This event virtually. A Community Organization and a place where we can share ideas. Id like to thank samantha. For viewers who want to watch this broadcast with closed captioning we recommend viewing this stream on our youtube page. To enable captions push the cc and the video will be available for rewatching immediately after. The podcasts upcoming programs growing up in los angeles. Mark gellman on Edward Snowden and the american surveillance tapes as well as sister helen, our engaged science. Meanwhile, youll also find manile of our past tal many of our past talks, visit our home page, or wherever there are podcasts. Town halls has been under strain due to the pandemic. We hope youll use the donate bottom of the screen or to our website. Theres a way to give texting 443 44321, text town halls. If youre interested in supporting local independent book stores by buying a copy of the book presented tonight. This lasts around 35 minutes and afterwards theyll take questions. Please submit your question although its not guaranteed theyll get to answer every question. Town halls work by our sponsors. Members of the organization, id like to thank all of our members. Samantha irby is a chicago author, essayist, and comedy writer. The cowriter of the in addition shes cohosted a show and the live series. Collaborating with ab ji abby jacobson. And the book we are never meeting in real life on best seller nonfiction. An author of like a mother, nonfiction explaining the emerging culture and science of becoming a mother. The New York Times, the cut, bon appetite and fresh air. Much the book wow, no thank you is the subject of the talk. Please join me in welcoming Samantha Irby and angela. Hey, thanks, megan. And thank you town hall and third place books where you can buy the book and thank you, sam for being here. Thanks for having me. Its 9 p. M. Here. Oh, wow. So im going to turn into a pumpkin. [laughter] at some point. Well, we appreciate more than your presence here and well definitely keep you to an hour. Okay. We were talking earlier this week. I did a little test run with the town hall staff. We have slotted up to 90 minutes. And i said i dont think well be here for 90 minutes. I cant do anything for more than an hour before i start fading and that was in the before time. And now its like, you know, withering out as my life force. Yeah. To take sudafed to be awake. [laughte [laughter] so were going to for the audience, were so happy that youre here. Its painful we cant interact with you, but well steal your energy. Just so you know, smamantha graciously agreed to read something from the book. And talk about what the book meant to me at the moment. In these pandemic times, everything feels different on some level. Everything feels low key bad all the time and even moments of joy within a moment youre like, oh, but the world is falling apart, right, and we have no plans to save people or figure this out. When i was reading your book. I was like what, what is this that i feel . I just feel happiness and it doesnt feel complicated and it doesnt feel like its just going to fall off. Lets talk about this. The book has been you went away for a second and back, im just going to keep going. Im going to why i okay. Dont touch anything. Okay. Now this is big. Your book was an instant number one time best seller. And for the last six weeks, a New York Times and an indy bookstore best seller. Thats weird. And i mean, its kind of up to stay youre killing it. When i was thinking about it that way thats another reason that brought me true joy because if theres anyone who should be killing it in the pandemic, its a fat black queer lady for 10 years and not too long ago was an hourly waged worker, who has multiple chronic illnesses, multiple comorbidities. Youre like the graphic that our society decided, its okay if she dies. [laughter] you know, and meanwhile youre out here getting your life. You know whats funny when i originally like was trying do come up with a title im glad didnt go with it, but one of ones on my list the top of my list was dying is fine, so i have accepted i have accepted its what were doing every day. Im glad they talked me out of it. Yeah, but i think like your success has been like an actual, like source of real joy to me because it feels like in this moment its as close to like some bit of justice and that we might not otherwise have. Yeah. So, i dont know, i just wanted to say that and to thank you for being you and i am he putting this into the world. Well, thats i dont know how to gratefully accept a compliment without deflecting it, but i will say thank you. Youre welcome. I dont know if its justice, thank you. Its a taste, right . Yeah, so, its good. I mean, i deserve it. Right. No, im thank you. Im making it weird because i dont know how to have people say nice things to me. I dont know. Most normal people. Theres no normal. Like regular people have a hard time with it and have fun. We can move on. And i wish i could have looked at my own face when you were saying that. Id much rather be listening over a loud speaker than my face. If you want you can hide behind your book and read. Im going to read, my favorite thing is for someone to tell me what they want to hear and angela wanted to hear a little bit from body negativity from this terrible book i hope you all will purchase. Okay. Body negativity, the piece is essentially about, all of the things that were told we have to do to have a body and have a good body and have a healthy body or a looking body and how i dont think any of those things is possible for a normal person. Okay. Whats happening on your back right now . Do you even know . How much hair is on it . Is the skin soft . Have years of spending every day in a straight jacket type bra left weird marks on it. How are your moles doing . Whats up with that weird scaly patch . Are you already so tired from all the other you have to keep track of you cant worry about the part of the body you cant even see . I feel that. I think the last time i thought to myself hey, i wonder whats going on on my book, was in 2002 when i was sleeping with this dude who lived in the apartment downstairs from mine. He would moan weird things during sex like you are so warm inside and i love looking at your back while making love to my rear end. I laughed the first time he said the warm things because im sorry, what . Have you been corporations . Do i have undiagnosed measles . Anyway im not such an athat i wouldnt make it nice for my back and i bought a loofa and almost dislocated my arm with so ma so much force. And then i would squirt lotion and try to lather it on and i didnt know how raw the trickiest part of my body would feel after it had 20 years of cells scrubbed off it. I ended backing up to the towel rack and gingerly rubbed myself up ap down like a dog against a dry towel to try to get the lotion to absorb into my skin. My fresh baby back. And the next time he was at my door with new about an erection, he did say, ouch, baby, did you fall on your back do you want me to put some thing on this, no good deed goes unpunished and you should never do something nice for anyone. Lets flip your bodies over and examine this that you wont. And who could have a nice chat. I dont mean your boobs, they should be on their own. Im talking about the piece of real estate between where your neck and boobs begin. Here is how i tike care of my chest. Sometimes after i watched my face after a shower, ill put too much moistizer and looking around the bathroom finding a way of disposing of it that doesnt include dribbling all over the floor and dawn on me through my morning fog, i could rub it on my chest and have a weirdly shiny breast plate. I know back acne is a thing, but im sure i have chest acne. I dont know if thats it, sometimes i have the bumps, and what did i survive puberty for if im going to be squinting at clearasil aisle finding out which works get on a sage author action. The breasts are supposed to sit under your chin when they sprout on your chest until your 99th birthday. I cant do it. I do not have perky t and and pinning my naval to my neck days are over, dude. And one. Things i tell myself over and over again, the mantra, people already know what your body looks like, you dont have to try anymore. My breasts are shaped like summer squash. Just as im not willing to battle my sage face, hanging off my clavicles, are they even, lifted separated does the band fit is the cup right, does the underwire dig, is the bra flat against your skin. Does it create weird lumps under your clingy sweaters. Is it lacy, breathable, scratchy, wick moisture, i heard thats a thing youre supposed to want. Wait a minute, what were we talking about again . Theoretically, everyone loves a broad, strong shoulder and no one tells you how to get them. I guess youre born with them or the odd machines at the gym looking like a bird flapping. Michelle obama is the Gold Standard for her arms and im sure theres a buzz feed with how they got that way. And life is short. Invest in a nice cardigan, vaseline on the elbows, get arm definition lifting a coffee cup. Arm pit maintenance is a whole other thing. You could have the possibilities and let it go and spraying some herbal deodorant that doesnt work into the arm cave that wont keep the wild dogs off you or shave, depilatory, laser it off. Powder and deodorize it. Every day, every couple of days, weekly . I guess that depends what kind of hair you have and whether or not youre taking beauty vitamins. I definitely am, by the way, because i love an easy fix, even if it isnt real. The sheer number of available deodorants to choose from is staggering. I dont know how a person could be expected to make an informed decision without getting a bachelors degree in chemistry first. It used to just be like, do you want to smell my baby powder or Cherry Blossoms every time you raise your arm in class . Now its hey, would you rather be sweaty 100 of the time or destroy your brain . Was i supposed to keep reading . Do you want me to keep reading . Oh, i cant hear you. Youre muted. Im back. Okay. Youre back. Sorry, everybody. No, no, no. I just, i felt like this was the case that ive made if i can to a sam irby event i want to hear you read. I needed to hear my soul needed the thermometer d out loud. And i forgot where you told me to stop and this whole thing is really long. I mean, i was privately send you a voice memo talking about the legend brazilian waxer. And i will call you, i will give you a personal reading after this. And then what else . Just text me, ill do it. And thank you for that. Yeah, i am ooh, i think theres so many things that your work touches on to what i love about it, its fundamentally, its about being in your body and when you write about your body, youre writing about, you know, every way that it interacts with every level of society and interpersonal and see how you see yourself and i feel like thats probably why it resonates so much for someone people and what you would saying was, yes, like, i mean, the standards that were supposed to hold our bodies to are impossible and or you have to be rich to even come close to be able to do that. But really like everyones body is a mess. Everyones body in a different way is falling apart and failing us, but you were saying, theres no such thing a good body is one thats alive and youre here and youre through so i think that what youre saying is, its enough to have a body. Yeah. And its okay to sort of do the least with that . Yeah, i, for one, feel ev everwhem overwhelmed by the sheer and this is vexed me as a person with crohns disease, all the things youre supposed to eat to keep your body going. If you truly ate the 12 cups of kale or broccoli, you would never stop eating. There just is no time or to eat all that youre supposed to eat in addition to the things you want to eat. Like if were talking about the things were supposed to eat and then the things that you want to eat, its like i need 14 cow stomachs to do all of that and i dont like theres this idea that someone somewhere is doing it, right, that someone out there is getting all of the folic acid they need during the da and all of the vitamins, but its no one ive ever met. [laughter] and my the idea that it could ever be me is impossible. I just am never going to get all the nutrients i need. The knnutrients and fiber and this and that. And it takes out of part of eating those more pleasure, its just your job, right, and basically like a fulltime job. [laughter] what youre talking about, you know, you want some joy in there. And never could be full on 14 cups of kale although sometimes i like a salad. I had one for dinner, i felt very, very much like i loved myself for the five minutes. Like for the rest of the time i was eating the salad i was like, this is a lot of work, and i really wish that this was something else. So like just i just want us all to be free enough to like say that i am not getting in all of the beans and my if i dont eat enough beans revolution. And i think theres also this idea in our culture that so if you were to do your optimal kale, nuts situation and nutrients and somehow youd be more healthy for perfectly healthy and thats a good way . Theres a yoo i had an idea if youre healthy youre morally superior to other people. What about people who are disabled or People Living with these problematic inconvenient bodies, right. Were no less good, right, than people right, i would much rather do whatever im going to do and have that shave a few years off. I was talking to my friends dad who had watched some documentary and he was like, you know, you know how people watch old people watch a documentary and think that theyre a professor all of a sudden and i was like, you watched one movie. And he came to me and was like, you know, youve got to cut out this and got to do that. I was like, man, if you are 72 and like, you know, counting your potatoes or whatever, what is the point . Why even live to be that age if you cant like eat ice cream all day if you want . Like what why so you can be around at 90 and like no way. Im actively decomposing all the time. Im just going to do whatever i can do to get to the next day. Because dying is fine. Yeah, and sometimes its the salad, but sometimes its cheese. [laughte [laughter] i want to ask you, you know, you write so much about your body and so openly and where, where do you think that came from . I love it when you started out. It wasnt like, im going to become a writer now and this is my thing, but i wonder where does that come from . Its stuff that a lot of people are uncomfortable with, right . I think i i definitely did not grow up with like smart, progressive people, right . And there was no sort of like i mean, it was like nobody ever gave me a hard time because i was fat, but they werent certainly like embrace your body and accept, you know, it was just like, well, you know, were poor you look like we look, its fine. And i think i didnt grow up with any sort of radical selfacceptance or anything. Like i was definitely wallowing in selfhatreselfhatred. When i started writing and performing my work especially, it was like as scary as it is, and it still scares me, right . I think that people perform the good like im fat, but i love walking. You know, theres that whole thing. And i didnt ever want to be that because thats not real. But its like i like writing about it even as like uncomfortable as it still makes me feel is just like, well, at least you know what youre getting when you get it. Right . Like if you read something ive written then you know who i am and i cant like hide from that. And it was the same i think, may be i started with the crohns first, like being open about that because its like, well, then i dont have to explain what im going through. I dont have to like tell you. If you read something ive written then you know im going to be in the bathroom for 35 minutes and like dont call an ambulance or whatever. And i think when writing about my body was sort of like the same thing. I remember like dating online and i had a profile and my name and obviously people knew what they were getting. Because my screen name, but i was like all of my pictures were very honest and like, you know, kind of exposes that made me feel i never wanted someone to show up at a bar and be like, oh, the version of you that i saw online was a lie. And so i always wanted felt more free in my writing to talk about it so at least when we meet youre not like, oh, i thought you were like a tiny little and im like actually, actuall actually. [laughter] you know. So i mean, its different because i write alone and then i send things to my he had to are and im like put it in the book before i change my ments right, right. So it takes a lot of people who dont talk to me about it, see it before its published so then it still kind of feels like mine, right . And once its out in the world its like well, cant take it back, i have said these things about thigh folds and now everyone has read them so were going to talk about it. So, it feels less scary, especially now because i just kind of write it in my little hovel, send it off and then months later it comes back in a book. I mean, i dont i dont reread it until they send me like the first pass of edit and im like, oh, i put that in here . And obviously i wrote it in a state and but youre saying the word i picked up on, i think seems important to me is freed. And i was look when i was writing that. Must have been in the place, this is just what i need to say, but theres something, too, when you free you make yourself free because if youre already saying things that you imagine maybe people might make fun of you or give you a hard time about, if you already said it. I mean, thats im glad you said that because thats a big thing for me, too. For one ill say anything in service of a joke, right . Like im always trying to get the laugh and i take aim at myself first, its like, i dont know if its punching down. Its punching laterally, right . Like no ones going to get hurt. But the thing about like, i mean, you learn how to deflect bullying or comments when youre young either youre like a cryer or youre like, im going to make the joke before you make the joke. Yeah. And then it takes the teeth out of your joke because i already said it. Like if i walk in the door being like, im poor and i have shoes from payless, what are you going to say thats going to be worse than that. So, i learned that as a coping mechanism early, like just to get through the day. Its like, you know, punchline after of my own. And thats like your coping mechanism and youre not just absorbing it and coping. There is that, ill say it before with you can say it and later im like, well, they still said it and it stung, but at least i said it first. Theres this idea of like embodiment, right, or how week of people embodied, in my mind, youre occupying your body and also connected to your brain, its like a i think i probably made the mistake most of the people who are embodied are super healthy or have a certain kind of body, but no, when i read your book, thats bodied. And you say, no, i have this squamous cells in my illeum. And is that something that you think about, do you, is that accurate to say im a deeply embodied person . Well, that sounds more beautiful than the way ive