Patent for photoshop. But its interesting. This is the schematic from the patent. Is that not the bleakest thing youve ever seen . I have another idea, how about we just try to go three months without taking selfies altogether . According to a new poll, 27 of americans somewhat or strongly agree that donald trump is a man of faith. Which is not a lot of people, but still too many. Trumps faith is like bigfoot, only a handful of nuts believe it exists. And the only evidence is this photo of a lumbering apelike creature holding a bible upsidedown. So last night i mentioned that trump tweeted another whackadoodle Conspiracy Theory, claiming that 75yearold protester who was shoved to the ground by police in buffalo could be some kind of evil antifa operative, jamming Police Scanners with his phone. Of course, there was no evidence whatsoever to support this claim. But does the president regret tweeting it . According to official trump spokesmodel, kasey magaloony, no, he does not. Does the president regret tweeting out a baseless Conspiracy Theory about a 75yearold protester on the morning of George Floyds funeral . The president was asking questions about an interaction in a video clip he saw and the president has the right to ask those questions. Shouldnt the president have facts before he tweets anything out, hes the president of the united states. The president did have facts before he tweeted it out that undergirded his question. Its a baseless Conspiracy Theory. Do you acknowledge that . No, i wont acknowledge that. Jimmy i wont acknowledge anything because if i do, i would have to acknowledge what i have become. I think she might be gunning for the ivanka spot. And by the way, undergirding is what keeps the president s breasts perky and up. This is a fun one. The president s thirdfavorite son, donald junior, took a hunting trip to mongolia last summer on a journey to shoot a rare breed of sheep. A mongolian sheep. And this reportedly cost taxpayers more than 76,000 for djtjs optional secret service detail. He doesnt have to bring them, he chose to. At a total cost to me and you of 76,859. 36. There he is, dingus khan. Junior kills sheep because hes embarrassed he never learned how to count them. Meanwhile, the Republican National convention is getting a change of venue. They were supposed to hold it in North Carolina, but North Carolina said no because of concerns about large gatherings and the coronavirus. So the gop is moving the convention to another state. And see if you can guess which one. Which state is willing to put lives at risk so the president can give a speech in front of a big crowd . Ill put 30 seconds on the clock. [ dinging ] oh, you know it already. Thats right, florida. Jacksonville, florida, is the likely location for the rnc. That makes sense. If the Trump Administration was a state, it would be florida. The president reportedly said he isnt worried about an outbreak because the virus primarily affects people who are old or have underlying conditions. That doesnt sound like the population of florida to me. And you know they wont wear masks. Masks will be a rarity at the convention. So we came up with what i believe might be a maganificent idea. Im planning to sell these outside the convention. This is the First Official maga bleach helmet. Okay . You just sip on the clorox, now fans of donald trump can be white on the inside too. So trump is planning to have a rally next friday in tulsa. Its pretty insane that our president refuses to listen to his own Health Experts and wont even wear a mask. Just to give you some perspective, here are some people who are smart enough to wear masks to keep their face covered. Stone cold steve austin wears an alabama mask. In fact, someone challenged him. And you know what stone cold said . He said shut up, dude. Stone cold. You know who else knows better than our president . Brody jenner. Thats right, brody jenner. A man who wears a hat that says da crack knows to wear a mask. Guess who else is smarter than donald trump. Floyd mayweather jr. A gentleman who bought an 18 million watch has more common sense than our commander in chief. And last but not least, you know who wears a mask . O. J. O. J. Simpson, the guy who left his gloves behind knows to wear a mask. Speaking of o. J. , this is interesting, in the wake of the movement to defund the police, you know what show got cancelled . Cops. After 33 seasons, paramount has decided to pull the plug on cops. It has been around since 1989, as long as the simpsons. My bleach is sagging. This seems like an analogy for the administration here. Okay, im going to take this off. In hindsight, cops was a weird show. It was people being arrested to the tune of a boppin reggae song. And the lyrics to that song, whatcha gonna do when they come for you . That alone should have tipped us off that we have a problem. But cops is gone, but paramount has a new show about Civil Servants set to take its place. Viewer discretion is advised. [ sirens ] bad boys what you want, what you gonna do when they come for you bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you bad boys, bad boys what you gonna do when they come for you mail, is filmed on location the men and women of the u. S. Postal service, followed by law and order dmv. Jimmy weve got a good show tonight. We are going to surprise our Health Care Hero of the week with a mystery music superstar. And well be right back with pete davidson. So stick around. Oh, we love our new home. Neighborhoods great. Amazing school district. The hoa has been very involved. These shrubs arent board approved. You need to break down your cardboard. Thank you. Violation. Violation. I see youveetynthia. Atuning and it does help us save a bunch of money. Two inches over regulation. Thanks, cynthia. 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Just download the target app today. This is a surprisingly filling snack in a little can. V8. The original plantpowered drink. Veg up. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Tomorrow night, keke palmer will be with us and music from the clark sisters. You know my next guest tonight from saturday night live. His standup special on netflix, and now he is a bona fide movie star. The king of Staten Island, directed by judd apatow premieres friday on vod. From his underground home, please say hello to pete davidson. Hey, pete, how you doing . Hey, man, thanks for having me. Jimmy thanks for being here. Congratulations on the movie. What a beautiful movie this is. And its funny, and like, youre a real actor, no kidding around. Ah, thanks, man. That means a lot. I appreciate that. Thank you. Jimmy are you in Staten Island right now, overseeing your kingdom . Yeah, im in Staten Island, in my moms basement, crushing it. Jimmy i know you say that you live in your moms basement, but you quite literally live in the basement of i assume you own the home together . Its a joint effort. We got a house together, so, yeah. Jimmy i bet its a joint effort indeed down there. Your familys in the movie. Your grandfather is in the movie. Your real grandpa, right . Yeah, we got him in there, and he, he pretty much came to set every day, and one day judd was like, lets put him in as your real grandpa, and he told me he could tell how well i was doing because there were pork chops on set. Jimmy that does seem to be when relatives will visit a tv show or movie set, the thing that impresses them the most is that theres free food. Because no one, even at restaurants you dont get free food. Its the only workplace where you get that. He most certainly appreciated it. He was thrilled. Jimmy did he get paid to be in the movie . He did finally get paid. See, he doesnt, my grandpa doesnt realize that it takes three months to get paid doing anything in this business. So after after the movie wrapped, he called me every week and was like, i know that im your grandfather, but a job is a job. And he didnt leave me alone until he got paid, but he did. He got paid. Jimmy your mom has a cameo in the movie, too, as an extra, right . Shes kind of in the background . Yeah, shes an extra nurse, and you could see her in the film, because when she comes in, she just looks right down the barrel of the camera. Jimmy and thats how youre supposed to do it, they say, in the acting school. Yeah, you just stare at the camera. Judd yells action, and you look to see your scene. Jimmy your movie mom is Marissa Tomei, which is pretty great, especially being from Staten Island. Was your mom happy that she was playing a version of her . My mom was thrilled, im hot, im finally hot. She was really thrilled. Jimmy i think this makes you spidermans first cousin if you do the movie math now. Yeah, they have to put me in it now, because im her first cousin. Jimmy you really are in your moms basement. Is your mom upstairs cooking . Whats going on there . Shes upstairs hanging out. Would you like to say hi . Jimmy yeah, i actually would like to say hi. Mom mom, its your big moment. Im coming. Jimmy oh, great. All right. Here she comes. Jimmy your mother will not be played by Marissa Tomei. This is your real mom. This is your ear bud. Jimmy hi, how are you . How are you doing . Hi. Im good, how are you . Jimmy good, congratulations on your new movie career. We heard you did exactly the right thing and looked directly at the camera. I did exactly what i wasnt supposed to do. Jimmy you must be very proud of pete, in all seriousness. I mean, have you seen the movie . Have you had a chance to see the whole thing . I saw the movie when they had a screener in the city for, like, family, and i think i cried most of the time. Jimmy yeah, i cried watching it. And i want to see it again. Did you . Oh, my god. Jimmy yes. Are you disappointed that you didnt have a big premiere because of the virus . A red carpet and all of that stuff . Was that something you were looking forward to . I was looking forward to it for pete, because its such a big moment, like, its a crazy big moment that you want to see your child, like, achieve. Jimmy yeah. But its fine. I feel like we were lucky to shoot it last summer, because if it was this summer, you know, who knows when it would have happened. And i feel blessed in a lot of ways about that. Jimmy pete, when you have friends come over, do they come through the upstairs . Or is there a separate entrance downstairs . I have my own entrance for the cool cats. Only the cool cats get the side door. Jimmy do you knock before coming downstairs . I text. I text first. Jimmy texting is the new knocking. Well, the movie came out great. And i know a lot of the story is based on your true family experiences. And it is some story, and really a good movie. I hope everybody sees it on vod, and i understand you guys have chosen the charity for tonight. Each night we make a donation to a charity. And you have chosen answer the call. Will you tell us a little bit about that . Yeah, answer the call is the fund that helped my family when my dad passed. It helps for firefighters and ems workers that pass away in the line of duty. And it helps out their families. Jimmy i will be making a donation to that. And if youd like to join me, go to answerthecall. Org. Pete davidson, his mom, his real mom, amy, not his movie mom, Marissa Tomei. Pete, would it be out of bounds to date Marissa Tomei now that shes played your mother . Yes, absolutely. I think that would be really insane. Jimmy thanks, guys. Congratulations. The movie is called king of Staten Island. Well be right back to honor our Health Care Hero of the week. Add some resistance. Sara, your movie plus trial is about to expire. Do you want to continue or cancel . Capital one knows life doesnt update you about your credit card. So meet eno. The capital one assistant that looks out for charges that might surprise you and helps you fix them. Another way capital one is watching out for your money when youre not. Whats in your wallet . Is watching out for your money when youre not. Hey guys want to stack different pringles flavors to create new flavor combos . Here ill. Go first. Pizza, barbeque and jalapeno. The spicy barbecue pizza stack. Get him grandpa whats going on . Were trapped in a pringles commercial, they must have taken us in our sleep. Stack pringles flavors make new ones. Contactless delivery tarright to your door,very designed for your day. So you can work out, join in, and game on. Just download the target app and try it today. Good mormore treatment . Were going to try Something Different today. Hi awwww, so pretty. Dogs bring out the good in us. Pedigree® brings out the good in them. When we closed our wynn committed instantly to keeping all 15,000 team members onboard. We then focused our fivestar level of service to all who needed it. We made improvements to peoples lives. We strove to be better and we made people happy. This closure may have temporarily taken us out of wynn and encore, but it couldnt take the wynn and encore out of us. And now, we are proud to welcome you back. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. Our Health Care Hero tonight is a pediatric icu nurse from long island, new york, tracey bednar. Hi, tracey. Hi, jimmy, how are you . Its so nice to meet you. Jimmy nice to meet you, too. I know you work with children who have covid19. And for a long time, we told people that it didnt really have an effect on children, but it seems like it is. What are the symptoms for the little ones when they get this . Sure, so the symptoms are very different than for adults. Adults, it was mostly respiratory. And for children weve seen them with mostly cardiac, actually, cardiac influence and also rash, fever, gastrointestinal issues. Jimmy this must be very scary for both the kids and the parents when they come to the hospital with this. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, you hear covid, and everybody starts to really panic. Jimmy yeah, right. And you of course are there to not only take care of these families, but to calm them down, to make them feel better, which i would imagine creates a lot of stress on you. Yeah. It can. Absolutely. Jimmy what is a typical day like for you . Okay, my day starts, i drive 45 minutes to work. I have to be at work by 7 00 in the morning. Well get report, and then we just hit the floor running, you know. Jimmy you hit the floor running. Yeah. Jimmy what do you do when you relax . How do you unwind . I actually play golf. I love yoga, and the best thing that i do is on my way home from work when its my own private time, i play my radio really, really loud. Jimmy what do you play on the radio . I actually love metallica, and my Favorite Song is enter sandman. I blast it as loud as i can. Jimmy weve been doing some spying on you, and we heard you were a fan of metallica. And id like to introduce you to somebody right now. Yes. His name is lars. And lars jimmy a drum roll. Oh, my gosh. Jimmy lars ulrich from metallica. Wow. Hi, tracy hi. Its so incredible to be here with you and to hear your story. When i hear the words golf, yoga, and the third word in that, the three basic food groups would be metallica. So thank you for sharing that. And as a father of three, i cant thank you enough for what you do. Ive been sitting here listening in for the last couple minutes, and all of us out here in San Francisco and my family and everywhere are so grateful for what you do, and thank you for having metallica be a part of your life and your ride home and that enter sandman gets you home in one piece and hopefully a little faster. It sure does. Jimmy its such a fun thing, lars, you guys are recording this music. I wonder if you ever think about the fact that a pediatric nurse is listening to what you did in a studio on her way home from work every night. Its just so, its so amazing to just hear all the different ways that music and metallica connect with people. And weve been doing this for coming up on 40 years. Dont tell anybody its that long. Amazing. Its just so amazing to continuously hear how we can make a little bit of difference in peoples lives and hearing that feedback from you makes such a difference in our world and gives us inspiration to carry on, and it becomes this endless cycle of connectivity. So, thank you, tracy, thank you. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for you, what everybody does. Jimmy to thank you for your work, big lots is sending you 10,000 to spend however you like. The big lots big Heroes Program is giving Health Care Workers and first responders, active military veterans, discounts in their stores and online throughout the month of june, and theyre sending big lots gift cards to your coworkers in new york to thank them, too. And i believe lars has something for you as well. Thats awesome. So next time we come in the Greater New York area, weve been to nassau coliseum 5,000 times. But next time were in your zone, please come, be my guest at the next metallica show. Well do the whole vvvvvip experience. Well do dinner, well have drinks. Obviously, you know, best seat in the house for the concert. And i also have here, and, again, just between the three of us, but this is