But ultimately the president didnt want to put his vice poodle at additional risk. I want to thank the commission and the university of utah for hosting this event. And senator harris, its a privilege to be on the stage. Jimmy now if they could just get him to stop humping trumps leg, theyll be set. [ laughter ] the truth is a lampshade cone would have made more sense than what team pence was fighting for, which was nothing. They wanted no extra precaution. They initially said no to a divider made of plexiglass between them. Kamala wanted it. Pences team did not. Mike pence believes that if youre going to separate a man and a woman it should be from their children at the border of the United States. [ applause ] this is my own staff booing me. Thank you, guillermo. [ laughter ] for just clapping at whatever i say. Guillermo youre the boss. Jimmy an aide for mike pence said the Vice President is looking forward to having a conversation about the marked shift left that joe biden wants to take this country. So were not going to let a barrier prevent the Vice President from making the case for four more years of donald trump. Then someone told him the plexiglass is seethrough and they went oh, okay, well do it. Having a conversation through a glass partition was Good Practice for mike pence. After january thats how hes going to have to do it when he visits his former boss at the correctional facility. [ applause ] so the plexi went up and the gloves came off. I wish kamala would have started the debate by congratulating mike pence on his great work as leader of the Covid Task Force and then just laugh like a maniac for 90 minutes. [ laughter ] it wasnt the wrestlemaniastyle debate we saw last week but there were some moments. For one a lot of people noticed that mike pence had a pink eye, which is apparently a symptom of coronavirus, which i dont know about that. A lot of gerbils have pink eyes. [ laughter ] but the big star of the debate tonight was a fly that landed quite symbolically on the Vice President s head. I assume the fly thought he was a light bulb and was attracted to his it stayed on his head for two minutes and three seconds. Technically, that fly is now his running mate. [ laughter ] but anyway, mike pences fly just became the most Popular Halloween costume of 2020. [ applause ] there was an unusual amount of focus tonight on the swine flu and fracking. Heres the story. Mike pence loves to say fracking because its the closest hes allowed to get to using a curse word. But no ones mind was changed tonight. Almost none of the questions were answered. Watching this after the trumpbiden debate was like falling asleep during a ufc fight and waking up to the Great British baking show. It was the kind of debate donald trump hates. It was polite. It was reasonable. It was orderly. It was so evenkeeled the president couldnt help but jump in. American people have witnessed what is the greatest failure of any president ial administration really . Oh, really . Excuse me, but let me shut you down for a second. Just for one second. There has never been an administration thats done this is important. Mr. President , im speaking. Im speaking. Im the one that brought back football by the way, i brought back big ten football. Jimmy he brought back big ten football. Boy, that [ applause ] the proud boy in the bubble was bursting at the inseams. He could not wait to get back in the mix. Trump tweeted 40 times in the span of two hours last night, and he played all the hits. Hillary, obama, comey, voter fraud, Nancy Pelosis hair, and then even though we have not been told that he is negative for the virus he went back to work in the oval office, which means thats where he watched tv today. But there was no official verdict from the president s doctor today that hes not contagious. But we did get an update from don jr. , who offered this unintentionally revealing snippet from his life. How is he feeling . Hows your dad feeling . Hes doing great. Its sort of amazing, even speaking to him on friday or over the weekend, literally he was rushing to get me off the phone because he had calls he had to make and work he had to do for the American People. I mean, its sort of amazing. Some things never change. Hes always been that way for his entire life. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, don jr. , thats not why he was rushing you off the phone. [ laughter ] well the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon that is one of the saddest things ive heard on fox news. But daddy donald is very busy touching himself through lou dobbs for an hour every night and making History Today as the first u. S. President ever to endorse a prescription drug. They gave me regeneron. And it was like unbelievable. I felt good immediately. I felt as good three days ago as i do now. These i view these, now they call them therapeutic, but to me it wasnt therapeutic. It just made me better. Okay . I call that a cure. Jimmy well, i think thats called therapeutic. But this is like an infomercial even Chuck Woolery wouldnt do. Talk to your president to find out if regeneron is right for you. Is one of the side effects of regeneron a burnt umber face . Because id like to compare the color of his face to the color of his hands today. Put his hands up there. Thats right. It looks like he turned the tanning bed up to extra crispy. [ laughter ] after months of downplaying the virus trump now, now that he has it, cant decide if he wants to say it was no big deal or be the powerful hero who beat it. So what hes doing is saying both. So i think this was a blessing from god that i caught it. This was a blessing in disguise. I caught it. I heard about this drug. I said let me take it. It was my suggestion. I said let me take it. And it was incredible the way it worked. Incredible. Jimmy i bet god takes the call when his son calls him. [ laughter ] but the most important thing the president wants you to know, other than that, everything that works is his idea, is that this virus, this terrible disease thats killed so many people now is not your fault. It wasnt your fault that this happened. It was chinas fault. And chinas going to pay a big price. What theyve done to this country. Chinas going to pay a big price, what theyve done to the world. This was chinas fault. Just remember that. Jimmy look at the orange chicken blaming china. That is un [ laughter ] by the way, about three minutes into the video an unidentified flying object came flying out of the president s mouth. I walked in, i didnt feel good. A short 24 hours later i was feeling good jimmy did you see that . A pearl of spittle flew out of his lie hole on a downward trajectory. A highly infected glob of covid gravy hurtling toward the white house lawn. Which is exactly why you wear a mask. But he had to make a video today. He cant let mike pence have the spotlight to himself. He had to get out there to talk about regeneron and of course we mustnt forget the vaccine that will be here very, very soon. The vaccines that we will come up with, very soon were going to come up with. Were very close to a vaccine. I think were going to have a vaccine much sooner rather than later. I think it will be i think that will be done. Id like to have the cure and or the vaccine and that will happen i think very soon. Were going to have a vaccine soon. Were going to have a vaccine very soon. Once we have the vaccine but i think were going to have it very soon. And i think were going to have a vaccine very soon too. A vaccine i think is going to be announced very soon. Very, very soon. Its going to be announced i believe very, very soon. Were determined to have a vaccine very quickly. Were going to have something very soon. Well have a vaccine very soon. Well develop a vaccine. Were going to have it very soon. Were going to have the vaccine soon. I think were going to have a vaccine very soon. Vaccine is looking very good for pretty soon. This is a vaccine that were going to have very soon. Very, very soon. I think the vaccines going to come very soon. Its going to be really soon. Were going to have a rack scene very soon. Great vaccine. Great, great vaccine. Vaccines are coming. We will have a vaccine so soon you wont even believe it. Were going to have it very, very soon. Its going to be very, very soon. The vaccines are coming. Momentarily. Jimmy okay, all right. [ applause ] but for now sit back, relax, and enjoy your nightmare. But back to the debate. Tonight we watched a very tough former prosecutor debate a former a. M. Radio host, a man who is the human equivalent of an unseasoned potato salad. Kamala harris is half jamaican, half indian. Mike pence is just half. [ laughter ] but in fairness to mike he had the misfortune of trying to defend donald trump, who among the many insane things he claims he claims hes done more for the black community than any president with the possible exception of lincoln. Trump is polling at about 10 with black american voters, which isnt great. And the contrast between these campaigns is particularly stark when you see Kamala Harris next to a cartoon drawing of a milk man. [ laughter ] but the trump campaign, theyre not giving up. They recently named a new director of africanamerican outreach. His name is marquise jackson. And we are interested to have him with us tonight and grateful to have him with us. Mr. Jackson, thank you for joining us on debate night. [ applause ] well, thank you for having me. Thank you so much. You know, this is such an important election for black americans. And i thought the Vice President did a great job tonight explaining why donald trump is the right choice for black voters. Jimmy excuse me. Wait a moment. You are the new head of black outreach for the administration . Yep. Yeah. I was actually just appointed this morning. Jimmy youre Marquis Jackson . Thats me. I know. Thats a pretty unusual name. See, i was named after the marquis de sade. Its a funny story. My mother was very into sadomasochism, you know, for sex. The night i was conceived im sorry, what . Jimmy how did you get this job . Well, thats a very interesting story. It was a real whirlwind. See, i sent in my resume this morning and then about an hour later they hired me sight unseen. Jimmy okay. Thats what i would have guessed. So you never actually met anyone from the administration in person or on video chat . Well, no. Not yet. I was having a little bit of trouble with the camera in my computer. You know, the people at zoom, they make it so tricky to activate your video. Youve got to go into settings. Well, first of all, youve got to figure out where that camera they tell you click on the camera jimmy i know how zoom works. What youre saying is they never saw your face . No. But look, its not a beauty contest, jimmy. This is about galvanizing africanamerican voters. Jimmy i get that. I cant help but wonder, mr. Jackson, if no, no. Please. Call me marquis. [ laughter ] jimmy okay. Marquis. Is it possible, marquis, that the people, the person who hired you assumed you were black . Oh, wow. [ laughter ] you know, that never occurred to me. Now you that mention it, yeah, there were some odd things. Jimmy okay. Like what kind of odd things . Well, when i talked to them on the phone they kept saying whazzup [ laughter ] jimmy thats a red flag for sure. Yeah. And bringing up the nba championships a whole bunch of times. They were asking if i was into somebody named kanye. Do you know who that is . Jimmy yes, i do. Of course. Hes a rapper. Hes a very famous person. Oh, really . Because i kept thinking it sounds like pig latin to me. Like oohye, oohday. Kanye. Jimmy no, hes very famous. Kanye west. Hes married to kim kardashian. Yeah, well, that does not ring a bell either. [ laughter ] they did ask if i would make sure to stand behind the president at all of his rallies. They wanted me real prominent right behind him. Of course i said yes. You bet. Jimmy so why would you say anything other than that . Yeah. Exactly. And then at some point one of them said to me, he said hey, is it true what they say . And i just said oh, you know it is. It is totally true. Jimmy wait, what is true . I have no idea. [ laughter ] i was just trying to get a job. Jimmy i see. Okay. All right. But ill tell you, whatever it is, apparently President Trump has a very little one. Miniature in size. They were very clear. They went into great detail. Jimmy you might want to get in touch with them to clear up this because it could potentially be an embarrassing thing, situation for you. Yeah. Well, i think youre absolutely right. And i will do that right after lunch. Jimmy okay. Im going to call them as a matter of fact, i have a couple of phone numbers for a couple of guys jimmy i think as soon as i have some jimmy probably wraps it up. Thank you, marquis. I appreciate your being part of this. My pleasure. Almond butter and jelly. Jimmy better than peanuts. Sure. Thats Marquis Jackson. [ applause ] the director of you understand . Guillermo yeah. Jimmy hes the director of black outreach for the trump campaign. Guillermo incredible. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy weve got a good show for you tonight. From South CarolinaSenate HopefulJaime Harrison is with us. We have music from natanael cano. And well be right back with Billy Crystal. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by consumer cellular. Lular. Leggo a big mac medium fries. And an oreo mcflurry. There you go. The j balvin meal. Get it on the mcdonalds app and the mcflurry is on me. Im lovin it get it on the mcdonalds app and the mcflurry is on me. I like big jeans. Ittybitty jeans. Feelin trendy yall, with the straight jeans showin off those curves, cause you the queen everyone go slay in your Old Navy Jeans welcome to denim america. With fits for the whole fam. Only at old navy and oldnavy. Com woooooow. Its crispy. Its creamy. Its not your average chocolate bar. Smooth milk chocolate, crispy wafer and creamy hazelnut filling. 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And when these heroes lack the resources they need, that risky job gets ten times harder. Prop fifteen makes corporations pay their fair share. To invest in our communities, in our clinics, in the essential workers who treat everyone rich, poor, and inbetween. Whether its this pandemic or the next health crisis, vote yes on prop fifteen. For all of us. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Tonight on this show, he is apple musics up next artist. This is his album. Its called soy el nata. Natanael cano is here with us tonight. [ applause ] i think i got that right. Right, guillermo . Natanael cano. Guillermo natanael cano. Perfect. Jimmy yours was better. Later this week we have new shows with liam neeson . That was good, right . Killer mike and norah jones will be here. And on friday we are in primetime again on friday for game 5 of the nba finals with jamie foxx. So please join us for that. [ applause ] our first guest tonight is one of the alltime comedy greats. Just like the rest of us hes at home watching television. He loves eggs. Please welcome Billy Crystal, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] hi, billy. Hi, jimmy. Thanks, everybody in the studio. Please. Please sit down. Thank you. [ laughter ] thank you. Jimmy so billy, what did you watch tonight . Did you watch the yankees or did you watch yeah. I get dressed. You know, to root on its not good news. You know, i was still recovering from my clipper woes. Jimmy oh, yes. Right. And then the yankees are in a little trouble. But then i was the debate was insane. Pence to me is like hes that guy that you say to your wife, why did you invite him . [ laughter ] i mean, its like you know, the comparison between the two of them, the squinty that squinty thing that he does. Jimmy yes. Under the leadership of President Trump weve lost 210,000 people. Isnt that something . Jimmy yeah. Its like and hes if he was a rapper, i think his name would be notorious b. I. G. O. T. [ laughter ] jimmy if he was a rapper yeah. I mean, to this guy roots was like a romantic comedy. [ laughter ] jimmy youre not part of team pence. I thought for sure youd be on i was for a while but then the empty box video that you showed just threw me. Ive had a hard last couple of days. Jimmy why have you had a hard couple of days . Well, first of all, ive been in this house since march. Jimmy right. And now, you know, its like my alexa is acting up. So i say to her every morning, alexa, would you play this song . And now she says to me two days ago, no. I dont like that song. [ laughter ] i said alexa, i need the recipe for blueberry pancakes. She goes, you dont need that. [ laughter ] you dont want that. You dont want that. And then last night im watching the yankee game and i want to check in on the lakers score. I said whats the lakers score, alexa . Alexa, whats the lakers score . She says, who gives a [ bleep ] . Im watching the dodger game. [ laughter ] then this morning i come in and i hear whispering. Shes talking to somebody else. And i go alexa, who are you talking to . And she starts to cry. And i said who are you talking to . Well, shes having a thing with siri. Jimmy oh. Now i dont know what to so my whole house is its not a smart house right now. Jimmy you know, its funny. Its like when you are in the house you start to develop a weird relationship with these machines. Especially when they have a womans voice. Yeah. No, i know. Jimmy you celebrated what, your 50t