Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20240712 : vimarsana.c

KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live July 12, 2024

Day. Exactly one week until election day. Exactly a week until election day. Exactly one week until election day. One week until election day. One week to election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. One week until election day. Election day is one week from today. You believe it . Election day, one week away, can you believe it . One week until election day, can you believe it . Election day, can you believe a week from today . One week until election day. Can you believe election day is one week from today . Unbelievable. Jimmy it is, its really unbelievable. [ applause ] no, its not unbelievable. Guillermo, do you know when the election is, election day . Guillermo next tuesday. Jimmy wits a week away. Did you vote yet . Guillermo yeah, tonight tomorrow, i think. [ laughter ] vote by mail. Jimmy did you fill out the ballot . Guillermo no, not yet. Jimmy why not . Guillermo i dont know. You know. Jimmy what about your wife did she vote . Guillermo yeah, she vote too. Jimmy voted . Yeah, all right. You dont have to go out in the ocean to vote. Guillermo no, no, im going to mail it either tomorrow or or thursday. [ laughter ] jimmy this is why were in a lot of trouble. You know when the dodger game is though, right . Guillermo yeah, tonight jimmy yeah, that you know. The dodgers are a win away from their first world series title in 32 years. Were taping the show as the games getting started. If my car is tipped over when i leave the studio tonight, ill know we won. [ laughter ] between the dodgers and the lakers, this has probably been the biggest month ever for l. A. Sports fans. But thats not all good. L. A. County Health Officials say the recent spike in covid cases here was due in part to the big public celebrations after the lakers won. Hey, you know what . You have to be willing to die for your team, simple as that. [ laughter ] Donald Trumps doing his best to keep the covid going. He had three rallies today, two more tomorrow. Despite the fact that, at his rallies in minnesota last month, each one of those rallies was the site of a virus outbreak. They traced them back to the president s events. Minnesota, as you know, is the gopher state, as in, you better go for a test because the president gave you covid. Ironically, this is what the president said at one of the rallies where the dummies got the virus. They were tough, they were strong, you have good genes, you know that, right . You have good genes. A lot of its about the genes, isnt it . Dont you believe . The resource theory, you think were different . Good genes in minnesota. Jimmy yeah, thats when the kids call going the full hitler. [ laughter ] anyway, i guess the genes werent quite good enough, because a lot of people got covid at that rally. I remember the good old days when the only disease we worried about donald trump spreading was syphilis, you know . [ laughter ] the newspeople are getting sick at his Campaign Events might give some president s pause, but not tandy don. Hes tripling down. Today alone, trump and his succubi hosted all of these events. Masks, schmasks. Every trump us on the there. Charles manson cared more about his family than donald trump does. [ laughter ] even though the pandemic appears to be getting worse, even though the virus is on the rise in almost every state and all over the world, fear not, because the president says were rounding the corner. Were rouning the corner. I really do believe were rounding the corner. Were really rounding the corner. Rounding the dirt, rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner on the plague. Were rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner. Rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner regardless. Its rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner. Youll see it, were rounding. That pandemic is rounding the corner. Were rounding the corner beautifully. We are absolutely rounding the corner. Other than the fake news wants to scare everybody, we are absolutely rounding the corner, go ahead. [ applause ] jimmy weve rounded so many corners, were about to throw up. Is it possible that trump knows hes going to lose, he decided to take as many of us with him as possible . Like a pharaoh who wants to be buried with his minions . And King Tutankhamun is whos running this country . On top of everything else, last night trump hosted another event for judge Amy Coney Barrett at the white house. The first one everybody got sick. What is he thinking . This is like the game of thrones, the starks decided to have a second red wedding. Well, the first one wasnt great. But the appointment of justice barrett, the court will now lean hard to the right, possibly for generations to come. Health care, womens rights, samesex marriage, all are suddenly endangered species. But djtj, the prod carlson, doesnt understand what everybodys so upset about. Were looking to rotate Supreme Court justices because your dad appointed someone last night. So yeah i mean, he appointed an incredible woman, just a rock star. And now, you know, the liberals and the feminists, they hate that. I dont know, i dont understand what they want. Jimmy uh uh uh add that to the list of the many things you dont understand. The president is well behind in the polls, but not much time to turn it around, so his strategy now even more than ever is to just make things up. Hes a radical left, people, they want to turn our country into a socialist state. They want to, as an example, in texas, or pennsylvania, or oklahoma, or north dakota, or ohio, they want to take away your fracking, they want to take away your energy. Frankly, no oil, no guns, no god. Very simple. No oil, no guns, no god. Jimmy finally, the longawaited sequel to person, woman, man, camera, tv. No oil, no guns, no god. Joe biden, who wants no god, actually goes to mass on sundays. Not just once a year when he gets invited by a preacher with a private jet. No oil, no guns, no god. Is also the plot to the new mad max movie. The ogg tour made a stop in lansing, michigan, today where trump provided yet another vile and dangerous take on the tinfoil plot to kidnap governor gretchen whitmer. Your governor, i dont think she likes me too much. Hey, hey, hey. Im the one it was our people that helped her out with her problem. And we want to see if its a problem, right . People are entitled to say, maybe it was a problem, maybe it was our people, my people, our people, that helped her out. Jimmy uhhuh. Oh, good, hes defending the kidnappers. Theres a twist i didnt see coming. And we know they werent kiddingnappers, we dont know meanwhile, barack obama has been stumping for biden. He had a gave a speech for joe in orlando today. He seems to be having fun with this. This week, with everything thats happening, you know what he brought up . He was fussing about the crowd size at the inauguration again. Saying his was bigger. Who is thinking about that right now . Jimmy um the obese toddler whose wife wishes she married you . [ laughter ] thats who. The other election ad thats keeping us up late at night is, of course, the bachelorette. What an episode tonight. [ laughter ] things finally came to a head between clare and a medical device salesman name s yosef. Appalled clare made the guys play strip dodgeball, as if she has anything to do with the stupid competitions they come up with. Yosef i guess was upset clare had violated the sanctity of their organized sex competition and let her know. Let me tell you something, the way youre talking to me right now, never in a million Kamala Harris years claire, no never in a million years did i think i would have to utter these words again. Do not talk to me like that. I never thought id ever have to tell any man id never want them being the father of my child, and i stand by that. I would never want my children having a father like you. Get out of here. Clare, listen to me no [ bleep ]. Jimmy yosef had plenty to say on his way to the limo. This is the kind of thing i man jane will be going on at the white house around january 20th. Youre not fit to be a mother to my child. That aint right. [ bleep ]. Get out of here. Clare, is everything all right . You okay . Youre completely classless, clare, classly. Are you serious . Bro. Calm down there. Chill out. I expected way more from the oldest bachelorette in history. Bro, what are you talking about . Go home. Remember, youre almost 40. Take your ass home, bro. Jimmy bro, yo, bro, i mean, bro, yo. Yo, bro. When the bros start flying, thats when you know weve got trouble on the show. The leading man right now by a mile is dale bro. Dale is clearly the guy shes picking. This is over by next week, by the way, the whole show. For whatever reason deci, clare decided it would be good to have a roast, to have the guys get up on stage and insult each other, and of course they all went after dale. Dale has been given the frontrunner words thrown around. I think its totally ridiculous and complete b. S. And clare needs to hear it. How long is it going to take clare to figure out youre here trying to campaign for president and actually have no interest in her . Zing. [ laughter ] jimmy zing. Not zing. Whats the opposite of zing . Thats what that was. This was the worst roast ive ever seen, and i was at the one where Courtney Love showed Pamela Anderson her vagina, this ones worse. [ laughter ] dale is clearly the only choice for clare. Former football player, they say he used to be a model, sounds good, used did be a model. But tmz found some photos from 2017 when he was a model. He was a model, these are not fake, he was a model for party city, the website. And there he is as a taco model. And clare is now his taco belle, i guess. [ applause ] the big bombshell is next week, clare is expected to grab dale and leave the show, which leaves us with a big question. Who will abc tap to finish out the season . Next week on the bachelorette the path were on right now, it doesnt end well. Youve just blown up the bachelorette. Clares gone, and i still havent fully comprehended what the hells going on. Whats up . The man himself. Have a seat, have a seat. Congratulations. My husband is in this room. Everything was great, then it went doesnt seem to make sense to me right now. Im going to freak the [ bleep ] out. What the [ bleep ] just happened . How you doing, man . Good, how are you . I know im not the dinner date you were expecting. May i have a seat for a sec . Im confused as all hell. Its finally time to get this show going. Jimmy well, you know what . Good for chris harrison. [ applause ] whatever he weve got a good show tonight. From world news tonight, anchor david muir is with us. [ cheers and applause ] we have music from h. E. R. , and well be right back with Anne Hathaway, so stay up got the whole fam rockin hejingle jammays olidays our 18th time watchin love actuallay we gon have the best holiday here at old navay shop jingle jammies from head to toe to tail. We holiday. Only at old navy and oldnavy. Com oh, its not about me, i get it no, no, no, zoom in on it. 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So come december, hell get to be holiday shane. A. K. A. Cool uncle shane. He gives the best gifts, and hes got a lizard. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Tonight on the show, david muir is with us. And then later, the song is called damage. She is great. H. E. R. From the pandora live show at academy l. A. [ applause ] if youre so inclined, rsvp to see a full show from h. E. R. Thursday night at 9 00 at the web address below, live. Pandora. Com. Go ahead and do it now, well wait. [ applause ] okay, tomorrow night we got a big show tomorrow night. David letterman and Gillian Jacobs will join us with music from gracie abrams. Our first guest is an oscar, emmy, and golden globewinning actor whos played catwoman, an astronaut, a princess, pretty much all my Halloween Costumes from kindergarten through the fourth grade. She adds witch to her resume. She stars alongside Octavia Spencer in roald dahls the witches now on hbo max. Please say hello to Anne Hathaway. How are you . Im great, how are you . Jimmy i lime what youre wearing there. Im doing well. What is that, address, a shirt, whats going on . Its a casual sparkle dress, thank you. Jimmy oh, casual i didnt know they made casual sparkle dresses. You learn something new every day. Jimmy yeah, well, usually. How are you . How are you doing . Jimmy im doing great. How are you . You had a baby since the last time i spoke to you. Yes, yeah, hes almost 11 months now, so its been a minute. Jimmy 11 months. What did you name him . Jack. Jimmy jack, thats good. Solid, regular name, jack, right . Yes, it is. A jonathan and a jack. Jimmy my family is all js. Are they . Jimmy a brother jonathan, sister jill. Yeah. All js. Are you angling for me to go for a third and name him jimmy . Jimmy yes, i am, yeah. [ laughter ] or her. You can name her or jazzy jeff is nice too, you could go with. There we go, i love the options, thank you. Jimmy are you thinking about having another one . Is this something that youve been talking about . You dont have to answer if you dont want to. Sorry, i didnt mean to blink, blink my thoughts out. Yeah, i dont know. I dont know. Its the world is really like some minutes im like, yes, absolutely. Some minutes the world scares me too much and i think ive got two healthy ones and that feels really great. So i dont really know yet. Jimmy do you feel guilt at all knowing all the terrible thins that are going on right now, you brought these children into this world, that theyre going to have to manage and deal with in 30, 40, 50 years . Now that you heaped it on me, yes. [ laughter ] jimmy i think im projecting is whats happening. I think we all do, man, i think were all worried about that. You know, and it still feels like weve got its a slim window. Its a closing window. It still feels like we have that opportunity that we can give them a Better Future than the worst, worst, worst prognosis. But its now, its happening, its that time. Jimmy when this all started with the quarantine, the lockdown, back in march what approach did you take . Did you overdo it . Did you underdo it . Did you get it just right . How did you handle it . No, just so embarrassing. I just i dont know what i was thinking. But i was i just you know those little magical thoughts that you have that kind of keep you going, keep your anxiety at bay, youre just like, as long as i do this thing, everythings going to be fine . Jimmy yes . So i decided that it would keep my family safe if i put tape around all of our light switches and our doorknobs. Because i was just like, its im so smart, im so smart, these are the most off the touched surfaces, well remember to wash our hands and put lysol on them. My husband saw what i was working on and he was just like what . Why . Why . And i had and i explained the ro reason to him. Then it was so embarrassing. Because they did nothing. And then they started to peel. And we just had sad tape coming off of everything for months. And he continued to make fun of me. That was really so no, it was so, so dumb. Jimmy what tape were you using . Like a masking tape to make a visual reminder . Was it right on the switch so that you so its the worst. It was like like tiny, expensive, skinny japanese tape. Jimmy what . [ laughter ] which im sure you have so much of. But yeah. No, theres theres nothing redeeming about this story. [ laughter ] that wasnt even the stupidest thing that i did. I was so i think freaked out about everything that i convinced myself that if i just if i just wore a pair of sensible heels, everything would be fine. Jimmy what . You mean just like around the house . Why am i saying this stuff out loud on your show . Yes. I was convinced i had just got a really sensible pair of heels from everlane. I was convinced if i wore it, somehow it would give me special organizational powers. Jimmy is the idea it would keep your farther off the ground, then you would be more youd be farther from the germs . Its so generous of you that you thought there was an idea behind it. [ laughter ] it was a feeling. It was a really dumb feeling. It lasted exactly five hours. And again, it gave my son my husband my husband teased me about it yesterday, like i was talking about sorry. Jimmy i dont blame him for teasing you about this. Are you teasing him about it . Is he doing anything weird that you need to report to all of us . Oh, hes hes so perfect. Jimmy yeah. I know i shouldnt say that. Its too much, too much pressure. But no, hes really hes got a hes a really easy going guy. So he usually hits the bullseye pretty right. Im the one that spins out a little bit. Im very lucky i married him. Jimmy does your 4yearold know what mom does for work what your job is . No. I wasnt sure where we were at with that, because we showed him rio recently. And he didnt notice that one of the birds sounded like me. Jimmy right. So he knows that mom migos to work. And i recently left to go to a to do a project. And kind of getting him ready because i was going to be gone for a little bit. Okay, so mommys going to work, mommys going to work. He stopped and looked me really deep this my eyes and he goes, mommy . Are you going to work at the library . Jimmy why does he think that . No idea . Your guess is as good as mine. We went with it. And i was like, yes. Yes, mommy is going to work at the library. So he thinks im a librarian, which is a form of storytelling, so were going with that till further notice. Jimmy are the kids dressing up for halloween or are you going to skip it this were . What are they going as . No, were going to dress up. Weve got a small socially distanced plan, socially distanced idea. Sorry, i dont know what it is about you, i cant talk in front of you. Jimmy really . Its so embarrassing. Ive always had this thing. I get butterflies. Like my

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