Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240711

COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah July 11, 2024

Reason we are all throwing dinner parties in a parking lot. Right now things are looking pretty dire. There have been over 11 million recorded cases in the u. S. And onethird of all americans know someone who has died of covid19. And with the holidays just around the corner there is both good news and bad news. The bad news, of course, is that you wont be able to spend time with your extended family. The good news is you wont have to spend time with your extended family. And this morning there was also some really good news. This morning another potential breakthrough in the battle against covid. A vaccine developed by moderna showing a 94. 5 percent efficacy rate in a trial with 30,000 participates. One big difference between the Moderna Vaccine and one developed by pfizer that also reported very promising results in early trial, moderna says its vac even doesnt need to be expect at extremely low temperatures to remain stable. That could help with shipping and driksz. Trevor yes, people, just weeks after the vaccine was announced, there is another one on the way. I mean are you serious . No vaccine, two vaccines. I mean at this point in three months, well have so many vaccines you will be able to pick the one that best fits your personality. Are you getting the moderna. No, im getting the fiedzer one, im a gemini. Now apparently the Pfizer Vaccine is 90 effective. But the Moderna Vaccine is 94. 5 percent effective. You know what that means, right. Im taking both. Because then i will be 184 percent immune from covid, baby. Whooo. When covid is in the room it is tbing to catch me, where you at, covid, this will also raise the stakes on vaccines because some scientists will come outlining i made another vaccine, it is 88 percent effective and we will be like what . Kill yourself, 88 percent dumb ass. Here is something, moderna says that its research is going much faster than expected. Because in rder to get enough data they need a certain number of people in the study to catch coronavirus. And that has been extremely easy because this pandemic is so out of control. Just imagine that for a second. We are getting the vaccine faster because of irresponsible people so go out on your balcony at 7 p. M. Tomorrow night and you clap for those people who are not wearing masks. Guysk let me tell you something. When this vaccine hits, there is a streak of the streets are gonna be lit, the end of world war ii like, i will be in time square kissing the first bat that i see, come here. Lets move on. Because even as the coronavirus is keeping most people close to home, there are still some people out there who are living their lives an even traveling. And i mean will traveling. Just hours ago spacex launched four astronauts to the International Space station. It is significant because st the first fullfledged taxi flight for nasa by private company. The crew will reach the space station late tomorrow and stay there until spring. Trevor thats right, folks. Thanks to elon musk and Spacex Astronauts can basically catch an uber to space. Although it is going to be risky. I mean you will take a an uber to space it will cost like dm 12 but when you come back to earth there will be surge pricing, 200,000k im not going to pay 200,000 to go back to earth. You could always take the bus. The bus, dudek im not trying to get probed by aliens am are you getting one star for this. I wonder what one star uber ride into space would look like. So the cockpit door blew open, the air got sucked out of the cabin, with he were dying and worst of all the charger didnt work. I for one am very excited by how much easier space travel has gotten. Think just 50 years ago a space launch was a global event. People crowded around their tvs to watch it. Now there are space launches all the time. No one cares. Soon it will be so common that like people wont even feel cool any more. It will be like telling people you are going to tulume. People are like i went to space last weeks. Congratulates on being spacex. Lets move og to ancient egypt where an incredible discover was unearthed. People in egypt digging up history dating back more than 2,000 years, arc yl guests are showcasing more than 100 coffins found in a huge bur yell ground. Each sarcophagus and coffin is painted with intri gat carvings. Xrays show mummified bodies inside. A lot of the individuals buried in these are members of highclass Egyptian Society so their coffins were Higher Quality with more he lap rat designs. They are going to go on display at egypts grand National Museum next year. Trevor wait, they just happened to find a hundred coffins . And now im sure that they are going to need money to study these coffins. I dont know guys. Sounds like a typical pyramid scheme. By the way, i love how grave robbing is okay if you just call yourself an archaeologist, that is what they are doing. They are robbing graves, the only difference is they are wearing a weird hat so it is okay. Imagine if you saw some guy digging up your grandma, hey, stop that, that is my grandmothers grave. I am wearing the hat. And did you see the look on that one mummees face. He looks like he got caught do doing something embarrassing and he really doesnt want you coping up hig sar sarcophagus. You have to assume that your grave is going to be dug up, be prepared, when i die, mi going to pose like a gangster if my coffin. So when they gig dig me up they will be like we dont foe much about this ancient culture but judging by this mans pose he was clearly a bad ass. And finally here is some weird news from the animal kingdom. We know the platypus is a strange animal, that we know. It is a mammal but it does lay eggs. It has webbed feet and duck like bill, also it produces venom. Now were also finding out that the coat of these animals glows under a black light. An article pub will bed in the journal mammal ya is if you shine a ultraviolet light on its fur it will give up a greenish blue tint. One of the few mammals known to do this. Scientists are still in the dark about why they have this trait. If there is even a reason at all. Trevor im sorry, what . Platypus glow under black light . Who made these creatures . Huh . They glow . Theyve got venom, they lay eggs, but they also have fur and they are mammals it is almost like god was finished building the earth and used the leftover pieces to build the platypus. Take the spare duckbill with the raccoon body, lets see what happens. This should be interesting. Honestly, people, we keep finding out more strange things about what platypuses do every day, at this point put them in a cockpit of a plane, maybe it knows how to fly. And also what is happening in the scientific community, huh . Half the worlds scientists are working their ass off to find a vaccine so we can go back to living our livers and the other half are i dont know, lets see what glows am i will say this, it does explain why we have never seen a platypus on an episode of csi. All right, i will use the black light to scan for any evidence of this murder scene. Okay. What do we detective platypus, what the hell . No, guys, its totally not what you think. We have to take a short break. But when we come back, President Trump officially concedes and officially unconcedes the election. What does that mean . Find out when we this is an ad for a chip so iconic. We dont need a logo. Its the threesided crunch. You know, that cheesy, spicy, crispycrunchy, flavor packed bodega snack that rhymes with. I need those. An ad with no logo . Its another level. 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Lexus has been celebrating driveway moments. Heres to one more, the lexus december to remember sales event. Lease the 2021 is 300 for 339 a month for 36 months and well make your first months payment. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. And well make your first months payment. Its in our dna. We want to see whats never been seen. Hear whats never been heard. Feel whats never been felt. We are all explorers, and there are new worlds to explore. Whoa . Someone please help of course. Youre tenacious, ill give you that [heavy breathing] product not yet rated. Welcome back to the daily social distancing show. Late last week news Network Officially called georgia for joe biden bringing the final Electoral College vote to 306232679 the exact count that donald trump won by in 2016 which basically means that trump is the Hillry Clinton of this election. Lock me up. Lock me up. Many are refusing to admit their man has lost and over the weekend they hit the streets in d. C. To make their case. While trump vowed to keep waging his uphill legal battle, thousands of supporters flooded the streets of the cap tolling. Capitol. The demonstrators rallied behind a president who has refused to concede an election he lost. Largely maskless crowd echoing his baseless claims about widespread voter fraud chanting this isnt over. Look, this isnt over, not even close to being over. Far right groups like the proud boys linked to White Supremacy and violence made themselves visible at saturdays event. Trevor wow, this is so strange. Why does the not white supremacist president have all these White Supremacists coming out to support him, its so weird. Also it is interesting how now all the Trump Supporters are suddenly okay with protesting and blocking traffic. How quickly their attitudes have changed. I bet were only three mondays away from them kneeling at Football Games like i will not stand for the anthem of a country that does not support my maganess. I actually feal bad for a lot of people. I feel bad for the people who have been brain washed into thinking that biden dont win. I feel bad for the people who got hurt in the violence that broke out and most of all i feel bad for whoevers uhaul this is. That has got to be the worst moving day of all time. Because you know that guy was like all right, i will get up really early, pack up quick, its the weekend so there wont be any traffic. And it is really no sur pries that Trump Supporters arent admitting defeat because the truth is they are just taking their lead from the man himself. President trump spent this sunday golfing and tweeting up a storm. Early this morning writing this about president elect joe biden. He won because the election was rigged. Critics and even some republican supporters took that to mean that mr. Trump was finally admitting that he had lost. But the president soon followed up with another tweet stating he biden only won in the eyes of the fake news media. I concede nothing. Last night the president tweeted i won the election even though he is behind by more than five and a half million votes. Twitter quickly flagged mr. Trumps claim notek official sources called this election differently. Trevor i will say, man, all the talk about trump being an aspiring dictator, this is some weak shit like now is the time you should be taking over all the state capitolsk installing new governors arresting opposition leaders, doing all of that. Instead he is sitting at home trying to manifest a win on twitter like a little bitch. I won, send, does that work, okay, how about i am the winner. Send. No. Okay. How about i lost, not, that is the one. Trevor is he spreading so much misinformation even twitter has had it with trump. Also if donald trump truly believed any of this nonsense, just believe he wouldnt be golfing, if you are truly fighting against wrongdoing and corruption, you generally dont find the time to squeeze in a game of golf. Nelson mandela was never like where are my where are my spikesk i got to play and oppression. But first, i have to work on my short game. At this point i feel like trump will always find time for golf no matter what is happening. He could be running away from a bear and he would still be like the bear is going to kill me. The bear is going to hold on. Remember this green is bad. Aahh, the bear. So donald trump is staying that he won the election. His supporters are saying that he won the election. But meanwhile trumps lawyers are slowly moon walking away. President trump facing a new setback in his legal challenges to the election. The Trump Campaign is abandoning a major part of his legal challenge to votes in pennsylvania. The campaign is dropping its claim that officials unlawfully blocked observers from watching ballot counting in philadelphia and pittsburgh. Today the president s lawyers dropped their lawsuit in arizona. Admitting it would not change enough votes to matter. In a pennsylvania lawsuit a judge asked trumps attorney are you claiming that there is any fraud in connection with these disputed ballots. The trump attorney admitted no. On friday a top lawyer at jonesday which has represented mr. Trumps campaign for more than four years told colleagues during a Video Conference call that jones day would not get involved in additional litigation in this election. Trevor damn, donald. You are losing court cases all over the place. It is almost like a miracle, he took one election loss and turned it into a thousand more losses. Yeah, exactly like a miracle but for losing. I mean think about it, he is the first president of the United States that lawyers dont want to represent. And lawyers will represent anybody. If you slip and fell three blocks away from a walmart, you will find a lawyer who will be like we have to sue that walmart. Youve got a case. But trump is the president and theyre like come on man, dont the best farther is how these lawsuits are slowly whittling down to nothing from where they started. Because when it kicks off, trumps lawyers were like your honor, this election was rigged. And then it was like okay, the election wasnt rigged but they didnt let us observe it. Okay, they let us observe the election but not as closely as we wanted. Okay none of that is true but can we all agree that the word election is weird its weird, right, he lechshun, sounds weird, right, we can agree on that. So look, trump can say what he wants and his supporters can also say what they want. But his lawyers clearly know the truth. And the truth is that trump lost the election and not because of any voter fraud. People voted. And on january 209. He is going to have to move out of the white house. The good news for trump is theres a guy with i uhaul who is probably still going to be out there and he can help them move. Stick around because when we come back, desi lydic goes oneonone with Tucker Carlson. And dont forget Tanehisi Coates is joining us on the show. Well be right back. burke deepsea driving, i see. customer Something Like that. burke well, heres Something Else with your farmers policy perk, new car replacement, you can get a new one. customer that is Something Else. burke get a whole lot of something with farmers policy perks. We are farmers. Bumpadum, bumbumbumbum lexus has been celebrating driveway moments. Heres to one more, the lexus december to remember sales event. Lease the 2021 nx 300 for 349 a month for 36 months and well make your first months payment. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. You got me feelin punchdrunk crazy, so crazy its everything i want, now maybe, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh can we do it again . Your blessings all i ever wanted im stressed, you got me feelin nauseous wowwowwowwowwow wowwowwowwowwow wow been there, done that. Twice your cousin. From boston. Karen, im just gonna say what everyone here is thinking. You look smokin. Total smokeshow. And they never did find his finger. They had to close the pool for like an hour. I brought a date. Names sam. Dig in. Love is like boston lager. Rich, complex and its over too soon. Right, chrissy . Oh my god. [mallet banging] [drums banging] [inhales] [exhales] [mallet banging] [drums banging] [inhales] so this aveeno® moisturizer goes beyond just soothing sensitive skin . Exactly jen calm restore oat gel is formulated with prebiotic oat. And strengthens skins moisture barrier. Uh i love it aveeno® healthy. Its our nature. ™. Whoa . Someone please help of course. Youre tenacious, ill give you that [heavy breathing] product not yet rated. Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. In these coronavirus times everyone is keeping in touch with their relatives using video quawls. And that includes our very own desi lydic who is actually related to Tucker Carlson from fox news. Yeah, believe it or not, hes her fourth cousin on her aunts side by divorce. So recently desi got in touch with cousin tuck and heres how it went. Hey cousin tuck, hows it going. Feeling a bit more relaxed now that the election is over in look, i was hoping that we could just kind of put it all behind us and get back to normal. None of this is normal. Yeah, i guess. But at the end of the day were still family. Plus i would love to start planning thanksgiving now that halloween is over. The great orange emergency has passed now. And its party time. Whooo, thats the spirit. Look, i know its going to be really hard but lets just try to not talk about poll figure politics at the table this year, okay. Tens of millions of american suspect this election was stolen from them. Tuck, this sounds like another one of your conspiracy theories. Ever wonder why people on both sides are embracing conspiracy theories, why do you think that is happening . Because you keep saying them on tv. Do you even have evidence that ther

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