I know you are stuck inside. And i know it is frustrating but why not take this time to try and learn something new, you know, like how to play an instrument, that is what i have done, yeah, i have been learning how to play air guitar, i mr. Play something for you t is one of my favorite songs that i have learned. One, two, three, four. Wait, sorry, wait, let me start again. One, two, three, four, wait, wait, sorry, wait. Let me oh, sorry, i was holding it the wrong way, hold on. Anyway on tonights episode why the unemployment system is a mess, jaboukie youngwhite defeats netflix and donald trump hands out the worlds most useless permission slip so lets get into it welcome to the daily social distancing show. From trevors house in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor before we get into all the kroafers news lets catch up on fun stories in our daily dose of a ray of sunshine. Is all right, lets kick things off with a story about zoom, the app that tells you which of your friends have book shelves and the reason every work call now looks like the beginning of the brady bunch. From the beginning of these shutdown everyone who can has been using video calling apps to work from home. But now a judge in florida is reminding people that just because you are at home doesnt mean you are not at work. One south florida judge is telling lawyers that they need to dress nicer for their zoom calls. Broward county judge Dennis Bailey says he has been seeing people dress pretty casually. He said one attorney called in without a shirt on and a woman was still under the covers in her bed. One person was seen in beach gather while poolside during the learing. The judge wants everyone to treat Court Hearings as they were actually in court and dressed appropriately. Trevor okay, i am not going to lie, i am a little conflicted about in story. Because look, on the one hand, i agree with the judge. Just because you are stuck in the house and zooming in to work, doesnt mean all of a sudden you can dress like the before photo on queer eye. On the other hand, if you are stuck in the house and zooming into work, maybe we shouldnt have to pretend like this whole situation is dignified. Im watching my roommate take a dump with the door open right now. It really doesnt matter if you wear a suit, it shows how simple human beings, someone changes their outfit and we act completely differently. That guy is a bathing suit, i cant take legal advice, oh, never mind, now he put a silk thing around his neck. That guy ask a professional something. Now while some people are trying to keep up with the charade of normal life one family who is stuck in the house in North Carolina just decided to lean into the craziness. By starting what they call the quarantine olympics. Yeah. And this involves made up events like blindfolded toilet paper dodgeball and straw Drinking Water racing. And they have kicked off a brand new viral trend. Whoa. Trevor okay, i am officially a fan of the quarantine olympics. And if you ask me, these sports are just as legitimate as the real olympic sports. Because if we are honest all sports were made because people are bored and looking for stuff to do what is basketball, st just throwing a circle into a bucket. Yeah, says lebron james, what are you going to do, come fight me. You cant leave your house. So if you think about it, Drinking Water out of a straw quickly while another thing is pouring the water, that will probably be its own league in six years and aunt beckys kids will pretend they were stars on the high School Toilet paper dodgeball team. It will be a thing. And say what you want about white parents, but you cant deny that they know how to be fun. Do you see them, in the living room, just throwing things with their kids. Let me tell you something. There are no african families who are throwing toilet paper around the living room right now. Even if african parents do allow quarantine olympics, all of the events will end up being chores. Okay, everybody, that is great, now lets see who is the best at cleaning the kitchen. But dad, we want to throw toilet paper like in tiktok olympics. When you buy the toilet paper you can throw the toilet paper. Until that time, lets see who is the best at cleaning the kitchen. Trevor okay, finally, my favorite story comes out of recall pennsylvania. Where a 93 year old woman stuck in her house held a sign out of her window saying i sneed more beer. And then after her picture went viral coors sprang into action and delivered her ten cases of beer. And im really excited that this worked for her because i have tried the same thing. I had a sign outside my window for weeks and i got nothing. And this just shows that you cant judge a book by its cover. Because if you think all people are just sitting around doing boring things like knitting or sudoku or reminiscing about having sex on the titanic. But this story changes everything. We have to thif old people differently. They are living life. In fact i think they need to add a different it message to the life alert necklaces, mrs. Fletcher, are you okay, did you fall. No, im out of booze and i cant get crunk. Send some immediately. Im trying to turn up. All right. That is your ray of sunshine. Lets catch up on todays headlines. In the wake of the United States experiencing its worst oneday coronavirus death toll President Trump has been scrambling to find somebody to blame for why his administration took so long to act. Es blames china, obama, carole baskin, hillarys emails for some reason. And yesterday trump turned his sights on the World Health Organization. Yeah. Trump announced that he would be withholding funding from the w. H. O. Because he says they were too slow to acknowledge human to human transmission of the coronavirus, he says they were also taking too long to declare an International Public health emergency. And he criticized them for praising chinas transparency. Now look, those may be valid criticisms. But it still doesnt explain why trump ignored his own advisors who were telling him to prepare for a major outbreak. They also dont explain why trump also praised china for their transparency. And even if you dont think the w. H. O. Is perfect, the middle of the pandemic, the middle of a pandemic is not a good time to cut funding from a group that is an integral part of fighting coronavirus. Yes, the organization is not perfect but in is not the time to cut them off. It is the same reason you dont give your uber driver one star during the ride. You do that shit after you are safe at home, not while doing 90 on the freeway. One star, one star . I will show you one star moater [bleep] and even if the World Health Organization acted perfect perfectly. I dont know what trump would have done differently because his white house is filted with a bunch of idiots and i know that is harsh but i only say that because they are. There could be other strains later on. This could come back in the fall in a limited way. This is covid19, not covid 1, folks. So you would think the people charged with the World Health Organization facts and figures would be on top of that. Trevor seriously. This is covid19 not covid 1 . You know you would think one of the president s top advisors would know that it is called covid19 because it started in 2019. Not balls it is the 19th covid. Kellyanne conway also think they call blink 182 because the first 181 blinks were taken . You know something is i think trump tells Kellyanne Conway to tell dumb things in purpose so he looks smart in comparison. Kellyanne, i jaw told a reporter that shrek is the president of scotland. Please go out there and Say Something dumber. I need you. Trevor that it for the headlines. Lets jump into the big story. Thanks to the coronavirus people are stuck at home, businesses have been shut down. And millions of parents have been forced to google how to kill your kids and getaway with it. And because sow many people are now unemployed, it is up to the u. S. Government to step in and give people some assistance while they ride out the shutdowns that have been imposed nationwise. So today millions of americans beganareceiving a onetime payment of 1200 from the government. Now remember, that is only for people with direct deposit. Everyone else, will have to bait longer for a paper check to come in the mail. Now trump wants every single one of these checks to have his signature on them. Which they dont need. But he wants that. And so because of that, the checks could be delayed for an extra few days. Yeah. And thats going to be another obstacle for those checks. Because remember when the check what trumps name on it the bank will probably decline it it. Now a onetime cash payment is definitely helpful but what many people in america need right now is unemployment benefits. And right now across america, the unemployment system has become kind of a disaster. Tonight an unprecedented turn in the unemployment disaster, another 6. 6 million americanless applying for jobless benefits last week alone. Skyrocketing in just a month from a 50 year low to nearly 17 million seeking benefits in just the last three weeks. But that number is most certainly yunld reported. Many have been unable to file. The problem, states dont have the staff to handle the unprecedented demand. Ive tried at 1 a. M. , 3 a. M. , 5 a. M. And theres just no getting through. I calculated over 2,000 attempts to call. Trevor yeah, thats right, people have been spending all day, all day just trying to get through to someone on the phone at the unemployment office. It is like an evil twist, we are filing for unemployment has become these peoples full time jobs. I mean that one woman, said that she tried 2,000 times. She called 2,000 times. That is insane. That is as many calls as a mom makes when something goes wrong in the city where you live, hi, love, i heard there was a car accident in new york. Are you okay . Yeah, i know you dont live there any more but im just checking. Okay. Okay. Love you. Bye bye. Now obviously 17 Million People becoming instantly unemployed is going to put strain on an unemployment system. But what hasnt helped is that americas unemployment system is built on technology that is one degree above amish. Websites are crashing nationwide. Kansas governor laura kelley admits the technology for the unemployment system is four decades old and is not working as it should. Most states are still running on software that it is basically from 60 years ago. It the website is run using the cobol language developed back in 1959. I was born in the late 1970s. And so was our main frame system. The same computers that processed my unemployment in 1981 are the ones they are still using today. Look at those phones. Those phones are frlt 70s. Trevor that is some of old ass technology. Do you even call it technology when it is that old . Software written in the 50s. Computers from the 80s. Is and did you see those phones yes, younger viewers of the show, those are phones. Look at those things. So old the only thing they look like they call is the past. Hello . Black people . Yeah, whatever you do, dont get on those boats. Free buffet, no, no, still, dont get on those boats. Now i know a lot of people out there are going to want to use this as an example that government is all a big bloated bureaucracy that cant get anything done. So here is the thing. If america looks just over the border, you will see what happens when the people in government actually work to make government succeed. For those who have stopped working and lost their income due to the outbreak, the canada Emergency Response benefit will pay a taxable 2,000 per month up to four months. Three and a half Million People apply, introduced just a week ago, the government says to date about 90 of claims have been processed. It just started on monday and two days later many are receiving the 2,000 payments into their Bank Accounts but somewhere are telling us they received more money than they expected. Trevor okay, you know what, canada, i feel like now you are just rubbing it in. Are you not only giving people their money quickly and efficiently, you are also giving them more money than they expected . It i feel like canada is always trying to one up america. America has health care, canada has yeuferst Universe Health care. America has college expensive college, canada has affordable college. Americas president has a little color to his facial, canadas leader went all the way, they are always beginning. Before you say this is all koaf fault and there is nothing the American Government could have done, consider this. Many other developed countries facing the same shutdowns have cut right to the chase and prevented mass unemployment from happening to begin with. How did they do it . Well, the governments of the u. K. , denmark and france paid companies to keep workers on a payroll and subsidized 80 to 90 of their salaries. Yeah, thats what they did. Meanwhile, americas like a lot of you assholes complaining about being broke but you still Walking Around with two kidneys. Aint nobody stopping you from selling one of those. So with unemployment system buckling d shall buckels and coronavirus causing almost 20 Million People to lose their jobs, anyone could be forgiven for losing all hope. But i will say this, while america might not have the most efficient government, one thing that this country has in droves is a willingness to help one another in a time of need. Some bar owners are going to extreme lengths to make sure their employees are getting paid right now. This bar in georgia has been stapling dollar bills to the walls for years and the bars owner decide todz take down each dollar bill one by one to pay her employees. An act of kindness in a town of iowa raises spirits at a time it is needed most. The anonymous person gave every household in that town about 150 worth of gift cards. Mario salerno owns rougherly 80 apartments in his hometown, so he decided this month to waive rent for everyone. 200 tenants and is he not collecting. I said dont worry about paying me, worry about your neighbor. Worry about your family. Yeah, that is how you know coronavirus has changed everything. Even new york landlords now have a heart of gold. Think about it. When have you ever heard flin say my landlord is amazing. That is like hearing someone say that fight on twitter really made me change my mind. And its not just that amazing man who is doing his part. My landlord has also been doing everything he can to keep coronavirus from spreading. Like he wont even come to my apartment to fix my sink for the past three years. Social distancing. I see you, greg. So remember, folks, right now the government is trying to help people. But theyre bursting at the seems trying to keep up with the fallout of this pandemic which means wherever we can, we have to try and help each other out. Now if you will excuse me, i am going to use one much those old time traveling phones to give my five year old self some advice. Hey, little trevor, you know toilet paper, you need to start hoarding it right now. Well be right back. Right now, get free delivery at chipotle. With a delivery kitchen in almost every restaurant, real food comes straight to your door. Its chipotle, delivered fast, fresh, and personalized just for you. Order in the app for free delivery. Back from the daily social distancing show, with everyone stuck in quarantine for a month, at some point you run out of things to do but if there is one person i know who knows how to keep himself end tainted it is jaboukie youngwhite, i gave him a call to see what he found out. Yo, trevor. , whats up. Trevor whats going on, jab ouky youngwhite, happy wednesday if you say sto, i measure time in months now, happy march. Trevor its actually april. If you say so. Trevor anyway dude, i wanted to call in and check with you and see how you have been handling quarantine so far, man . Bro, i am so board, trevor, im so board. I beat all my video gaimtion. I just solved a jigsaw puzzle. I also sexted everyone in my contacts, so i watched everything on netflix, man. Everything. Trevor you have one out of things on your queue i could recommend a few things that are really good. No, dudes, i mean i watched all the shows. I finished netflix. The entire thing. Trevor wait, you finished netflix . Jaboukie, there is like a million shows on netflix. Yeah, more like a 125 million. But the last ten million go by really fast actually. It was like i barely noticed. Trevor mi fascinated. So what happens when you get to the end of netflix. Oh my god, trevor, its beautiful, you just finish and then there is this bright light. And you just feel this sense of calm wash over you and then all of a sudden this guy appears and boom, it is the c. E. O. Of netflix and you get your own tv show. So good. Trevor all right, i think you have been in quarantine for too long. If net pliks is done you ask watch over flat floars. I firned those, i did hultu, apple, crackle, acorn, quicki, tubi, mubi, squirkbox, nosam. Nosam, what is nosam. Basically just every movie that doesnt have samuel l. Jackson. Trevor damn, jaboukie, i feel like you have scraping the bottle dpsh bottom of the barrel. Why dont you read a book. I was about to, but then i had a great idea. How about watch all the tv shows backyard backwards, everything becomes an entirely new steer like bleak breaking bad is actually a story about a drug dealer who reforms himself and becomes a High School Teacher and then is cured of his can sander law order is a tv show about anarchist cops that free prisoner. Game of thrones is this really heavy tale about it terrible show that just gets better as it keeps going. Trevor, you got to try it. You have to try it. Trevor wow. I have to give it a try. You make it sound really good. You have to try it you got to try it. Trevor all right, well, i have to go because i have to get back to making this show, have fun, man. All right, talk to you later, trevor, merry christmas. Trevor actually, its april, you know what, never mind, merry christmas. Thanks. I feel like i should send him a kal ender or something. Anyway when we come back i will taub you can to the mayor of chicago, Lori Lightfoot. So dont go anywhere, well be right back. Nowadays you do more from home than ever before. The xfinity my account app puts you in control with