Thank you for watching. Thanks for coming. Im glad youre in a good mood. [ cheers and applause ] it was i am glad youre in a good mood because its another disturbing monday in america. You know, we went into the weekend worrying about kim jong un starting a war. We came out of it wondering if our president is cutting eye holes out of his bed sheets. [ laughter ] as you know, this weekend in virginia the worst people in the United States went to the hardware store, bought tiki torches, lit them up and marched in charlottesville. A nonviolent protester was killed by a white supremacist. And so the president , who is the president by the way, went on television to say this. We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence on many sides. On many sides. Jimmy he started strong and then he had to throw in on many sides. Lets not lay all the blame on the nazis and the klan. There were people who marched against them, you know. [ laughter ] and then for two days he had no further comment. The one thing he decides to be quiet about is this. And of course everybody went nuts because there werent many sides. Protesters were shouting nazi slogans. They were carrying nazi flags. One of them killed a young woman and injured dozens of other people with his car. There were two sides. Not many sides. And one of those sides had nazis on it. [ laughter ] all he had to do is condemn the nazis. [ cheers and applause ] it shouldnt have been a difficult thing. Its not exactly a controversial stance. Not like we asked him to come out against puppies or something. [ laughter ] theyre nazis and klan members and people who put pineapple on pizza. Theyre terrible people. [ laughter ] and it isnt as though he doesnt like to speak out. You know, when donald trump is upset, when theres something serious happening, he doesnt keep it bottled up. He lets us know. Now theyre making ghostbusters with only women. Whats going on . [ laughter ] jimmy good question. What is going on . So the reaction to this was enormous. It was all around the world. Angela merkel, the german chancellor, called this rally evil and disgusting. And you understand what that means. That means germany is taking a stronger stance against nazis than we are. [ laughter ] and they invented [ cheers and applause ] so then after much prayer and reflection the president this morning decided to take the difficult step of condemning nazis and the klan, which was big for him because this is the sort of thing that could alienate his base. [ laughter ] but even he knew he had to Say Something. And so after a few minutes of bragging about the economy he did. Racism is evil. And those who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs. Including the kkk, neonazis, white supremacists, and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as americans. Jimmy what a difference a teleprompter makes. You know . [ laughter ] its night and day. He sounds like a kid whose parents made him apologize for parents made him apologize for egging their neighbors house. [ laughter ] its unbelievable. If theres any Silver Lining to this, and there isnt by the way, its that whatever vacation he was hoping to have is now ruined. It has been a terrible vacation. [ applause ] whatever tough talk the president spared the white power people this weekend he saved for north korea and kim jong un. Heres the president drawing a line in the sand trap from his golf club in new jersey. This man will not get away with what hes doing. Believe me. And if he utters one threat in the form of an overt threat, which by the way he has been uttering for years, and his family has been uttering for years, or if he does anything with respect to guam or any place else thats an american territory or an american ally, he will truly regret it. And he will regret it fast. Thank you all very much. Thank you. Jimmy youre welcome. [ laughter ] i dont know why he cares so much about these threats that this guys been making for years and years and years. But rest assured, whatever happens, something will happen. Unless it doesnt happen. [ laughter ] we will see what happens. We think that lots of good things could happen. And we could also have a bad solution. But we think lots of good things can happen. What would be a bad solution . I think you know the answer to that. When you say bad solutions, are you talking about war . Is the u. S. Going to go to war . I think you know the answer to that. Jimmy all right. Good press conference. This back and forth between us and north korea, its become frightening. Donald trump and kim jong un do not like each other at all, which is a shame because they actually have a lot in common. And not just the terrible haircuts. [ laughter ] these are guys, they both have private jets. [ applause ] they both love silly hats. They have a mutual taste for fine cuisine. They both like to pretend to operate heavy machinery. [ laughter ] and theyre both friends with this guy. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, this is any other scenario these guys would be vacationing together. Meanwhile, the Vice President , mike pence, is on the first day of a sixday trip to south and central america. He is literally distancing himself from the president right now. Pence is in buenos aires to beef up his foreign credentials for when he becomes president in a few months. [ laughter ] mike pence, he asked for 700 visas for his advance team for the trip, and thats not even counting the politicians and diplomats traveling with him. 700 people. Is this a business trip or mike pences summer beach blast . [ laughter ] so before he left for colombia the Vice President was in indiana at the indiana state house for the unveiling of his official portrait. He was governor of indiana and as is the custom they commissioned a painter to capture his likeness, which will hang for all time. One, two, three. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my wow. [ cheers and applause ] thats i like that. The artist did a great job. Mikes not too bad in the Body Department either. There are rumors that mike pence may be positioning himself to be president if for some or many reasons trump does not run in 2020. But donald trump is not showing any signs of that yet. The elections still more than three years away. His campaign for reelection started yesterday with this commercial, a real commercial that aims to highlight his many achievements thus far. Democrats obstructing. The media attacking our president. Career politicians standing in the way of success. But President Trumps plan is working. 1 million jobs created. More americans working than ever before. Unemployment lowest since 2001. The stock market, alltime record highs. The Strongest Military in decades. The president s enemies dont want him to succeed. But americans are saying let President Trump do his job. Im donald trump, and i approve of white supremacists. [ laughter ] jimmy thats an unfortunate freeze right there. All right. Were going to take a break. When we come back, a new season of bachelor in paradise is here and so is our own reality dating show, baby bachelor in paradise. Episode 2 is next. So stick around. Well be right back. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by blue buffalo. Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. No splashing wait so you got rid of verizon, just like that . Uhhuh. I switched to tmobile, kept my phoneeverything on it oh, they even paid it off wow yeah. Its nice that every bad decision doesnt have to be permenant ditch verizon. Keep your phone. Well even pay it off when you switch to americas best unlimited network. Are you ok . What happened . Dad kinda walked into my swing. Huh . Dont you mean dad kind of ruined our hawaii fund . I thud go to the thothpital. There goes the airfair. I dont think Health Insurance will cover all. Of that. Buth my fathe without that cash from aflac we might have to choose between hawaii or your face. Hawaii what . Haha. Hawaii you might have less coverage than you think. Visit aflac. Com and keep your lifestyle healthy. Aflac when we say study you say haul study haul everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. Vo jacks got your back. Hits, jack somebody craving my smoky jack burger . Vo the smoky jack burger combo for 4. 99. Vo hickorysmoked bacon, smoked cheddar cheese, vo all on an artisan poppyseed bun. Vo plus fries and a refreshing drink. Vo all for just 4. 99. Man thanks, jack jack youre welcome. Vo the new smoky jack burger combo for just 4. 99. Vo only at jack in the box. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hello and welcome back to the show. Ray romano, paula patton and music from Bryson Tiller its all coming. But first tonight we saw the premiere of a much anticipated new season of bachelor in paradise. This is the show that finally answers the question whats it like to get herpes in mexico . [ laughter ] and ill say this. After the weekend we had it was kind of nice to watch two hours of dumb people getting drunk on the beach. You know, they almost had to cancel the show this season because of a supposed incident involving two of the contestants. But i guess it all worked out. Because if it hadnt worked out Chris Harrison definitely wouldnt have been wearing shoes when he explained it. This was the season of paradise when it looked like it might not happen. After two days of shooting we decided to suspend production. Yes, there was trouble in paradise. As accusations and allegations ran wild. Rest assured that our intention as always was to make a show about summer fun. Jimmy oh, really . [ laughter ] that truly was the most dramatic introduction in bachelor in paradise history. So one of the guys on the show this year is ben. Ben zorn. He was on caitlyns season of the bachelorette. But ben seems less interested in finding love than he does in talking about his furry best friend. Ive got a puppy. I got him at ten weeks old. His names zeus. Im such a dog person. I love the black and brown. I love the black and brown combo. I think youve got the right game plan, bro. Ive got a dog back home. Im taking a chance and see what happens in paradise. I mean, i put a lot aside to be here. I miss my dog a lot. Im not here to waste my time. I have back dog at home that i miss very much. Jimmy he really loves that dog. [ laughter ] that dogs probably like you know what, take your time on the island. Make some human friends. Im fine. [ laughter ] as you may know, im the proud producer slash host of a new bachelor spinoff show. Its starring kids. And tonight im pleased as fruit punch to bring you episode 2 of baby bachelor in paradise. First there was the baby bachelor. Im wesley, the baby bachelor. Then the baby bachelorette. I think my husband is in that limo. Jimmy and now we bring you welcome to paradise. Jimmy baby bachelor in paradise. Let me know if you guys need anything else. Bob. He missed a spot. He missed a spot. Camera 7. She was pretty rude to the bartender. Hi, brandon. I do have a secret. Theres something i can probably tell you. Dont worry about it. Ss tell what it is. Jimmy the secret is two feet tall with pigtails on her head and murder in her heart. [ laughter ] oh, no. Charlie. Surprise surprise. Hes my husband. He has a wife . Were separated. Come home with me. No. Get out of here. He doesnt want you. Get out of here. I wish her the best but she needs to move on. Nice job, little baby. Three days. Maisie, are you crazy . Im really crazy. Jimmy oh, youre really crazy . And youre looking for a man who understands that. Yeah. Jimmy and who can deal with that. I dont know. Jimmy you seem confused. Are you at a crossroads right now, maisie . Yeah. Jimmy do you think you and brendan have what it takes to go all the way . Yeah. Jimmy you do. And where are you going to go . I want to go to disneyland. Jimmy you want to go to disneyland. That is the happiest place on earth. I hope that is a Magic Kingdom for the two of you. Yeah. Jimmy after brendans baby mama drama alex and cosette share a romantic moment. Get it for me. Alex is tough but hes really nice. Thank you for the coin. Youre welcome. You act tough but you are a good man. Im not the bad guy that everybody thinks i am. She kissed me. [ laughter ] thats a big deal. Im going to get you. Donovan stole her from me. That guy made a big mistake. Whats your favorite animal . Unicorn. The motorcycles following us. You cant follow us. He almost killed us. It was great. [ laughter ] youre the best. Jimmy on the next baby bachelor in paradise, sparks fly between aidan and kennedy. But ethan refuses to play nice. Charlie hits rock bottom. And the return of did you guys miss me . No . Jimmy bad chad. Wheres all the adults . Jimmy next time on baby bachelor in paradise. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy good question, chad. We have a great show tonight. We have music from Bryson Tiller. Paula patton is here. And well be right back with ray romano. [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by guldens mustard. Add zest to every bite with guldens. And live tv. The channels you love. Your favorite shows and movies. Making your iphone into more of a. Oh my tv is ringing. Hey. Im in the middle of a. A second iphone from at t . Okay right now when you buy a new iphone 7 from at t youll get a second iphone 7 on us. And power both with unlimited data and live tv. Rok y . We got pencils, yes we do wideruled notebooks, scissors, glue weve got ice cream. Sprinkles, too everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. Are you one sneeze away from being voted out of the carpool . Try zyrtec® its starts working hard at hour one and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Stick with zyrtec® and muddle no more®. Ever wonder whats in a beer . If its a bud light, its four essential ingredients barley, rice, water and hops. Heres to the beer you can always count on. Brewed to be americas favorite light lager. Heres to the beer you can always count on. Grooves in your sandwich . Do you always put cheezit of course theyre chips. Chips. Plus sandwich equals the perfect lunch. Ooooh. Dont forget the pickle. Its kind of a big dill. Cheezit grooves. Chips made with 100 real cheese. Dang right its a chip what do we want . Catpacks when do we want em . Meow everything you need to ready, set, go back to school. I do have one question, though. Jimmy what is the question . [ cheers and applause ] so will you marry me . Yeah. [ cheers and applause ] tim charlie, 4th graders. These 3rd graders have got it made. Look. In our day we actually had to walk and take steps. We lifted our legs. It made us who we are. And now theyve got those new easy open gogurt tubes too . I wonder if that 3rd grader knows how good hes got it. Im still wondering if he knows how to walk. New ez open gogurt. Kids never had it so easy. Grocery of wow savings. E wow means you save 50 or more. There are three stages of wow. Denial. Is this price right . Acceptance. And boooyah wait for it. Boooyah has three os. Grocery outlet bargain market announcer this week all assorted pepsi brand 12 packs are just 2. 66 each. Jimmy hi and welcome back. Love is in the air here tonight. Tonight, from the show somewhere between, which airs tuesday nights here on abc, paula patton is here. Then this is his album. Its called true to self. Bryson tiller from the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night on the show this will be good. Floyd mayweather jr. Will be here tomorrow. Chrissy metz will be here and comedian charles gould. And later this week, zach galifianakis, salma hayek, lake bell, jay ellis, with music from midland and bearstronaut. So please join us for all of that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight has an emmy and a peabody on his shelf and four peoples Choice Awards he threw in the garbage all at home. His new show is called get shorty. It airs sundays at 10 00 on epix. Please welcome ray romano. [ cheers and applause ] easy easy [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . That is jimmy everybodys excited because a couple just got engaged here in the audience. I saw that. Where are they . Hows it going so far . [ laughter ] because its different after youre engaged, right . Because now theyve locked the door. I dont know. Congratulations. Jimmy it seems like maybe he locked the door to a cage that she needs to now get out of based on the reaction that we got earlier. Well, its fun. Were both this is you in how many years are you married . 3 1 2. Jimmy this is you in 3 1 2. And this is you in 30 years. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy its pretty much the same, though. How are you doing . You go on trips and stuff and have fun. We just got back. Jimmy where did you go . We went to the exotic jersey shore. We go to the jersey shore. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you go every year . I did it when i lived in queens. I grew up in queens, new york. Then when we moved to l. A. For the tv show as a tradition i said we still want to do this because its this great its called long beach island. Its this great island right off the garden state parkway. [ cheers ] family oriented. Ice cream, mini golf. So we still do it. And then all my relatives that still live in new york come and visit us for three weeks. Jimmy thats nice. Your whole family goes, kids and everything . Yeah. The kids are bigger now. So they dont stay we go for three weeks. You know, my wife is not as pumped as i am about it. Jimmy oh, really . Why . Because she wants to fly to new york and then continue to europe. Jimmy i see. [ laughter ] you just stop right there. I want to stop there. Jimmy what do you do while youre there . Nothing . Nothing . Jimmy i dont know. If you call getting custard every night nothing. [ laughter ] and mini golf. Everywhere you look theres theres like about 20 theres a 16milelong island. Id say theres about 30 mini golf courses. Jimmy for real . Yes. Every couple blocks. And we only go to one, though. Jimmy you do this . Because youre a serious golfer. And im a serious mini golfer. [ laughter ] yes. No, theres a great one. Theres one that were loyal to and we only go to that one. Flamingo golf. Its called flamingo golf. The front nines easy but the back nine [ laughter ] we go. We go every night. We love it. Jimmy i know you take golf very seriously when you play. Do you take mini golf seriously as well . I do. Unfortunately i do. Theres a tournament every week. Jimmy oh, there is . Yeah. Jimmy youre in. Its thursdays at 9 00. [ laughter ] every thursday at 9 00 theres a tournament. Theres age groups. Ive won it. And then they take your picture and your pictures up there for the week holding like a little plas