woke up and i made this lame joke, so you had to come back to the hospital again. i missed the food. still, laughing. >> reporter: so difficult to lose a child -- >> that's not the order of things. >> reporter: talking to people pe mine disaster. >> i can't imagine that. >> reporter: trying to come to grips to that. >> maybe you come to grips eventually and learn to cope but you never really -- it's always there. >> you can tell to this day it's still there. >> never goes away. >> she has a quote from her daughter that begins the book talking about the importance of smiling. and carol burnett -- she smiled herself -- >> i grew up watching "the carol burnett show." that kind of show doesn't exist any more. >> we talked about that too. talks about reality tv, i don't get it. i don't understand the allure.