So go ahead, america. Whenever you pass by harley riders like us, roll down your window and yell, faggots all you kids out there, when you see us, walk up to us and say, hello, fags no, really. We want you to. At least were cool enough to embrace who we are. Right, guys . Thats right yeah, yeah you got it, yeah come on, fags, lets roll out [imitating motorcycles] and that, mr. Editor, is why they are the true definition of fags. Let there be no perplexity, those individuals are the legitimate faggots the definition shall be replaced [cheers and applause] we did it yeah, we did it, you guys oh, its over its finally over today weve made history. Whats going on, everybody . Welcome to the daily social distancing show. Im trevor noah. Today is monday, the 14th of september, which means we are now just 50 days away from election day, which means youve got just enough time to build your bunker for when the postelection civil war begins. Yay make sure to include toilet paper. Someone bought abes hair, dulce sloan digs into black hair, and the government out of your hair. An allhair episodes. Lets do it, people, welcome to the daily social distancing show. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily social distancing show with Trevor Noah Trevor lets kick things off on the west coast. You know, the part of america that keeps nevada from getting wet. Extreme wildfires have been devastating the region for over a week now, and as if the Natural Disaster isnt bad enough, its being made worse by some serious human stupidity. Raging wildfires in california, oregon and Washington State are burning out of control at this hour. At least 35 people have died. Officials describe conditions as apocalyptic. As if the fatal massive wildfires werent enough to contend with, now officials in oregon are having to plead with residents to ignore a q anon Conspiracy Theory that is quickly spreading online. The false claim says antifa is to lame blame for starting the fires. A county sheriffs deputy placed on leave after a video of him went viral saying fascists started fires in oregon. Antifa ~bleep are out causing hell and theres a lot of lives at stake and there are a lot of peoples property at stake because these guys got some vendetta. Trevor not only do officials have to deal with wildfires, they also have to deal with the only thing that spreads faster than wildfires, internet conspiracy theories, which, lets be honest, are the worst, because at least fires eventually get put out. Internet conspiracy theories are harder to get rid of than the microchips the government put in our brains using floor ride and burgers. Its true, look it up. The only way to get rid of conspiracy theories is if we take away our uncles facebook. Good luck with that. You try to fake facebook away from old people, they turn into lord of the rings. My frenzies while the Sheriffs Department is saying dont believe the conspiracy theories, one of the sheriffs deputies is spreading the Conspiracy Theory. Its like if you saw smoke where bear running around with a flame thrower. Now i dont know what to think. Since the fires are so big, california once again has been forced to rely on inmates to help fight the fires. Because these humans are wristicking their lives to save others, the governor has finally decided to pay them back. Some inmate firefighters working the front lines on the california wierdle now have a chance to capitalize on the experience after released from custody. Governor gavin newsom sign into law what gives some inmates shot at careers in firefighting after completing sentences. Thousands of prisoners on the front lines near the end of their time in prison that are getting credits and want the opportunity because the training theyre receiving, this bill that im about to sign will give those prisoners hope of actually getting a job in the profession that they have been trained. Trevor yeah, for years, even though prisoners fought wildfires while incarcerated, they werent allowed to become professional firefighters once they were released. And that was all because of their felony convictions. Honestly, i think this is a great step in the right direction because america keeps telling people to take what theyve learned in prison and use it to get back in society. If you learned how to fight fires in prison, you should be allowed to become a firefighter when you come out, right . People learned how to cook, you should be able to work in a restaurant when you come out. Even if you spend all your time learning how to do more crime, you should be able to get a job in the trump campaign. You know, im not surprised prisoners actually make really good firefighters because they dont mess around, man. On the first day, they walk up to the biggest fire and they put it out and all the smaller fires know they mean business. Thats how it works, thats how you fight fires . I wish there was someone here. But lets move on now to florida, the state thats been doing the postapocalypse thing for decades now. Hard to imagine but there was a time in america when some people thought the biggest problem in the country was young black men with sagging pants. Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground trevor ah, simpler times. One of the city cracked down on this menace is having a second thoughts. Thinking of dropping the ban on saggy pants. For 30 years anyone in open la cay who is wearing pants that showed underwear woul could be d but now thats overturned. They say that disproportionately affected young black men. Trevor thats right, a city in florida has finally or turned a ridiculous law that banned people from wearing saggy pants, and i could not be happier for two reasons one, this shit was obviously targeted at young black men and, two, it made it impossible to be a plumber in that town. You ever seen a plumber with his pants up . Still no one here. Going to keep on trying. Seriously, im glad this law is gone because this basically made it illegal for black men to dress they can, like, they wanted or white kids to dress like black when who dressed like they wanted. Imagine if a leader came out, from now on no wraparound oakley sunglasses. If you aint playing Beach Volleyball or stopping lasers from shooting out of your eyes, take that off your face. What, the sun coming at you from the side . Another reason im glad this is gone is because this is another responsibility cops shouldnt have, right, telling someone to pull up their pants is another job police do not need to have. This is a job for grandmotherrers. They might as well make it illegal to look too skinny because youre not eating enough. Cops pulling people over because they have schm utz on their face. Hold still. Just want people to see how beautiful you are. There you go if youre like me and havent gotten your postquarantine haircut, save the trimmings because in 150 years they could make you a lot of money. Some of Abraham Lincolns hair raised a lot of cash. Two inches of the president s locks took in more than 81,000 at an auction. Taken after he was assassinated in 1865. The hair came with a telegram about his death. Trevor what sick bastard saw the president get shot, ran up to him, quick, send help first, does anyone have tiny scissors . I want to remember the day. That shit is creepy. They didnt have ebay back then. What are you holding it for . But guys, this is amazing. If we have Abraham Lincolns hair, you know what that means . T it means we can Jurassic ParkAbraham Lincoln growling okay, not what i meant. Forget it, just kill both of them. If you ever wanted to see the difference between white and black people, this is it. I took 81,000 and i bought a lock of Abraham Lincolns hair. Shit, i took 81,000 and i bought a lincoln. Oh can i get a ride . Oh, hell, no try to ride in my car, going to get hair all over the place. Cops going to pull me over, whos this dead mans hair . I dont know. Why you give him a ride . Yo, hes in the same joke as me, i dont know even know this dude im going to say i really hope that is Abraham Lincolns hair. How do we know . Looked like someone wrapped twine around hay. This could be the history nerds equivalent of selling oregano as weed. Just so you know, you cant make money from every president s hair. Thats not how it works. If you get trumps hair, you go bankrupt. Getting Donald Trumps hair at an auction 200 years from now sounds like the premise to a really strange horror movie. Oh, my god i cant believe i got President Trumps hair from 200 years ago this is wait is it moving . Did something oh oh oh aaahhh i know Hillary Clinton and the deep state coronavirus, all the same, its fake, so fake. Trevor all right, when we come back, we discover what President Trump and College Students have in common. Spoiler alert, its not an s. T. D. Stay tuned. You can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save 400 a year on your wireless bill. Plus, get 400 off when you buy the new Samsung Galaxy note20 ultra 5g. Well, if youre celebratingt by eating reeses. Ween . Then no, youre actually late. Not sorry, reeses. The fighting spirit is one we for eduardo perez, it drove him to thrive in his search for a better life. Immigrating from guatemala at 18, he found work as a dishwasher. A line cook, sous chef, and eventually. Fought to the top of one of the most challenging professions in the world. Proving that there is no challenge that can hold back a fighting spirit. Since 1925, weve proved that it doesnt matter where you come from, it matters what youre made of. Modelo. Brewed for those with a fighting spirit. You can go your own way go your own way your wireless. Your rules. Only Xfinity Mobile lets you choose shared data, unlimited or a mix of each. And switch anytime so you only pay for the data you need. Switch and save 400 a year on your wireless bill. Plus, get 400 off when you buy the new Samsung Galaxy note20 ultra 5g. Our pandumbic coverage kicks off in utah, the state in desperate need of the ltetrus piece. We know one of the easiest way to stop the coronavirus is to have everybody wear mask. Unfortunately telling everyone to wear a mask is one of the easiest ways to spread idiocy. After more than one week since schools reopened in washington county, the Liberty Action Coalition hosted a rally in front of the School District building this morning. Up to 1,000 people showed up, saying children forced to wear masks in classrooms is illegal and even unconstitutional. Hundreds have gathered in front of the wanted county Administration Building calling for the end of a mask mandate if we want to wear a fax, fine, we can take care of ourselves. When george floyd is saying i cant breathe, he died. Were wearing a mask saying i cant breathe, were forced to wear it anyway. The reason i hate masks, most child molesters love em trevor goddam these people were crazy they should have let them storm the School Building because maybe they would have accidentally learned something. Im trying to process everything going onta rally. No matter how many times i watch that video, i still find new things to protest. Like that video was the closest ning ive seen to Facebook Comments happening in real life. I like individual freedom. White people are the real george floyd. Happy birthday, martha mask wearing was invented by Jeffrey Epstein oh, and heres another reason its hard for america to get the pandemic under control, even when places do have rules for social distancing, this is how some people follow them. Growing concerns over covid clusters, especially on college campuses. In ohio, police cited several people at a house near Miami University during the labor day weekend. Body camera footage captured a Stunning Exchange between an officer and a student. You probably know why i want to talk to. You too many people . Do you know what the ordinance is . Ten people . Yeah. How many people are in the house. Probably 20. 20 people inside . Yeah, you might want to start clearing them out. Ive never seen this before. Theres an input on the computer you tested positive for covid . Yes. When was this . A week ago. Are you supposed to be quarantining . Yeah, thats why im at my house. You have other people here and youre positive for covid . Thats what were trying to prevent. Thats why i was staying home. Trevor we are so screwed. The main part of quarantine isnt at being at your house, my friend, its about being away from other people so that you dont spread the disease. Im scared to know where this guy puts a condom on his body. At this point im glad its just coronavirus. Can you imagine this dude handling ebola . Wait, so im not supposed to eat a monkey . Because i gotta tell ya, theres some confusion there. And just by the way, watching this Police Officers body cam footage was like playing a Virtual Reality game called White Privilege because this kid was clearly breaking the law but the cops tone of voice sound like he was telling him the specials. Can i interest you in not breaking the law today . Ill give you a few minutes to think it over and come back. So some people are misinformed, some people are crazy, and some people are both. People like donald jaundiced trump, president of the United States and one man super spreader. Overnight at a packed indoor rally, President Trump breaking nevadas covid restrictions to court voters in the key Battle Ground state. Were going to win nevada. Speaking to mostly maskless supporters, his first indoor rally at a month. If the governor comes after you, which he shouldnt be doing, ill be with you all the way. While those behind the president and in front of the cameras wore masks, most of the crowd did not. But that didnt bother supporters like mila christianson who camped out overnight. Im not wearing a mask, it shows i trust my president. Trevor okay, look, i got why a trump fan would have trusted trump before. But how to you still trust this man after he admitted hes been downplaying the coronavirus this whole time . I dont get it. I really dont get it. What do you mean you trust him . This is like believing a nigerian email scammer after he tells you hes a nigerian email scammer. Hello, im a smalltime criminal pretending to be a wealthy prince. Will you send me some money . You know what . I like this guys honesty. I will send him 50,000. And as for trump, how are you going to call yourself the president of law and order when you openly flouting the law, and not even for a noble reason. Its just so he can spend 90 reason ranting how vegetables were invented by the deep state and Hillary Clinton. And this isnt just about breaking the Law Enforcement what donald trump is doing here is actually dangerous. The last time trump held an indoor rally he lost 25 of his black friends. There you have it, everyone from College Students to grandmas to the president himself is helping this virus continue spreading. But i guess thats the genius of americas coronavirus response. Unlike other countries preparing for the second wave, america realized you dont have to deal with the second wave if you never get over the first. Its time for us to take a short break. When we come back, dulce sloan goes to the barbershop. Stick around. Im a cheerleader for this country. I love our country. Our country is the laughing stock all over the world, theyre laughing. We are like, in many cases a third world country. Its an embarrassment. Our infrastructure is a disaster. Our schools are failing. Crime is rising. People are scared. We have laws that were made by idiots. Were losing in every way you can lose. We owe all of this money. I mean, the nations a mess. Lactaid is 100 real milk, just without the lactose. So you can enjoy it even if youre sensitive. Yet some say it isnt real milk. I guess those cows must actually be big dogs. Sit i said sit thanks captain obvious. Im you from the future here to warn you about 2020. It cant be that bad, right . Lets just say it gets a bit dramatic. Theres no toilet paper, Hand Sanitizer or sports, oh and trips were cancelled. What . . listen just choose free cancellation on hotels. Com because no one knows what the future holds. Anything else . Were bald and tmobile doesnt just have a bigger network, but a better one than ever before, with scam protection built into its core. Introducing, scamshield, free from t mobile. Get fewer scam calls. Period. With tmobiles supercharged network, you can say goodbye to annoying scam calls, and feel free to answer your phone again. Hello. Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. Lets talk a little bit about black peoples hair. You know, the thing that we dont want white people to touch because it will give them superpowers. Oh, my god now i can dunk . For generations, black people have been made to feel as if their hair is a signifier of their infear auditory in society and, for generations, black people have had to take that bullshit, but not anymore. A leading Retail Pharmacy in south africa has been forced to close some of its stores after accusations of a racist advertisement. Clicks pharmacy is under fire for posting an ad on its web site as describing black hair as dull, dry and damaged while calling white hair fine, normal and flat. It since poll eyed and took down the images. But people want the retail chain shut down five days. Trevor even for a co