steven in a space helmet. >> i was never attracted to dolls and pink things and all that stuff. i loved digging in the dirt. at that time was feeling very different from other kids, not knowing what i was feeling. you feel that the outside doesn't match the inside in a very real way that is not easily understood. so i can't give a real good clinical definition of what a transsexual is, but for me, at a very early age i just knew what was inside, this presence, this feeling of being somebody other than what i was on the outside was real. and it's been something i have struggled with for many years in my life. i started keeping journals, i think when i was about 8 or 9.