We had a cookie monster on the hood of a police car with his hands, you dont see that in minnesota, do you . This is the time when the best of the year lists start to pop up. Time magazine today unveiled their person of the year, and that person is greta thunberg, the 16yearold activist, the youngest woman, youngest human ever to be named person of the year, and to honor this young woman whos dedicated her life thus far to saving the environment, time, will cut down 2 Million Trees to print the magazine. I have to hand it to our president. He has yet to throw a temper tantrum about this. He wasnt named, but hes on his best behavior, unfortunately, his namesake, donnie jr. Was not. He said teaime leaves out the hong kong protesters fighting for their lives and freedoms to push a teen being used. Hes full of surprises. I do have to say, though, its great that greta made the cover, but in my opinion, the person of the year has to be this guy. This, you might not know his face. His name is man responsible for the popeyes chicken sand wuch, twich, the s that brought us together and tore us apart. No ones waiting in line for four hours to get a nancy pelosi. Google released their most popular search of the year, this is interesting. They claim it wasnt porn, which i dont believe. The number one search of 2019 on google was disney plus. The new streaming service that promises so raise your children for you, for 7 a month. Other top searches of the year were nipsey hussle, the late hiphop star, antonio brown, the troubled wide receiver, and how do i do a gender reveal without blowing up my house. Meanwhile, it has been another week of headaches for java the trump. The House Judiciary Committee started formal debate on the articles of impeachment. Tonight theyre expected to yell at each other late into the evening tonight. For those of you unfamiliar with this impeachment process, which is most us. This is how it goes. After they debate, the house will presumably, next week, vote on the articles of impeachment, assuming the vote is to impeach, it will be. It will be presented to the senate. All the republican senators except mitt romney will ignore and vote to acquit. Trump will stay in the white house. Well watch the super bowl and talk about the commercials, and that will be that. Right, guillermo . Right. [ applause ] jimmy so the president was in hershey, pennsylvania last night, eating chocolate, making friends. Hes moved on to a new phase of his everchanging defense of the indefensible. That is, yes, im being impeached, but not impeached impeached. This is the lightest, weakest impeachment, you know, our countrys had many impeachment. You call judges, many impeachments. But it was on today, everybody said this is impeachment lite. This is the lightest impeachment in the his interestry tory of oy far. Its not even like an impeachment. Jimmy yeah, its exactly like an impeachment. Its an impeachment. Its not a diet impeachment. Its a real, are you about to get impeached, okay . Trump had a lot to say. He was shot out of a cannon, so we slowed him down to half speed for another edition ever drunk donald trump. Oh, thats a beautiful new hat. Look at the hat that guys got on. Hows that hat workin out . Is that hat good . I love that hat. Jimmy im sure its a greatlookin hat. Once again today, republicans lined up to win the president s love. One in particular. And i have a theory about this. I have a big theory. This could blow the lid off a lot of different things. Today in senate, the inspector general, Michael Horowitz appeared before the judiciary committee. This is the guy who wrote the report that came out this week that said a lot of things, including that obama never wire tapped trump tower, it debunked the president s claim that the fbi investigation into his campaign ties with russia was a deep state hit job. It was not. The inspector general, who works for trump, by the way. Found that none of these conspiracy theories are true and found no evidence of another gop talking point, that the infamous steele dossier had anything to do with the decision to launch the investigation. It sounds like john grisham novel. Its really how russia wanted the host of Celebrity Apprentice to on our president. This report done by his people did not in any way back up his crazy claims. Thats where senator Lindsay Lohan graham comes into play. He demanded to know why investigators didnt tell trump his campaign was being investigated. Maybe because his campaign was being investigated . Isnt that how it usually works . But then graham did some role play to diminish the report, reciting saucy Text Messages between fbi lovers lisa page and peter strzok. March 3rd, 2016. Page god, trump is a loathsome human. Strzok. Oh, my god, hes an idiot. March 16, 2016. I cannot believe donald trump is likely to be actual serious candidate for president. July 16th. Were getting closer to when this thing opens. And while donald trump is an enormous dousche. A lot of people agree with that. And then lindsey defending the president took his performance to heights previously unseen in the senate. The first thing is about the Golden Shower. About the sexual encounter that President Trump supposedly had in a Ritzcarlton Hotel in russia. Jimmy oh, thanks for reminding us about that. I almost forgot about it. The phone ringing was trump going what the hell are you talking about . Has anyone ever mentioned a Golden Shower in congress before . I dont think so. Lindsey grahams point was, i guess, that the parties involved in the investigation were biassed against donald trump. They didnt want him to be president , which is a crazy point to make, because i can think of someone else back then who didnt want him to be president too. Hes a racebaiting, xenophopic religious bigot. I think hes a kook. Hes a jackass. He is a political car wreck. At the end of the day, he would be the mostflawed nominee in the history of the republican party. Donald trump is the most unlengthable republican ive seen in my lifetime. He would be a terrible commander in chief. He doesnt have the temperament or judgment. We get slaughtered as a party if Donald Trumps our nominee, and quite frankly, we would deserve it. [ applause ] jimmy i guess he had a change of heart, because Lindsey Graham was one of the most outspoken critics of trump, now he suckles at his teet like a baby goat. It doesnt make any sense, or does it . Now you remember that anonymous op ed, and the book by anonymous that came out last month, and they never figured out who wrote them and they havent figured out who the whistleblower is. They are one person. They are this man you know how you make America Great again . Tell donald trump to go to hell. Jimmy thats right. Anonymous, and the whistleblower are senator Lindsey Graham. Lindsey graham has been blowing anonymously for years. Golden showers. Golden graham is what it is the jig is up. [ applause ] thank you. Heres another item of interest. There are reports now, reports that originated with politico that if elected, joe biden might only want to serve one term. Hes 77 years old, and the rumored story is that hes looking for a running mate he could turn things over to, because bit end of his first term hed be 82. Basically, hed leave the president stoi h presidency to his running mate in his will. If you pay close attention to this ad they just put out, there may be something to this. America is in crisis. Big problems require big solutions. We need a leader to lead us, for almost as long as it takes. Joe biden has been working hard for the American People for years. And is willing to work a couple more. I agree that everybody once they anyway, my times up, im sorry. You can count on joe biden to get the first half of the job done. Im joe biden, and ill say, ill, uh, you know, youre. Im pete buttigieg. Even and i approve of the second half of this message. Jimmy santas making his list, checking the kids for lice. For a number of years, guillermo and i have been helping santa. We put on our elf hats and pointy shoes. And here we go, weve done it again. Hello. Hello. How you doin . Good. Good. Can i have your letter for is santa . Thank you. Go ahead and have a seat right there. All right. Whats your name . Miles. Miles, how old are you . 4 and a half. I see youve written a letter to santa claus. May i read it . Uhhuh. Hello, santa, im going to come right out with my wish list. I love games. This christmas i want mousetrap, stratego and operation. What are you, a time traveler from 1975 . No. All right. Susie and i are going to bake cookies for you this year, have a Merry Christmas, love miles. Whos susie . Shes one of my grandmas. Oh, you call your grandma susie, huh . Uhhuh. You dont call her grandma . Nah. All right, lets talk. Lets get down to business. Have you been good this year . Yes. How good . This good. Thats really good, huh . Yes. Have you done any naughty things this year . Nope. Interesting, because santas been watching you, and santa said that you throw things in the house sometimes. Yep, just sometimes. Santa also said you locked the babysitter out of the house. Just sometimes. Sometimes. Was it funny when you locked the babysitter out of the house . Yeah. It was . Uhhuh. Did she think it was funny . Nope. Are there any kids in your class that should not get presents . Miles yoe tyoe tayoe ta shouldnt. Your name is miles too. Miles apptaker the meanest kid ever. Why is he the meanest kid ever . Because he always cuts husband lunc his lunch. He cuts in line . Uhhuh. For lunch. Uhhuh. And everyone gets mad. Yep. And what do you say . I tell him to go back where he was, but he doesnt. Oh, wow, this must be tough having another kid in your class named miles when your nam is miles. Yeah. Are you worried that santa might confuse you with the other miles . Bad miles as we call him . Ah, he wont. Yeah. Well, seems like youve been pretty good. Yep. Would you like a present . Yeah. All right. Step over here. Now, push this. And here we go. Lets see what comes out. What did you wish for . Oh, my gosh. Wow, dentures teeth in a glass. What . Yeah, thats for you. There you go. Maybe give those to susie. Bye. Bye, miles. Dad, come see what i have. [ laughter ] jimmy thank you, miles. Youll grow into the teeth. We have a great show for you be tonight. We have music tonight from finneas, julia fox is here. paul at sprint, the holidays are a time for giving. Abcs Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by sprint. You can give your family you knw the gift of savings with both an unlimited plan. sprintern . And the powerful new iphone 11 included paul . For just 35 a month when you switch . sprintern whoa, what a deal paul and, sprint has a 100 total satisfaction guarantee so you and your family can try out the network and see the savings for yourself. sprintern so cool, now open it paul is it the iphone 11 . sprintern what . Howd you guess . For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. You sure you dont want me to come with you . Im very sure. Because i can. laughs make good choices. You make good choices. I am. Fiber is good for digestive health. Good choices never tasted so good. Kelloggs raisin bran. Start saving with [itarget holideals m smith] save 10 when you spend 50. Or save 25 when you spend 100 on toys and games. This week only. New holideals arrive all season long. Only at target. Yeah right. Iand the earth is flat. Ahhh treat your cough seriously with robitussin cf max. Nothing lasts longer and treats more symptoms for your cough, cold and flu. Robitussin. Because its never just a cough. Iclimate is the number 1ove priority. Sage. I would declare a state of emergency on day 1. Congress has never passed an important climate bill, ever. This is a problem that continues to get worse. Ive spent a decade fighting and beating oil companies. Stopping pipelines. Stopping fossil fuel plants, ensuring clean energy across the country. How are we going to pull this country together . We take on the biggest challenge in history, we save the world and do it together. Add some shine to her holiday with a sephora favorites perfume sampler and up to 60 off fine jewelry. Jcpenney jimmy hello there. Welcome back. From the new adam sandler movie uncut gems, julia fox is here. Then, he is one of the youngest people to be nominated for a grammy. He is nominated for producer of the year for his work with his sister, billy eilish. This is his ep. Its called blood harmony. Finneas from the mercedesbenz stage. You can see finneas live tomorrow night at space 15 twenty here in l. A. He is very good. Super talented kid. Tomorrow night, aquafina. And one more thing i want to mention. I wrote and illustrated a childrens book. Today i learned it is number one on the New York Times bestseller list. Its called the serious goose. All the money i make goes to Childrens Hospital here in l. A. And Childrens Hospitals around the country. You can buy it anywhere they sell books. And if you would like an autographed copy, go to theseriousgoose. Com to get one signed by me. In pen i sign everything in pen. Thats right. Jimmy yesterday, at the Chinese Theatre across the street, our first guest put his hands and feet in wet cement, because we want him with us forever. His newest blockbustertobe is jumanji the next level. It opens friday. Please say hello to the invincible kevin hart. [cheers and applause] thank you. Jimmy you know, i always say how are you, but how are you . I am good, man, this is making me feel a lot better. [cheers and applause] jimmy im very happy to see you. . Tha thank you, and congrats on your book. I listen to everything. Jimmy good, im glad you listen to everything. Im expecting a book. Jimmy i think i left a book for you back in your dressing room. Good, i saw it. Jimmy you may be listening to everything, but youre not looking around. Im not looking around, apparently, i missed the book that was on the coffee table. Jimmy you were in an accident, and thank god you are okay. It was not funny when it happened obviously. But now, youre feeling good . Im feeling good, man. [cheers and applause] jimmy are you working . Are you making love, i guess is the most important part. Making love, and my belly bumping again. Yeah, i was belly bumping early on. You know, when it first happens, though, when youre in the hospital, you forget, you dont think about it, of course, because you dont have any movement, like literally, i couldnt do anything. From my wife in the nurse, everybody literally had to assist me. The last thing youre thinking about is your package and whats going on. For nine days, i was in the hospital menine days, i was layg in the bed, and one day i just got happy. Oh, oh like literally, you forgot. Youre not even thinking about it. When it happens, i called my wife, hey you might want to get in here, we got to do something about this. We got toandle this. Jimmy i remember one of the times were you here, i dont remember when it was, but you told me you had a plane accident, right . Yeah, when i went to a celtics game. Jimmy youve been in a car accident, a plane accident. Yep. Jimmy you should steer clear of transportation in general. I was in a boat accident. Jimmy you were in a boat accident also . Yeah. Jimmy what happened there . I survived. Thats when i was younger. My dad let me, my dad basically let me drive a boat when i was like 8, and he convinced me that i knew what i was doing. And i was like, i dont think i got it, dad, hes like, you got it. Nah, dad, i dont feel like i got it. Hes like, just steer it. I am. Well, you better do something, because we headed for that rock. I was like, hmm, i think were going to hit it, dad. And we got in a real accident. Jimmy and you hit the rock. We hit the rock. Jimmy not your friend the rock, an actual rock. I hit that rock, too. I literally hit that rock. Definitely hit that rock as well. Jimmy please be careful. I am, god is good, man. Im very thankful to be alive. Jimmy we need to give you a pony or scooter. Something else. Jimmy last time you were here was in april. We in las vegas. Your 40th birthday was approaching in july. Yep. Jimmy you said, well, lets play that clip. What did i say . Jimmy youre turning 40 in july. Yeah, man. Jimmy you have a big anything planned . No. Jimmy nothing planned . No, im not doing anything, its over. Jimmy is it over . When i say its over, im talking about the other side of fun. Ive drank, ive tried to do the younger version of myself has done in the past, and its not gone over well, like i cant handle it. So for my 40th, im giving myself honesty. Im going to sit down and watch a movie, leave me alone. Jimmy that was the plan. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy and i look on instagram, and this is what i see. [ bleep ]. Leaving the world now. [ bleep ]. Jimmy it seems, it seemed like a party to me. It seemed like kind of a big party. Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you what happened. Jimmy okay, what happened . I was hell bent on doing nothing. I was very serious about that. Jimmy okay, you werent just saying that to me so you didnt have to invite she in. No, no. Jimmy i thought it was a ruse or something. No, i didnt want to do nothing. I did not want to do anything for my birthday, and as you get closer to the day, all your friends and everybody starts talking, man, this is your 40th, you cant just not do nothing. My wife starts talking, babe, we got to do sk. We got to do something big. Its your 40th so many more people became part of the conversation. Were going to have a small little dinner in the lounge. Then it turned into this big event. We ended up renting out, it was supposed to be a dinner at tao that progressed to renting out tao for the night. Jimmy the whole place. We rented out tao for the day. Apparently, you cant just get it for the night, because you got to take the whole business from the day out. That was a bill, all right. So we had to have it for the day. And then, you know, i got to talking to one of my closest friends, bonnie walker, she does such a good job with events for me, she was like, well, we cant just let it look like tao. We got to change it to where it looks like you. This is your day. So we ended up redesigning tao. That was a task, that was a task. You know, then she convinced me, she was like, you know, kevin, it would be cool if we put your face on the little statues. And you know, when somebody says something, you doesnt thidont serious, yeah, that aebd cod b. Then she brings knme this invoi. Theres a digital board playing my years of life. All of my friends ended up coming, and then i got drunk, man. Jimmy uhhuh, you did. And exactly what i knew was going to happen happened. Jimmy wha