For the virus. Thank you for great conversation. Hello everybody. Thank you so much for joining us at any time during the event for the incentive and you are here tonight because you purchased this event and thank you so much for that. Tonight ask a question at the bottom of your screen and a reminder to the audience members. Him absolutely because as we get older we are limited or disability with the experience of losing family and friends and unable to connect with people as well. One of the reasons it can be so persistent how to approach said that is just heartbreaking to think that loneliness which leads to deeper loneliness. Stepping back, wide is the historical and societal trends leading to the rise of loneliness . With the role of the internet and social media to possibly alleviating loneliness . Less lonely . What is the role of that . I will say from the outset it sounds like a real downer but i will tell you my experience talking to people about this subject has led me to feel hopeful because the story of loneliness is also the extraordinary power of that connection to heal not only our body and mines and those stories that made me realize that we have at our fingertips the ability to build the kind of world not only to sustain us but also support our children and in the ways we hope they can live. Out its important to recognize the challenge of loneliness comes with a deeper resource. Where does this come from . It didnt just happen people have been lonely for generations and generations but it seems that shakespeare was writing about it from western literature. There is that mobility factor for this opportunity and also move away from communities we have come to know over time. The other challenge is cultural it is the most difficult to address. Even though i go on the Street Corner what is the number one priority in life . They would say their kids or spouse or even though i would say that how we actually live our life our time and our attention and energy. So for many of us over the last many years, that focus is not on those people that work for other priorities. We dont do this because we are bad people are dont value our relationships that because they live in a culture that tells us that success is defined in a particular way and not by your ability to build over time that with wealth and power and reputation. And to be called successful in the media. It with those followers of social media and then to say i made it. And then to acquire a position of power and a manager of the organization to say he really made it. And then to achieve in those three areas is that the pursuit of the goal contracted with that pursuit and not a lasting fulfillment so there is a culture that leads us to prioritize to define success that is different and suffer from human relationships to focus on things that separate us to de prioritize. Technology is the single most common question i get asked. Parents the kids on their devices all the time or in their room. Is there hurting my child and making them are lonely . My belief about technology is that technology itself is the tool. How do we use it . We can use it in ways to strengthen us if we live far away from a relative we cannot travel and see them often and take time on a regular basis than that is a pro social experience to strengthen our connection. If we use technology that can be powerful also. So im coming to Miami Florida and we can catch lunch or dinner and then to stay connected with friends. But also you find yourself as a member of this community, which there are many like you around that if you are gay. So the Online Platforms can help people connect with others so all the ways that can be helpful that what i worry about with technology that further disconnects us because whats happening with the use of technology as the time that we spend on social media gets in the way from the time we would stand in person. The second thing is technology dilutes that personal interaction. How many of us have had lunch or dinner at a restaurant and found each of us are checking our phones in between or get distracted . That happens to me that even worse than that ive had many experiences of talking to friends on the phone but then mindlessly scrolling through my social media and i need to do that but i just fall into it but that dilutes the quality of the conversation because we cannot multitask when we think we are it is between one thing and another very rapidly this is why its so important to ask the question now but perhaps even more importantly the quality of the focus to other human beings saw this to say this technology is a mixed bag to weaken the connection i worry how we use Technology Even though it is serving as well and in particular with young people i worry about that accelerated culture you see on social media we are comparing it to our average day and then we come up short that is just a recipe for chipping away further at the selfesteem which makes it harder. One last question before we open it up i was moved that you do detail the story of so many people engaging in solutions here and around the world individuals tools and communities and cities and states i would love to hear about some of those solutions and ones that could be relevant right now because obviously we are in this pandemic and engaging in physical all distancing so that struck me we are biologically primed not just to be better but we are feeling not very normal so one of the solutions that you found pre pandemic that could be helpful right now . This is one of the most impact on inspiring parts of the book with this privilege of meeting these individuals who struggled with loneliness but had these extraordinary ways to connect with people and creativity but they showed me that we are not consigned to be lonely that doesnt have to be her destiny we can build connection and help others. I found there were a few key principles that came up that i think is a bedrock dealing with time. If we are spending some time each day, 15 minutes a day that can be an extraordinary foundation videoconference time spent calling a friend to hear their voice or to say im just thinking about you. That made it seem like a long time but a little bit goes a long way with that connection. We dont need to quit our jobs and spend all of our time with need to turn that life upside down but then we will feel more deeply connected the quality of time really matters in the way to improve that is to eliminate distraction. One of the greatest gifts we can give someone elses full intention i mentioned this because in the world where we solve problems it is easy to forget listening deeply can have a profound healing effect on other people and thats an experience you have had to be fully present you have an amazing feeling of being seen as an incredibly intimate experience so by eliminating distraction by being open and sharing and having the courage to be vulnerable deep in the quality of interaction that can be much more powerful than 30 minutes of distracting conversation. What was a surprise to me is that service goes against loneliness now that you understand how it has that effect to turn our focus inward you can understand why Service Helps and the context of the positive interaction and affirms we have value to bring to the world in a tangible way and to reaffirm who we really are and finally an Important Note of solitude which is we dont always think of that is being important. You may be alone in the state of solitude but it is a welcome state one where we lessen noise or be connect more deeply with ourselves or center ourselves that could be five minutes sitting on your stoop with the wind against your face or you remember three things you are grateful for at the beginning or the end of the day or the walk you take in nature. And then to re anchor ourselves and when we approach other people and to have better conversation and enjoy stronger connections i would put these together as the Core Principles i learned. But especially given the state of the world now and how we are struggling with covidien team that disturbing virus and then to build on principles because maybe we are physically distant but that doesnt mean to be socially distant and with that social reception for the choice to go in the opposite direction and then to step back and reaffirm of connections in our life and resubmit to prioritize and then to act on it. And in Small Business and more focusing care and those who might be struggling. And then telework at the same time. Through the small opportunities cannot only economically deep in the connection but set ourselves up to be more connected and less alone than we were pre pandemic. What a beautiful sentiment. You say social recession but what you urge to counter that is get takeout or support a local business to make those investments in your relationships and friendships so the social economy doesnt go into recession like the economic economy. Yes it is an opportunity for social revival. That doesnt mean we have more parties or large groups but the introvert or extrovert we all need social connection and that revival is where we prioritize people. One sample one simple creed coming out of the book is put people first i realize thats what i needed want to do. And Building People centered life and world when our first and second child was born is i worried about the world they would be brought into we read the headlines about violence in communities and the struggles we have a so many issues from Climate Change to healthcare that we were most concerned how separated people were and how me so what kind of world that we are bringing a child into them. How it is we could create a better world for our children and other peoples children we recognize what we needed to do was tip the scales toward love and away from fear we saw it was a deep struggle between these two powerful forces if you see this generosity and compassion am so happy to see that during this time with covidien team but we also see fear manifest and anxiety and frustration and i can have a toxic relationship and they come to believe that much of the decisions and motivation comes from one of these two sources so the whole reason we worked on this but the last two years is we saw part of the effort hopefully in a small way to create a world fueled by compassion and the very forces that we know our children need to sustain them and receive from others that will only happen if we start in our own lives and how we can live and prioritizing people more living the people centered life. Amen my friend. Does data show having a wider variety of friends black or white or young or older liberal or conservative is better than friends just like you . Thats a great question. I of the data shows that clearly but what we are seeing increasingly from anecdotal evidence is if you have a diversity of friends that can open your mind up and make you more open to people who are different than other respects. In traditional societies it was easy to live in only associate with people who thought like you. You could do that and traveling between countries and be here in the United States in particular but in 2020 it is much much harder to avoid diversity or people that think differently than us so part of what we have to recognize we can go in one of two directions, we can either embrace that and reflect that or we can just think be with people that think like us. Because well always be interacting with people that are different than us its not cultivated the ability and we run the risk to be deeply alienated from those around us and thats what we are seeing in society from those who have pulled away from those not like them. Welcome to the Commonwealth Club of california for our special program tonight. Just a quick housekeeping of course if you have anything that makes noise on the cell phones, husbands, whatever if you can put them on sale an silent for t of the program we are recording this for tv and