Day 16 of squattergate. The bad president has no Public Events on his schedule but he is busy cooking up all manner of evil schemes. This really is getting scary. All jokes aside, its become very clear hes trying to cut the voters out of voting. He lost the election. Hes 6 million votes behind. Its not even close, thats a lot of votes. Now hes doing what he does, hes abusing the system to try to steal this election he claims has been stolen from him. Remember when o. J. Went into that hotel room with a bunch of thugs to steal his old memorabilia back . This is the white house version of that. [ laughter ] whats happening is insane. Theres no one trump wont falsely accuse. Hes accusing the georgia secretary of state, guy named brad raffen berger, of obstructing because he wont overturn bidens win. This guy, not only is he a republican, hes a hardcore republican, a guy who watches bluebloods every week type republican. Never voted for a democrat in his life. And two years ago, he got an endorsement from guess who . Donald trump wrote, Brad Raffensberger will be a fantastic skate for georgia, will work closely with brian kemp, its really important you vote for brad, vote brad, tough on crime and borders. The job has nothing to do with that, by the way. Loves our military and vets, he will be great for jobs. But that was before Brad Raffensberger got tough on his job. Brad is now part of the liberal conspiracy, i guess. And people believe this. Your uncle believes this. [ laughter ] the bad news for trump is, the legal part of his legal strategy is not working. Even worse news is, Rudy Giuliani is running his legal team. Rudy guiliani gave another doozy of a press conference today. It was a success in that it did not take place in a parking lot next to a dildo shop. [ laughter ] but otherwise, it was not a success. It was a desperate, vomitus attack on every american who bothered to vote. Heres rudy using the movie my cousin vinny to explain why trump was swindled out of the vote in pennsylvania. We could do like did you all watch my cousin vinny . You know the movie . Its one of my favorite law movies because he comes from brooklyn. When the nice lady who said she saw, and then he says to her, how many fingers do i how many fingers do i got up . And she says, three. Well, she was too far away. To see that it was only two. These people were further away than my cousin vinny was from the witness. Jimmy your honor, i rest my case. [ laughter ] [ applause ] bold move bringing up cousins from a guy who married one of his. But this is the best part of the press conference. This press conference went on for an hour and 45 minutes. And during that time, he got sweaty. And his hair color started running down both sides of his head. This is real. We did not doctor this. He was literally dying up there today. [ laughter ] isnt it funny, the ones who shout fake news the loudest all have fake heads. Its like something out of a scifi horror movie. Lets look at that again. How scary is this . Its a grampyre, run for your life even with all this, even though trump is about to be evicted, he is still president of the United States, they cant take that away. Theyll still have a painting of him in the National Portrait gallery. There will still be a trump president ial library. Theyre planning it route now. In fact, we were able to get in touch with the man in casual of designing the trump president ial library, and hes with us now. Please welcome scott mcdougal. Hi, scott. Oh hey, jimmy. I was just doing some measuring. You know what they say, measure [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, right, yeah, they do. Sorry to interrupt the measuring. I just had some questions for you about this president ial library youre designing. Well, you got the right guy. Jimmy politics aside, for an architect, this has got to be an exciting project to get, right . For what . No, no, god no. Im not an architect, no. Jimmy oh, youre not . No, no. No, im a dentist who retweets racist cartoons. [ laughter ] they saw some of my stuff on facebook and they said, you got a good eye, give it a go [ laughter ] jimmy you are in charge of the library, correct . Heck, yes yes, i am. Jimmy all right, well walk us through some of what you have planned, then. Id hoff to. Open wide thats dentist talk. Jimmy oh, okay, yeah, all right. [ laughter ] okay, let me share my screen with you. Jimmy great. You see it now . Do you see it now . Jimmy no, i just see you, i dont i think you have to push the button that says share screen. I see one that says mute. Jimmy no, that is not it, no. Its not the one that says mute. Okay, let me get my nephew in here for a second, ill call you right back. Jimmy you know, we cant really call back, were on the air right now, scott. If you can just never mind, i got it, never mind. Jimmy great, okay, all right. All right. This computer. I figured it out. This is the front. You can see this here. Look at that. Jimmy i hate to stop you already, but youre missing an r. Theres another r in library. You sure about that . Jimmy yes, i am. Let me get my nephew jimmy no, no. [ laughter ] theres really no need to get your nephew, im positive of that. Never mind. Jimmy show us what else you have there for the library. Kids an incredible speller. This is very special. I want to start in the food court. Weve got a chilis on one side and a chilis 2 on the other. Its like being at two airports at once. [ laughter ] jimmy sounds like a dream come true. I know, right . And then you head this way. You head to the past the ranch dressing fountain. Are you seeing that . Then the spray tan corridor. Jimmy i do see that. What is thats a spray tan corridor . Oh yes indeed, kind of like a car wash but without all those dang illegals. Jimmy okay, that is horrible. Thank you, yeah. You know, i try to own the libs whenever i can, you know. Jimmy yeah. Anyway, on the other end of the south corridor is the entrance to the ivanka art pavili pavilion. Jimmy ivanka collects art . No, no. She poses for it. Have you ever seen a sculpture with breast implants . Jimmy i cant say that i have, no. Yeah, its something they call squeezable art. Very modern and very hot . Sounds very interesting. Yeah. Jimmy yeah, no, im not seeing that. Once you exit the ivanka exhibit, you will find the eric trump memorial ball pit. [ laughter ] jimmy memorial . Why is it memorial . Eric isnt dead. Really . Jimmy yeah, no, hes alive. Oh. Okay. I guess ill let the president know. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, please do, let him know. It was his idea. Youre going to hoff this. Next to that is the melania escape room. Check it out. Jimmy now that sounds like fun, that seems like a fun deal. Yeah, well, its a closet full of rats and hot wires. Jimmy okay. That sounds not as fun. This sounds dangerous, actually. Is this going to be will kids it will be safe for children . Of course it is. It will be wonderful for children. When kids see then paper towel cannon, their eyes light up like its christmas morning, so excited. Jimmy you know, scott, with all these features, it seems like theres going to be hardly any room for books. For what . Jimmy for books. Its a library, right . No, no. Its a libery. Wont be any books. Instead of books were going to pay tribute to the president s personal collection of swedish erotica on laser disk. [ laughter ] jimmy that is exciting, they say thats the best format. Dont take anything but laser disks when it comes to the swedes. [ laughter ] jimmy when do you think the libery will break ground . As soon as we get the check from president trump. So [ bleep ] if i know. [ laughter ] jimmy okay, thank you, scott. I appreciate your time. Thats scott mcdougal. [ cheers and applause ] hes a dentist. Let me explain. Hes a dentist, the dentist they put in charge of the trump libery. Guillermo unbelievable. [ laughter ] jimmy weve got a great show for you tonight. We have music from Zac Brown Band tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and when we return, we will be back, we will be accompanied by president barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] so please stick around. So, uh, yeah, just a silly mistake. I guess i look pretty. Ridiculous. [ chuckles ] no one looks ridiculous, bob. Progressive is always here for you with roundtheclock service. Just so you know, next time, you can submit a claim with our mobile app. Good. Thanks again for for rushing over. Are you kidding . This is what 24 7 protection looks like. Okay. You smell like fish. Sorry. I was talking to jamie. You smell like fish. Sorry. Got the whole fam rockin hejingle jammays olidays our 18th time watchin love actuallay we gon have the best holiday here at old navay shop jingle jammies from head to toe to tail. We holiday. 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Neutrogena®. Thplus, take an extra 15 off n Great Holiday gifts. Get cozy musthaves 17 under. 40 off holiday decor. And save on food network plus, Free Store Pick up. Give with all your heart. Kohls. Crunchy oat clusters with a hotouch of honey. Ombine. Plump, juicy raisins. And tasty fiber. Into one delicious cereal . It took a lot of branstorming. Get it . Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Two scoops of delicious. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to a very special show. Tonight their song is called the man who loves you the most, music from Zac Brown Band later on. [ cheers and applause ] next week we kristen stewart, amy adams, music from jewel, and the great james taylor too. Our next guest served our country for eight years, he wrote a book to remind you. Its called the Promised Land at long last. Please say hello to president barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi. Very good to see you. Hey, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, all right. He knows. We miss you. Why did you leave us with him . [ laughter ] you know ive got to follow the constitution and michelles mandate. [ laughter ] which was eight years. Then we had to get out of there. Jimmy the constitution seems a little shaky lately. So i think michelles mandate is a lot stronger. How are you . Thank you for doing this. Its great to see you. Thank you so much for having me. Jimmy yes. I enjoyed your book. It is quite a book. I mean, it really is interesting and long. Its very long. [ laughter ] its 701 pages long. Did you make it that long to make sure trump never reads it . [ laughter ] you know, i dont think it would have to be 700 to be sure he didnt read it. [ cheers and applause ] you know, as i said in the preface, i didnt start off wanting to write a book that long. But as you start getting into it, you know, you realize, first of all, i want people to understand how i was making decisions, you know, what we were dealing with the financial crisis or with iran or these other issues. And, you know, i didnt want to put everything in footnotes and end notes. I dont know about you, but when i read, i skip over those. I never look at that stuff. Jimmy ive never looked at a footnote, no, yeah. Exactly. Jimmy theres not a bit of it thats extraneous. It is fascinating and it is interesting, because you read the news, you see the news, you know the stories that are happening. Well get into some of that stuff. But the thought and the methodology that you put into every decision, and the gravity of these decisions, is absolutely im sure overwhelming. I dont know if you keep track of this stuff, but you sold around 900,000 copies the first day of release. [ cheers and applause ] do you know if that is more or less than your wife, michelle obama, sold with her book . [ laughter ] its a tad more. [ laughter ] but im not rubbing it in over dinner. You know. I know although in truth, michelles attitude is, boy, you go out and sell some books, thats fine, because that will pay for some of my shoes. [ laughter ] jimmy have malia and shaush sa read the book . They have not. You are never a protet in your own land. [ laughter ] their attitude is, weve got Better Things to do than to read your boring you know rants and raves. They promise at some point they will. Which, in truth, i think it took them like ten years before they finally picked up my first book. So i suspect by the time theyre 30, they will have read it. Jimmy your wife, michelle, told me that you are afraid of sasha, is that true . [ laughter ] yes. [ laughter ] and the reason is because sasha is a mini michelle. Jimmy ah. And im afraid of michelle. [ laughter ] and sasha, having seen that, you know, basically has the same look and the same attitude. Malia is more like me temperamentally. And we call ourselves the long faces. Because her face is more shaped like mine. And its the brown faces are michelle and sasha. The round faces are a fiercer tribe. Were like the vegetarians, you know, the gatherers, and theyre the hunters. We try to keep the peace with them. Jimmy one of the fun stories in the book, shortly after you gave that speech at the dnc, suddenly you became very famous and you decided to take the girls to the zoo. You thought youd be able to pull it off. You got mobbed at the zoo. And the girls came up with a secret identity for you. Thats right. We get mobbed. We have to leave the zoo. Im kind of depressed about the whole thing. And malia, you know, whos sitting in the back seat with sasha, she says, dad, you need an alias. Sashas like, whats an alias . Well, its a fake name you use so you disguise your identity. She said, it should be like johnny mc johnjohn. That should be my name . She said, yeah. The problem is you also have to disguise your voice because its too distinctive. You talk really slow, you need to speed up how you talk and use a higher voice. So she had a whole plan, sasha agreed to the plan. We get home, they explain the plan to michelle. Michelle says, hon, the only way that daddys going to disguise himself is if he has surgery to pin back his ears. [ laughter ] which i found somewhat offensive. Im generally the brunt of jokes in my house. Jimmy its comforting to know that because i get the same thing at my house. You think youre a big shot, then you walk in the door. Exactly. Jimmy it is interesting to read about the difficulties of being trying to be a good father and trying to be a good president and senator at the same time. And how much you struggled with that. Yeah, i look, i mean i was very proud of the work i did and the service. And at the same time as i describe in the book, look, my dad wasnt there when i was growing up. And when i married michelle and we talked about starting a family, i said to myself, im going to do things differently. Im going to make sure my daughters know me, they know theyre loved, they know theyre supported. And overall, theyd say, i think, that i did a good job on that front. But there were a lot of times where id be gone more than i wanted. Especially during the campaign for the presidency. There were times where id have to leave early in the middle of something because some crisis comes up. And maybe most frustrating, i couldnt do normal stuff with them. I describe how, if we wanted to go to a bookstore while i was president , youd have the s. W. A. T. Teams and youd have to theyd have to, you know, bolt down the Manhole Covers in front of the store. Jimmy youd have to bring in Johnny Mcjohn John to handle everything. Exactly. The good news was, and i didnt anticipate this, this ended up being a weird benefit of the presidency. You dont have a commute. Jimmy right. You live above the store. I was able to make sure that i was having dinner with them every night at 6 30. So you come from the situation room, then you sit down, and suddenly youre hearing about some dorky boy at school. You know. Or witnessing an argument between michelle and sasha about whether sashas going to actually eat that spinach or not. It takes your mind off things a little bit. And i it helped ground me. I actually think i was a better president because of that constant reminder of, whats the point of all this . Other than making sure youre leaving a better world for your kids. Jimmy i have a feeling michelle and the girls are going to enjoy the cover of instyle magazine. Have you seen this . I have not seen it. Oh, look at that. [ cheers and applause ] thats what i do. Jimmy how many martinis in were you on this shoot. [ laughter ] i think it was shot around noon. Jimmy oh. So you have no excuse. You know, these photographers, they mess with you. Theyll say something, youll say, thats ridiculous, and suddenly they splice it up and it makes it look like youre trying to look like james bond, when in fact you were asking, how soon is this going to be finished . Jimmy right, yeah, and you cant order a missile strike on their homes anymore. Very powerless feeling, im sure. We have many things to discuss. I want to talk about health care, i want to talk about bin laden. President obama is with us. [ cheers and applause ] this is his book, a Promised Land. Well be right back. When a child is diagnosed with a serious illness, everything changes. And if you have to travel for care, like sam did . Home can change, too. But, along with your donations, mcdonalds has helped Ronald McdonaldHouse Charities keep families like sams together for more than 40 years. So that not everything changes for sam with cancer. Or for his brother liam, without. Or for his brother liam, so lets give this holiday thisall the merry weve got theres a place you can go where inspiration lines the shelves. For giving gifts so thoughtful, youll outdo the elves. You see here each present is especially nice. So theyll love what you got them, and youll love the price. If you want a christmas youll always remember, this is the place to spend less, and gift better. T. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. Oh whoa thats what i do [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what he does. Welcome back. President barack obama is with us. This is his book. Thats unbelievable. I mean, come on. Thats ridiculous. You know some people may not know. You know who passed me that basketball