[ cheering and applause ] greg: yes! all right. Okay. [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: i guess that will do! (laughter). Greg: it is friday, so you know what that means, let's welcome tonight's guest, he is so bland, he is getting sued by rice cakes. Cohost of fox and friends, tyro! he is a lawyer named trustie, like a cop named friskie. Former trump attorney, and doj prosecutor. If you bont buy her new book, she will have to learn how to cook, a fox news contributor, kat. He is stronger than gravity, and puts up with my dipravity! [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: yes. Yes. All right. Before we get to some new stories, let's to this: [ ] greg's leftovers. Greg: all right, it is leftovers, where i read the jokes we didn't use this week. And as always, it is my first time making them. The movie beetle juice beetle juice opens in theatres today, about a dead guy that wants to return to the land of the living. (laughter). Greg: that's a blot that sounds really familiar. [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: set it up! set it up. [ applause ]. Greg: hunter biden faces 17 years in prison over his tax evasion case. 17 years. . . Which means if he goes to jail, he may never see his next girlfriend grow up. (laughter). Greg: i am proud of that one. Joe biden has finally admitted that the inflation reduction act has nothing to do with inflation, it was a climate bill. But in this rare moment of honesty, he says he only calls his wife a doctor so she will remove whatever is stuck in his ass. (laughter). Greg: yeah. It has been 72 hours since cnn announced it was bringing back brian stelter, and their bathroom custodian has committed suicide. (laughter). Greg: this week, kamala harris received two ringing endorsements from vladimir putin and liz chaney. I like that they have her name there. So you don't get confused. I bet you didn't know that vladimir and liz had so much in common. But here is vlad and liz in happier times. Oh, gloves are off today. You are bare knuckle fighting tonight. Greg: yeah. Yeah. This week, kamala harris went to debate camp where one of her goals is to show the difference between her and joe biden. To do this her team will acknowledge joe biden's grandchild. Yeah, stings! coldblooded. Greg: a new study shows florida is the most fun state to visit in the u. S. ! [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: gotta believe it has something to do with all the hot chicks! [ cheering and applause ]. Hey, that's my base. That's my base. Greg: george clooney compared joe biden to george washington. Joe biden compared george clooney to george wilkes booth. A marketing firm admits to using your own phone to listen in on your conversations, but stopped after they listened to one depressing man's conversations almost forced the can p to shut down. We go to that mine live for comment. (laughter). Saw that one! greg: it was like a frisbee in the desert, you could see it 10 miles a way. Kamala harris is proposing a new tax break that will help entrepreneurs small start business. That will help young women that want to become nannies, says her husband. (laughter). Greg: a new study shows that owning a pet won't you happier, so that's why kamala harris has already returned tim walz. Joe biden says that the secret service won't let him interact with crowds any more, because it is too dangerous. Not for joe but the crowd who risk getting pooped on. (laughter). Greg: finally, a new study says that doing high intensity workouts can reduce premature ejaculation. In other words, jesse watters bought a stairclimber. Greg: let's do the news. All right on thursday hunter biden pleaded guilty to nine charges stemming from failure to pay more than a million dollars in taxes. But before the guilty plea, he wanted to enter a plea that allows a defendant to acknowledge there is enough evidence to convict without admitting guilt. So translation, hunter, who is a lawyer by the way, wanted to maintain his innocence while pleading guilty. That's like having your crack and eating it too. (laughter). Greg: which i am sure that hunter has done up the butt of a romanian sex worker. Who hasn't? (laughter). Greg: only two people raised their hands. Kat didn't. Hunter's effort failed and he ended up pleading guilty, and he will be sentenced in september. Hopefully his dad pardons him. If you expect that i would be happy, you would be right. I am happy. But not over this plea. I am happy because it is friday night. And larry is back stage in his shortie robe peeling me a big bowl of grapes. But i don't feel joy about hunter getting whacked about taxes. I pay the government more money than nancy pelosi spends on her face. (laughter). Greg: that's a lot. [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: that's a lot, people. But also, i love hunter. He makes me feel good about myself. I have done some crazy [ bleep ] in my life. But i never banged my dead brother's wife. (crowd saying ohhh). Greg: not yet. And i have never been paid by a ukranian party, except to strip at their holiday party. I also never failed to pull out of a stripper. Which was never an issue at chip and dales. And i never pretended my kid wasn't mine. I just left him in the woods to be raised by bats. But hinter did do something amazing for this show, he gave us a legitimate reason for talking about whores and blow, because it is news. Who we care if it wasn't joe biden's kid. It is a fair question. And i don't feel comfortable being like the creeps on the other side who hunt us for criminal reasons. A spokesperson for the manhattan u. S. Attorney's office admits what we already new, the hush money case against trump was nothing more than engaging in lawfare to boost his political image. Watch. He did nothing to stop the council running. . [ indiscernible ] did that backfire? it sure did. They were just out to get him. [ text on screen ]. Greg: thank god for the secret hidden vagina cam. (laughter). Greg: now, that dude in the video told the new york post, he said all of that in private to a stranger that he was trying to impress, which makes sense. It is the oldest trick in the book. If you want to get something from someone, you put on a thong and pretend you are interested. That's how i got this job. [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: but his confession is also true. We knew this was real and it pisses all of us off, and it should. But zo we want to be like them, scumbags that prosecute people for political purposes. Hunter would bang anything that breathes and shares, but i don't want to hunt democrats, even if democrats hunt people like me. Of course, hunter should go to jail for crimes, especially if you would go to jail for the very same thing. No one is above the law. As hunter's dad loves to say. But to be happy about hunter pleading guilty because he is a democrat means we are no better than the goons that have weaponized the justice system. All trump did was commit the crime of winning. Todd, people often forget and for good reason that you are a lawyer. True. Greg: i don't know where your life went wrong but that's for a whole other show. What do you make about his change of heart, what is he trying to accomplish here, hunter biden? a couple of things. This was an an attempt, a final attempt to avoid accountability, which he has been able to do his entire life. He was not able to do it in this circumstance. And the whole approach he had was, i need to do this for my family so i even though i didn't do anything wrong, i am going to plead guilty for my family. You know why this backfired at the end of the day, if you care about your family, how about acknowledging a little girl who is your daughter, first and foremost. But from a legal perspective, why did he ultimately have to cave and plead guilty, the law and the facts two really good reasonings that were completely lined up against him. They had him dead to rights. But the big issue and we have not talked about it today. The timing. This is more about the calendar than it is the law. He knew if he pled guilty right now, his team with the judge could get a sentencing in december, december is the perfect month for him, one month after the election, one month before dad leaves office. Despite joe protestation that he is not going to pardon or commute hunter, he would do crazy stuff for his kids, he is going to be pardoned. Greg: all right. Well done, todd. You almost sounded like you went to law school. I fooled them. Greg: did you go to a real law school. The university of california at los angeles, ucla. Greg: oh, wow. The bruins. There we go, four people! greg: it is not usc. Jim, electrical to the show first time. Hope you are doing okay over there. Sitting next to todd, i know he smells. You were one of trump's lawyers. When you see the secret video, is that going to have any impact at all. It is infuriating, but does it matter? no. I mean not for the court purposes. For the court of public opinion, sure. It is a gaff, because you accidently spoke the truth. You don't have to be a lawyer or even the esteemed level of todd at usc or wherever. Greg: it is ucla. A at my correspondence law school i learned (laughter). No, he is going to get a pardon, that's the safest bet in the world. But in terms of lawfare, i testified in congress, and as someone who was a prosecutor for 27 years, i have never seen anything like it across the board. It is inventing crimes when there is not a crime. And we call this the hush money trail. We are calling it legal activity case. So i see these things from a systemic point of view. And i think this guy just admitted the obvious. You have prosecutors that are politicians at heart. That are announcing, i will find a way to prosecute this person and they are doing it. And you don't have to be a lawyer to realize there is fundamentally wrong with that, that we are turning the system up side down. The more attention we can give to that the better. The system is broken when you say that you are going to get donald trump at all costs and that's what they are doing. Greg: yeah. Chilling, chilling. All right. We have kind of two topics here. It is a bigger topic, an umbrella topic, if you will. Are you sad or happy or chagrinned about hunter? i mean greg: you remembered to breathe. Well, there is so much else going on. (laughter). Another reason that he might have done this is because the trial could be embarrassing. This is in the news right now basically once. And whenever he is sentenced, that's in the news. The trial would be in the news everyday. That's what i see when i watch dateline. Dateline is why go to law school when you can watch dateline. I saw an alfred plea once, and i didn't have to google it. Greg: can you cite the case? there are several of them. Where would i begin? but also, you know, i really liked what you said about, how it is not you shouldn't be happy because there is someone on the other side, and kind of look at the case for what it is, i agree with hunter that paying taxes sucks. The difference is that i still do it. Greg: yeah. And part of the reason why it comes off hypocritical, his dad is talking about fair share this, fair share that, judging other people for being upset about paying taxes, who his own son, who he says is the smartest guy he knows was apparently not bothering. Greg: exactly. That's where it comes from. And it is probably to avoid more negative press. Greg: hm, all right, tyrus. The brag stuff pisses me off. I would love to get into that. But there were some besmurchmentes in your monologue, with the lighting and the music, it is harder to pull out after stripper than you realize. Greg: why did they take your single? i mean one of my kids will find out. You were made at penitentiaryhouse, sweetheard penthouse sweetheart. It happens. It is hard for me to talk [ bleep ] about a guy, i raised my kid that was born at the strip house. Thank god she doesn't watch the show. (laughter). We talked about this yesterday, this was the panic button that was hit yesterday. Hunter is no dummy, dad can't remember, so they are going we need to get this done now, because there is a general fear she is not going to win. They felt pretty confident, but they felt when he did that interview with the new york economist yesterday, i think that and i think what is your next move, vp. They can't do that. And that group, all they care about is money. There was no polarization, there was no, are you a racist, it was, how can i protect my money. And they handled it at a high level. Hunter says, he is falling on his sword. You are killing yourself after you stabbed everyone else. There is no reason to fall on your sword. Greg: i would not touch his sword. No. And who would want to? but what bothers me the most, as a father, if this was my child, i would say, i am going to pardon my kid. Everyone here would do it. Own it. Because you are going to do it. Greg: yeah. Or the fix is in and he is going to get a big fine because they have no problem paying. That is money from us anyway. Either way, it is win, win. Greg: win, win. Let's move on. Will voters excuse the ap's fake news? good job, jen. How do you keep your teeth so white with all the coffee you drink? my secret lumineux whitening strips. I mean, that is white. And because there's no sensitivity, i feel like i can use them more often. And you can get this at walmart or target. Greg: why you don't hate the media enough. [ cheering and applause ]. Greg: thank you. The associated press turn facts into a mess, so here is jd vance for the school shooting in georgia. I don't like that this is a fact of life. But if you are a psycho, and you want to make headlines, you realize that the schools are soft targets. And we have to bolster security at the schools. Greg: that's pretty straightforward, right? here is a headline, the ap pub accomplished on x. He says that school shootings are a fact of life. Calls for better security. You see what he did there, they left out the didn't like part but what would you expect from the people that say, donald trump says, i am not talking about white supremacists and nazis. They left out the i am not talking about. Meanwhile, the harris campaign repeated the false headline to attack vance and trump. There is little question that the ap or the harris campaign knew exactly what they were doing. I wonder how ap would feel about it how it happened to them. A headline might say ap is against lying to people. But you know, take away the against, you have a whole different meaning! and one that is the truth. All right, the doj come out, they were talking about misinformation. Misinformation is the thing that the dems keep railing on. And