Los angeles. [inaudible]. As well as others your joining us. Meanwhile, you will also find many of our podcast available in our library. One of media tab on the homepage. Our youtube channel, seattle whatever podcasts are pretty tango topic community. Has been do to the events. [inaudible]. On the way into the lifestream, we hope you will consider supporting us. By using the delay but that the bottom of the screen. Or through our website. And also a townhall 4432. Theyve also been hit by the navy a negative effects about the covid19 outbreak. If youre interested in supporting independent bookstores by purchasing a copy of the book tight. Please use the link on lifestream feed. Tonights conversation will last about 45 minutes. And then there will be questions. Please about your questions now in the asked the question on the podcast. Then will be able to address questions. We will try to get as many as we can. Townhalls works made possible through your support. And is supported by cultures and other foundations. Members of organizations and older members watching. [inaudible]. Chicago author, memoir of a writer who tends. Shes a cowriter of the advice. Com in addition to cohosting the sunday night show. [inaudible]. The collaborating with others. Popular book. Near times best seller list. Known fiction writer. A narrative Nonfiction Book and then merging and also pregnant. Mcr spoke. [inaudible]. For the New York Times. Bon appetit. [inaudible]. That is the subject of tonights talk. Please join me and welcoming our guests. Eight. Thank you megan. I think you townhall. You can buy the book there. And thank you sam for being here. Thank you for having me. Im used to this and im going to turn into a pumpkin at some point. Will wait and appreciate you even more. It will definitely keep you to an hour. [laughter]. We were talking earlier this week. The townhouse staff, we have to 90 minutes and i was like. I dont think we will be here for 90 minutes. Seems like a lot of time. I can do anything for more than like an hour before time. And now it is like now i take sudafed to be like. Back. Is talk to the audience. I want to steal your energy. Just let you know that i have graciously agreed to read something from the book. I want to give a little bit of an introduction to talk about with the book has meant to me. In this moment. Like during this pandemic time. Everything feels different. And on some level, everything feels kind of bad. Even like when theres joy, within a moment. The world is falling apart. We have no plans to say people and figure this out. So was reading a book, i was impressed. What is this. What is this that i feel. I feel happiness. It doesnt feel complicated or is just going to fall off. Then, was about this. The book has been do you want to wait for a second, do i need to come back. Okay. [inaudible]. This is big. Your book was an instant New York Times number one bestseller. And so last six weeks, and in the book store of the bookseller. Intervene, its okay to say that youre killing it. During this pandemic your killians. You are right. The thing about it, i was about it that way is another reason that brought me like true joy because if anyone should be killing it during the pandemic, should be a fast black clear lady whose been blinding for tenure who not long ago was narrowly waged worker. Like you and kong it illnesses and like you are like our society has said its okay if you die. Now. Like when i originally was trying to come up with the title. And wanted to go with that but one of the ones on the list was dying is fine. So i have accepted. I mean, is what we are doing every day. Im glad we did it. Im glad to talk me out of it braided. Like your success has been like an actual real joy to me. Because it feels like in this moment, is close to some bit of justice. Like when ill still have. I dont know, i just wanted to say that in thank you. I dont know how to gracefully accept a complement without deflecting it but i will say thank you. Youre welcome. You get a taste. Right pretty. No, it is good. I deserve it. Right. Thank you. See im making it weird. I dont know how to make it so that people can say nice things to me. Most normal people, will not normal there is no normal. I think people have a hard time with that. [inaudible]. I would much rather like be carrying this over a loudspeaker. Instead of looking at my actual face. If you want now, you can hide behind your book and read. I am going to read so this is a request. My favorite thing is for someone to tell me what they want to hear. And angelo wanted to hear a little bit from body negativity from this terrible book that i hope yall will purchase. Okay. Somebody make negativity, the peace and essentially about all of the things that we are told that we have to do to have a body and have a good body and have a healthy body or goodlooking body and how i didnt think any of those things were possible for a normal person. Okay. What is happening on your back right now. Do you know. How when chair is on its bridges the skin soft. Have years spending every day in a straitjacket type brought, lets weird marks on it. How are you malls doing. What is that weird scaly batch. Are you already so tired from all of the other shed that you have to keep track of that you cannot be bothered to worried about the part of your body that you cant even flipping seat. I feel that. I think the last time that i actual thought to myself, hey, wondered what is going on my back. Was in 2002 what i was sleeping with the student lives in the apartment downstairs from mine. He would moan weird shipped like you are so warm inside. And i love looking at your back while making love to my rear end. I left the first time he said the one thing because im sorry. What have you been with corpses pretty joy of undiagnosed measles. Anyway, when try to make michael back nicer for someone who enjoys looking at its. About a backs rubbing loofah sticking almost dislocated my arm trying to scrape the dead layers of skin off my back with so much force that blood. That would squirt lotion on it and after my shower and try to slather it on. Because i have an anticipated have dry and raw the trickiest part of my body to reach was going to feel after having trimmed years or ten years of dead cells off of it. Itd of having to back up to the tell rack and gingerly move myself up and down his adroit help like a dog to try to get the lotion to absorb into my wounded skin. My baby back ribs do not feel right for weeks. But the next time the homeboy tapped on my door and appropriately stated night, wearing nothing but eyes and a throbbing erection, he did stopped something in toomey long enough to ask, ouch. You follow your back. Do you want me to put some managers on this. Good old thermometer kept reminding me that no good deed goes unpunished and we should never do anything nice ever for anyone. List of your bodies of our and examine all of the ship that you could do but dont. Because there could possibly keep track of all of this to have a nice chest. On the menu groups because they do that on their own. Talking about that piece of real estate between your neck and removes begin. Heres how i take care of my chest. Sometimes when i wash my face, but only after ive taken a shower, accidentally squeeze out to his moisturizer or put too much oil into the palm of my hand and as i frantically looking around the bathroom trying to find some way of disposing of it, doesnt include dribbling it all over the floor, they would automate through that i can just rub it on my chest and have it weirdly shiny breastplate for the first few hours of the day. I know the back acne is a thing but a pretty sure i also have chest acne, and i dont know if that is what it is but sometimes i get these little bumps and what i survived puberty for 30 years later going to be in the clear aisle at the drugstore. Trying to figure out which of the options available work best. Its supposed to fit above your chin from the moment they unexpectedly sprout chest until your 99th birthday. But you know what. I cant do it. I do not have perfect its and thats okay. I think putting my nipples to the name of my neck days are over. One of the things they keep telling myself over and over again like a mantra is people already know what your body looks like so you dont have to try anymore. My breasts are shaped like summer something pretty just like im unwilling to fight with gravity is a ravages my face, these large bags of wetlands hanging below my clavicles areo longer going into daily battle. The even read the lifted. The separated. Disadvantage pretty cut right, does the other unwired dig. Does it create lumps under your is a reasonable, scratchy. Does it with moisture. I heard thats the thing youre supposed to watch. What were we talking about again. Theoretically everyone loves a strong broad shoulder nobody tells you how to get one. I guess you heather either have the barn with him or tennis with those odd machines at the gym that make you look like a bird clapping is painfully winning score. Michelle obama is the Gold Standard for arms. Im sure theres a trainer on how they got that way. But life is short. Invest in some nice cardigans. For vaseline on your elbows. Were sweatshirts, 365 days a year. Get arm definition. Arm pit maintenance as a whole thing. You could like i have, look at all of the possibilities, and occasionally spring herbal deodorant doesnt work into your dark armpit. To keep wild dogs off you. Or you could wax or sugar or shave or laser the hair off and debit with something to prevent crimes. Poweredge and deodorize it. Every day, as a couple of days, weekly. I guess that all depends on what kind of hear you have whether or not you are taking admins. I love an easy fix even if it isnt real. Just remember of the available deodorants to choose from a staggering. I dont know how a person is expected to make an informed decision without getting a bachelors degree in chemistry first free to use to just be like you want to smell my baby powder or Cherry Blossom every time you raised your arm in class. Now hey 100 percent of the time or destroy your brain. Was i supposed to keep breathing. Youre muted. I cannot hear you. I am back. Sorry everybody. I felt like this was the case. , i will hear your breed. I mean, i needed to hear this. The muted. This was out loud. I forgot where you told me to stop. And then i was like wait a minute this whole thing is really long. And i wasnt and then privately like heavy semi voice memo to samantha legend. [laughter]. I will call you and i will give you a personal reading after this. I will do it. And thank you for that. Angela i think there are so many things that your work touches on is what i love about it is fundamentally, it is about being in your body. And you are writing about every way that it interacts at every level of society. Whether its personal or how you see yourself. Thats probably why it resonates so much for so many people. As you were saying like yes, the standards that were supposed to for bodies to our possible. Even have to bridge even come close to be able to do that. And really like everyones body is a mess. Like in a different way, falling apart. But like you were saying, theres a such thing as a good body is a lie. And you are here goodbyes alive. And so i think like there is that what you are saying is it is enough to have a body. It is okay to be okay with that. Samantha at the end of the chapter i kind of get into and this is the thing that means a person dealing with the disease. All of the things that youre supposed to eat to keep your body going. I dislike if you truly eight to 12 cups of kale or whatever and broccoli. You never stop eating. Like there just is no time or all of the like things that youre supposed to eat. In addition to all you want to eat. And then the things that you want to eat. Like i need 14 cow stomachs to consume all of that. But theres this idea that someone somewhere is doing it. The someone out there is getting all of the folic acid they need during the day and all of the vitamins. If but its in his know and i have ever met. [laughter]. And like the ideas i can never be me. It is impossible. Im just never going to like like all of the nutrients are going to get rid son like the fiber in this not afraid. Angela so take a part of the think of eating pretty the pleasure. it is your job. This basically like a fulltime job. Like what youre talking about. Thank you want some joy in there. Im not so you can never be full either afraid i need 14 cups of kale. Samantha i had one for dinner. I felt very much like a loved myself for the five minutes. The rest of the time that i was eating the salad, i was just thinking while this is a lot of work. And i dont know. I really wish there was something else. So i just wanted all to be free enough to like say im not getting in all of the beans and that is fine. I dont eat enough beans revolution, and that will be good for me. Angela i think theres also this idea of culture that if you did do your optimal kale and nut situation. Somehow you would be perfectly healthy. Theres this idea that if youre healthy, your morally superior probably. Chris what about people were living with these problematic bodies. Nevertheless good rain. Angela i would much rather do whatever i am going to do and that shame. Samantha im talking to my friend deb who had watched a documentary and he was like, you know like people watch documentary think like they are a professional all of a sudden. And i was thinking you watched one of eating came to be 87 he got cut out this need to do that. And i was like man, if you are 72 and like, you dont want to potatoes. What is the point and why do you live to be that age if you cant like a nice cream all day if you want. So you can be around at 90. Like no way. Im actively decomposing all of the time. Im just going to do whatever i can do to get to the next day. Angela because dying is fine. Samantha yeah. And sometimes this is salad and sometimes it is jesus. [laughter]. Angela he writes much about your body so openly. Like where did that come from. How did you start out. Like im going to become a writer now. I think. But as i come from. Because a lot of people uncomfortable with it. Samantha i definitely do not go from the smart progressive people. And there is no like sort of, i mean, nobody ever gave me a hard time because i was fat they certainly the work like to waste your body. Just like well, we are poor. You look like will we look. Youre fine. And so i didnt like kind of grow up with a radical selfacceptance or anything like that. I was definitely wallowing in selfhatred. So when i started writing and when i started like performing my work especially, it was like, is scary as it is still scares me. I think back and perform the likes of good if anything was like, im fat but i love walking. Theres not whole thing. I would never want to be that person. Because that is not real. Like writing about it even as uncomfortable as it still makes me feel, is just like well at least you know what youre getting when you get it. I give you read something that i have written. And you know who i am and i cannot like hide from that. It was the same, think maybe it started with opening up about that. But then i dont have to explain what i am going through. I dont have to tell you that if youve read something that ive written, you know that i will be in the bathroom for 35 minutes. Dont call an ambulance or whatever. And i think when writing about my body was sort of like saying paying. Member like dating online. And i had an open profile in my name, obviously people do with their were getting because my night my name was for throb. [laughter]. All of my pictures work very honest. I was kind of exposes that many feel that he never wanted someone to show up in a barbie like, oh no not you. He operated the most of the that i saw mine was alive. So if it were free in my writing to talk about it. Oh, i thought you were like a tiny little waste. Actually no. It is different because i would write it loan and i would like send things to my editor. Takes a lot of people dont talk to me about it see it before its published so that is sort of still feels like mine. Then once its on the road, cant take it back. Ive said these things. Now everyone has read them. So were just going to talk about it. So feels less scary especially now because i just kind of write it in my little humble self. Then months later he comes back in the book. I dont reread it. Until late send me things and im always on, i put that in here. Angela i picked up on, which is important. I was loose one is writing this. Some in the place where this is just what i need to say. And you make yourself free. If saying the things that you imagine maybe people might make fun of you. Or like youre my friend. And youve already said it. Samantha when he said that. That is a big thing for me to what i will say anything for us joke. Im always trying to get the left. Hundred take aim at myself first. And punching laterally. Like no one is going to get hurt. But the thing about, learn about reflect bullying or comments when youre again, either your like a crier or im going to make a joke and then it takes the bw joke i carry the senate. Like i am for timesheets from pay less. Really going to say this going to be more than that are worse than that pretty so i learned that is a coping mechanism early. Just like get through the day. Angela that your coping mechanism, not absorbing it to and internalizing it which is all the people do. Samantha are some of but in the moment, i am like a say it before you say it and then later on like, they still senate. And strong but ice and like i said it first. Angela what about the embodiment later like people who are embodied in my mind means like your occupying your body and also connected to your brain. I probably made a mistake from a life or who are embodied like somehow super healthy. Raven certain kind of body like this is a deeply embodied person. When youre dealing with all of the stuff like like you become an expert. If youre not a scientist but, if you have like require some kind of terminology. And you have that knowledge of that world experience. Thats who you think about or do you hire help reduce that seem accurate. Samantha thats more beautiful than i would never put it like that. So i appreciate you for giving me of that language. Because now im going to collect and say, deeply embodied person. Thats true. Like i often feel like my brain and the thing trapped inside. And so i know because its given me so many problems. From somebody areas. I am deeply knowledgeable. So not to get all of this about a bit when you have like a lot of problems. And youre in like a black body and you like to educate yourself to the doctor a lot. You learn that you need to learn all of the stuff they are saying so that we see this other doctor you dont know very well he can tell them what they need to know to like so i think when i started to deal with the grunts, i learned all of the stuff because your sink this kind of doctrine that kind of doctor. And you get know what this one says analysis. So theres kind of this stuff just as a function of like making things easier for me. Boys try to make my life easier to move through. And then i think once i really started writing about it, oh no. What is happening. Okay. There we go. Angela our internet is bull shipped so thats it. Samantha is probably a vaccine outside. Our wifi whatever. [laughter]