Pleasant. Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that trump is out of the country . [ laughter ] the president of the United States was in china today. Either that or they sent him to the epcot center and pulled it off. [ laughter ] i think he was in china. Heaves palling around with chinese president xi jinping. He seemed to be enjoying himself. He loves chinese food. Hes been having all his favorites. The number 3, the number 7, the number 12 with mustard sauce. [ laughter ] donald trump has had harsh words for china in the past. He called them americas enemy, he said they were responsible for the greatest theft in the history of the world, he said they created the Climate Change hoax, he accused the chinese of raping the United States. They had a parade for him, all is forgiven, now everything is good. [ laughter ] [ applause ] its possible if we send him to mexi mexico, hed tell them he isnt trying to build a wall, hes trying to build a Racquetball Court or something. His tune changes dramatically. The president gave a speech in beijing today and put his best foot forward. Both the United States and china will have a more prosperous future if we can achieve a level economic playing field. Right now, unfortunately, it is a very onesided and unfair one. But, but, i dont blame china. [ laughter ] jimmy really. To a smattering of applause. Because when youre running for president you did say oh, never mind, lets hear the rest. After all, who can blame a country for being able to take advantage of another country for the benefit of its citizens . I give china great credit. Jimmy this is how he thinks. He gives them credit. But he gives himself more credit. The most credit. He even gives himself credit for giving them credit. But thats how you win all the time. And he does, by god. Meanwhile the first lady attended she was at an Elementary School in beijing. And she seems like she doesnt know where she is or what the hell is going on. All right, get me the hell back to bergdorf goodman. Medical lawn yas headed home tomorrow, shes not continuing on to vietnam. She doesnt have to, her marriage is her vietnam. [ laughter ] while the president was overseas we got a special delivery. A new trump bigly box. This is the real thing. This is a Monthly Subscription box sold by the make America Great again committee. This is trumps group. For only 69 a month you get a trumpthemed surprise. Last month, for real, we got stickers and pins and read solo cups made of extrathick plastic, so you dont throw them away, you reuse them. This month, lets find out what we got this month. Its got red paper in it, of course. All right, we got some buttons, pins. Im georgwith you. A play on im with her, hes still obsessed with that. A little box. Oh, youre going to like this. Just in time for the holidays. [ laughter ] a make America Great again tree ornament. [ applause ] isnt that beautiful . I know what grandmas getting for christmas this year. [ laughter ] hey, speaking of great value, if youve been watching our show this week you know that i have been encouraging people to sign up for trumpcare, which i know sounds weird coming from me because there are many things the president does i do not agree with, ive been vocal about those things. I went to his website, healthfair. G healthfair. Gov. The more i learned about the Affordable Care act he has going, the more i like it. It does a lot of the stuff we need it to do. It covers preexisting conditions, no lifetime caps, you can keep your kids on it, it gives you essential health benefits, et cetera. Something else important, the president only knows insurance only works if everyone signs up for it. Thats why trumpcare has something called the individual mandate. Which means this year youre going to have to buy insurance or owe a penalty on your taxes and the irs just made it clear theyll be collecting that penalty. So dont get hit with a penalty, open enrollment is happening now until december 15th. Go to healthcare. Gov, the official white house website. Many people, 54 of people who get financial help can find a plan at healthcare. Gov with a zerodollar premium, thats free. This is a huge change from obamacare. [ laughter ] so sign up right away. Over the past few days, i will say ive got a mix of responses on social media. Including some very positive notes from Trump Supporters like tea lax, thank god you came to your senses. [ laughter ] donald trump giving americans Affordable Health care, i could not believe it, Trumpcare Health care. And i respect you jimmy kimmel, very opened minded, not like all the other sad liberals. [ laughter ] thank you, bro chauch cho, i respect you too. On facebook, rich, breaking news, hollywood liberal latenight talk show Host Jimmy Kimmel promotes trumpcare, finally a hollywood liberal comes to his senses and it seems he won over his liberal audience. All right, robert, well said. [ cheers and applause ] as much as kimmel rips trump to shreds he praises his health care plan, there must be good in it, take a look at the video. I just signed up today, im 63, making 40,000 a year in north carolina, i just got beautiful insurance, the best insurance, and the monthly premium is zero, you read that right, zero, thumbs up President Trump, he promised the best health care and this is it, go to healthcare. Gov and see it for yourself. Not everyone was excited as rick was. Some of the angry feedback i got, most of it came from liberals who lashed out at me. Like grace, what has happened to jimmy kimmel, i want the old one back. Marcus, im unfollowing because i hate trump, ill never give that old disrespectful man any credit. Daniel, i just lost my respect for you, no, i dont get it, this is bs. This is america, well agree to disagree on some thing. I know its confusing. Health care is confusing. I have to say, while i dont particularly care for the tone of this psa, i do agree with the call to action in support of trumpcare, take a look. The liberals and fake news are trying to kill trumpcare. Trump care is a sham. Trumpcare seems dead. Trump and his team have stacked up a massive amount of promises theyre not going to be able to keep. But President Trump kept his promise. On the first day of open enrollment, more than 200,000 chose trumpcare. Up 22 from obamaera health care. 54 of eligible americans can find a plan at healthcare. Gov with a zerodollar premium. Send a message to the lying liberals and fake news media. Sign up for trumpcare at healthcare. Gov today. Jimmy thats right, it only lasted another five weeks then its closed, so its extra important to sign up now. Lets make health care in America Great and affordable. When the president comes home, we can thank him for it. [ cheers and applause ] maybe we can press the reset button on all of this. I mentioned the president is headed to vietnam. This is an historic visit. His bone spurs have healed up, hes finally able to set his tender pink feet on vietnamese soil. [ laughter ] the reason hes going, well, while in vietnam, trump is expected to meet with the russian president , Vladimir Putin, who just happens to be visiting there too. You know. [ laughter ] you know what im saying. This will be trumps third meeting with putin. Trump has spent more quality time with Vladimir Putin than he has with barron this year. [ audience moaning ] jimmy truly, of all the things, that was the one . [ applause ] i was wondering what theyre going to be meeting about. We reached out to his top president ial adviser Kellyanne Conway who joins us now from washington. Hello, kelley an. Can you grab me another chardonnay . Hi, jimmy. Jimmy hi. How are you doing . Are you at a party, kelley an . Yes, here still celebrating the oneyear anniversary of Donald Trumps land side electoral victory over crooked Hillary Jimmy oh, well. Well, i hate to interrupt your party. But i just wanted to get your take on the president s meeting tomorrow in vietnam. Fine. But before i give you that, i think President Trump deserves an apology. Jimmy an apology from whom . From all the liberal losers who said he tried to get out of going to vietnam. Hes going. [ laughter ] hes there, okay . Happy now . Jimmy well with all due respect, i think suck it, john mccain. Our president went to vietnam too. And guess what. He didnt get captured. Jimmy oh, thats that is not really thats not at all fair, kellyanne. Do you know how painful bone spurs in the foot are, jimmy . Jimmy no, i dont know. Its very painful. Its more painful than watching three hours of anderson pooper. Am i right, everybody . Anderson pooper. Jimmy kellyanne whats, whats this . No, thank you. Jimmy wait a minute, was that lester . Oh, were going to get sued by the willie tyler estate. Kelley, kellyanne, what are the president and putin going to be lets get back on track. What are they going to be talking about at this meeting tomorrow . Well, lets just say, everything is on the table. Jimmy all right, what does that mean . What do you think it means . Jimmy i dont know what it means. I was thinking you might have you ever seen a table . Jimmy yes. Have you ever put something on a table . Jimmy yes. I put things on tables. Now just pictures everything on a table. [ laughter ] jimmy okay. Thats not actually helpful at all. Youre not very helpful. Jimmy okay. Oh, shrimp cocktail. Jimmy okay, i feel like we caught you at a bad time, kenly ann maybe its a bad time for you. But not for me, for me its a great time. Who wants to get wasted . Whoohoo jimmy thank you, conway. [ cheers and applause ] how about that, all right. Were going to take a break. When we come back, flu season coming. The pope hates cell phone news. This week in unnecessary censorship too, so stick around, well be right back. The all new 2018 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. speaking hindi speaking spanish hraaerrr wookiee . Campbells new star wars soups. Made for real, real life. But having his parents over was enlightening. You dont like my lasagna . No, its good. Hmm. Oh. Huh. [ both laugh ] here, blow. Blow on it. You see it, right . Is there a draft in here . Im telling you, its so easy to get Home Insurance on progressive. Com. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. But we can save you money when you bundle home and auto. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. The reuben is back for a limited time at subway. So much reuben. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. What if there was only one paper . Now what if there was only one mattress . One is not a choice. Choose your mattress with tulo. Everything you want in a bed, in a box. Im worried. I have this medical bill. Oll, huh . Dave, you have anthem and they have people to talk to who are empowered to help any question you. Is, is he okay . Real people . Living and breathing. Hopefully not breathing like that. For all the things that keep you up at night, Anthem Blue Cross has a solution. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Josh hutcherson, Dale Earnhardt jr. , and music from dan auerbach is all on the way. First, flu season is upon us. This is that magical time of the year when we get to see those cartoon mucous people on tv all day every day. They say the flu is expected to have such a bad season this year, theyre thinking about renaming it the chargers. [ audience moaning ] [ rim shot ] jimmy trying to figure you guys out, where your lines are. You have two options in flu season. Get a flu shot, or spray anyone who comes near you with lysol until they go away. We wanted to have fun with this subject. We asked people on the street how they stay healthy during flu season, and heres what they said. What do people in france do to stay healthy during cold and flu season . We drink a lot of tea. [ coughing coughing ] we eat a lot of vegetables and soup, we love soup. What do you do to stay healthy . [ coughing ] for me, bundle up sorry. [ coughing ] jimmy bless you. Sorry. Did you get a flu shot this year . Uh, yeah [ coughing ] i dont keep up with the [ coughing ] with the number of ill people in california, im just kind of busy [ coughing ] you do it like this in france, right . Mwah [ coughing ] jimmy all right. [ cheers and applause ] thats how you do it, i guess. At the vatican, you know that place where god lives, the vatican . Apparently so many people are using their cell phones during mass at st. Peters the pope had to scold them. For real, the pope said yesterday, this is a quote, at some point, the priest during the mass says lift up your hearts, he does not say lift up your see that phones to take pictures. Which is kind of funny. And also sounds like somebodys bitter he couldnt get the new iphone x. [ laughter ] in a way i see the popes point. Youre at mass, you should be focused. On the record, if we dont post pictures of ourselves in church, how will god know we went . [ laughter ] maybe the pope needs to get with the 21st century and embrace smartphones. There are a lot of good things you can do. Imagine how much time the pope could save listening to confessions very text. Like for instance, forgive me, the devil made me hit my baby brother with a hammer. [ laughter ] heres another. Im sorry i stabbed my Yoga Instructor who is sleeping with my wife. [ laughter ] and, forgive me, father, i pooped in the chocolate chips. [ laughter ] then all the pope has to do is text Something Back like, youre forgiven, hey 100 mail marys, throw out those cookies too. What do you think . Do you like that . [ cheers and applause ] also when the last time, may i ask, that you went and sat down for confession . Guillermo more than ten years. Jimmy more than ten years. Do you remember what you confessed at that time . [ laughter ] a little bit. Jimmy okay. When we come back from the commercial, i want to replay his body language in slow motion. [ laughter ] all right, were going to do that when we come back. First, its thursday night which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, this is week in unnecessary censorship. If youre a republican, youre waking up to a reality which is, to win a primary, you have to [ bleep ] donald trump. This governor will [ bleep ] your [ bleep ]. To everyone here today who serves your country in uniform, [ bleep ] you, [ bleep ] you, [ bleep ] you. You have a big old [ bleep ]. Like five feet wide. Senator mcconnell was threatening to bring the senators back the saturday after thanksgiving. I will [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] if that happens. So look and enjoy them. Yes, even all the pigeons. Just dont [ bleep ] them. Im not opposed to [ bleep ]ing my own [ bleep ]. Thats not a euphemism for something you need to cut out of this either. Heres a fun question for you, when was the last time you [ bleep ]ed . Two weeks ago. This is my best friend spongebob. As you can see, he sucks his [ bleep ] when he sleeps. Wait, thats me. Jimmy oh, patrick. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on the show, music from dan auerbach, Dale Earnhardt jr. Is here and well be right back with Josh Hutcherson. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the kmart bluelight special. Kmart. Com. The volkswagen atlas. With available pedestrian monitoring. Lifes as big as you make it. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . Jimmy were back. Tonight on the show, hes fast, but never furious. This month, he retires from nascar. The great Dale Earnhardt jr. Is here. [ cheers and applause ] then later, his latest album is called waiting on a song, dan auerbach from the mercedesbenz stage. Next week, we have some whats next week. Owen wilson, colin firm, julia roberts, patton oswald, frankie shaw, music from bishop briggs, manchester orchestra, gucci main. Its my 50th birthday on monday and the whole show is a surprise, i dont know what the staff has planned. Whatever it is, im sure it will be embarrassing and youre all invited to witness it. Are you involved in that . Do you know whats happening . Guillermo a little bit. Jimmy a little bit. I asked you if youd been to confession. Do we have that tape . He had some interesting body language. I want to show it in slow motion. I said, have you been to confession . And you went mm. Looked like a real wave of tension went through your body. Do you remember what you confessed for ten years ago . Guillermo oh i told the priest that i was drinking too much. Then no matter what i do, i cannot get away i cannot get alone with my motherinlaw. Jimmy oh. Ten years later youre still drinking and you do not speak to your motherinlaw. Guillermo no. Jimmy yes. Guillermo no. I dont speak to her. Jimmy right. Guillermo yeah. Jimmy right. Guillermo so im doing great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. The first time our first guest was on this show, he was only 13 years old the first time he was here. Now he shaves and i dont. His very funny new scifi Comedy Series is called future man, it premieres november 14th on hulu. Please welcome Josh Hutcherson. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy josh, do you have any are you a religious may be, anything youd like to confess . Id rather not go there, a subject to stay away from, i feel like. Jimmy thats probably wise. Guillermo did not learn that lesson, now you know, now you know. Jimmy how are you doing . Good, man. Jimmy everythings good . Youre from kentucky, right . I am. Jimmy thats nasc