Look at how hes standing. Lou from hollywood, its Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight snoop dogg, ms. Pat, and music from october london. With cleto and the cletones. And now, jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you. Hola. Im jimmy, im the host of the show. Thanks for watching. Thank you for coming. Im glad youre here. Im glad were able to do a show tonight. I have to tell you, i dont know if you heard about this. Last night we had an eventful night. I went home and got a call saying the Fire Department was at the show. Turns out we had smoke pouring out of the vents outside our edit rooms, then coming out of the building. They had to clear the whole place. Fortunately, everything and everyone was okay. The firefighters even left us a photo. Posing together at my desk. [ laughter ] they fixed it all. Thank you, guys. By the way, i want to say, the Fire Department, if you see any smoke coming from the building tonight, thats just because snoop is here, were fine. [ cheers and applause ] did you go back and visit snoop, guillermo . Guillermo of course, jimmy, yeah. Thats my favorite day, yeah. Jimmy i mean, i can barely see your eye balls. [ laughter ] guillermo a dream come true. Jimmy are you feeling all right . Guillermo im feeling great, jimmy. Jimmy can i get you some snacks . Guillermo no, no, its good. Jimmy ill be keeping an eye on you. You know, theres still no one home in the house of representatives. Congress has now gone 16 days without a speaker. Without a speaker, nothing gets done. Even less than the usual nothing can get done. Jim jordan, in the first vote, was short 20 republican votes. In the second group, he was short 22 republican votes, and now i guess hes going for 24. So ill just say this. We made we made the pitch to members on the resolution as a way to lower the temperature. And get back to work. We decided that wasnt where were going to go. Im still running for speaker, and i plan to go to the floor and get the votes and win this race. But i want to go talk with a few of my colleagues. Particularly, i want to talk with the 20 individuals who voted against me so that we can move forward ask begin to work for the american people. Jimmy yeah. He talked to the 20. And they dont care. Theyre not voting for him. [ laughter ] this would be a very embarrassing situation if these farright republicans were capable of being embarrassed. But they are currently at odds over whether to keep trying with jim jordan or to give temporary power to the interim speaker patrick mchenry. That is a plan that did not appeal to the guy who got them into this mess in the first place, the human bobblehead known as matt gaets. I think that im against speaker lite, im against bud light. [ laughter ] jimmy thats. Im against traffic lights. Im against the guiding light. Im against judith light. Didnt care for her on whos the boss . [ laughter ] let me tell you something, unless the constitution was printed on the back of a can of Monster Energy drink, matt gaetz has not read it. [ laughter ] matts fellow congressdemon, Marjorie Taylor green, also is pushing back against the idea of an interim speaker. I do not support this plan. Republican voters work too hard to give us the majority for us to enter some sort of temporary speakership. Our conference has a responsibility to the american people, to our districts, to Work Together and unify. And this conference is absolutely broken. And the reason why were broken is because republicans worked with democrats and put us here. Jimmy right. Thats who did this, the democrats did it. [ laughter ] you know, for a group of people who tell you the democrats dont know what theyre doing, they sure do give democrats a lot of credit for what theyre doing. [ laughter ] republicans are reaching across the aisle to grab each other by the throat right now. They had a tense threehour meeting and agreed on nothing. At one point, Kevin Mccarthy yelled at matt gaetz and another rep lunged at matt gaetz. There are threats being made against those who did not vote for jordan. Nick lalota of new york, a republican, got a message saying, go eff yourself and die. Don bacon of nebraska reported that his wife got an anonymous text saying, your husband will not hold any Political Office ever again. George santos says a helicopter full of ninjas landed on his front lawn. [ laughter ] fortunately he was able to fight them all off and he won. Even fox news is trying to bully the holdouts into voting for jordan. This is a message a producer from hannity sent to a congressperson who elected to remain anonymous. Hello, stephanie from the hannity show with fox news. Sources tell hannity that rep is not supporting jim jordan for speaker. Can you please let me know if this is accurate . And, if true, hannity would like to know why during a war breaking out between israel and hamas, with the war in ukraine, with the wide open borders, with a budget thats unfinished, why would this rep be against jim jordan for speaker . Its the washington version of getting buttonholed by joey knuckles. [ laughter ] wasnt much in the envelope this week, boss aint gonna like it. This Pressure Campaign from camp jordan, its not working. It didnt go over even with the soontobeimprisoned congressman george santos, who wrote im for jim jordan for speaker but, if the nasty hatred and attacks against some of my colleagues continue, i will be joining them in protest. America first always however, attacking good patriots is not the way to get them on your side. We need to have dialogue to bring them on board team jordan you know its bad when youre getting scolded by a man who was accused of stealing puppies from the amish. [ laughter ] even President Biden weighed in on jordans uphill battle for the gavel. Jimmy look at that, mr. Sarcastic on his way home from a war zone. [ cheers and applause ] hes even wearing his sassy zipup. [ laughter ] speaking of sassy, we got some more hot goss from mitt romneys upcoming book, dont pee on my dockers and tell me its raining. [ laughter ] first, romney claimed oprah wanted him to be her running mate in 2020. In a new excerpt, romney talks about trying to form a unity ticket with ted cruz in 2016. A unity ticket . The only thing americans agree on as a unit is that ted cruz sucks. [ laughter ] thats some unity. And look, i have a lot of respect for mitt romney. But trying to fight donald trump by teaming up with ted cruz . Thats like trying to fight chlamydia by teaming up with aids. [ laughter ] its not really a what a combination. Mitt romney and ted cruz. Youve got one guy with the personality of a blowup doll and another whos definitely having sex with them all the time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] theres a lot of interestingly stuff in this book. Romney says when they were dating, Britney Spears cheated on him with another senator. Did you know . Oh, wait, i may be confusing my books, i dont know. [ laughter ] donald trump had yet another legal setback today. One of his former lawyers turned coconspirator, sidney powell. [ laughter ] this weird human lady pled guilty to six charges in georgia in the case related to trumps efforts to overturn the election results. Among other things, powell hired people to barge into a voting location in Coffee County where they broke into the voting machines. Turns out, thats not a very lawyerly thing to do. As part of the deal, powell gets six years of probation and appears to be cooperating with prosecutors in their case against the others, which includes trump. Oh, man, the chicken mcnuggets are coming home to roost. [ laughter ] the rats are jumping off the spraytanic. The big, beautiful walls are closing in. And somewhere up there, john mccain is smiling. You know, he likes people who dont get caught. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and this probably resulted in some ketchup on the walls. Joe bidens campaign now has more followers on truth social than the trump campaign. For real. Team biden has only been on truth social since monday and theyre already up by about 5,000 followers. Not a great sign for trump when he cant even win the popular vote on his own social media site. [ laughter ] fortunately, he doesnt really care about silly stuff like followers and crowd size. But how funny is it going to be when trump accuses his own website of being rigged against him . [ laughter ] it will be the best. President biden gave a big primetime speech from the white house tonight during which he made a case for sending aid to israel and ukraine. Biden spoke at 8 00 p. M. Or as he calls it, he pulled an allnighter. [ laughter ] biden ended his speech by saying, and now back to those rowdy young kids on the golden bachelor. Which was a nice shoutout for us. [ laughter ] i dont know if youve been watching this bachelor in paradise. Fortunately the president finished his speech, because we would have missed a major development. For the past couple of weeks, we have been following the saga of a woman named sam, who found herself in a bit of a predicament. Jimmy im so glad the Writers Strike ended in time to bring us that, you know . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] only in america. Only in america would a president ial address about a war in israel be followed by paradise poop watch. [ laughter ] were living in a very stupid time. I do have an update on sam, by the way. And i dont know how to say this, so ill just say it. Sam has not pooped yet. No so shes doing okay. But theres been no movement with respect to that just yet. Jimmy oh, thanks for letting us know. [ laughter ] i dont know about you. I dont think i can wait until next week to find out what happened. So we tracked sam down and joining us now, the new face of american constipation. Say hello to sam jeffries. [ cheers and applause ] hi, sam. Hi, thanks for having me. Jimmy what happened . Did they steal all your furniture from your apartment . [ laughter ] you would think. Jimmy yeah. How are you doing . Im great. How are you . Jimmy im good. Hows it going . [ laughter ] never been better, honestly. Jimmy good. Everythings good . You know, i dont want to brag or anything. But i pooped several times. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy sam, when you were a little girl, is this how you dreamed your life would turn out . [ laughter ] kind of. I always thought something would be crazy. But not this crazy. Jimmy how did this happen . Do they not have activia in paradise . I mean, really. [ laughter ] they have everything in paradise. Laxatives, miralax, anything i needed. Except sleep. Jimmy none of it worked . Are people now recognizing you for this . Yeah. Im known as the queen of ivs, or poop girl. Jimmy when you come out of the bathroom at a restaurant, are you getting highfives . Whats going on . [ laughter ] yep, highfives, knuc jimmy youve become like the Kim Kardashian of constipation, you know . [ laughter ] i really am. Its sad. Jimmy do you have a message for other publicly constipated people . [ laughter ] my wife, for instance, says she has never pooped in her whole life. Right . Isnt that right . Never. [ cheers and applause ] shes going on like 45 years. Is there anything you can do to help her . Sleep, thats all i got. Jimmy youve got to sleep. See, she says sleep. Are you listening . Sleep, yeah. Dont sleep with me, though. Because i dont want to [ laughter ] yeah. Sam, im glad youre okay. I hope this doesnt happen again. Thank you. Jimmy if it does, will you me either. Jimmy will you let us know . I dont know how you can let us know. Maybe well send cameras to your home. Yeah, do you mind . Ill make sure i call you guys. Jimmy thank you for sharing your struggle and your journey with us. Thank you. Jimmy i want you to know from now on, i think i speak for all of us, whenever we get stopped up, we will always think of you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] appreciate it. Jimmy all right. Jimmy one more thing before we forge ahead. Its time to bleep and blur the big moments of the week whether they need it or not. Its this week in unnecessary censorship. Jim jordan is strategic, scrappy, tough, and principled. He is a mentor, aabove all he is a [ bleep ]er. I have a lot of respect for him, ive [ bleep ]ed him for years. We cant sit around and suck our [ bleep ]s and hope the world will wait. Then the headlines came out. Mike lindells going to [ bleep ] his own [ bleep ]. Blah, blah, blah. You know . Are you sure that you want to [ bleep ] again . Yes. [ bleep ]ing off our [ bleep ] tonight, richard . Alias michael sweeney. The Sheriffs Office said they couldnt verify that identity. They finger [ bleep ]ed him twice, but that didnt reveal who he is either. My dad almost got into a fistfight in a restaurant over a man blowing his [ bleep ] at a taubl table in the restaurant. Mick and i [ bleep ] each other. Oh my god, whoo in the middle of the night ill get up, if i cant sleep, ill go down to the stalls and [ bleep ] a horse. Why do you [ bleep ] horses so much . Because theyre beautiful and powerful. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well. Weve got a fun show tonight. Ms. Pat is here. We have music from october lemon. And well be right back with snoop doggy dog we made it bmo has arrived. Hello . You said it. Hello to more ways to save money, grow your wealth, grow your business. Just what we needed, another big bank. Not so fast. How many banks do you know that reward you for saving every month . Hes got a good point. Did i mention bmo has more feefree atms than the two largest us banks combined . Uh, bmo . Just beemo, actually. Quick question, will all this stuff fit in your car . should i get rid of the mug . Bmo [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, her new show is called ms. Pat settles it, the very funny ms. Pat is with us. Then later, making his television debut, he was signed to Death Row Records by none other than snoop dogg himself. His latest is called the rebirth of marvin, music from october london. [ cheers and applause ] next week we have new shows with, lets see. Tiffany haddish, olivia rodrigo, meg ryan, david duchovny, eric andre, jeff ross, joe walsh, howie long and Terry Bradshaw will be here, and we will have music from brothers osborne and tate mcrae. So please join us for all that. Our first guest tonight brings joy and some smoke everywhere he goes. He has his own breakfast cereal, hes got his own ice cream, hes got a new cookbook. Its called snoop dogg presents goon with a spoon. It comes out november 14th. Please welcome the next speaker of the u. S. House of representatives, snoop dogg [ cheers and applause ] jimmy good to see you. Hows it going . You got hold of guillermo before the show, didnt you . Hey, guillermo always makes his way to the bat cave. Jimmy he gravitates. [ laughter ] now were unsafe. Now were unprotected. We have no security. Weve got a superbaked security guard. And he always he always says no in the beginning. No, no, no. Okay, okay. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy well, snoop, i just want to first of all say i have a surprise for you. And i really wanted you to come here. And i thank you for coming here tonight because i have a surprise. But its not time for the surprise yet. In fact, guillermo, you can go get ready for the surprise. Guillermo okay, got it, jimmy. Jimmy all right. Were going to do that in a minute. Mike epps was here last night. Oh, thats my guy. Jimmy yeah, he told us he was in iceland on vacation looking for weed. Oh. Jimmy and so [ laughter ] he texted you. Hm. Jimmy said, do you know anyone in iceland . [ laughter ] and wouldnt you know it, you did know someone in iceland. [ cheers and applause ] well last time i checked, i was the plug to your plug. [ laughter ] im the connect. You know . Its good to have friends that have friends that, you know international and global. Jimmy yeah, yeah. Able to get you, you know, medicated and dedicated no matter where you at. [ laughter ] jimmy in a way that is your green card into every country, isnt it . Yes. Jimmy i have a list of countries i know youve been to. Tell me if you have a hookup in mexico. You have somebody in mexico . Si, senor. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy ireland . Im sure i do, mate. Jimmy what about north korea . Youve been there. Oh, no, aint got no [ laughter ] jimmy no, not there. How many days were you in north korea . I was over there about maybe seven, eight days. Sid a song with an artist named psi. Jimmy psi, yeah, yeah. Remember me and him . Jimmy we went to karaoke together. Psi was in north korea . We went over and did a few things. Jimmy hes from south korea, though, right . Aint they the same . No. [ laughter ] i went to korea with psi. We was on the south side. Jimmy its harder to think clearly when you dont have access to what you need, right . Right, i didnt have no access over there. Because that man over there dont play no games. I was over there being a studious american citizen. Jimmy you did the right thing. We could have lost you forever. I know. Jimmy india . Bollywood. [ laughter ] jimmy what about ease stone yeah . Estonia . Jimmy its got stony right in from. Im sure ive got some people over there. Jimmy good to know, quite a business youve got. Speaking of businesses, you have a lot of products youre involved with. Youre a entrepreneur. You find things youre interested in, you create things that you think you might like. And some of them seem to have a real connection to smoking. For instance your breakfast cereals. Snoop cereal. This ones cinnamon toasties. This ones fruity hoops with marshmallows. This one, i got to tell you, i think this one is absolutely brilliant. Because you basically combined 42 loops with lucky charms. [ laughter ] which is genius, you know . We from the hood, jimmy, we going to do what we got to do to get by. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we got the cereals. Youve got ice cream. You got dr. Bombay Birthday Party, which is kind of perfect for tonight. Thats kind of good. I want some of that, jimmy. Jimmy you can have youre more than welcome to have some. I think i have spoons here also. Theres the Birthday Party two birthday parties, yeah. Well, it is almost your birthday, isnt it . Uhhuh. Jimmy tomorrows the big day. [ cheers and applause ] i dont know if you thought about this. Going to have some of those . Look out. [ cheers ] jimmy have you ever giving a little now, this is a Birthday Party, right . Mm mm this screaming like bob demon. [ laughter ] jimmy what time do you actually eat breakfast . 8 00. At night. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy by the way, i could easily polish this whole thing this whole box off. Its good, right . If they was nasty, you couldnt keep eating them like that. Jimmy this is my weakness, this is my kryptonite. I li