok is not ok. At t has americas best network, now with our best plans, at our best prices, starting at 35 a line for 4 lines. New from at t. Fast paced hip hop song playing rougout cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a grammy awardwinning singer, songwriter and visual artist who just released the directors cut of the Performance Art film for her album when i get home. Trevor please welcome Solange Knowles cheers and applause trevor welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. Trevor it is such an honor to have you on the show. Not just because im a big fan of your music, but im a fan of how, like, just how youve created your m