Collections of the library of congress for up to a year to study intensively and extensively and to produce great works of the sort you get to hear about at the National Book festival. Welcome to produce joining us live on cspan today. We areli proud to partner with cspan again this year for todays event. Our next Program Features r. K. Russell in conversation with roswell encina. Became the first out active nfl player to identify as bisexual pic his new book is titled the yards between us a memoir of life, love, and football. Roswell encina is a chief Communications Officer at the Library Library of congress. Please join me in welcoming them. [applause] thank you, kevin. Thank you russ. I finish a book this weekend is such a beautiful number. Very honored, very profound. I think its a little bit of love letter to the relationship in your life, your mom but i think especially the men iner yr life, when i mean your stepfather, your biological father, your childhood friend, hoops, your best friend joe and, of course, all your teammates. How did relationships with these men impact you. Timing that was a foundation of what i felt my mended office, what i discern of my masculinity, of my identity. In this birth very much a culmination of all these people. My stepfather for example, i lost a very young age but still his messages ring true to me today, that the character of man isntno all that big or, how strong you are, how intimidating you are but off of your word and your character, saying things and following through, being defendable and accountable for people in the something that carries me to this day. Hoops, my childhood friend who i consider a brother now, is someone who is taught the resilience, who survived heartache and lost and think up and bites on film becoming of my, my best friend joe, about the heart and about morality and really seeking out to be the change in people to be like in the someone peopleme completely. The biological father in the stuff in my life for most of it he is an example of the thinks maybe not to do of the false steps we can all take his young men, the arctic is the force of healing from the trauma so you dont continue the cycles. All of these men teammates as well have taught me about the things that truly means to be a man and those things have nothing to do with sexuality or how much money you make are a setup if you are being a Football Player and not being. Its about how you fix people, how you shop in peoples lives, the things they say when youre not in the room about you and think they will say about you when you were gone. Host you talk about a lot in the book about the struggles you had when you were a young man. How did you get through that . Who do julie not to make sure you could get through it . Guest multiple and multitude of people. My mother firstbe and foremost. I can talk about the men and life but the one constant is my mother. Shes my best friend to this day. She taught me so much just by being herself, who she is, that there are no limits of what you can do as a person in this world. She had me at a very young age. My mother got pregnant at 19 and had me at 20 come as as a sie black mother in america. A lot of what she heard was the thing she couldnt do, the person she couldnt become the statistics that we fell into and she exceeded all of them. She was never to woman for something. She was never limited. She got her masters while being a single mother and just was always in my life to the point when i was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys the presented was moved by mother in with me because and if she would be the foundation, she would be the rock for me. So yeah, its funny because i learned i think the most about being a man also from a woman and i think that is pivotal because also as midweek sister with multiplicity of people with women and nonbinary people every understand how to fit in these molds, how was rick these multitime and how we coexist and uplift each other. Host you mentioned that sports has given me a lifeline you might if i read apart from your book . It says you wrote football was how h i found place of how i fod peace in high school, how i obtained a scholarship to a top university, how i attracted most of my love interests. Football was how i made friendships became brotherhoods, and when no oneth else wanted m, football was home. Guest yeah, so much of my identity, a lot of it for my benefit, some to my detriment. Football especially going up in texas is a pivotal part of culture there. I say its the 3f, family, faith and football. Though my family alone tempted look like other peoples site did not attend church regularly like others to come football was something that i could lean on, something i think proceeds all postings when he saw me and something that as the outside world begins to valuefo and vale before i began to do the same. I tried to tell you athletes and with all people in general that of course its okay to sacrifice things to achieve your dream and to succeed in the profession and interest in the creative hobbies or activities you love but it was never okay to sacrifice yourself. That is the line walking the light of football. It becomes obsessive in your life and i think as much as id the football come as much of the kidney brothers in the shape of teammates and mentors in the male figures and coaches and family and purpose in education, i let it take things from me. My uniqueness, my love for something my individuality, the ability to challenge the things i was told about being a man or a black man in america. I let it encompass all of me. Its okay for it to be a huge part but football is not all that and and it took me a long time to unlearn that. Host you received a scholarship at purdue. You played in a football team. For the folks who didnt know what richard r, could you explain what richard r and what did being a a richer teacher . Guest yes. Redshirting is essential when you commit to a college and go to the college to play on the team but for whatever reason the first or yet to set out. For me it was because i was undersized. I was tall and athletic but i was kind of small to be defensive end. It was basically a coach telling me i need her to go work out and eat and geter bigger if i i wo play in this league. Which i agree, which i did do. There of course are benefits to like you get to learn again, get to be around the college atmosphere and other athletes intimates and would be in this practice is going against for me at the time big ten starters, all americans, and things of that nature. Seeing what it takes and you get the extra year to prepare and compete. You still get for years to point out that which is amazing. For me it was vital that also comes with hardships like i moved from texas to west lafayette, indiana, to play football and for your i wasnt doing that. For your i was told you were good enough to be in building but not out on the field and that is a knock at your confidence. Its a knock on the sacrifices i made and it comes with its own unique challenges. Host one of my favorite parts of the book is when your mom surprise you for your birthday. You guys drove around and related at where the cowboys played. It was your very first nfl game. The Dallas Cowboys versus the philadelphia eagles. Im not sure if they are cowboy says her eagles fans, but your life with full circle. A few years later you get a call fromm julie jones when you were drafted to the nfl. What was going through your mind then trickery that they better call soon. [laughing] i was stressing. But no, its amazing, like you said the full circle moment. My mother and the birthday gifts apprising them so pivotal on my tree because although i i plad football though such a disconnect from me and nfl. These were people that were largerthanlife laying on the tv screen and i send everything that they did with something that i could not be cheap or could not aspire, not even in my realm of thinking. But going to see the game and seeing these men were huge men, they were still financing 100yard field, still playing the same type of ball i was like, stillhe the same rules at the same game made so much more achievable to me. When i get the call in 2015 to be Dallas Cowboys and i hear jerry jones thick thick country accent say my name, its validating. Like i said i sacrifice so much in that time to be a Football Player and achieve the dream like being drafted that most people never cheapen the life, but also as a professional, you realize its time to go to work. Its time to show, and just in terms of my personal journey, cultures were im starting to understand i wasnt straight, that my sexuality for whether it was gay or bisexual because it did have a lot of information about bisexual at the time, whatever it was i wasnt straight and those never think i put under the box of sacrifices for sports and getting drafted in mine mine i will did that. Im glad i i didnt have a boyfriend or open about my sexuality because i made it. Once youre in an event we all assume the money is pouring in and of his hard work has paid off already. Theres a lot of work aside physically but a lot of mental work that needs to happen is you never know if youre going to get resigned, if youre going to be staying with eating, if youre going to get injured. How was it going from the cowboys to the buccaneers . Guest at first it was devastating. The cowboys were my hometown team. They were thinking team that drafted me. He theres pride in every player we want to fulfill that. We all want to be like jason witten and play there forever and retire there. Which he ended up going somewhere else. But you want to be that figure in your team. You what the people that started to bring in the room to be right and correct and exceed those expectations. Getting cut from the cowboys was my moment of basically own shit a messed up, this is something i can even do . Even before going with the buccaneers i went on several trials that didnt work out. I went to go up try for the jets, the patriots in each trial i i felt a bit with something chipped away. So to go to tampa bay and have in my opinion kind of like the least best workout, to be in that and have team say we will give you a chance, was at recognition, glimmer of hope i needed to really kick into second gear. I also remember that was a time was like okay, theres no more funny business to my life. Im not hanging out with friends as much. Im not going, to be the hometn hero anymore. Im not going to date. Im going to just focus on football life as a funny way as soon as you try to shut all the stores and focus on one thing actually at showing to the broader picture of where your focus shouldd lie, and that happen to me. Host when you were in tampa something would a big happened in football. This is what Colin Kaepernick meal during the national anthem. The whole nation witnessed all this was happening with the nfl. Tell me was happening during the scenes. How workplace deciding if they need to kneel . It seem like an easy decision o it, but what were the factors that players were weighing tray through so much going on. Especially in the nfl, people have perception of what it is but honestly we really just talk football or talk sports in general most ofra the time. Guys cheer and with more moments but we are there some of us almost 12 hours a day strictly forfo football and that was the first time we were in a discussion in such a largescale was about something so much more. A lot of misinformation, players who didnt understand what it was about there were executives and coaches who didnt understand. The first time with a owners of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers came to speak with all of the team, and to come up with what they believed to be solutions or to address the problem but also to the guy how we could get all the places ten for the anthem and support the game of football and what the answer represented. It was a bit of a mess i have to be honest at the time, you struggled with it. Guest yeah, because the answer mean so much to so many people. And also police brutality, social injustice for black people and people of color also something that affects me and my family and everyone that i know it it affects all of us whether we are people of color or not these are two very things. I fed family be in the military. My brother currently is in the army. My dad was in the air force, sorry, the navy. My granddad was in the air force. So many things the anthem represents to so many people. To me a message and the conversations were being had and i think that was important part. It was an opportunity for the nfl to jump in on the discussion i did not think at that time he really did. Host talk about that. They jumped in, made some changes. What you think of themm could do think it is enough . I know itss a major culture change but used the league on the right path when it comes to this . Guest i think the league is on the good path. I think as we navigate theres always missteps, but it has to make. Also the representation of the leak league us up at the european are watching football and we get the message to them in a way that is both digestible but also meaningful, doing things like putting into racism in the end zone is something that a lot of i think the audience would see as that is cute but what are we actually doing . The nfl funding changes confronting black businesses, funding women ownedse business, trying to be more proactive about issues instead of reactive. I think once you we look at the landscape of the things theyre doing that making an effort. I think the nfl, its a huge organization, there will always be room to o do more but theyre open to have that discussion and listen to people whoop come to e table and challenge in a and wht they do and what they think. Host more to the nfl later. Another subject matter asn youl hear this years theme is a good has a i story and your story isa trail blazing story that we believe Everybody Needs to hear. The library of Congress Logistics books broadens our world but also needs to be a mere two excellent worlder so begin to seek other people stories and this is where your story comes in a importantly. You in your book mentioned about how you struggled with your sexuality and your happiness, versus your career. I think, that is football and the league allibbi read this. You said the questions in my head grew louder. Selfdoubt about my sexuality and my identity overflowed into worries about the future. Theree was a bitter irony of how i was shrinking away from a dream even as my hard work had brought it within reach. The nfl wanted me but only because they didnt know the real me. I donte want to that muste been something really hard to wrestle with. You work toward your entire life for this moment and then what do i do kind of thing . Guest football is one of those things, those unique things that though it is a job at that level, it is one of the few jobs where it calls your manliness for your character likely or as a person. I think that something we focus a lot on an nfl players like we dont understand a central child it when you pick up football at a very young age people tell you what type of person you need to be to play this game. Some of it is correct him like you need to be a little crazy to go and hit of the people at full speed and get up and do it over and over again but theres rhetoric, misogynistic record of adults are like a girl, there is been tough which is of course important but not kind of blocking all emotions. Get up and rub some dirt on it works in effect to some effect, but it doesnt work for all of your life obstacles. When you focus on the type of people that can play football you really saying the type of people cant play football. I grew up with that, all of this, now most of the listed in the league as will require realized i i didnt estimate that that type from a very young age, when Football Player, the strong, masculine, straight, hardnosed, nonemotional person, i thought im not a Football Player. Do i not belong here . Host that was hardest part i think when i was reading your book, you struggled a lot with both depression and maybe binge drinking. How are you today . Guest not drinking, thank god. [applause] thank you. I am for your sober in september. Host we wish you well. This month is the four your anniversary in europe that as a that was published on espn. I will beatk a quick excerpt and the talk about that. You wrote, i want to live my dream of playing again. I have worked my whole life to play and be open about the person ive always been. Those two objectives shouldnt be in conflict, but judging from the fact that is in a single openly player in nfl, nba, Major League Baseball come or the nhl brings me pause, to change that. For me, for other athletes to show these commonot goals, and r the generations ofhe lgbtq athle who will come next. When you were in college i believe came out and most recently carl came out. Currently the only nfl player who is a free agent who is out. Let me ask you this. What do you think it will take for more professional male athletes to come out . I note it is a major culture change picture it start with whether it is the league or teammates on the owners or the sponsors . Its a major undertaking and the know youve taken this task but what you think needs to change for more players to feel more comfortable coming up . Guest it has to come kind from both sides. I think we have heard of a look at more about how the league feels about its own inclusion and diversity, players have come forward to talk about just accepting a player for the mayor of the game and their hearts and their hard work. I think all that is great. I dont think weve had that the message from ownership outside of like robert kraft. I dont think with that thats a messaging when it comes to marketing and promotion when you show and you see on tv or on commercials or in the stadiums of what type of people are about toan be fans, let alone allowedo be players. Its making sure you ingrain inclusion into the place of your foundation, into the base of your Organization Chart lgbtq people even if theyre not out players, as coaches, as a executives, as it administration. All of these things, as referees. Again needs to be more inclusive where people feel comfortable. You cannot ask someone will make them feel comfortable if you dont understand their experience. You are treating the worldy instead of actually the problem and the cause of it. But i personally though i worked very closely with the nfl and professional players, in the sports culture, i truly believe thein most shameful come with te youth, like i was saying a lot of that is in culture we here at a young age. A lot of that has been losing lgbtq athlete growing up because they dont feel included in sports, because i dont feel supported in spor