Heres jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you very much. Very kind. Welcome. Hello, brooklyn. Thats great. Please sit. Whats that behind me . Very nice. Sit, sit, relax, relax. Thats very kind. I miss you already. Thank you for leaving the tiny apartments you share with five roommates to be here tonight. [ laughter ] this is closing night for us at the Brooklyn Academy of music, its very sad. [ cheers and applause ] i want to tell people across the country, this borough of brooklyn is unlike any other place on earth. Im going to miss everything about it. Except alternate side parking. [ laughter ] theres so much character. You can feel it in every place you go. In l. A. Our most historic landmark is the sunglass hut at the sherman oaks galleria. So its different here. I dont know if you can tell. My suits pulling a little, ive eaten so much this week. I want to thank all the many restaurants and coffee shops and doughnut shops and diners and ice cream places, all the many establishments who sent us food this week. Lets put the names of every i want to put this up on the screen. This is for real. I seriously ate at least one thing from every one of these places. [ cheers and applause ] i wish i was kidding. One place, frankies spoontino, i ate at four times. I want to list to be read aloud at my funeral, i really do. [ laughter ] anyway, those are the people who have conspired to kill me this week. I want to say thanks to them and thanks to the great staff here at b. A. M. , Brooklyn Academy of music. [ cheers and applause ] i will say, so warm and you made this opera house feel like an opera home and we appreciate it. And above all i want to thank our crew from l. A. And here in new york for all their incredibly hard work. It takes a lot to put a show like this together. [ cheers and applause ] to move a whole Television Show 3,000 miles. Not since saved by the bell went to hawaii has there been a production so immense, moving. I want to thank both our crews from both coasts for doing it perfectly. We brought 245 members of our staff here for the show. We seem to be missing one of them. And im not where is guillermo . Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, guillermo. Oh, guillermo. Are you okay . Yeah, just drop him off right over there. Okay, good, all right. Im glad. Hi, guillermo. How are you . Are you all right . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is that a white tequila in that bag . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy it is, all right. Guillermo of course. Jimmy when we back to l. A. We have a world series waiting. If all goes as it has been going, it will be the dodgers and the yankees. [ cheers and applause ] the alltime classic baseball rivalry. The yankees are playing game six right now in houston. You know, last night i mentioned your mayor bill de blasio, who is not a yankees fan or a mets fan, he loves the red sox [ audience booing ] jimmy its like mayor mccheese walking into burger king and ordering a whopper. He said it would be impossible for him to root for the yankees and doesnt understand why this is a big deal. A reporter asked isnt it part of the mayors job to rise above the personal preferences and root for the team from the city he was elected to run . Heres what he said. To me, no. What i should do, if they win, honor them for sure which id be happy to do and i think they have a good chance of winning. But i am very serious about my allegiance to baseball, im going to do it my way. I dont think this is a thing new yorkers care about, in the end. Jimmy oh, really . [ audience booing ] lets take a quick vote. This is a thing new yorkers care about . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy literally, this might be the only thing new yorkers care about. New yorkers care about this and the subway. And if were talking baseball, youre 0 for 2 on both of them. [ laughter ] even Anthony Weiner is like, dude, youre embarrassing yourself, stop. [ laughter ] weve had a great week of shows here thanks in no small part to an honorary member of our band. The cletones merged with the shaftones and were blessed with the great paul shaffer. [ cheers and applause ] what a hash tag what a blessing. Thank you, guys. Thank you, jimmy, thanks for having me, what a gas. Jimmy may i ask, you lived here in new york for many, many years what do you make of the mayor not supporting the yankees potentially going to the world series . [ bleep ] unconstitutional, thats what it is. Is it not . Is it not . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i think the audience agrees with me, yes. Jimmy strong words from paul shaffer. [ laughter ] and i dont normally work blue. Jimmy but this time you had to. It behooves me. Jimmy pauls going to move down to the couch later tonight to chat. Woody harrelson is with us too. [ cheers and applause ] theres one rule. We have one rule, you cannot have a brooklyn week without a tony on the show. We went out and found the best tony of all, our music guest tonight, the one and only tony bennett is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] whoa. Whats i dont know whats going on. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo, whassup . Jimmy okay, john, what are you doing . What does it look like were doing . Its my crew, getting fresh, popping locks. We rock it. Jimmy but this is what we do. Jimmy you guys look great. I just want to say, though, this is wonderful, but im in the middle of a show right now. You remember how shows work . [ laughter ] to be honest, no. Jimmy well so jimmy yeah, im just trying to do the show, so if you guys dont mind you got to take it up with the landlord, my friend. We rent this place out. Every friday we practice. Jimmy im sorry, we rented it for the whole week, so we have it. Im glad you have this, i really am. But i need to finish my monologue understood. Just back down. Okay. Im sorry i have to do this but theres one way to settle it. I apologize. You just got served. [ laughter ] its a danceoff jimmy yeah. Its i just theres not going to be a danceoff. Theres just no time for a danceoff. Oh, widdle jimmy got scared . Jimmy no, no, just im just uncomfortable, thats all. This is not going to theres not going to be a dance im sorry, i dont mean to no, theres one other way. Jimmy what . Its a brooklyn thing. Jimmy okay. You could promote my Upcoming Event on hbo. And ill leave peacefully. Jimmy all right, okay. Night of too many stars . Night of too many stars airs on hbo november 18th to help raise funds for people with autism. Thats right. [ cheers and applause ] listen, this is important. We got all the latenight shows. Jimmy all the latenight shows are involved . All the latenight shows are going to be involved with great auctions. Its going to be great. Jimmy so were actually going to be involved . You, your show, you even made a video for it. Jimmy oh, yeah, yeah. Id rather not talk about that, yeah. Does anybody want to see the video . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy no, they dont want to see the video. I dont think they want to lets take a look. Jimmy fine, show the video. Hello, im jimmy kimmel. And im matt damon. Jimmy the reason im here with that is to raise money for next for autism, an organization that works to improve the lives of People Living with autism spectrum disorder. Hes here for publicity. Thats bull [ bleep ]. Jimmy youre bull [ bleep ]. Im here because i care. Jimmy about what . About people. Jimmy oh, now he cares about people. Guess what, im a people. You never seem to care about me. Okay. It just jumped. Jimmy im not doing this now, okay . Im not going to do this with him. Oh, oh jimmy hes throwing things. Wah, should i call the wahmbulance . Stop crying, i thought you cared about raising money for people. Jimmy i do care about that but im not going to be peppered by spoons by you you are a [ bleep ] what, you asked for pepper. Jimmy can i be done with this, please . Can i please unbelievable, you are such a baby. Jimmy youre throwing pepper at me. Really, just abandon the whole plan, dont raise anything for anybody because jimmy got pepper on his food . Jimmy i dont have any food. Just calm down, ill finish it. Go to omaze. Com mattandjimmy to win a once in a lifetime experience, an uncomfortable dinner with me and it. Jimmy imagine how jealous your friends will be when you tell them that you and americas most loved talk show host sat together and watched one of hollywoods dumbest and most disgusting actors eat sandwich after sandwich like a pig. Just imagine having a reasonable conversation with an oscar winner while biffy [ bleep ] over there eats hummus and tugs his nuts. Jimmy go to omaze. Com mattandjimmy for your chance to win an uncomfortable dinner with jimmy kimmel and moreon. Moron. I got it, i got the joke, it wasnt that jimmy wasnt a joke. The best day of your life might very well be the worst day of mine. Jimmy thats how i feel. I feel like youre the worst. Really . Jimmy youre the worst day of my life. Because literally nobody likes you, are you even aware of that . Dicky to enter for your chance for an uncomfortable meal and support next for autism, omaze. Com mattandjimmy. Jimmy are we finished yet . Im going to leave. Youre a horrible person. Jimmy jon stewart, everybody thanks to his crew too. Jon has a crew. Tonight on the show, tony bennett is here, paul shaffer is here, well be right back with Woody Harrelson in brooklyn [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live in brooklyn are brought to you by American Family insurance. Insure carefully dream fearlessly. So. You like it. Little bit. 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Ht i knew everything about garthbut now i do. I just finished his new book. Yes, he wrote a book. Im so proud of him. Its not a book. Its the anthology part 1 of a part 5 series. Its a. Its a book with cds in it. And stories like ive never heard before. Pictures ive never seen. In a really sweet package. I know what im getting everybody for christmas this year. announcer 240 pages, 5 albums, and hundreds of neverbeforeseen photos. Available now at walmart. And honey, theres some things in here that i dont think i wouldve told. What if there was only one haircut . Now what if there was only one mattress . One is not a choice. Choose your mattress with tulo. Everything you want in a bed, in a box. Jimmy jon stewart is through. Paul shaffer sitting in with our band, cleto and the cletones. We are in brooklyn, new york. Later tonight, the cletones will provide music for one of if not the greatest singing voice of alltime. He is the son of a story of queens. His album is called tony bennett celebrates 90 the incomparable tony bennett from the mercedesbenz stage. [ cheers and applause ] the best is literally yet to come. I also want to thank our celebrity breakdancer tonight, jon stewarts annual night of too many stars a benefit show, november 18th on hbo. Every comedian you could imagine will be on it. If you want to be a part of it, jon is offering an omaze experience that will let someone meet him and sit on the real iron throne from game of thrones while you watch the show live. If you want to be queen soirse or king geoffrey, you get to choose. Omaze. Com jon to support next for autism. A very worthy cause. [ cheers and applause ] speaking of worthy causes. The Guitar Company dean gel co donated a bunch of guitars. And all this week weve been collecting signatures from billy joel, dj khaled, tony bennett, amy schumer, david letterman, howard stern, jon stewart, tracy morgan, Woody Harrelson, paul shaffer signed the guitar, starting now go to ebay. Com kimmelinbrooklyn to bid on them, all proceeds will go to my montys Childrens Hospital, the only Childrens Hospital here in brooklyn. Go bid, ill wait while you go. Okay . All right. On monday we are back home in l. A. With george clooney, Norman Reedus and niall horan of one direction. Please join us for that. Our first guest is an oscarnominated and emmywinning actor who plays United States president Lyndon Johnson in the rob reiner directed lbj. It opens in theaters on november 3rd. Please welcome Woody Harrelson [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you doing . What are you wearing there . Youve got a harvard did you go to harvard . I went to harvard. You did . Yeah, just the other day. [ laughter ] jimmy i walked right into that one. Youre dressed as if the delivery guy knocked on the door and you said, oh, i better put some clothes on. [ laughter ] yeah well. I didnt know i was coming straight here from the train. It was a long story. Jimmy have you i would have snazzed up, id be dressed like you. Jimmy have you lived in new york an extended period of time, have you ever really lived here . Yeah, i lived here many years ago, back when i was a young tyke. Jimmy precheers years . Pre cheers. When i was trying to break into the business. First i was doing, you know, various odd jobs. Things in restaurants. Oh, god. Just terrible jobs. Jimmy what was one of the terrible jobs you had . One of the terrible jobs i think there was something i was supposed to tell you that was going to be funny. Jimmy oh. [ laughter ] and i cant youve seen this. I hate when that happens, yeah. Its terrible. Jimmy its called the lingering effects of marijuana. [ laughter ] yeah, okay. Okay. Jimmy it really is. [ applause ] which by the way, is this true that you quit . You quit smoking . Yeah. I quit. I quit about 12 30. [ laughter ] had nothing, nothing since 12 30. No, no, i did. I quit smoking. Jimmy why did you quit . Why did you quit smoking . Well an experiment. Jimmy really. Yeah. I mean, you know. Ive been smoking i smoked enough pot to fill this theater. [ laughter ] jimmy with smoke or actual pot . That seems like a lot. Definitely with actual pot. Jimmy when you did quit thats a very good jimmy i was actually i was surprised, and maybe even i felt a little disappointed hurt, hurt. Jimmy i know youre very good friends with willie nelson. Do you sit willie down and tell him how do you break the news to willie . That was a very hard one to break. [ laughter ] jimmy it was a hard one, yeah. That was just one guy. In fact, you know, it was one of those things where at first im like pretending, you know. Jimmy oh, really. Just holding it, because i dont want him to know. Finally im like, willie, i quit. And still it never fails, you know. The joint comes around and hes passing it to me. Jimmy sure. He keeps waiting for me to smoke again. Jimmy and you dont . Im not its been a year and a half. Jimmy when you smoked that last one, did you know it was going to be the last one . No, it was at the tail end of a bender. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, im looking at this group. I know theres some people here who know what im talking about. [ cheers and applause ] yeah, yeah. Jimmy weve been here for a week, i feel like i am at the tail end of a bender right now, yeah. Hey, can i just Say Something . Jimmy yeah, go ahead. You know, ive been i just came from london. Ive been in london for a year. But, you know, people send me things. Because they know were buddies. And the stuff youve been that your speeches about health care, the passionate, amazing [ cheers and applause ] yeah, i mean jimmy can i be honest . Thats nice of you but i thought you were talking about drugs when you said people were sending you things. No, but then also the speech you gave after vegas, you know. That was one of the most beautiful things. Jimmy thats nice of you to say, i appreciate it. [ applause ] i sent you an email but im not sure im sending it to the right jimmy you might not be. I saw your movie lbj and you are fantastic at this movie. Thank you. Jimmy i see you made up like lbj, oh, thats woody. 30 seconds in you forget about that. The makeup looks really great. And this is i think a very powerful and moving performance. Crazy, though. You are shooting this movie, as far as i understand, at the same time Bryan Cranston is shooting his lbj movie. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy did that worry you at all . Bigtime. [ laughter ] jimmy it did. You know, hes one of the greatest actors alive. And what was cool was i thought to myself, you know, i wanted guidance. And i thought, just call bryan. [ laughter ] whos going to know better how to play he did it on broadway for a while. So i call him. You know, on his day off, he was working sixday weeks. Jay roach, just like slave driver over there. So no. And then one day off. And he takes two hours out of his life to like talk to me on the phone and give me advice and talk to me about lbj. And then he put me in touch with people who knew him. He was amazing. Jimmy hes one of the best guys. And i said to him, dude, you know, i got to be quite honest, i dont think i would do this for you. [ laughter ] and he says, well, you know, i dont look at it as a competition, he says, its a big tent, lets fill it