so many people want me to hate him or so many people want to just destroy him. and i don't. i wish nothing but the best for him, and a really good friend of mine said, hold on to the love and not the loss. there was a reason why we got married. there's a reason why we fell in love. there was a reason why we were together seven years. and i just hold on to that. >> what was it like for you when it all exploded? >> what? >> it all came out. >> the marriage? >> yeah. when the fairytale was suddenly hit by this hammer blow? >> it was heartbreaking. it's hard talking about. i'm sorry. it was heartbreaking. it was -- i think it was disappointing because i had such an identity in being mrs. parker and being a wife. and so when that's taken away from you, you go, who am i? it was hard. sorry. >> no, no. i didn't know you'd react like this because i wasn't aware it was --