Jimmy hello. Im jimmy. The rightful host of the show. I have returned. Thank you for coming. Thank you for watching. If you were expecting jimmy fallon again, im sorry. He went home. [ laughter ] we had a great weekend. You may have seen or heard, jimmy fallon and i swapped shows for april fools. He came here, i went to new york. We didnt tell anyone. The audience was surprised. People watching at home were confused, mostly. These are tweets from people who were watching at home. What is jimmy kimmel doing on Jimmy Fallons show . Wtf. Where is jimmy kimmel hes not on channel 11. And where is jimmy fallon, hes on channel 2. [ laughter ] well, im either fd up or drunk or jimmy fallon is hosting jimmy kimmel live. I know i had a few too many beerritas, but this is ridiculous. This Jimmy Fallon Kimmel april fools prank has made me realize its very strange we have two incredibly prominent adult men in entertainment who go by jimmy, not james. [ laughter ] decent point. I have to tell you, its a very different scene over at 30 rock, where they do the tonight show. Guillermo, youre not gonna believe this. The security guards there . Actually do security. [ laughter ] guillermo good for them, i like to have fun. Jimmy thats right. Theres so much history in that building, too. We have none. Johnny carson, david letterman, eddie murphy, john belushi they all worked in that building. Our studio here in l. A. Was a disco and a heroin needle exchange. [ laughter ] theirs is four seasons, ours is a motel 6, put it that way. [ laughter ] theyre gucci, were baby gap. They are a filet mignon, we are a cold arbys beef and cheddar. [ laughter ] i flew home yesterday, we were lucky to get home. Thousands of flights were canceled over the weekend because of Technology Issues and thunderstorms in florida, which is wreaking havoc on plans for spring break. A third of all Spirit Airlines flights were canceled yesterday. And the only thing worse than your flight on spirit being canceled is your spirit flight not being canceled. [ laughter ] they should just call it spit airlines. Leave it at that. But there is still plenty of fun to be had in the sunshine state. If you can get there. This teenager from jupiter got up close and personal with a great white shark. Great white thats nick bailey seconds after he saw a shark hed never seen before. Nick immediately flipped on his camera for what was both one of the best and most disappointing experiences of his life. After i looked at the video, i realized, man, i was so close, i really wish this could happen again and i could touch it. That would have been so cool. The very next day . Nick saw another great white. This time off the coast of jupiter. He reached out and grabbed the great whites tail. I touched a great white jimmy nick is a dip [ bleep ]. [ laughter and applause ] is it bad that i kind of wanted the shark to bite him . [ laughter ] last night at the grammys the stars of music were out. Justin bieber wore the same suit the kid who played the Young Tom Hanks wore at the end of the movie, big. [ laughter ] wasnt exactly the oscars. But there were memorable moments. Doja cat nearly missed her acceptance speech, because she was using the bathroom. See . This is why they need litter boxes under the seats. [ laughter ] ive said it a million times. Ukrainian president zelensky made an appearance on the grammys. He gave a heartfelt address to the grammys audience saying the silence of ruined cities and killed people. What is more opposite to music . Which is profound. What is more opposite to music . I thought he was going to say nickelback [ laughter ] which would have been a sick burn. But this was better. Keep it focused. Meanwhile in washington, judge Ketanji Brown could and should be confirmed to the Supreme Court by the end of the week. [ cheers and applause ] she made it out of the Senate Judiciary committee, and now advances to the sweet sixteen. Or maybe ive been watching too much basketball. Throughout the hearings republicans have been trying to paint jackson as soft on crime and irreparably woke. None more so than senator Marsha Blackburn of tennessee. Shes the one who asked the judge to define the word woman. She was very proud of herself and weighed in on this important nonissue again this afternoon. In the time since judge jackson sat before this committee, disney has eliminated saying boys and girls. The state department announced you can select x as a gender on your passport. The left has slowly but surely stripped words of their meaning in an attempt to eliminate dissent. And the latest victim of this campaign is the word woman. Jimmy yeah, you know the people im trying to set back 50 years . Those are the victims of this campaign. [ applause ] maybe be less worried about the word woman and pay more attention to the people who are them. I dont know. And also maybe a little bit of dry shampoo in that hair. [ laughter ] Marsha Blackburn isnt the only republican concerned about the definition of woman. Weirdo congressman Madison Cawthorn of North Carolina took time out from all the cokefueled orgies hes been getting invited to, to make this eloquent statement on that subject. Your Leftwing Movement is forcing children to endure radical expressions of sexuality. And yet you cant even define what a woman is. You might amend a bill but youll never amend biology. Science is not burger king, you cant just have it your way. [ laughter ] jimmy good one, junior. And furthermore, no one outpizzas the hut [ laughter ] im about to define. What a woman is. Xx chromosomes, no tallybacker. Its so simple. Jimmy excuse me. I think you forgot a vagina, somewhere . Meanwhile, the man these tallyback a doodles worship is magasty, donald trump this one is incredible. Theres a tradition when it comes to president s, after theyre out of office the official white house photographer, the person who snaps everything they do, publishes a book of photographs. Obamas photographer did it, reagans, bushs, its what they do. According to the new york times, trump asked his photographer for a cut of her book deal. His chief photographer Shealah Craighead was planning to release a collection of photographs. When aides to mr. Trump asked her for a cut of her book advance payment. And then, they told her to hold off on her project so tanny liebovitz could release his own book of photos, her photos, before she did. Which he sold for 75 a pop and didnt even give her photo credits. Fortunately, she has a lot of pictures of the guy who robbed her, and he looks just like donald trump. [ laughter ] what a creep. The two least surprising things about this story are one trump is profiting off the work of someone else. And two the memoir he published about his time in office is a picture book. [ laughter ] sadly, he was able to do this because under federal law, those photographs are considered in the Public Domain and not subject to copyright. Which is why i can take a photo like this. And put him on a toilet, for free [ laughter and applause ] thanks for all your hard work, shealah. Sorry youre not getting paid. Trump made a bigly endorsement over the weekend. Former governor of alaska, sarah palin, is running for congress now. I know, right . [ laughter ] sarah palin is tough and smart and will never back down. Even for trump, its impressive to fit three lies into an eleven word sentence. [ laughter ] i guess the masked singer money dried up. Sarahs running for office. Trump endorsing palin is like pasteeating endorsing gluesniffing. [ laughter ] its ridiculous. Trump still hasnt officially announced that he is running in 2024, but hes back to holding these big campaignstyle rallies at every truck stop that will have him. This was one of the rallygoers in washington township, michigan on saturday who was all fired up for her fearless misleader. The election, i believe, was stolen. But we know that. Space force has it all. They watermarked the ballots. They know exactly what happened with every ballot. I believe that were going to have an emergency broadcast and the militarys going to come in with martial law and we are going to be shown eight hours on, eight hours off, of videos for seven days, the world, and theyre going to be showing us taped tribunals, taped confessions. Jimmy any followup questions . No, nothing . [ laughter ] not even why the space force . [ laughter ] and then blob dylan took the stage and i think he may be running out of things to complain about because he did a whole set on how a congressman he doesnt like spells and pronounces his name. A guy who spells his name meijer but they pronounce it myyer. What kind of spelling is that . Meijer is pronounced myyer. How the hell do you pronounce this guys name . Nobody knows if hes doing anything in washington. How do you pronounce his name . Myyer. How the hell do you get that . Jimmy and what is the deal with silent es . You cant hear them [ laughter ] the meijer family owns one of the biggest supermarket chains in the state of michigan. Everyone in that crowd gets their mayonnaise and frozen meatloaf from meijer. Some of the people in that crowd probably work at meijer. They all know how to pronounce it. But he doesnt, so its wrong next hell try to overturn the spelling bee. And of course, no trump rally would be complete without a nonsensical jab at the guy who beat his grumpy ass in 2020. Biden and the radical democrats are spending billions and billions of dollars trying to secure the borders of distant foreign countries, many of which youve never even heard of. Americans deserve a president who will secure our borders and who will stop the biggest invasion ever of our country and probably of any country. Theres never been anything like it. [ laughter ] jimmy i guess he hasnt heard the news about ukraine . [ laughter ] this guy zelensky spells it with two ys why . [ laughter and applause ] please, i dont need to be patronized, okay . [ laughter ] on friday night, we had this april fools shenanigan. This is something that took months of topsecret planning. We coordinated our staffs, our writers, our producers, our guests from each side of the country. People have been asking me how we managed to pull it off without anyone knowing. And this is how. Jimmy fallon flew in on thursday, and we kept cameras rolling throughout the next two days, and we captured some of the behind the scenes from the freakiest friday in recent talk show history. And now here is Jimmy Fallon Jimmy and now the wave of disappointment comes washing over me. Lets do it, yeah hi, everybody we already made a video, i already forced everyone to go, fallon, fallon [ crowd chanting fallon ] we sent it to jimmy, havent heard back. Friday is usually when jimmy catches up on personal stuff. Im old and jimmy is not so i cant read these things without glasses. Maybe we could print these a little bit bigger for me. Good to see you, how are you doing . Nice to see you. Oh, perfect, thank you very much. What, say it again . Spit into . Okay, thank you. This is just something that you spit into, yeah. Heres your bedpan, mr. Fallon. If you heard, i dont spit in things. Spittoon . Jimmy were not going to fight about this, okay . Sorry i took your lines. Oh, here we go. Are our chairs at least better . Much better than my chair, my gosh. Really, im really writing down all complaints. I dont have a spit cup, i dont have any of this. Changed my whole life. I cant believe that was the first i cant believe this was the first thing that was offered to me, i love it. Jimmy would it be funny if my face thing unlocked for you . That wouldnt surprise me at all. Thank you, jimmy. I believe youre up. Wow. Whoa. Wow. Oh, please. Oh, please. Really . You see him enough, why would you clap for him . My gosh. Big deal. You see him all the time, for gods sakes. You miss him that much . Hes only gone for ten hours, gosh. Jimmy our first guest is an emmy, grammy, and tonywinning mother [ bleep ] who is making his highly anticipated return come on. Again, inner voice. Youre doing great, jimmy. Its really great, youre doing great. Its just it sucks, all right . Jimmy i think my monologue is shorter than yours. I always heard that yours is longer than mine. A monologues a monologue. Jimmy we have nine mystery boxes containing objects no one has ever seen before, not even the people blind people put them in the boxes. We are all, i have to say, very impressed and depressed at how nice your studio is compared to ours. How that is [ bleep ] hole in l. A. Youre working in . I think i told you [ cheers and applause ] jimmy maybe we should just stay, i dont know. Im fine staying here. Wait, this is my oh. Oh. Lets go get your phone. How did your phone get in my pants . Lets talk about this. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, jimmy. And thanks to the whole staff at the tonight show. That was a great deal of fun. We have a great show for you tonight. Eiza gonzalez is with us tonight. Music from alt j. Well be back with yehya abdulmateen ii and Jake Gyllenhaal, so stick around [ sighs ] cant sleep . Just a lot on my mind. I cant sleep either. It only gets tougher with age. Mom, what . Well, knowing progressive can protect your home, auto, and business should help you relax. Good, because i could use a good nights sleep me too. Dyknow how early the Chimney Sweep gets up every day . Wait, is this all a dream . Why would jamie be in my dream . I am americas biggest spokesperson debatable. I said biggest well, hes got you there. Sometimes jonah wrestles with falling asleep. So he takes zzzquil. The worlds 1 sleep aid brand for a better night sleep. So now, he wakes up feeling like himself. The reigning family room middleweight champion. Better days start with zzzquil nights. I used the wrong paint. Snickers satisfies. Wait. Youre a night manager and mom and birthday cake baker . So adding and student might feel daunting. National university is here to support all your ands. national university. Supporting the whole you. hey, here come that swirl hey, here come that shake, shake hey, here come that swirl hey, here come that shake, shake shake, shake [ cheers and applause ] jimmy come on, oh weve got to remove that. That cant stay. You let that happen, by the way. You let it happen guillermo he gave me 100 if i let it happen. [ laughter ] jimmy all right. Well, we have a great show tonight from the new movie ambulance. Eiza gonzalez is here. Then later, from leeds, england, their album i was told quite specifically, this is not a testicle, okay . [ laughter ] its something else. All right. Tomorrow night on the show, idris elba and Lamorne Morris with music from the regrettes. [ cheers and applause ] so please join us for that. Our first guests have an emmy, a sag award, a bafta, and 12 vowels between them. 15, if you count y. They are teaming up to face anything michael bay can throw at them in the new movie ambulance. Come here. Im going to teach them a lesson. Get back this boy is certifiable. Drive [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ambulance opens in theaters friday, please welcome Jake Gyllenhaal and yahya abdulmateen ii. [ cheering and applause ] jimmy i like having the two of you here together. This is nice. This is so nice. You have like a yes [ cheering and applause ] its good to see people, its nice. Youre acting like an ambulance the movie night. Jimmy it is the ambulance the movie night. Its working out very well. Eiza is here. Shes your costar. Did you guys know each other before the movie . No, we didnt. We met two weeks beforehand via skype, how everybody else was doing things. And then we met at michael bays house. Jimmy at michael bays house . It took a while for us to find each other there. Its a very large home. [ laughter ] jimmy did it really take a while . It really did. Its like a huge, huge house. Jimmy i believe it. Its huge and its filled with transformers memorabilia. [ laughter ] jimmy is it really . I ran into bumblebee before i ran to him. I swear to god. I walked in and there was a yellow car in his living room. Jimmy that surprises me. I would imagine michael bay would have an understated home. [ laughter ] no. You go through Jurassic Park before you get to his home. There are trees. Inside the house. Im talking inside the house, there are, there are trees. Walking down the stairs, theres trees on either side. Jimmy when youre an actor and you do a lot of movies, some of them are big movies, some of them are small movies, is it like this is going to be fun, were going do a michael bay movie . Yes. 100 . Jimmy and in this movie, you actually drive the ambulance, right . Yeah. Jimmy why you driving the ambulance . I dont know. [ laughter ] why am i or why is my character driving . Because thats two different stories. Jimmy the character that makes sense why the character would be driving the ambulance. Oh, right. I would argue against both. Hold it, hold it. Okay, so youre questioning my skills . Jimmy im not questioning your skills. Im questioning your resume, i guess, yeah. Okay. I tell you this. Ive moved a lot. I moved to 13 different homes coming up. So i have a lot of experience behind a uhaul. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so my attitude was my attitude was how hard can it be . We rely on our resumes all the time. That to me is surprising that he has so much experience behind a uhaul, having been in a car with him driving. [ laughter ] jimmy i think most people assume that there is a stuntman driving. I have a very, very clear rule. Theres a stuntman, gets down about 30 of the time. But about 70 of the time its me getting busy, you know. Throughout my ambulance. [ laughter ] jimmy that is how he drives too. Literally drives like this. Driving aint nothing. Its a line in a play. Driving aint nothing, all you got to do is point the truck where you want it to go, you know . Its the same thing. Jimmy it seems like you have a difference of opinion on how well this worked out. Was he driving fast . Is that what was happening . No, i have a philosophy which is, let the actors act and the stunt people do the stunts. Jimmy interesting. Its an awkward thing for some people. Also, i would often remind you that 50 miles an hour looks just as fast as 35. [ laughter ] but jake, but jake. Did you not i mean, parts of me i think in the process no youre right. Jimmy were you banking in the fact that you were in an ambulance in case anything happened . [ laughter ] thats true, man . Exactly right. Jimmy so embarrassing if they had to send an ambulance to the ambulance. Yeah. Jimmy you did survive it. Thats a positive for absolutely sure. Was it fun . I would imagine it would be fun driving an ambulance. Of course jimmy turning on tho