he doesn't tell us who he votes for. i think he got in trouble years ago when he endorsed cand dates and what i understand it was a good meeting and i know he has a lot of respect for governor romney. >> steve: that has to be daunting for your grafather, world leaders look to him. >> just a little bit daunting. i am glad i don't have that job. >> gretchen: you write about glorious ruin and how pain sets you free and that's your new book. i want to go through point to help folks out. starting with minimizing. what do you mean by that? >> tipecally when we deal with pain and suffering, suffering is not just big stuff. it is tension and relational and anxiety and all of those things . typically we have to figure out ways to cope with it.