United states wanted to build an m moat filled with alligators and snakes. A report cites multiple sources who say trump wanted an moat, he wanted snakes, alligators, an electrified wall with spikes on top to keep immigrants out. He was said to be so frustrated by lack of progress on his stupid wall. At one point he shouted at everyone, i ran on this issue, you guys are making me look like an idiot, and they were like sorry, mr. President , tell us about this moat filled with alligators and snakes. He said shoot them in the legs to slow them down. And then he had them run a cost analysis for this plan, for the shooting and attack snakes plan, and that should be it, shouldnt that result in everyone being escorted out of the white house and into the wild . It should, but it, it hasnt. And the president of course denied these allegations, now he said the press is trying to sell the fact that i wanted a moot stuffed with alligators and snakes. A moot is like a canadian moat. Its a different. [cheers and applause] you guys know. Its planned on the southern border. Hes building an moat. And at the top, there will be a moot. Not only did trump tweet denial, he yelled at a reporter who asked him about it. So these two reporters wrote this book, and they said i want an moat with alligators, snakes, electrified fences so people get electrocuted if they so much as touch the spikes. I never said it, i said im tough on the border, not that tough. Okay. It was a lie. Jimmy he didnt want alligators, he wanted dragons with fire in their mouths, like the one caliisi had. This was validated by a dozen white house officials who spoke on anonymity. Thats all of them i guess. And this idea of an moat, where would they get an idea like this . Theyll want a higher fence. Maybe theyll need an moat. Maybe theyll want alligators in the moat. Jimmy obama and his jokes again have us in a fix. Thanks, obama. So anyway, now we have a new scandal, gator gate. But as horrible as that is, and it is horrible, and we must not forget that. The main event in washington, d. C. Right now is impeachment. All the president s hench men are getting in on this. Today we learned that the secretary of state, mike pompeo was part of trumps now infamous call with the ukraine. Even though he acted like he didnt know anything about it. Pompeo held a press conference in italy where he admitted on Second Thought he was on the call, so oops. The phone call was in the context of now, i guess ive been secretary of state for coming on a year and a half, i know precisely what the american policy with respect to ukraine. Its been remarkably consistent, and we will continue to try to drive jimmy i think that means six more weeks of pooem. [cheers and applause] theres a very distinct pattern when trump or one of his characters get caught on something. First they deny it or play dumb. Then they say i did do it, but they act like it was no big deal. Then they say they didnt do it after they said they did it. Pompeo is at stage two of that. Give him a couple days. With all this shrapnel coming at him, the president is absolutely melting down. Today he continued his attacks on adam schiff. He called schiff a lowlife, repeatedly accused him of treason, which is a word he doesnt know the definition of. He floated the theetry that schiff wrote the whistleblowers report. Hes shifty schiff, a shifty, dishonest guy. And this guy was negative on mike pompeo, he cant, you know, theres an expression, he couldnt carry his blank strap, i wont say it, because theyll say it was so terrible to say. But that guy couldnt carry his blank strap, you understand that . Jimmy im not sure i do, lets go do our experts to find out. Dumb donald is really dumb. Now dumb is he . Got a letter from a politician asking for support. But instead of money he sent the politician a blank. Jockstrap. Can you say jockstrap on television . I dont know. Jimmy you can now. If you go through all the seasons of match game you can predict the future. So the schiff is hitting the tan. The president repeated a curse word. He could use a million rounds of golf right now. He says this investigation has nothing do with his perfect call to ukraine. He says the bhim since the day won. Shifty schiff should resign, and jerry nadler and all of them, its a disgrace whats going on. You have a perfect, i mean, perfect conversation with a president of another country, ukraine in this case. And they try and say oh, lets impeach him. Theyve been trying to impeach me from the day i got elected. Ive been going through this for three years. Theyve been trying to impeach me from the day i got elected. Jimmy and guess what, theyre about to get their wish. [cheers and applause] thanks to you. All credit. All credit to goes to him. But i have to say, i do think these guys are going about their the wrong way. Democrats need to stop using the word impeach. They should tell him, listen, mr. President , youve done an amazing job. Youve done such an amazing job we are sending you right to the hall of fame. You will be the first inductee into the hall of fame. Were going to retire your jersey, well have a ceremony, maybe a parade, then lead him into a hall of some kind and lock him in it. [cheers and applause] maybe hand him a trophy. And throw a few of those snakes and alligators in there while were at it. An innocent bistand ner all ysto this was the president of fin land. He was unfortunate enough to be standing right next to trump during their press conference. The likes of which the finnish have probably never seen. Ive done more than any president in the history of this country has done. For me its like putting on a suit in the morning. People have said to me, how does he hand it will . Rush limbaugh said i dont know of any person in america who could handle it. Sean hannity has said it. Jimmy thats the helsinki shuffle. The finnish president even got a chance to see trump take a shot at the speaker of the house. He saved his best material of the day for nancy pelosi. We won the election, then they get served with subpoenas, all these subpoenas. Now look at nancy please e pelosi hands out subpoenas like theyre cookies. You want a subpoena . Here you go, take them, like theyre cookies. Paul ryan would not give subpoenas. Nancy pelosi . Here you go. Every day you get subpoenas. Jimmy thats right, now open your mouth for some more subpoenas. Because youre the cookie monster, and if you dont believe the president that this is all a hoax, just ask his good pal vladimir. Let me just tell you, the overwhelm thing whole thing is a scam. The mueller deal was a skachcame russian collusion was a scam. You can ask putin. No ones been tougher on russia than trump. Jimmy just ask putin. Hes very open. Putin defended trump as hes been known to do. Putin said i see nothing compromising in the conversation. Any hid ead of state would have done the same. I think thats sweet that he stands by his man like that. Then putin joefkked that russia planning to interfere in the 2020 election. He said ill tell ayou a secret. He loves this so much. Its like lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown, only in this case, Charlie Brown is donnie orange, and we are, i dont know what we are, i guess were the dirt. And if that all wasnt enough, the Inspector General of the state department called an urgent meeting with members of congress. He scheduled it yesterday for this morning. All we knew it was highly unusual. After the meeting, jamie rask held a strange little chat with the press. And he wanted to give as you packet of information, which is unclassified. Which originally arrived at the department of state addressed to secretary pompeo and looks like this. So its in calligraphy. Says secretary pompeo, attention, and it says the white house. So it may have come from the white house. It may not. We dont know. And there is a series of folders, which all come from trump hotels. So folder after folder that say trump hotel. Now i havent had time to thoroughly scrutinize everything thats in here. But its essentially a packet of propaganda. Jimmy right, so they got a packet of propaganda which is apparently full of stories about joe biden and other people trump doesnt like, whoever it was wrote on the front in calligraphy to secretary pompeo, the white house, and then they put all the propaganda in folders from the trump hotel. Now if this is from someone whos working in support of donald trump, that person is an idiot, which hconsidering who were dealing with is entirely, not just possible, but probable. Can you believe they put conspirac conspiracy information in folders that said trump hotel . Speaking of villainous clowns, the number one movie at the box office this weekend is expected to be joker. We ran it by our inhouse movie critic. Yehya loves movies and movie stars. Hes spent so much of his life trying to get pictures with them. And here he is talking about the movie joker. Hi. Wait a minute, im sorry. Action hi, its me, yehya. Talk about the movie coming soon. The movie behind me is jocker, jocker is is it just me . Or is it getting crazy out there. Spoiler alert. Batman is not in that movie. [ bleep ]. Only the joker. Before the joker, jack nic nickelson, thats the one, john legend. Yeah, john legend, god bless him. And also the guy who do the joker is jack like Something Like that. Joaquin phoenix is good actor. He done lot of movie like he do the movie he played the guitar with the lady threw the spoon something. And then he did the movie also and he made sex on the computer, now he do the movie joker with Robert De Niro, and Robert De Niro play like a talking show like jim my kimmel, like jay leno, like johnny carson, and the english guy steven something, and kobe labrien. And the general, the movie for him. And charlene stone. And the movie in hospital with brain, not good. You got a gift, my friend. Also he did the movie something taxi driver and martin scorsese, and he say you talkin to me . You talkin to me . Im the only one here, nobody here. The joker [cheers and applause] jimmy thank you, yehya. All right, we have a good show tonight, music from lunay chef evan funke is here and well be right back with Gwyneth Paltrow. [cheers and applause] Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by tj maxx. You shopping, you maximizing. You shopping, you maximizing. Get more of the brands you love and the quality you want, and save every time. Its not shopping, its maximizing. Start maximizing today maxx life at t. J. Maxx. only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol®. For fast pain relief. 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Hey paul, do you love it . paul yeah. sprintern do you love it . paul i do. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. But dad, youve got allstate. With accident forgiveness they guarantee your rates wont go up just because of an accident. Smart kid. Indeed. Are you in good hands . Hendless shrimp even hotter . S you bring back Nashville Hot oh yeah its back. Crispy shrimp. Tossed in a spicy rub. And drizzled with sweet amber honey. More shrimp more ways. Endless shrimps just fifteen ninety nine. Hurry in. I dont care where youre from, were all just people. We want people to feel like they spent time with family. We want to create a place for more than just ourselves. We create the things that we want to exist in the world. My doors are always open. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Tonight, hes a vigorous lover and maker of pasta and an author too his cookbook is called american sfoglino chef evan funke is here to make something delicious. [cheers and applause] then he is apple musics up next artist. His song is called fin de semana lunay from the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night, danny devito and bob iger will be with us, and well have music from anderson pack featuring smokey robinson. So please join us for that. Jimmy our first guest has an oscar, an emmy, a golden globe and a goop. She has a new show too called the politician its streaming on netflix now. Please welcome Gwyneth Paltrow. [cheers and jimmy very good to see you. Great to see you, too. Jimmy you look fantastic. You always look healthy. You look like you were out having fun before you get to places it seems. Were you out having fun today . Um, yeah, sure. Jimmy if you werent, its fine. Congratulations. You just had your oneyear anniversary of wedded bliss. [cheers and applause] we made it, we made it jimmy you guys, and correct me if i have any of this wrong. But you guys got married a year ago. Yes. Jimmy and you moved in together like ha mona month ago. Yes. Jimmy now why is it, usually it goes the other way. Well, true. I think really because we have, we each have two teenaged children whom we love very much, but we were just trying to be mindful and give them a little space and not move too quickly and. Jimmy i see, so you then did merge, like the brady bunch but with less. Yeah, less merging and more originally, but now were merged. Jimmy youre merged now. And its great. Jimmy and did he get to keep any of his stuff . Or is it all your stuff . Because i would imagine all your stuff is better than his stuff or anyones stuff, really. Yeah, he got to keep some of his stuff. Jimmy he did. He has good taste. Hes got really nice clothes. And we put some chairs from his house in there. Jimmy would that be a deal breaker if you walked in and he had like lawn chairs in the place and inflatable furniture . Maybe a bud light sign hanging over the bed . Yes. Jimmy that would be. Interesting. Because you have, is it now, have you reached the point where acting is less interesting to you than this business endeavor that youre involved with . I just love my company, and i love the people i work with, and i love what were doing, and its very, i think, acting is fantastic in its way, but i dont know, i have a bit more autonomy running a business. Jimmy right, right. As an actor, youre not the boss, right . Definitely not, no. Jimmy by the way, speaking of, the reason i asked this question is because you were on jon favreaus show, the chef, he has celebrities on, and you were on the show, and he was speaking to you about the scene you did in spiderman homecoming. Oh, my god, its so embarrassing. Jimmy and you were unaware were you in spiderman homecoming. Now i know this. I just got confused. Theres so many of these wonderful marvel interconnecting movies, and i thought it was an avengers movie, but it was not. Jimmy i see, okay. Was spiderman himself offended by this . Was he okay with it . I never actually saw the movie. Jimmy oh, you didnt see the movie. I mean, wait cut that out, thank back. Jimmy its too late, tweet it everywhere. [ bleep ]. Its okay if you its spi its spiderman. It would upset people if you would be. Have you ever read a comic book . Um jimmy no remember, youre under oath, i dont know if you got that. I want to ask you about some, you know i signed up for goop like the day it started, right . Thank you, i know, i love you for that. Jimmy i feel like im the ogoops as far as goop goes. Yeah. Jimmy i have some items i want to ask you about. Okay. Jimmy this is a product that i believe is on your holiday suggestion gift list. This is the martini bath soap. Yes. Jimmy can you drink this . Uh, no. But its so heaven, like you have a hard day or people are giving you a hard time and you run a hot bath and you soak, smell. It is like. Jimmy yeah, it smells really good. Than is something that i might get confused, and i might actually have a sip of, because it does say martini on it. Well, its in quotes. Jimmy yeah, its in quotes. The reason its called the martini, in the movie business, when youre on the very last shot of the day, they call that shot the martini. Jimmy oh, got you. Oh, boy. Jimmy this is a vibe rate v. And its a great name, smile makers. Smile makers is a brand of vibrators that we sell. We believe in Womens Health and sexual fulfillment. They make the fireman and the jimmy why does the tennis coach look a little like bart simpson. I dont know, lets open it up. Jimmy lets open it up and try it out. [cheers and applause] yep. Oh, yeah. Jimmy oh, yeah. No, it doesnt look like a tennis coach at all. It looks like a tennis ball, maybe. Jimmy its not quite the right color. But its friendly looking, thats for sure. This i get ol ond like mom, whats this . And youd be like give me that [ bleep ] thing. Thats my tennis coach. [ applause ] this is a water bottle. Yep. Jimmy whats rock in there . So this is an amethyst. And obviously, were all trying to stop singleuse plastics, so good to have a water bottle that you can use. And they say amethyst, i think its supposed to be a heart opening. Jimmy who say this is . I dont know, but its so pretty. Jimmy the thing is, the amethyst is taking up a lot of the room in the water bottle, right . I mean, it better have some kind of magic properties. I think does. Jimmy and this is made out of glass, isnt . Yes, so be careful. Jimmy thats actually dangerous. This was on one of your gift guides i think two years ago. Oh, yes. Jimmy this really have camel milk. Yes, the idea, we did an article once about altmilk. There are a lot of alternative milks on the market. Jimmy some of them are not milk. Like almond milk is not milk. Theyre not squeezing lady almonds, but theis is real any camel. Its real any a camel. Are you going to try some . Jimmy yes, i dont know what it is, i find milk to be revolting in its cold form. Okay. Jimmy but i am going to try it. Would you like to try some . Have you ever had any . No, ive never had any. Jimmy and what, is this like a healthy . I think they purport to hapu have more vitamins . Jimmy it will give you a hump. That would be a good marketing theme. All right, smells a little camely. Yeah. Jimmy cheers. Salute. There you go. [cheers and applause] its not bad. Not terrible. Jimmy yeah. I feel theres a goatcamel thing. Jimmy a goateeness in there . Ive never had goat milk. This is good to know in a pinch if im in the desert. All right, were going to finish these and take a break. Gwyneth paltrow is with us. Well be right back. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by s. A. P. The be