And now, like the mcrib, im back. It is weird being back in an office after six months. Were being very careful. They divided the office into zones. We have zone a, zone b and zone c. Im not sure if im hosting a jimmy welcome back. Show or boarding a southwest this is our first show back in the studio after six months. Airlines flight. And we decided to change things everyone is Wearing Masks and those clear plastic face up. We gave the set a retro feel. Shields. Everyone looks like theyre in a we figured maybe it would feel daft punk cover band. Like any year but this one. I do want to mention, and wish a happy birthday tonight, to one of the greatest men of all. We have a small crew here in our studio. Bill murray, turns 70 today, and i need you guys to laugh, even if its not funny. Even though i know without a doubt that he is not watching. Dnchlths i said i need you i want to wish him well because guys. I love him. So happy birthday bill. Tonight, their album is called this must be what kim jong un gaslighter. Feels like. Is he still alive . Or did he go when we were gone . Remind me to call and check in on him. We have everything we need to do a show. Except, for my little mustachioed angel. Where is guillermo . Isnt he supposed to be here . We have music and conversation with the chicks. Remotely of course. Tomorrow night, fresh off their historic, zambonilike sweep of the emmys, the cast of Schitts Creek, catherine ohara, eugene levy, dan levy, and annie murphy will be with us, along with tenacious d. And later this week, we keep it going with riz ahmed, Norman Reedus and tim mcgraw. Please join us for all of that. Our first guest is one of the funniest men on tv, and hes not even on a comedy show. He is covering the western conference all right, thats enough. Finals on inside the nba for tnt. Please welcome, nba all right. Anyway, good to see you. Halloffamer, sir Charles Barkley. I miss you. Hi, charles. I really did. Whats up, jimmy . How are you . How are you doing . Man, im doing good. Welcome back off of vacation. Im doing great, jimmy. Thanks, you know i love you guillermo, whos happier that and i really was happy that you youre back to work, you or your agreed to be my first guest back wife . To help ease me back in to this, so thank you very much. My wife. All right, well, you know, i hey, listen, so you were fly dont know if you, did you fishing, huh . Watch, i hosted the emmys last night. I did go fly fishing, i know you like to fish, do you fly yeah, you did a wonderful job. Thank you. Fish . Did you see that lakers game i have never been fly last night . Yes. Fishing. You have to teach me how to fly wait a minute, how did you see the lakers game if i was hosting the maniys . I tivoed the emmys and i was fish. I would love to do that, just the two of us in a boat alone, would be something very special. Watching the lakers. No. No. I hosted the virtual emmys last night. No. Theyre saying it was the highestrated emmys ever. We are not going a boat the lowest . Lets just put it this way, we together, brother. Set a record. We had a lot of fun, given the difficult circumstances. No. Then the deals off, i dont know what to do. The weirdest part of hosting we can wade, i guess we can wade. This year was when it was over, you know what . There are usually parties, and im always up to learning new everyone is carrying their emmys around, and celebrating. Things. I have seen fly fishing. This year, the show ended, and it was like well, i guess ill i have heard about it, i know go to my car and drive home. The big winners last night were im allowed to keep my feet on land. I like lakes and ponds, but i Schitts Creek, watchmen, and the seahawks, i think. Have so much respect for you, i just like this, we had no will go, is it called wading . Yeah, wading, yeah, yeah. Audience, so i had to figure out why cant they call it walking in water . How to do a monologue in front of no one. So what we did, if you missed i dont know no, seriously. They dont want to confuse it it, we took Audience Reactions with jesus, i think is what it from old monologues and made it is. Seem like we had a big audience full of celebrities, clapping so, charles, did you the Football Game tonight, you know and laughing at new jokes. The raiders are playing in vegas and then we pulled the curtain now, and im curious, as to, as back and revealed there was no one there. An agent right, what would it but while it was happening, we fooled a lot of people. Have been like if you had played in las vegas, if your home games who thought i was on stage who wasted no time denouncing us. Were there, would that have worked . jiommykimmel wtf . it would have worked for me. It would have been a lot of fun. You know, jimmy, listen, i love to gamble. And it would have been awesome for me, i think, you know, its it may be that the presenters different depending on the sport arent live but so far it looks you play. Like the audience is. What the hell is going on with you kimmel . No social distancing . Because, you know, Football Players go to work every day and they are for like hours. No masks . Youre as guilty as trump now for fomenting death. A pox on you and goodbye like in basketball, we are off forever. Until the next night. Stupid heres another one. So, it probably would have been so no masks or social really strange. Distancing at the emmys tonight . . Yeah. Wtf . . I would have lost a lot of money, i would have had a lot of are hollywoods special people immune against covid19 . . . Drunk nights. Or will the virus look at these did you, if your travels to special people and choose not to vegas, i know you enjoy las infect them . Double standards. Vegas, did you go to shows . Did you go see the big shows or guess that is trump fault too. Were you in the casino the whole and this i cant believe jimmykimmel and the hollywood elitists think time . Rules dont apply to them. A full audience . You know, jimmy for the last 30 years, longer than that, no masks . Going to vegas, every time i go, theres a pandemic i say im going to go see a the envelope sanitizing bit was hilarious btw. Show. Well, thank you. And 35 years later, i have never sorry to have caused any been to a show. I get stuck at the black jack table or the roulette wheel. Consternation. You, i bet you have had some what was the best time you doing an awards show, where all had in vegas, anything pop in the winners were at home, was a your mind . Strange experience. Oh, i had the patriots one year, when seattle ran that it was probably the first time stupid pass from the one yard in history that someone won an line instead of giving the ball emmy, and then, ten minutes later put a load of laundry in the dryer. But we did learn a lot from seeing the winners at home. For instance jimmy Jeremy Strong has been haunting a sears portrait studio. We saw julia garner from to marshawn lynch, its the best ozark, almost forget to thank her husband, even though he was place to watch a super bowl. Six inches away in a silk bathrobe. So, that is probably what i thought was over for me, and the guy called that awful play and we learned where the cast of Schitts Creek eats dinner before their very polite sex threw the interception at the parties. One yard line. That was probably my favorite trip to vegas. Jimmy we learned that the winner of best director lives in a room at the marriott. Really . Why . Did you have money on the and we learned that the only person patriots . I had money on the patriots. Sociallydistancing in zendayas you did . House, was zendaya. We also raised 2. 8 million, to thats all football is good for is betting. Support no kid hungry. Have you ever called pete carol to thank him for that so it was a big positive call . Overall. I have not. The weekend itself, got off to a you know, but jimmy, football is very dark start. My favorite sport, you have to Supreme CourtJustice Ruth Bader be a real man to play the sport. Ginsburg passed away friday. You have to have the courage to and the host of celebrity play the sport. But every sunday im in front of the television with my bookie. Apprentice wants to be the one to replace her. Can you say your bookies in an absolute, typhoon of hypocrisy, republicans who 293 days before the end of obamas name, just the first name . Term said it was too late to nominate a new justice. Oh, no, no, they got they now want to confirm one before will track people down. You cant do that, jimmy, on an election that is 43 Days National television, man. Away. Im not trying to get anybody busted. Are you in the bubble right trump is expected to announce his pick on friday or saturday, and hes doing a surprising amount of research into who that now, charles . I know you are not in orlando, are you like staying home, not going anywhere, following the pick should be. Rules . Yeah, it sucks, jimmy, i will would you rather have a woman, or the Supreme Court, be so glad when the playoffs are over, man. Its been hell, i have been yes, woman . Stuck in the atlanta bubble for yes . Tom tillis says yes. So would you rather have a two months now. And my life sucks right now. Woman, or would you rather have i will be so glad when the next two weeks are over. Its been awful. A man on the Supreme Court . Now, when he was playing kobe bryant said that he loved okay, what about a squirrel . Playing away games because he who would like a squirrel on the fed off of the negative energy from the opposing crowd, does you feel the same way . There was only a couple of people that were jackasses to me really. And first of all, kobe should number one, rest in peace to one Supreme Court . Of the greatest to ever do it. Now were doing Supreme Court justice gender reveals. Trump says hes leaning towards yes. Choosing a female judge. But listen, you know, when they booing you on the road, its a sign of respect and and pay special attention to his admiration because they dont boo the other guys on the team hands here, as he says it smsh were to if somebody were to who cant play, they only boo ask me now, i would say that a the stars. So if they are booing you as a woman would be in first place. Star, you should take that as a yes. Jimmy who does that . His mouth is always lying, but real badge of courage. Because, hey, they dont boo the his little hands tell the truth. Look at this. Guys on the bench. They only boo the stars. This was from one of those covid so, thats actually a great Task Force Briefings he used to compliment. Theres a famous heckler, the do. The professionals did the models, i was never involved in a model, but at least this kind guys name was robin something, you know who im talking about . Yeah, robin ficker, he was of a model. He hears himself saying model actually, i had a lot of respect and he goes oooh. For him. The only donald trump could get because he never cursed, and he horny talking about the knew everything about every coronavirus. The woman who is considered to be the early frontrunner for the player. Nomination is from new orleans, and i had made the mistake, not a mistake, but i had made a and she seems like an mistake of writing a couple of books when i played, and he interesting choice. I am not antifa, im not a sex slave that wears masks. Stand back there saying, you can Charles Barkley said on page 72, blah, blah, blah, blah. And the whole bench is laughing. The coach is laughing. He was really, he was really funny. Im not in to bondage maam this is a pta meeting. He was a good heckler, im not i dont know what that has to do going to lie. With anything. I have to say, while i was on vacation, i enjoyed not keeping up with the minute by minute is it true that you flew him to phoenix for the purpose to lunacy coming out of the white house every day. Have him heckle Michael Jordan . Well, two things, number one, no. But i kept a little tally. No, okay. This is just some of what he did during my summer vacation. June 17 the president claims he but secondly, if you know made juneteenth famous. June 18 said he planned to give Michael Jordan, you dont want to piss him off. Yeah, you dont want to piss kim jong un a cd of rocketman. June 20 told administration to michael off. Slow down virus testing. Accused obama of treason. Claimed we have hydrosonic i used to tell our fans, shh, missiles called super dupers. Okay with russian bounties on shh, dont upset this guy, he doesnt need any more american soldiers. Retweets supporter shouting white power motivation. Hosts 4th of july party no masks. Your first nba team, the attacks nascar for banning sixers honored you with a statue. Im curious if you get any say in what the statue looks like . Confederate flag. Well, i have been very july 9 commutes roger stone fortunate to get two statues, sentence, considered selling puerto rico. One with the sixers and one with my college at auburn. July 10 claims he aced dementia test. Claims obama played more golf than him. July 14 niece says he paid i say make it skinny. Thats all i got to say, make it someone to take his sats. July 15 endorses beans. July 28 retweets doctor who believes in demons. July 31 threatens to ban skinny. Tiktok. Is that the right thing to august 4 calls yosemite yosemite. Do . I was getting a statue, i would august 6 calls thailand say make it as fat as possible thighland. August 8 aide asks about adding so when people see me in real trump to mt. Rushmore. August 13 sabotages the postal life, they say, oh, he looks great. Service. Promotes virus cure from no, at the time they did the mypillow guy. August 18 girl scouts announce statues i was skinny. Im only fat now. I used to be skinny. New french toastinspired cookie. I cant help it that im fat now, father time is taking its august 22 ordered to pay stormy toll on me. Is it true that moses malone daniels legal fees. Used to get on you about your august 23 tweets, happy sunday weight and he used to monitor we want god what you were eating . Augus 31 compares police you know, he is the most important in my basketball shootings to missed golf putts. September 2 encourages career. Supporters to vote twice. I went to him one day, because i we learn he called fallen was not getting to play, and i american soldiers losers and said, moses, why am i not suckers. Confirmed by fox news reporter. Getting to play . September 4 attacks the fox he said you fat and you lazy. News reporter. Im like, what, what do you okay with putin poisoning opponent. September 8 former lawyer says mean . He said, you are fat and lazy. He went to a Golden Shower sex and this guy who is one of the club. Best ever, took me under his wing, jimmy and he made me lose september 15 falsely denies 50 pounds, and made me a great downplaying virus, falsely claims he supports coverage for player. But a couple of times, we lived preexisting conditions, and in the same building. Uhhuh. That he rebuilt the military, and that he opposed the iraq war. He had told the security claims virus will go away because well develop a herd people, any time i order pizza to call him. Mentality. So like on two or three september 16 kanye pees on a different occasions, i ordered grammy. Pizza and the next thing i know im getting all excited for my september 20 retweets pizza and theres a big old appreciation that fartingsound 610 guy knocking on the door is trending. With my pizza in his hand and he is already eating it. So that was not a lot of fun for and tells a crowd in north me. Very considerate of moses to carolina that joe biden injects eat your pizza. Performance enhancing drugs in are you still hitting the the jimmy, thank you, jimmy, great job. Krispykreme doughnuts in atlanta . Oh, yeah, im telling you jimmy and here we are today, back to work. Jimmy, when you drive by the sign and it says hot, your car today, by the way, is just goes there, man. International peace day. It should be illegal. And how better to celebrate, it should be illegal. Than with a nobel prize edition hey, i try to avoid it, if for some reason, i think every time i go there, the hot sign is of drunk donald trump . I got the Nobel Peace Prize nomination, a peace prize nobel on, and i cannot resist the hot nomination. Sign. We will be right back with Charles Barkley. They are wearing mega masks. Stick around. Dynanana, nana, nana, eh jimmy and one more thing. While i was off, finding myself light it u dining through and exploring my body, a number of very talented people, filled cause, ahah, shining through the city with a little funk and soul in for me as host of this show, which i appreciate greatly. Many of them had never hosted a ima light it up like dynamite, whoa show before, but they did it. They delivered monologues, interviewed guests. They put in a lot of work, so hey allergy muddlers. Achoo that i could get two flat tires. Do your sneezes turn heads . Try zyrtec. On a winnebago with my family. And not only did they host the. It starts working hard at hour one. And works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. Show, afterwards, they signed a book for me, and i thought you zyrtec muddle no more. Optum perks can save you up to 80 . Might enjoy if i shared what they wrote. Be our best dear jimmy, by the time you and everyone can do it. Its from optum, a Health Care Company read had this, i will be long gone. Thats trusted by millions of people. Im just kidding, i moved in. Whats for lunch. Opt in and save big today. Dear jimmy, thanks for let are me take over the show, you no matter how you pay, had a good run sir. Youll be closer to earning rewards but now its kw live. Thank you for letting me and getting more of your favorites for free. Host, jimmy, it was a highlight more ways to pay, of my career. More ways to get rewarded. Im kidding of course, i have an starbucks rewards. Egot, its Like Community service for me. Who know an open mind is the only kind. Love john. Had this book is such a fun who dont need to travel to find something new. Idea. Who know where to escape, i hope some day you learn how to even just for a moment. Read it. Who dont need a fortune to find a gem. Thanks for letting me guest host, it was so fun. And let me be clear i only did it for fun. Ve e stopisve. Less, discover. Even just for a moment. I have so much will and grace at t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. Money i never have to work again. Do not air this, it probably sounds tone deaf. Love you, sean. Dear james cordon. Thank you. I love