With cleto and the cletones. And now, jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very nice, thank you. Hi, everybody. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us here in hollywood. Wow, thats very nice. I have to say it feels almost normal here because all hell is breaking loose everywhere else. Congress is in chaos. Theres a horrible war happening in the middle east. President biden today went to israel. He was greeted by the prime minister, benjamin netanyahu. Its very rare for an american president to fly into a combat zone. The last time biden was in this much danger, he was rolling with corn pop. [ laughter ] white house officials said that particularly in times of crisis, biden prefers to meet facetoface. Which is a nice way of saying he still doesnt know how to zoom. [ laughter ] the president gave a surprisingly strong speech. He told the israeli people the United States stands with them. He condemned the disgusting attacks by hamas and cautioned israel to learn from the mistakes we made after 9 11. This kind of thing is where biden really shines. He and israel go way back. You know how moses parted the red sea . [ laughter ] joe was the guy who dared him to do it. [ laughter ] meanwhile, youll never guess where our former president was today. Thats right, he was in Court Watching his 250 million fraud trial. [ cheers and applause ] look at that, look at his face. Leaning forward, glaering like the waitress forgot to bring the ketchup for his steak. [ laughter ] its interesting, the only court dates trump goes to in person are the ones involving money. [ laughter ] the criminal trials, nothing. If he loses this, trump could lose his properties and businesses in new york. [ cheers and applause ] tanny soprano was apparently so upset during todays proceedings, the judge had to tell him to be quiet. He was shaking his head, throwing his hands in the air, making loud groaning noises. Melania had to leave the room, she was worried he might be in the mood. [ laughter ] not only that, he did a particularly vile thing. The judge in the case issued a gag order instructing him not to attack staffers in his court, and still, trump posted an article that included what appears to be attorney general Letitia James home address. Hes such a scumbag you sometimes forget hes a dick, too. [ laughter ] the address was in an article by laura loomer. Who is a trump supporter, a conspiracy theorist, a white nationalist, and this seasons hottestselling halloween mask. [ laughter ] [ applause ] nice lady. Meanwhile, it was another day of disarray in congress. It has now been two weeks since republicans opened the matt gaetz of hell and threw away the key. [ laughter ] we are no steps closer to getting a speaker of the house after yet another vote failed to produce a winner. Jim jordan lost again. He lost by 20 republican votes yesterday, so he spent the whole night last night and all this morning working to rustle up more votes. Today he lost by 22 votes. [ laughter ] but hes not giving up. Hes gonna keep on going until he loses unanimously. [ laughter ] its funny listening to the republicans who do support him desperately trying to claim that he will be successful leading the house because he was good at wrestling. When youre on the wrestling mat or in the committee room, jim jordan is strategic, scrappy, tough the man who was an allstate wrestler and wrestling coach and an attorney is a good choice. You dont Win National Championships in college and be shy about it. Hes 1561 in high school wrestling. He was twice the ncaa wrestling champion. Jim jordan is somebody who was a statewide and National Figure in wrestling. Hes not just a wrestler, hes a wrassler. [ laughter ] jimmy right, right. If wrestling experience makes you qualified to be speaker of the house, why not get someone get stone cold steve austin in the house. But jordan is very intent on being the guy. Even if it means they wind up with no one. We need a speaker, it cant be some deal with the democrats. The American People dont want that. Jimmy we dont . I do. The guy who tried to overturn the election all of a sudden cares what the American People want. Interesting. Heres the thing about jim jordan. Every photo you see him in . Keep going. Looks like hes telling you his penis size. Its about this big. Its cute, its a cute one. Meanwhile, not all republicans are divided. Look at this duo sitting together, yucking it up. Thats the secondhappiest a man has ever looked sitting next to lauren boebert. One idea that has been floated by republicans and even some democrats is to give the interim speaker, who of course is known for his line of gourmet popping co corn, the gavel while they figure this out. His name is patrick mchenry. He is a conservative republican but respected by both sides. Put up his picture again. This guy makes mike pence look like tupac. [ laughter ] meanwhile, no one is talking about the obvious choice for speaker. Which is the mypillow man, mike lindell. He would be a great speaker. If they work late, hes got pillows for everybody. Hes well, thats basically it. [ laughter ] but pillows, at this point, that might be enough. Can you imagine mike lindell sitting behind biden at the state of the union . Chewing on his mustache . Clapping like a seal . It would be great, right . [ laughter ] mike is having Financial Difficulties right now, and so hes planning some kind of telethon, a mikelindellethon, to raise money for his defense fund. And guess who he very much wants to be on it . Remember, october 28th, mark your calendar. Its going to be a marathon telethon. Jimmy, if you would like to come on, you dont have to come to brandons studio if you dont want but we would love to have you on by skype. When we get the new date were going to send a formal inhave a case to jimmy kimmel. Maybe thats the night that jimmy could skype in. I just scratched it off my calendar, so jimmy, you scratch it off yours and well regroup. Youre welcome to come on live and say whatever you want, jimmy. As soon as we responds, well know what day the telethon is. There you go. He has said he is our number one fan. You know what, i would pick him up in my plane to deliver did him to the studios. Wow. Jimmy wait a minute. You still have a plane . [ laughter ] how is that possible . [ applause ] i have to say i love you, mike, but im sorry, im not going to be part of a telethon for anyone who has a plane. By my plane, he means a Spirit Airlines flight out of burbank, right . [ laughter ] who let all these people on my plane . I hope whoever flies his plane isnt the same person who runs his website, because if it is, hed better start selling myparachutes too. Trying to find the bath sheet towels just put in towels and ill show you where the bath sheets are. Towels. Our mutual friend liz keep strocrolling, keep scrolling. I dont see it. Somebody help me here. Bath mats, bath mats, hand towels beach towels thats a good question. I just seen them. Click on click on the towels themselves. Go down to the bottom of them. Click on the bath towels. Individual mytowels. Go click over there. Okay, now and see what you no, those arent it either. You pit in the search engine, it didnt come up, huh . Correct, correct. Yeah, i dont know. Well find them. Okay. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy computer genius. The man who blew the lid off the crooked Voting Machines cant find his own bath towels on his website. Taylor swift has the fifthbiggest movie of the year already. [ cheers ] taylor swift, this is a phenomenon the likes of which we have not seen since maybe elvis presley. Every time she goes to a Football Game to see her boyfriend play, the ratings go up. Way up. So up, in fact, that other sports now are trying to get some of this taylor swift action for themselves. Hi, im ron kowalski, commissioner of the professional bowlers association. Times have real tough lately at pba. Membership is low. Seems nobody cares about bowling anymore. Taylor, if youre watching, could you please find it in your heart to date a pro bowler . Weve got some really swell fellows on the circuit. Take this kid, for example. Kyle afro fish. Owns 13 regional tour titles. Hes a heck of a snappy dresser. Golly, watch him pick out that fro. But hey, maybe youre looking for someone a bit more mature . Like dj tubby archer. Tubby has the softest hands in the whole darn league. Shaking his hand is like petting a baby chinchilla. How about saginaw, michigans, own Tom Smallwood . Twotime winning of the steve nagy sportsmanship award. Dont let his last name fool you. Toms got a big one. Saw him in the shower one time, holy baloney, you wouldnt believe it. Please, taylor. Throw us a bone, wouldnt you . We hope one of these guys is up your alley, if you know what i mean. Thats a little bowling humor. The professional bowlers association. Please save us. Were dying here. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, i hope she thinks about it. They could use a little of that taylor magic. Its unprecedented. In theaters all over the country, i dont know if youve been to the theater. Hundreds of thousands of hysterical fans are losing their minds screaming and dancing for this movie Martin Scorsese has coming out. Martin scorsese oh my god. He just said Martin Scorsese hes finally going to shut up about the news and talk about Martin Scorsese let us see mr. Scorsese right now or we will die jimmy what is this, the eugene levy fan club . Hes great, but no. We are Martin Scorsese superfans, aka martys. All martys have three things in common. Bushy eyebrows, thick black glasses, and profound love for the magic of cinema. Jimmy youre in luck, mr. Scorsese will be out ear in a minute. [ cheers and applause ] oh, wow. Man. Im sure hes planning an incredible entrance right now. I bet hell glide in from the back door, through the studio and into the green room in one perfect tracking shot oh my god. If i so much as see a glimpse of a steadicam, im going to freak jimmy wow. I dont think weve ever had this kind of reaction for a director before, but thanks for coming. Uh, wow. Weird. Calling Martin Scorsese a director is like calling mountain dew code red a soda. Yeah. If he was just a director, would we have stayed up all night making these . Jimmy are those friendship bracelets . Close. They are friendship rosary beads. Jimmy oh. Theyre to commemorate all the different ear razz of marty. Theres the gangster era, the catholic era, the de niro era, the catholic era really, theres just like too many to cover. Jimmy what do they say on the bracelets . This one says, Travis Bickle is an incel zaddy. Mine says cape fierce. Oh, my god, trade me that one for this one that says kundun, i liked it okay. Jimmy guys, please. This is very funny, its very cute, but i have a show to do, so if you dont mind, if you could be quiet, it would be great. Funny. Jimmy what do you mean funny . Like we amuse you . Funny like a clown . Jimmy honestly, im starting to lose interest in the bit, but i understand what youre getting at. Aaaand scene that, of course, was our playful riff on the classic scene from goodfellas. Fun fact, a lot of that scene was ad libbed although you would hardly be able to tell thanks to the expert editing of oscarwinning Thelma Schoonmaker jimmy okay, guillermo, get these guys out of here. Wait, wait please, please, please please, please, just ask marty two questions for us. Jimmy all right, what are they . Okay. First in todays everchanging modern media landscape, is there any hope for an independent filmmaker to make a splash with a small, personal feature film . Jimmy yeah, no, not going to ask him that. [ laughter ] is there another question . Yeah. Is it true that hes dating jason kelce . Jimmy no, its time to go, guys. Were crazy for scorsese were crazy for scorsese were crazy for scorsese now were the departed jimmy weve got a good show for you tonight. Mike epps is here. [ cheers and applause ] weve got music from Chelsea Cutler. And well be right back with Martin Scorsese. We made it bmo has arrived. Hello . You said it. Hello to more ways to save money, grow your wealth, grow your business. Just what we needed, another big bank. Not so fast. How many banks do you know that reward you for saving every month . Hes got a good point. Did i mention bmo has more feefree atms than the two largest us banks combined . Uh, bmo . Just beemo, actually. Quick question, will all this stuff fit in your car . should i get rid of the mug . Bmo get exclusive offers on select new volvo models. Contact your volvo retailer to learn more. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there welcome back to the show. Tonight, a very funny actor and man, comedian mike epps is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, her album is called stellaria. Music from Chelsea Cutler. [ cheers and applause ] you can see chelsea on tour starting february 16th in atlanta, georgia. Tomorrow night, our guests will be snoop dogg snoop dogg i invited for a very special reason he does not even know about tomorrow. Ms. Pat will be here. Well have music from october london too, so join us for that. Our first guest is an american treasure and one of the greatest directors of all. His new movie, his 26th, is the epic western crime saga killers of the flower moon, it opens in theaters and imax friday. Please welcome Martin Scorsese. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its great to see you. What a reaction, wow. [ cheers ] thank you what happened to those two kids . Jimmy what happened to what . Those two kids . Jimmy oh, the kids we kicked up, theyre in the alley, we beat them up pretty bad. All right, okay. Jimmy its great to see you. You, too. Jimmy i doubled in a little Marty Scorsese world last night. I watched a whole bunchof things. I watched Italian American, the video you made about your parents, the documentary. I love it so much. Its just unbelievably great. I feel like im watching my own home movies, watching it. I have a question. Its on youtube, its easy to watch. The criterion channel, i think. Jimmy sorry, they put it on youtube for free also. On youtube for free there you go. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy why is it called Italian American with no hyphen no capitalized . Because it became there. My grandparents were sicilian. They were i guess sicilian american. Then somehow they created the generation, my jeanne race really was no hyphen. Weve become more american, so it becomes one, Italian American. Now my children are more american italian. Jimmy american italian, yeah. Hopefully it doesnt keep diminishing. I dont know. Thats the story of immigrants coming here, changing, assimilating, holding on to a culture. The food was always the key. Jimmy yeah, right. In fact, you put your moms sauce or gravy recipe, as we call it, and meatball recipe in the credits of the film. [ laughter ] which has probably never been done before or since. Yeah. [ applause ] that was a big deal. And she what she would do, she would, you know, tell you certain things. If you want to follow that recipe, go ahead. But you have to be able to improvice a bit because she wouldnt tell you everything. Otherwise, the sisterinlaw would find out. [ laughter ] then she uses it. And the motherinlaw finds out. No, this is her way of doing it. Jimmy do you think thats why . It is always very hard with italian grandmas to get the recipe. No, they will not do it. Jimmy you cant get the recipe. No. Jimmy even if theyre trying to give you the recipe, they dont. Something in the dna, it wont happen. They want you to go to them. We make the best. Jimmy like the colonel or something. You found how did you robert robinson, your longtime collaborator who we were fortunate enough to get to know here, how did you guys meet . He passed away in august. Yes. Jimmy im sorry for that. Me too, me too. Jimmy how did you guys when did it happen that you met robby . I met him through jonathan tapling who produceed mean streets. We get there at that point. But you know, the band was a very, very special group. That sound that came out of them from the big pink, i dont know, it sound like nothing else in the world, ever. And its a combination of so many different musical threads throughout american culture. And so i saw them woodstock. On the stage woodstock. I was one of the ads. Woodstock, they didnt really want to be part of it. So they didnt allow the cameras to come up on stage. Theyre quite formidable. Kind of looking at us in a way. We couldnt get one of the key things about woodstock is the cameramen get on the stage and worked with the performers. We loved them. We were listening to every one of the songs, et cetera. But we always felt that they had felt, who are these people coming up to woodstock . Its their place. Why were these 500,000 people here . Who are they . What do they want . So they played they played more for the audience, and not for the film. So we were always a little bit standoffish in a way until i met him at the screening of mean streets and he was very gracious. And then jonathan taplin, the producer of mean streets, called at one point. I was finishing up new york, new york. Listen, theres going to be a final concert. Theyre going to have muddy waters there, van morrison, clapton, joni mitchell. We need to get some kind of recording of this thing. Then we met at beverly hills, a chinese restaurant, we started talking. We found we had kind of the same language. Jimmy yeah, i guess you did. In fact, our keyboard player, jeff babko, played on the sound trap of killers of the flower moon with robby. He said it was an incredible experience. He told me something that i dont think ive ever heard before. I think most directors, correct me if i have this wrong, will make the movie and then they they spot it. With the composer. Robby, we didnt do that. We talked about what the sound was like. He was talking about wailing. He knows i like guitars. At one point i said, these coyotes, these coyotes. He had guitaris sound like, howl, the howling of the coyote. You hear it throughout the picture. And other things. I said, i want something for this movie thats kind of dangerous and fleshy and sexy. But dangerous. And that was a theme he gave me all the way through with the kind of thump, thump, thump, thump da da dump almost like bolero as the film circles around