[bowel movement] [muffled screaming] heh heh heh dude, humancentipad is awesome sir, sir, we have a problem what . What do you mean we have to take it apart . The boys agreement isnt valid . Sorry, we have to recall this. What . Hey, thats mine i dont care what the geniuses say damn it, im trying to create the future here we are all trying to create the future im part of the future now too. I have sat with the council of geniuses, performed the toran ra, and ive even been to me. Mr. Jobs, you have done so much for the world. You have helped connect everyone to each other. Clearly, this is the future. Butbut cant we just slow down and enjoy the present a little longer . You know something . I agree. Audience aww [smooch] come on, well get you separated, little boy. Guess you wont be eating japanese food for a while, huh . [chuckles] hey hey, what is this, some kind of sick prank . I get the greatest thing ever just to have it taken away . Why did you do this to me, god . Next time youre gonna get my hopes up, could you please take me to a grease monkey . cause i like to get lubed up before i get [bleep] huh . Some lube would be nice or at least a courtesy lick, god how about a little courtesy lick next time you decide to [bleep] me . [sobbing] trevor hey, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the daily social distancing show. Im trevor noah. And it is now week five of the George Floyd Protests against police brutality, and month four of being stuck in my apartment recording the show. Now, new york city is actually in phase two of reopening, which means many people can go back to their offices. However, i am not yet going back to the office, because thats exactly where corona thinks im going to go. To beat the virus are you have to think like the virus. In tonights episode we talk to seth stoughton, and d. L. Hughley, and what its like to be black in america. First lets catch up on todays headlines. Welcome to the daily social distancing show. Announcer from trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show, with trevor noah. Trevor lets kick things off with immigration. Its the reason your food has flavor, and how the president met 66 of his wives. When donald trump ran for office, his platform was that he opposed illegal immigration. And i want people to come into the country, but i want them to come in legally. Trevor thats right, big guy. But after taking office, he began restricting legal immigration, too. And now, thanks to corona, it looks like hes taking it all the way. Tonight, a new round of immigration restrictions from the white house. President trump has signed an executive order blocking entry into the United States for at least four types of visas, including the h1b visa for highskilled workers. Theyre going to press pause on a lot of these visas for Foreign Workers coming into the United States because of the high Unemployment Rate in the United States, they say. Senior Administration Officials saying they want to see an America First economic recovery that starts with americans. Trevor thats right, folks, for the time being immigration into america is basically shut down, which is not just going to hurt new immigrants. Its going to hurt a lot of americans, too. As a major study concluded, longsrun Economic Growth in america would be considerably dimmed without the contributions of highskilled immigrants. Lets be honest. If you actually wanted to save american jobs, youd have to build a wall to stop robots. If youve seen movies, you know that robots are unstoppable killing machines and as an immigrant, personally, im torn. On the one hand, i feel like this is yet another example of this administrations xenophobia. On the other hand, it gives me the perfect excuse to not let my african cousin come crash on my couch. Yeah, sorry, sizwe, you cant come in. Hawu, trevor, but im just a tourist. This doesnt affect me. Yeah, but i dont want to take chances. I dont want to make trump angry. What did you know . Is he not angry now . Moving on to technology news. When the coronavirus pandemic began, a lot of americans hoped there would be a way to use Smart Devices to automatically alert people if theyd been in contact with anyone who tested positive for the virus. It would be the ultimate fusion of high tech and public health. Well, were not getting that, but we are getting this apple watches will soon be able to tell a user if they are washing their hands long enough to prevent the spread of covid19 and other illnesses. Apple says, in the newest watch update, it will let you know how long youre washing your hands. It will set a countdown for 20 seconds, which is how long the c. D. C. Recommends we should all wash our hands. The watch will vibrate when the 20 seconds are complete. The watch will use motion to detect handwashing and then use audio to confirm it by listening for Running Water or the squishing of soap. Trevor just when i thought apples best days were behind them, they come up with this because i am sick and tired of singing happy birthday every time i wash my hands mainly because it makes me hungry for birthday cake. So then i eat a birthday cake, but then i get icing on my hands, which means i have to wash my hands again, which makes we want more birthday cake, and now i have diabetes i will say, one thing that concerns me is how the apple watch is supposed to detect that youre washing your hands. And, i mean, if its going to use handwashing motions and squishing sounds, seems like a lot of teenage boys are going to be getting interrupted all day long. Also, evil villains are going to hate this new feature. And thats how well finally destroy the world hahahaha siri 15 more seconds. Hahaha. Siri 10 more seconds. This isnt fun anymore. Trevor and finally, lets talk about the c. I. A. Its americas premiere Intelligence Agency and probably the reason for all the fireworks youre hearing at night. And now it might also be your next job the c. I. A. Is looking for new spies by putting out this ad and several other versions. The agency says the ads will run nationwide on entertainment, news, and lifestyle streaming services. It only takes one new piece of forward intelligence, and everything can change in an instant. Hey, i think i found something. Your achievements, while unknown to the public, are critical to our national security. This translation is technically accurate, but in this context it really means this. The nation we got it. Is counting on you, to discover the truth. Ill call the white house. Start a career at the c. I. A. And do more for your country than you ever dreamed possible. Trevor okay, this whole thing is weird. Why is the cia making recruitment ads . If youre such good spies, surely you already know who you should hire. I dont want the cia asking me to apply. I want them knocking on my door and saying, we saw how you played fifa, trevor. We think you have what it takes to join the c. I. A. I knew it and, also, dont put your contact info at the end of the ad finding out how to contact the c. I. A. Should be the first test. If you cant figure it out, you probably shouldnt be in the c. I. A. And, look, i also get that get they want to make being in the c. I. A. Look cool and dramatic, but when it comes down to it, being a c. I. A. Agent is basically just being a real housewife, only you gossip about terrorists. housewife so i just heard that alqaeda in syria raided the home of abu malek altali because he tried to break up with them. What a bitch. Hes coming. Now, the reason the c. I. A. Is running this ad is because theyre trying to recruit a more diverse workforce, and theyre having trouble competing with Silicon Valley for employees. And although i see what they are trying to do, i still believe they could have been a little more honest about what a job at the c. I. A. Entails. So instead of hoping, we tweaked the ad for them. The world is full with danger and the c. I. A. Needs your help. Now, we need your help to untrain them. Theres chaos all over south america. Yeah, maybe it was all those coups we did, but with your help, maybe we can uncoup them. And while youre at it, gary has my flash drive. I need to you get it back. Its got all my vacation photos. The world we live in today is filled with threats, unheaval and turmoil. And we made a lot of those things worse. Didnt we also, fill the inner cities with crowds . We dont talk about that. The c. I. A. we broke it, help us fix it. Trevor haha, we totally burned the c. I. A. All right, someones knocking at my door. I gotta go check who that is. But when we come back, were going to talk about what its like to be black working in Corporate America. And d. L. Hughley is joining us on the show to talk about what happened when he got coronavirus. I got an oriole here. Eh. Common bird. Ooh look over here something much better. There it is. Peacock, included with xfinity x1. Remarkable. Fascinating. Very. It streams tons of your favorite shows and movies, plus the latest in sports news and. Huh run the newest streaming app has landed on xfinity x1. Now thats. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Xfinity x1 just got even better with peacock premium included at no additional cost. No strings attached. Just say peacock into your voice remote to start watching today. Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. As the black lives Matter Movement has rapidly gained traction over the past month, its not just celebrities and instagram models who are jumping on board. Corporate america has also decided to finally step up. But while companies are posting messages of support for the black community, many black people who work in these companies are asking them to put their monies where their mouth is. Big name corporations sharing messages of solidarity, but many are calling on them them to practice what they preach. Employees at places like estee lauder and adidas speaking out against the lack of diversity and equality in their workplaces despite public messages of support from the companys c. E. O. S. In a video, nike said, dont pretend theres not a problem in america. Critics point out that all of nikes executives are white. You cannot say black lives matter publically when you dont show us black lives matter within your own homes or within your organizations. Trevor yes, thats right. If you have ten followers on twitter, and you tweet black lives matter, maybe thats the best you can do. But if youre a Major Corporation that hires thousands of people, you can actually show that black lives matter in a material way that goes beyond your social media feed. On their own, corporate tweets are useless. No ones going to stop being racist because spaghettios told them to. Like, its not enough to just be black lives matter in these tweets. Youve got to be black lives matter in these streets. Youve also got to be black lives matter in these sheets. Okay, maybe i didnt think that last one through. But you know what i mean. But the question is why are African Americans so underrepresented in the American Workplace . Well, lets find out in our brand new segment this black American Life why arent more African Americans hired in American Companies . Is it because theyre lazy . Is it because theyre uneducated . Or is it because offices are just way too cold . Well, despite what your racist uncle might post on facebook, the truth is, for many black americans, getting a job is almost impossible, and its because their blackness stops them from even getting in the door. Blacks are the last to get hired and first to get fired white males are hired based on potential. Blacks are hired based on demonstrated accomplishments. Going back a quarter century, statistically speaking, very little has changed for black applicants. Whites receive, on average, 36 more callbacks than African Americans and 24 more callbacks than latinos. Thousands of madeup resumes were mailed to employers, identical, except for the names, half blacksounding, halfwhite. The results . Blacksounding names were 50 less likely to get followup calls. Trevor wow, racism never takes a day off. If you have a blacksounding name on your resume, youre 50 less likely to get called in for the interview. Imagine if america had that same policy when picking a president. That would have screwed things up. Barack hussein next, next, next. John edwards now this guy sounds like hes got it. And thats the thing i wish more people understood black people are asking for equality, not charity. Theyre not asking people to hire black people just because theyre black. Theyre asking companies to stop not hiring black people just because theyre black, because even with the exact same qualifications and a resume thats exactly the same, the only thing that blocks people is having a blacksounding name. I mean, why would anyone even want a workplace with no black people in it. You need at least one person who knows how to dance at the office party. And, also, what if zombies show up . You want them to kill you first . So its enough of a challenge getting your black foot in the door of Corporate America, and if youre lucky enough to find your way into the office, good luck finding the ladder. Only 3. 2 of executives and Senior Leaders in the u. S. Are african american. There are only four black c. E. O. S in the fortune 500 only four and no black women. There are too few opportunities for African Americans to rise to the top, to have the opportunities to serve in leadership positions. There is a promotion gap. At every level going up, it becomes less and less diverse, more white. When i dont see those that have been in the company for x amount of years, not hold certain titles, there places the doubt in my mind. Representative al green asking a pointed question to major bank c. E. O. S. If you believe that your likely successor will be a woman or a person of color, would you kindly extend a hand into the air . Trevor okay, that was just awkwrd. From the way those bank c. E. O. S reacted, that congressman might as well have asked them to raise their hands if theyve ever seen mike pence eat a flaming hot cheeto. Not a single one of those banks thinks its even possible that a person of color will run the company. That says a lot. I mean, if you ask me, every bank should be run by a black woman, because banks are out here losing trillions of dollars credit default swaps, mortgage scams, and after their screwup, average people lose their homes. Meanwhile, black women are out in the streets every day figuring out how to make a dollar stretch into 10. Ill tell you right now, if my grandmother ran a major bank, she would have been the one bailing america out. Oh, the economy crashed . Oh, baby, let me see. Ive got two trillion there. There you go. You bring back my change. Now, if youre one of the few black people who have made it into Corporate America, congratulations. Your reward is working every day with some people who have no idea how to act around you. Microaggressions describes indirect or subtle discrimination. And if you are on the receiving end, it can be as hurt will as anything overt. White people will come up to me and say you speak so well. Right, speak so well. Or, youre very articulate. In my own experience, you dont sound black. Well, what do sound black and sound white really mean . Youre not like the others, and stuff like that. And you think about it because youre not like the others . Well, what are the others . The assumption is always going to lead in that i know less. My manager turns to me and says, well, isnt your hair so big because all of your intelligence in there . And physically grabbed my hair. Trevor yeah, every day, black people have to navigate a workplace filled with people who dont even realize theyre doing something offensive. Youre so intelligent it must be in your hair . This is what you get from living in a segregated society. Instead of knowing black people and black culture, youve got white folks interacting with black people like theyre making contact with e. T. Hello, my friend. Do your people shake hands . Nah, bleep coronavirus. And its because millions of white americans dont have the first clue of how to interact with their black coworkers or to just be normal around them that black people in Corporate America have to spend an inordinate amount of time making white people feel comfortable. For those of us who have been in Corporate America, we have to be able to exist, and not only exist, but to really thrive in two totally different cultures, this idea of double consciousness. Our blackness isnt accepted in a lot of spaces that are critical for our success. Intelligence is often linked to whiteness, so black people are often encouraged in professional settings to use a quote, unquote white voice, a. K. A. Codeswitch. I turn it on. I have to be my best unauthentic self in order for me to relate to my white peers. And i have to make sure that i can talk about subjects that relate to your lifestyle that had absolutely nothing to do with mine. I speak two languages. I speak english, and i speak white. Because a lot of what we do are things to make white people feel more comfortable around us. Trevor yeah, so many people take for granted that black people in the office are not just focusing on the job. Theyre focusing on not being perceived as threatening or disruptive or too black. And so you try your best to blend in with the whiteness thats around you. Thats not something that white people ever have to worry about. I mean, white kids dont even code switch when they talk to their parents. What up, dude . Yeah, im crushing call of duty. hold up, my moms calling. Yo, dude, what up . Yeah, bro, ill crush my homework when im done. Ill talk to you later, mom. Bye. So to Corporate America, if you really believe in rooting out systemic racism and supporting black lives, then i say to you, examine your own actions within your companies before history leaves you behind. Or as i would put it if i wasnt in the office, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Dont go away, because after the well be talking about policing with seth the fighting spirit is one we all share. A